- Messages
- 3,248
- OOC First Name
- zazz
- Blood Status
- Pure Blood
- Relationship Status
- Interested in Somebody
- Sexual Orientation
- asexual
- Wand
- Straight 14 1/2 Inch Sturdy Cypress Wand with Erumpent Hide Core
- Age
- 30
Hi all,
This may seem strange to some, understandable to others, random to a few, but I wasn’t originally going to post this. I had fully intended not even to mention my return, kind of sneak in quietly and such, but I got caught out a little earlier than intended and then realised that it was a bit silly to do that. So, hi all! Been a while!
I just wanted to take a moment to explain a couple of things and maybe help some of you understand me a little bit better, maybe you remember me, maybe you don’t, but either way, it’s something I feel I need to say, even if you don’t read all this because it’s going to be on the longish side...
So here goes.
A couple of years ago, some things happened.
It caused me a lot of emotional, mental and intellectual pain and the worst part was that I couldn’t remove myself from the cause. It was a constant battle every day just to seem like everything was fine, a battle which, at least online, I was generally seemed to be winning. Even though HNZ was somewhat of a safe space for me for those years, I found myself continually confronted with things that I just couldn’t remove myself from, it was like constantly being forced to face it and that eventually culminated in something of a complete mental and emotional collapse on my part. I physically withdrew myself and tried to sever as many ties as I could in order to protect myself from any further harm.
I later discovered that through all of this, the trauma of my past kept forcing me to react to situations opposite how I wanted and made people perceive me differently than how I am. Whilst on HNZ I always seemed to be happy, and emotionally receptive to people, even when I really didn’t want to be and it made me start doubting myself.
I’ve been in more emotionally charged situations than I strictly needed to be and my whole personality changed to try and combat it.
When I left, I told myself it was for good, that I would never come back because I essentially equated my torment with HNZ itself, which was horrifying! I couldn’t think about it without feeling like I was betraying everything I ever stood for or all the friendships I made along the way. I stopped talking to everyone and I tried to make a clean break. But, as always, HNZ holds a piece of you when you leave and eventually I found myself curious about what was happening around here. I was in a better place, I am in a better place and I realised that I don’t have to worry about or think about what happened when I’m online. I started slowly creeping back, saying hi, talking to my old friends and just generally enjoying my time again. I went on holiday, Met my boyfriend, got a new job and just generally performed all the self care I needed in order to become the person I used to be. But something still wasn’t quite right.
And then it hit me. I’m NOT the person I was before, because I spent so long pretending to be her, that she inevitably became something else. So I realised that in order to get past it all, in order to really start working on helping myself, I had to find myself again.
And so I did.
So if I seem different, or there’s something not quite the same, that’s why. I went out and I got help, I changed my life and I allowed my true personality to take hold again. So... yeah, thanks for still being here when I got back, becuase if there’s one thing I missed when I was away, it was this.
My family.
Teigs.
This may seem strange to some, understandable to others, random to a few, but I wasn’t originally going to post this. I had fully intended not even to mention my return, kind of sneak in quietly and such, but I got caught out a little earlier than intended and then realised that it was a bit silly to do that. So, hi all! Been a while!
I just wanted to take a moment to explain a couple of things and maybe help some of you understand me a little bit better, maybe you remember me, maybe you don’t, but either way, it’s something I feel I need to say, even if you don’t read all this because it’s going to be on the longish side...
So here goes.
A couple of years ago, some things happened.
It caused me a lot of emotional, mental and intellectual pain and the worst part was that I couldn’t remove myself from the cause. It was a constant battle every day just to seem like everything was fine, a battle which, at least online, I was generally seemed to be winning. Even though HNZ was somewhat of a safe space for me for those years, I found myself continually confronted with things that I just couldn’t remove myself from, it was like constantly being forced to face it and that eventually culminated in something of a complete mental and emotional collapse on my part. I physically withdrew myself and tried to sever as many ties as I could in order to protect myself from any further harm.
I later discovered that through all of this, the trauma of my past kept forcing me to react to situations opposite how I wanted and made people perceive me differently than how I am. Whilst on HNZ I always seemed to be happy, and emotionally receptive to people, even when I really didn’t want to be and it made me start doubting myself.
I’ve been in more emotionally charged situations than I strictly needed to be and my whole personality changed to try and combat it.
When I left, I told myself it was for good, that I would never come back because I essentially equated my torment with HNZ itself, which was horrifying! I couldn’t think about it without feeling like I was betraying everything I ever stood for or all the friendships I made along the way. I stopped talking to everyone and I tried to make a clean break. But, as always, HNZ holds a piece of you when you leave and eventually I found myself curious about what was happening around here. I was in a better place, I am in a better place and I realised that I don’t have to worry about or think about what happened when I’m online. I started slowly creeping back, saying hi, talking to my old friends and just generally enjoying my time again. I went on holiday, Met my boyfriend, got a new job and just generally performed all the self care I needed in order to become the person I used to be. But something still wasn’t quite right.
And then it hit me. I’m NOT the person I was before, because I spent so long pretending to be her, that she inevitably became something else. So I realised that in order to get past it all, in order to really start working on helping myself, I had to find myself again.
And so I did.
So if I seem different, or there’s something not quite the same, that’s why. I went out and I got help, I changed my life and I allowed my true personality to take hold again. So... yeah, thanks for still being here when I got back, becuase if there’s one thing I missed when I was away, it was this.
My family.
Teigs.
Much love to you Teigs, welcome hooome 
but knowing how much better you're doing now makes me glad you took some time for yourself. You should be so proud <3
