So people may have noticed I've been MUCH more active on HNZ lately than I had been for a long time and I've avoided talking about this because I didn't want to jinx it, but I think it's been long enough now that I can say this pretty confidently.
I'm on new meds, and for the first time in my life I've found something that actually helps with my anxiety. The last meds I was on essentially made me into a zombie, I could barely remember anything and I had no drive to even feed myself or bathe, and they took a long time to wear off after I stopped taking them. So I've been really hesitant to try something new, but I've been on these for a month now and I feel lighter. Like, the anxiety for sure isn't gone, but for the first time in years I'm approaching actually feeling like a functional human being. And I can write again!!!! I can enjoy writing again!!!!!!!!!! It's been so longgggggg :V I've been stuck in a pattern for about two years where I just sit around thinking 'I should write' and feeling guilty for not having written anything and feeling too bad to write anything because I should have already written it and when I do try to write I get stressed out about how late my replies are and etc etc etc and eventually nothing gets written but NOW writing is FUN AGAIN
(The bad news is that I wasn't actually prescribed these for anxiety, I was prescribed them to help with my epilepsy and they haven't made a dent in my seizure pattern at all so far. Most anticonvulsants can also be prescribed for mood reasons though, and in this case I've just hit a wild coincidence that it's worked on that front but not for the seizures.)