The years that were

Zennon Baros

healer; dad to Finley
Messages
2,484
OOC First Name
Zazz
Blood Status
Pure Blood
Relationship Status
It's Complicated
Sexual Orientation
asexual
Wand
Straight 14 1/2 Inch Sturdy Cypress Wand with Erumpent Hide Core
Age
May 3rd, 2034
Hi all,

This may seem strange to some, understandable to others, random to a few, but I wasn’t originally going to post this. I had fully intended not even to mention my return, kind of sneak in quietly and such, but I got caught out a little earlier than intended and then realised that it was a bit silly to do that. So, hi all! Been a while!

I just wanted to take a moment to explain a couple of things and maybe help some of you understand me a little bit better, maybe you remember me, maybe you don’t, but either way, it’s something I feel I need to say, even if you don’t read all this because it’s going to be on the longish side...

So here goes.

A couple of years ago, some things happened.

It caused me a lot of emotional, mental and intellectual pain and the worst part was that I couldn’t remove myself from the cause. It was a constant battle every day just to seem like everything was fine, a battle which, at least online, I was generally seemed to be winning. Even though HNZ was somewhat of a safe space for me for those years, I found myself continually confronted with things that I just couldn’t remove myself from, it was like constantly being forced to face it and that eventually culminated in something of a complete mental and emotional collapse on my part. I physically withdrew myself and tried to sever as many ties as I could in order to protect myself from any further harm.

I later discovered that through all of this, the trauma of my past kept forcing me to react to situations opposite how I wanted and made people perceive me differently than how I am. Whilst on HNZ I always seemed to be happy, and emotionally receptive to people, even when I really didn’t want to be and it made me start doubting myself.

I’ve been in more emotionally charged situations than I strictly needed to be and my whole personality changed to try and combat it.

When I left, I told myself it was for good, that I would never come back because I essentially equated my torment with HNZ itself, which was horrifying! I couldn’t think about it without feeling like I was betraying everything I ever stood for or all the friendships I made along the way. I stopped talking to everyone and I tried to make a clean break. But, as always, HNZ holds a piece of you when you leave and eventually I found myself curious about what was happening around here. I was in a better place, I am in a better place and I realised that I don’t have to worry about or think about what happened when I’m online. I started slowly creeping back, saying hi, talking to my old friends and just generally enjoying my time again. I went on holiday, Met my boyfriend, got a new job and just generally performed all the self care I needed in order to become the person I used to be. But something still wasn’t quite right.

And then it hit me. I’m NOT the person I was before, because I spent so long pretending to be her, that she inevitably became something else. So I realised that in order to get past it all, in order to really start working on helping myself, I had to find myself again.

And so I did.

So if I seem different, or there’s something not quite the same, that’s why. I went out and I got help, I changed my life and I allowed my true personality to take hold again. So... yeah, thanks for still being here when I got back, becuase if there’s one thing I missed when I was away, it was this.

My family. :claire:

Teigs.
 
You know how glad I am to have you back :hug: Much love to you Teigs, welcome hooome :wub:
 
:party::party::wub: Welcome back, I guarantee no one who knew you has forgotten and that you were so so missed.

Met my boyfriend, got a new job and just generally performed all the self care I needed in order to become the person I used to be.

Also in case anyone didn't know, the aforementioned boyfriend is me.
 
I've missed you so much :cry: but knowing how much better you're doing now makes me glad you took some time for yourself. You should be so proud <3

WELCOME BACK :party: :hug:
 
You know I love you. I’m happy to have you back. :hug:
 
I have missed you more than words can describe! I love you so much and so proud of how you overcame your adversaries! (Right word or no?) Welcome home, my dear!!
 
Glad to see you back, Teigan! I'm glad things are better for you now ^_^
 
Welcome back!! :)
 
I love you sooooo muuuuuch!!! And Welcome baaaaaaack!!! :wub:
 
Welcome back! It's awesome to hear that you're in a better place :hug: Going through trauma is awful and no one deserves that.
I hope to see you around, and I'm wishing you the best for the future! :D
 
Welcome back!
 
So glad things are going better for you Teigs! :hug: Welcome back!
 
Welcome back Teigs!! I’m proud of you for doing what you needed to do, and I’m so glad you’re happier now :wub:
 
Welcome back Teigs!
 
Thanks guys, you probably don't believe me but I legitimately thought two things A) that I'd thoroughly severed all ties and 2) That people would have forgotten me (yes I know it wasn't all that long, but it was over a year!
 
Welcome back Teigan, I'm glad it's been a healing time for you. I'm glad you're on a good path now, hope we get to RP sometime!
 
Teigan I could never be more proud than I am to know you took time and really helped yourself to become the person we all knew you could be. You are so strong adn I'm so happy that you are growing in ways that are positive <3 I'll always be rooting for you!
 
I am so glad you are back! You are great and I love you so much!
 
I didn't saw this before! But saw you around obviously! Glad to see you back! Never got the chance of getting to know you that well but I'm open for everyone and I think it is really brave and cool you share this here. We should plot soon :hug:
 
Absolutely, I've got a list of people I want to pm for plots, that I never got to plot with before I left and you're next on my list!
 
Awe Teigs! :cry: :hug:

This made me tear up a bit, I'm glad you're okay now.
Self-care is so, so important. ❤
Also, balancing things out helps.

Remember you're great and so, so loved! :hug:
 

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