Closed Definitely not a date

Cas stopped as Lin spoke again, his brow furrowing at the comment. That… sounded like Lin was… flirting, almost. Cas tilted his head, unsure how to process it, and decided it must be another one of those 'brother' things Lin went on about so often.

He let the comment slide, and started moving again, looking around at everything as he sipped on his cocoa. He wanted to reach over for Lindens hand but he didn't, sure if he did he'd slip up more than he meant to. That was the last thing he needed right now.

He slowed as Linden broke the silence, turning to look at him curiously. Cas' jaw dropped and he moved closer. "No way," he breathed, unthinkingly getting into Lindens personal space to peek at the sign. "That's him," he poked at Ashers picture in the four man group. "Leo, Vera, Delaney," he poked each person, looking up to Linden then.

Cas had meant to say something, but he'd wandered too close. Turning to Linden put Cas much closer to the other boy than he expected, their noses nearly brushing. Cas froze, eyes wide, a blush burning his cheeks and his breath caught in his chest.
 
Linden wondered what the chances were. Probably very very slim. But he smiled as cas named off the players in the band. So pleased to see him excited it seemed almost in contrast to the boy, no man now who had said that he had never had a truly happy memory only a few minutes before. He felt cas getting closer to him as he examined the sign he hardly wanted to breathe.

That was until cas turned around quickly bumping into him and their faces were so close. He could almost, just an inch forward. No. that wasn’t fair. “Oh, hello.” he said as he put his hands on caspers shoulders to steady him as he took a step back “See i said no alcohol next time” he teased. Smiling brushing some hair out of cas’ face. Distance. That was good. “How about you go in say hello to your cousin and find us some space. And i will get us some food and come in to you?” he said. He could do with a little space and maybe even a little deutch courage if cas was going to keep acting like, well like cas and he was going to get through tonight and not mess things up.
 
Caspers heart fluttered in his chest as Linden spoke. Cas wavered, leaning in just a touch. Please? He thought, but as he did Linden stepped back, brushing his hair from his eyes. It felt like a slap to the face. A light shimmering of tears sprung unbidden into his blue eyes, and Casper looked away quickly.

"Yeah, okay," he agreed, his voice very small. He threw back the rest of his hot chocolate and gave the mug to Linden before rushing into the tent, tucking out of sight as quickly as he could manage. Casper made it maybe two steps away from Lindens gaze and dropped down, crouching on the ground and tangling his hands in his hair as the tears slipped out.

What were you even thinking? Kiss you? Linden wants nothing to do with you, Casper, why would you even- Casper cursed under his breath, wiping at his cheeks. If he could go one night without getting his hopes up and having them dashed so severely, that would be great
 
Asher was in Germany for an impromptu show. He probably should have known about it, but Leo was the responsible one. Ash sat on stage in a pretty tent, security nearby as he tuned his guitar and the others went about setting up, when a ruffle of movement caught his eye.

Asher looked up just in time to see Casper crouching down hidden in the door of the tent, out of sight from outside but just in Ashers line of view. Setting his guitar down, Ash wondered over and leaned down, grasping Casper under the arms and dragging him up into a hug, hardly noticing the security detail close behind. "Okay you, why the face?" Asher asked, nuzzling his nose in Casper's hair.
 
Cas yelped when he felt someone pick him up, relaxing immediately when he realized it was Asher. He hugged Ash back. "I'm here with a friend. I keep letting myself want more and he keeps shutting me down. Why do I have to do this?" He asked Asher softly, nuzzling into him.
 
Asher held on to Cas, rubbing his back. He smiled gently, resting his chin on Cas' head. "The heart wants what it wants, Cassy." He kissed his temple. "I could talk to him. Or you could sing it out with me," he teased Cas, leaning back to look at him.
 
Linden saw casper vanish quickly inside. He knew that leporine run. That was cas wanting to get away quickly. Part of him wanted to follow, put his arm around him and apologise for whatever it was he had done. But he didn’t. he had said he would get food. He stopped at a bar tent and had a couple of shots of something that made his throat burn. Before moving on to find food. His nose led him to a stand where sausages were cooking in a large pan he ordered two classig bratwurst. He made his way back to the tent pausing for a moment inside to try and see where cas was.

It took him a few moments to find him, and not really any surprise as he was hidden in an older man’s arms. Lin felt his entire guts drop for a moment. Had his cas already found someone else to hug him? But then he realised that it was the man from the poster. His cousin. “I know I may be a brat at times. But i got you a classic german hot dog” he said holding it out to him. Before turning tothe cousin “hello you must be Ash, I’m Lin.” It was then he realised that his expression needed more than just a bad, no, terrible joke to cheer him up. “Are you okay? What did i mess up?” he asked as he went to put an arm around him though he wasn’t even sure how much cheering that would do any more.
 
Casper looked up at Ash as he pulled back. "I am not singing and you're not talking Ash, that's blackmail." He countered, wiping his sleeve over his face. Linden appeared then and Cas looked properly bashful, swallowing nervously. "You're the wurst." He gave Lin a shy smile. "And Asher is trying to blackmail me is all," he told Linden. He couldn't help but lean into Lindens touch. "Nothing," he told Linden gently, not wanting to admit to what had happened.
 
Asher looked over to the new boy as he appeared, smiling. "Oh you're Linden," he smirked and glanced to Cas. Apparently he and Cas both had a soft spot for blue eyed boys. "Tell Cas that he wants to sing a song with me, he's quite good," he purred.
 
Linden wondered what he had walked in on between the cousins. It was certainly a similar feeling to when he walked in on Cas and Tara. He had to smile at Caspers response “thank you. I try my best at terrible jokes” he said feeling cas move closer to him. He could tell there was something up. Maybe it was selfish of him or maybe it was good he let cas keep his comfort but he didn’t pry. “And what dirty secret are you trying to blackmail my, cas with?” He asked turning to asher wondering if either of them has noticed the half-beat he missed between my and Cas “oh I know that he often hums and sings along when he is painting” he said giving Cas’ shoulders a slight squeeze to show that he was teasing and that him singing along was adorable before removing his arm and passing him his dinner before he managed to drop it .
 
Cas blushed. "With any luck, you'll never know," he quipped, swallowing hard at the arm around his shoulders. He smacked Linden lightly at his teasing, taking the food and tucking into it quickly.
 
Asher laughed. "Your Cas, hm?" He looked between the two of them. This wasn't as hopeless as Cas thought it was. Were they always this obvious? Asher motioned for the boys to follow him, letting Cas scarf down his food while he moved them up to the front of the tent. "Lin, you wait here," Asher smirked, before grabbing Cas' arm and dragging him away.
 
Linden raised his eyebrows at Casper’s tease. “Okay you can keep your secrets,” he said. slightly surprised that Asher’s presence seemed to make things easier between them so he wasn’t continually second-guessing himself. That was until he spoke up it seemed like his slip up hadn’t gone unnoticed. He tried to suppress a blush at having been caught. But the truth was he wasn’t sure what to refer to him as. He had stopped thinking of him as a brother months ago. And best friend was starting to not seem like enough. Cas. That was easier. His Cas. “yes my Cas, not any other Cas” he said trying to stay cool.
 
Cas finished his food quickly, having already guessed Ashers plan. He peeked back at Linden, confused all over again by the boys words. His Cas? Is he just trying to differentiate between me and Kas? Is that Lucas' Kas? Casper wondered, confused, trying not to wiggle as Asher grabbed his face and put on eyeliner, talking quietly about what Ash wanted to do.

Before he knew it Asher had dragged him up onto stage. Cas fidgeted, annoyed and embarrassed, but he tried to just focus on his cousin and not the crowd Asher had pulled him in front of.

Cas sighed as the music started, stepping up to the microphone and laying his hands on the stand. He shut his eyes, focusing on his singing as they launched into a rock cover of IDFC by Blackbear. As the music went on, Cas started relaxing more, running a hand through his hair and swaying a bit to the music.
 
Linden wasn’t sure what he saw on his face as he explained his Cas. Was it disappointment or confusion a mix or something else entirely. He wondered briefly if Cas ever thought of him as his lin. Before he could say anything more than a hurried “good luck” Asher had dragged him towards the stage and from a distance, he seemed to be putting makeup on him. Ironic really that was more of a not his Kas thing.
He quickly ate his hotdog realising why cas had got through it so fast. It was really good. Though he was starting to realise he wasn’t the hugest fan of sourkrout.
By the time the band started, he had found his way towards the front of the crowd. He looked up and there was Cas. He had the same feeling inside him as he had when he had first seen him on Halloween. Dumbstruck, and speechless, the music started with a slight introduction and he was transfixed.
There was just him and Cas. The rest of the audience. The rest of the band were gone too not even figments of his imagination. there were just the two of them here in the universe. He had never heard the song before. But it felt just like Cas was talking to him and lin was both feeling his heart swell with pride at how Well Cas was killing it and feeling it drop feeling the impact of the words.
 
Cas was quickly swept up in the song. He wasn't sure if it was being with Asher or just the rawness of his emotions or even just the liquor he'd already had, but Cas was soon so comfortable he adlibbed the last chorus. "Cause I have hella feelings for you, And I know you don't f---ing care, Like I ain't even there," He sang, his heart aching with the words.

"Still, I have hella feelings for you, I act like I don't f---ing care, 'Cause I'm so f---ing scared, I'm still a fool for you, And I know you're too good for me, I'm always a fool for you, But you don't f---ing care at all, oh, oh-oh," Cas was lost enough in his emotions he hardly noticed the music ending until Asher was hugging him. Cas brought his hands up automatically, burying his face in Ashers shoulder.

Cas didn't notice the applause, taking a second to breathe as Ash pulled back to wipe at Cas' tears. He was crying? Cas blinked, taking a few deeps breaths as Ash smiled at him. "Therapeutic, isn't it?" Asher asked, smiling.

Cas laughed nervously and smacked Ashers shoulder, giving him one more hug before jumping off the stage and shimmying through the crowd back to Linden. Cas was lost in his own head, and didn't stop to think, instead slipping in next to his- friend? And burying his face in Lindens shoulder, shaking lightly.
 
Linden listened to the music lost in the moment. He knew it was silly Cas was just singing whatever song the band had on their setlist. but it felt just as intimate as at the bar. And Cas was telling him how he felt. The music ended and the spell was broken in a crash of cheers and. And cas was hugging ash and he was making his way forward. And then he was there in front of him. Shaking his arms face against his neck Lins face was buried in his hair and he felt like the guy who got the guy at the end of a movie. “That was incredible cas. You are incredible” he said holding him tight and not wanting to let go of him ever. It was something he didn’t say anywhere near often enough. And when he did it was after cas did something big like this. Which almost took the sincerity out of it. But it was the little things too. It felt like the world was both moving on around them and stopping still and staring. He wanted to kiss him. And show him off to the world. But he didn’t want their first kiss to be because of a spectacle. He wanted it to be more personal. Instead he brushed his lips against his hair and tried to send his thoughts through like some backwards oclumens.
 
Cas felt like crying again, and he couldn't seem to stop shaking. He wanted to tilt his head up, he wanted Lin to kiss him. But Casper knew it was never going to happen. They had had their moment- their chance- and Lin had stepped away from him. Casper felt like his heart was breaking in his chest. He wanted to let go, run away, cry until he didn't hurt anymore. Why did it have to be Linden? The one person Cas knew he could never be without? Casper clung to the other boy, wrapping his arms around Linden and clutching tightly at his shirt. He hadn't realized he'd started crying until he'd practically broken down, sobbing quietly into Lins neck. Casper wished Linden would leave. He wished Linden wouldn't let go. He was a mess.
 
Linden stood there his boy, no his man in his arms and his heart pounding in his chest. But that wasn’t the case. Not at all. As much as he thought of cas as his cas. He wasn’t. He held him close as he felt cas put his arms around him and his shaking change from a nervous shiver to something stronger. He raised one hand stroking his hair as they swayed in the middle of the crowd totally out of time to the music.
 
Casper cried for a bit, getting out a bit of the pain before pulling himself back together. He shouldn't be doing this. He shouldn't be leaning on Linden. Casper sniffled and pulled away, pulling his arms back and wrapping them around his torso. He looked up to the stage, letting his hair cover his face in an attempt to shut himself off from Linden.
 
Linden felt caspers sobs slowly calm down until he was calm enough to stand and at least pretend like he hadnt been there. But the tidemarks on lindens hoodie told a different story. He kept one hand on caspers back somewhere between his shoulder blades as he looked at him pulling his sleeve over his hands and gently wiping away his tears. “Do you want to stay and watch the band. or we can go and get some fresh air if you would rather?” he said. Leaning slightly towards Cas.
 
Cas drew in a shaky breath, sighing softly as Linden fussed over him. "Do you want to walk some more?" He asked softly, looking to Linden with shimmering eyes. He knew he couldn't tell Linden why he'd been crying, but maybe getting out of here would help him feel better.
 
Linden nodded as cas asked if he wanted to go for a walk. He was definitely feeling the lightness of the alcohol now. “If what is what you want to do then yes” he said. He was starting to feel a little claustrophobic here in amongst the people who were obviously here for the band. He reached out and took caspers hand not listening to any of his complaints. It will make it easier to get through the crowd he told himself though he knew, and it was fairly obvious that wasnt the main reason for it. They reached the doors and stepped outside lin keeping a firm grip on caspers hand. “You were incredible in there. I got a few photos but should have filmed it. Tara has so missed out” he said. Glad for the cool, quiet, night air so they could talk again and hear each other and not have to shout. “I Don’t tell you enough how incredible you are and how much you mean to me. So when i do at times like this you think it is insincere. But you are every single day” he said catching himself before he tripped over fully. It was certainly the alcohol talking and him half tripping over didnt reduce that effect.
 
Casper nearly jumped out of his skin when Linden took his hand. He tried to gently pull it back, but Linden held on firm. Cas bit his lip. How could he resist? He let Linden lead him out, standing a little closer but still trying to stay a bit further away. He wrapped his other arm around his torso, chewing his lip gently. He blushed, ducking his head as Linden complimented him. “Thank you?” He offered shyly.

His cheeks burned as Linden continued. Unthinkingly, he shifted closer, peeking at Linden and biting his lip. “Really?” He asked softly, his other hand shifting to brush over the back of Lindens hand holding his. Caspers eyes searched Lindens face, unsure what to think.
 
Linden could see that Casper was uncomfortable. Was it the information that he was never happy and was still holding himself back? That was making him see differently. Or was it the alcohol turning up the volume of the thoughts he could usually hide? They had somehow come to a stop near a choir singing a Christmas carol he half recognised but in German. and they were closer together it would be so easy to take half a step forward. And close the gap. But he shouldn’t. Even with his thoughts loose he couldn’t take advantage of cas. Their eyes met and he could feel an understanding in them that fear he had about changing things with cas as for a moment reflected back at him. “I do f***ing care” he said “but I’m also F***ing scared” he continued in a whisper that he hoped matched the melody of the song.
 
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