Closed On the wind

[Zennon Baros]

There were a lot of things that had happened in the last year or more that had Zennon wondering what on Earth he was supposed to be doing with his life, or, better question being, what on Earth was he supposed to do now. He’d suffered some pretty poor grades in his last year despite his best efforts, and though he’d been trying to make up for them he had no real guarantees that his best efforts were enough. He didn’t know if his dream career was in jeopardy of failing to become a reality and so he’d been focusing as much as he could on his family - on Sam, Finley and of course the tattered remains of his siblings and mother. Losing Elsie and their father they way they had changed them. Of course it changed them, people didn’t go through things like that and not change. It was ridiculous to think that it could be normal again after all that had happened. His father and Elsie were such huge elements in his life and losing both of them together, on Rowan’s birthday no less, had been entirely devastating to the whole family. He’d not been the best brother he could have been in those moments either and he knew that. For the most part, for a long time, he’d entirely ignored Grace and Rowan. He hadn’t meant to and as soon as he remembered to be there for others he’d sought out people they were close to, like Elio to help him. He’d felt some relief at Grace and Rowan being placed together, but it also meant that he wasn’t able to check in on them as much as he would have liked and given Rowan had reverted into herself pretty fully, he had a lot of doubts that Grace had been properly looked after, something he hoped he could rectify in some small way now. With Rowan appearing to feel better, he had to assume that meant she was going to be able to take Grace under her wing, get her to where she should be.​

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As someone knocked at his bedroom door, Zennon turned to see Rowan smiling at him. Or…no, she was smiling at the seven month old baby currently tugging on his hair. It had grown out a bit now, and hung a little below his ears, easy for Finley to grab onto when Zennon held him this way. He rolled his eyes at his sister. “This is private property, what do you want?” Though the words specifically seemed a bit harsh, there was no bite in them. It was a game they played, because it seemed that the only time Rowan ever came to see him anymore was when she felt like she wanted to steal his baby. He shook his head and held Finley a little higher in his arms and waved one of the baby’s hands at her. “Say hi to Auntie Ro.”​

 

[Rowan Baros]

Rowan had been thinking about this decision for… a pretty long time, actually. She hadn’t realised she’d been thinking about it until she’d made the decision had spoken to Elio - they’d sort of made the decision together she supposed, but, she sometimes felt like mostly it was her idea and he was just going with it, which was sweet, really. She loved Elio more than life itself and for a long time he had been the only thing keeping her together, there was no way she could ever thank him enough for that, she was going to anything and everything she possibly could to thank him… though she wasn’t quite sure she knew how to do that yet, she would figure it out, for him, because she had to. Sixth year had been such a mess, she barely remembered most of it, though she intimately recalled the way Elio was always just there for her whenever she needed him. It pained some of her memory when she pushed him away, the lines of his face contorted in the pain he tried not to show her. They’d both been hurting and he’d had to focus all his energy on her, with little thought to himself. She wasn’t quite sure how he managed to stay sane… they didn’t talk about it. It was for the best. They both knew they’d had to do what they had to do to come back from their grief, that didn’t meant they had to like how that had gone, but it was better now and she hoped they would get back to how things were. They were good, they would always be good, but she hoped that the shadow of Elsie’s light wouldn’t hang on them forever. It was fine for it to hang on Rowan, but she couldn’t live with herself knowing it had taken away some of Elio’s light too.​

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She headed up to Zennon’s room as soon as she got home, the decision to drop out of school had been easier than she’d thought really and she had already made up her mind, but she felt like maybe she owed something to Zennon. He’d tried to do right by her as best he could, even if he didn’t quite know what that meant and she greatly appreciated it. She grinned as she noticed he had Finley with him, knocking lightly on the door and waving lightly at her nephew. Nephew. She’d never thought about what being an Aunt would mean. Elsie would have made an amazing Aunt. Aunt Elsie… the thought made her a little sad. “Oh bugger off, you know he likes me better,” she said, moving into the room as her brother made the baby wave to her so she could catch his little fist in her hand and play with his fingers. “Hi bubba, look how big you’re getting. Honestly every time I see you, which is most days, you’ve added on a bit of meat or an extra slide on your height.” She said, pressing a soft kiss to her Nephew’s forehead. “Your mama must be doing a good job of raising you little man.”​

 

[Zennon Baros]

Finley was the most important thing in Zennon’s life. He’d never thought about what it would be like to have a child. Of course he hadn’t, most people didn’t at his age he was pretty sure. And given certain other things about himself, he’d never really thought it would be a possibility for himself either. He wasn’t upset with the outcome though, he couldn’t be happier about it all, since this gave his life some meaning he’d never really thought possible. Of course, now that Finley was in his life, Elsie’s loss sit worse with him. He now understood more of what his mother was going through. She had not only lost the person she loved, but her child, her flesh and honestly, the thought of something terrible happening to Finley gave Zennon terrible nightmares. He could barely let his child out of his sight without thinking something was going to happen to him and he was pretty sure that Sam was a little bit the same. Though for her, he doubted things were as fresh in her mind, since she hadn’t lost someone close to her as he had. Of course Zennon was still angry at the way her family had treated her. So much for that. Family. Apparently it meant nothing to them.​

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Finley’s little baby face broke out into a smile at Rowan spoke to him and Zennon chuckled lightly. There was something of a truth in what she’d said given he always seemed to smile around his Auntie, maybe he sensed the deep sadness in all of them and was trying to help, but, whatever it was, they all felt better when he smiled. Who didn’t feel better when a baby smiled at them anyway? Psychopaths, that was who. “Honestly, yeah,” he confirmed, laughing. Finley reached up to wind his fists into Rowan’s hair. It was getting longer now and Zennon was glad. He liked her with long hair because it meant she was starting to feel better. She’d cut her hair shirt for reasons they never spoke about, but this was good, if she was starting to feel more like herself, maybe he didn’t have to worry so much about her. “You know I’m his Dad, right? Sam’s not the only one who raises him,” he scoffed at the insult, but he knew she didnt mean it and was only trying to get a rise out of him. He was annoyed it worked, because he always felt inadequate as a parent, not that he would ever tell anyone that. he was so young, he just didn’t know what to do half the time and he didnt want to mess this up.​

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“Sam and I agreed we’re going to do this together, however that works out for us. We don’t want to step on each other’s toes and we want to be there for each other even if we’re not together, you know?” He asked, though he wasn’t really expecting Rowan to completely understand. He’d done a lot of growing over the past year, they all had, he just wanted them all to connect again like they used to… if that was at all possible. And who knew, maybe what they all needed was to rally around Finley and just make sure that he got anything and everything he needed at all times. Yeah, that was the right thing.​

 

[Rowan Baros]

Rowan let out a little laugh. It felt… strange. She felt like it had been years since she’d really laughed. It wasn’t that she couldn’t, she’d laughed a couple of times with Elio, but… there was so much memory here… so much of Elsie that she could ignore with Elio. It felt strange to laugh in a place she could never laugh again. She knew she would get past it one day, but… that was not today. It was why she had to go, she couldn’t stay here, not yet. Not for a while. Maybe not ever. “Sam’s his mom, you know he’s always gonna want his mom. All boys want their mom’s right? And all girls…” all girls wanted their dad’s, only she couldn’t have hers anymore. Never again. Finley’s wandering fingers in her hair brought her attention back to him and she did her best to shake the thoughts away, but the look in Zennon’s eyes told her he knew where her mind had wandered to. She appreciated that he didn’t hover so much anymore and hadn’t tried to distract her from her thoughts, of course Finley was a distraction all on his own, maybe that was the point. “Anyway,” she said, straightening up a little. “You and Sam are going to be great together. You were good before and you never fought over anything, so I don’t see why you’d start now,” she shrugged, carefully tugging the strands of hair out of her nephew’s tightly balled fist with a wince. He had some grip on him for sure.​

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“That’s not what I wanted to talk to you about though,” she said, biting her lip slightly. She didn’t really know how to bring this up, or what he would say. She hadn’t even told her mother yet. Zennon was the first person she was telling this to, well, she didn’t count Elio in things like this, because he was always her first. In everything. “Zippy,” the old nickname still meant something between them, it was important, it had purpose. It wasn’t a silly little nothing name anymore and it hadn’t been for a long time. “I need my big brother right now.”​

 

[Zennon Baros]

It wasn’t often that Zennon found himself more preoccupied with someone other than himself. Honestly there was a lot in his life he could probably regret, despite trying not to. He wanted to change that as much as he could but, well there was a lot to think about. His memories of Hogwarts were always going to be tainted after what he’d been through, especially with his mind on other things, like his son. He knew his grades weren’t great and he worried that it might have ruined his future plans, but he wouldn’t know for sure until he tried. He still had a little bit of time though, and he intended to use it as wisely as he could, not that he was going to stress too much. If things didn’t work out, he was sure there was something he could fall back on. He can’t possibly of completely ****ed up his life, right? Well, he hoped not anyway. He looked at Rowan as he realised what she was going to say and his mind went to the exact place he was sure hers had gone. They both missed their Dad, though he sometimes wondered if she was right and maybe she missed him more. He hadn’t always gotten along with him, and they had differences of opinion on the reg, much like any family he supposed, but, Rowan was more like him than she sometimes wanted to admit and that had to mean something. Zennon still had people, others he could focus on, like Sam, Finley, but who did Rowan have really, besides herself? Sure, she had Elio, he supposed - not that he really understood that relationship much - but what did that really mean since they were joined at the hip and mostly inseparable. Honestly he wouldn’t have been surprised if he looked around the corner to see the Zephyr kid standing against the wall waiting. They lived in each others back pockets.​

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“Yeah, we’re gonna try at least. We dont want to make things harder than they have to be and… Sam’s family, well, let’s just say I wouldn’t feel very comfortable subjecting my son to them.” Zennon knew they were his family too and if Sam wanted to introduce their son to her family then… well he couldn’t stop her, but he didn’t like the way they’d treated Sam, especially her father. It was disgusting. He should have known better as a grown adult. Zennon knew his father would never have been so callous, and with a letter! No, Zennon didn’t want Finley near that kind of intolerance and negativity. It wasn’t good for him. The use of his old nickname startled him for a moment and he looked up, not quite sure he’d actually heard it correctly. Confirming that he actually had head it correctly, Zennon turned and gently placed Finley on his blanket before holding his hand out to his sister. “Come on, I’ll make us some coffee.” He had a feeling this was going to be an involved conversation and he didn’t want anything to make her feel like she didn’t have his full attention, even if he wanted to stand right where they were and just watch Finley all day.​

 

[Rowan Baros]

Rowan had to admit, of all the things she might have said about her brother in the past, she would never deny that he was always there for them… eventually. They’d hit a bit of a rough one last year after everything with Elsie happened and then Zennon being in his last year and of course baby Finley now, it occurred to her that they’d not sat down to a proper conversation in… well over a year. They'd both been dealing with their own sh*t that it was hard to keep track of the conversations they’d had. For the first part of the year and even now, she’d spent most of her waking hours alone with Elio. It was difficult to pull herself out of that codependency, though she was trying. She knew that for her own sake, she needed to land on her feet and not be so dependent on other people. It was only going to hurt them in the long run and after everything Elio had already done for her, how could she do that to him again? She didn’t ask him what it had been like… honestly she was a bit afraid of the answer and she didn’t want to know how hard it had been for him. She felt like no matter how much she imagined it, the reality had to have been worse, she never did have a very good imagination after all. That had always been Elsie’s thing. The fact that she still considered it to be even be Elsie’s thing at all probably said more about her current state than she would have liked, but that was where she was at right now. “I don’t really know what do say to that, he’s your kid, you and Sam just do what you think is right I guess,” she said, not quite sure what to make of his confession. It wasn’t something she thought much about. She liked Sam, but she’d never really sat down to have a regular old heart to heart with her. They weren’t that close. Rowan wasn’t that close with anyone other than Elio, she liked it that way. Preferred it even.​

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Rowan took Zennon’s hand as they headed down to the kitchen and Zennon waved his wand for the coffee to start. She kind of missed that she would not be learning all the super cool wandless and wordless tricks, but, she knew enough and really it was fun to do things slowly sometimes. She didn’t like doing things the muggle way like she would have in the past, not since Elsie, but, she wasn’t too worried about the specifics. “Bit of vanilla please and coconut milk,” she’d stopped drinking almond when she’d learned of Elio’s allergy. After all, she didn’t want to risk him. She also stayed away from peanut butter and anything else. She didn’t know how severe his allergy to nuts was and she didn’t care, she just stayed well away from all of it when she could. Somethings were unavoidable given a lot of the substitutes she liked had nuts in them, but it wasn’t too bad, and she was careful to always keep their food separate if something of hers had traces of nuts in it. Made all the easier with the aid of magic. “I haven’t told anyone this yet,” minus Elio obviously, but she knew she didn’t need to clarify, “but I won’t be going back to school this year… and I’m leaving.”​

 

[Zennon Baros]

There was a lot that went into being a big brother and one of those things was to always be there, without judgement, when he was needed. As they’d gotten a bit older, they’d obviously drifted apart a bit, but they’d been so close as little children. The name Zippy carried a special meaning for them, well, specifically for he and Rowan, but if either of his sisters would come to him with that name, he knew he had to drop everything, all judgements, all commentary and listen. He didn’t always know what he was getting into when he did this, but it was something he took incredibly seriously and so did they. He never talked over them and he always listened. It was a powerful name in his family and though it probably seemed silly to outsiders, he liked it this way. It meant he would always have their trust, because he never wanted to break it. He’d done a lot that had hurt his sisters in the past, but that had ended when he’s come out with the truth to them, of course there were still things he held close to his chest because he didn’t really understand them himself, but that was conversation for another day.​

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“Of course, you don’t drink almond anymore,” he said, though it was mostly to himself. It had been a while since he’d made her a coffee, since they mostly saw each other at school now and he didn’t need to make her anything. He was a decent cook, not great, but he suspected he would have to get better now that he had to support himself and all. “Do you want cinnamon as well?” He had to quickly check his mental files to see if it had been sourced naturally or if there was anything with the cinnamon she would appose, but he didn’t think so and so when she nodded, he added a sprinkle of cinnamon to the top. It was how Elsie had preferred her drinks after all.​

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“So, what did you want to talk about?” Zennon didn’t quite know what to say at her answer. He certainly didn’t want to push her, with everything she’d gone through he definitely understood the desire to escape… but… this was the kind of decision that could cause problems for her down the line and he wanted to help her avoid that if he could, not that he knew how to do that. He took a sip of his own coffee, baring his teeth slight at the bitterness of it. It had been a while since he’d had coffee, he’d made it a tad stronger than he meant to, oh well. “Talk or mute?” He asked later, leaning against the counter and watching her. He’d respect whichever she chose, but that didn’t mean he’d have to like it.​

 

[Rowan Baros]

Though she loved and trusted her brother, Rowan hadn’t been entirely sure what he was going to say to her sudden revelation. As he handed off her coffee, the addition of cinnamon a lovely thought, she took a sip as she watched him process what she’d said. She’d known it might come as a shock, but she certainly hadn’t wanted to hurt him. This was the sort of thing one was usually encouraged to talk to family about, but, she’d only really mentioned it to Elio. It had been something she hadn’t realised she’d been thinking about until she’d suddenly blurted it out one day and apparently Elio had felt much the same, because that’s where they were at now. She couldn’t be around all of this anymore. She needed to be somewhere, do something where she could be free of the memories of her sister. Elsie was everything to her and her loss still weighed heavily on the young girl’s soul. She took a sip of her coffee as she waited for him to say something, anything. She wouldn’t have blamed him, it probably seemed sudden for him.​

It kind of was sudden, honestly.​

When he asked her how she wanted him to respond, she was sort of surprised. It had been some time since they’d specifically employed this, but she supposed it made sense as this was a big thing. She licked the coffee from her lips as she thought about what she wanted out of this, and realised that, at least for the next five minutes, she just needed him to listen. “Mute,” she nodded, placing her mug in front of her. “For now, I just need to explain.”​

“Remember when Elio and I… I guess broke up is apt, and I was all kind of moapy and stuff, and I got that tattoo on my wrist?” She asked, messing with her nails as she spoke. She wasn’t nervous, but she often found it easier to concentrate on what she wanted to say when she had something grounding to focus on. “Even at that time I considered never returning to school, you know what it was like for me. I thought I’d completely ruined my life. Stupid kid stuff honestly, but that was what it felt like. I was miserable. When I went back, we avoided each other like crazy and if it wasn’t for… well, I don’t know where we’d be now, because I’m not all that brave for a lion.” It was something she’d thought a lot about when she’d spent some time being able to breath after she’d lost Elsie. About where she would be if not for Elio. She didn’t have many friends and alot of that was her fault, but he was the one person in her life that she would ultimately, legitimately, do anything for. Even face a world of pain that was school just to be with him. If he hadn’t decided to drop out with her, she was pretty certain she’d still be going. She was working on it, but at least for now, she needed him.​

“Being at school was torture most of the time because I could see Elio everywhere. In the dorms, in classes, in the halls, it all reminded me of him. But I knew that all I had to do was just reach out, you know? Seeing him hurt, but at least I could see him.” With Elsie though, it was different, because she could try as hard as she wanted, but she could never see Elsie again and knowing that killed her. She needed to remove herself from the memories and go somewhere she didn’t know. Something different, a change of scenery.​

“With Elsie, it’s like, i don’t really know how to describe it,” she picked up her mug and took a sip, savouring the cinnamon and coconut as it slid down her throat. “I see her everywhere, and yet, i can’t see her anywhere. Last year when I was in my dorm, I didn’t want to leave because whenever I did, I’d just see her everywhere. But I could pretend in the dorms. I wasn’t even in my dorm, I was in Elio’s, because I couldn’t stand to be alone, but I also couldn’t stand to be with other people either. It was a nightmare.” She knew she hadn’t spoken much to Zennon about what had happened during that time, and she didn’t say anything now. It was in the past and she tried to move on from it. Thinking about it served no purpose. “I just… I need time. Time and space, I guess.”​

She took another sip of her drink and then motioned that he could speak now if he wanted to. She'd just needed to get that all out.​

 

[Zennon Baros]

Though his base instincts meant he wanted to jump at her and tell her everything that was currently on his mind - years of playing the game meant he had the self control and respect not to do that. This had always been their way, the three of them. They had been so close in age that he’d sometimes felt like the third twin… a triplet. He hadn’t been as close to the two of them as Elsie and Rowan had been with each other of course, but that didn’t mean anything. Apart from the fact they’d been girls, they’d been together all the time. There was nothing inside him that denied that Rowan felt the loss more keenly than anyone - but it had been a great loss to them all. Both their father and Elsie had been the kind of people that kept families together and though there was no immediate danger of a fall out, that didn’t mean that it wasn’t something that didn’t weigh on Zennon’s mind a little bit.​

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Taking a sip of his coffee, Zennon leaned casually on the counter as Rowan spoke. All those bottled up emotions were hard to hear, but he knew it was important for her to get it all out. He’d hadn’t quite known the depth of her emotions for a long time, after all she and Elsie were the ones who always had these kind of conversations as they got older and part of that, he thought, had to do with them feeling the secrets he’d been keeping. They’d started to get closer again after he’d confessed to his abilites, but it hadn’t quite been in time to repair his relationship with Elsie or his father entirely and he was going to have to live with that guilt. The kind of guilt he never wanted Rowan to feel and so if this was her attempt to be okay, for her to finally be able to escape whatever hurt she was still feeling then… well, Zennon certainly wasn’t going to stand in the way of her happiness. What kind of a brother would he be if he couldn’t support her in something she felt like she needed to do? Besides - Rowan had never been the school sort. It had always been Elsie everyone knew would get those high grades.​

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Tragic.​

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Taking a moment to compose himself, Zennon sipped his drink as she finished and let him know he could talk now. Rowan’s relationship with Elio was hard for him to really understand and he couldn’t quite wrap his head around it. There were moments where he thought they were together as a couple or something and then there were moments when it seemed like they were just friends, but whatever it was, he trusted Elio. There had been one point where he’d been quite ready to lay Elio flat on his @ss, but after a conversation with Elsie he’d had some more understanding and the fact that most of the hurt Rowan had been through had been of her own making. He hadn’t seen them at the yule ball that time, Elsie had - her explanation had been pretty thorough. The things she’d said had been harsh, but clearly they’d gotten past that.​

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He supposed of all of this, the fact that it was something she had thought about was good. She hadn’t specifically said she had made this decision with help, but Zennon knew how to read between the lines. Quietly he let out a breath and placed his cup on the counter, crossing the small barrier between them and draw Rowan into a hug. Her small height meant she tucked easily under his chin as he pulled her carefully off her stool.​

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“Ro - there’s not much I can say. This is a decision you’ve clearly thought a lot about and I’m not just going to step all over a decision you’ve made.” Their mom was probably going to have some opinions, but there wasn’t much to be done about that honestly. “Look, I love you and I support your choices, alright? I don’t like that you’re not finishing school, but, I mean let’s be honest, you were barely there last year anyway - not sure your grades this year would make up for a whole year of skipping class,” he admitted with a small smile. “Take whatever time and space you need, okay? You know you can come back whenever.”​

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He didn’t know how long she’d be gone for, but he was rooting for her anyway. “Maybe when you get back I’ll be here too. I’m moving into a place in New Zealand with Sam.”​