Closed Definitely not a date

Linden looked at Cas as he pulled away. How had managed to get off so well? He didn’t even seem to be hungover at all. He could have kicked himself seeing Caspers reaction. That telling him more than words could that at least some of his memories were not a dream. “Well I either had the most amazing dream or had the most amazing night, there was an angel and fairy lights and hot spicy drinks. We kissed in the snow. And you sang to me and I fell even more in love with you” he said. “Did I ask you to be my secret boyfriend or was that all a dream?” he asked. The question felt funny in his mouth. He knew Cas shouldn’t be a secret. He should be the kind of man to be proud of. But there had been something about him wanting to be a secret that lin couldn’t quite remember.
 
Casper bit his lip, his breath catching. So Linden did remember some of it, at least. But would he take it back sober? Cas played with the hem of his pillow. "Maybe," he offered softly, his heart thundering in his chest. "To make fun of Tara. And not upset Lucas any more." Cas shut his eyes and took a small breath to steady himself. "Depends on how drunk you were." He countered, fully expecting Linden to take it back now that he had a clearer head. It seemed fitting that Cas' first boyfriend had lasted maybe five hours, he'd slept through most of it, and it had been a drunk mistake. Casper felt like an absolute idiot. Even if there was a slight nagging in the back of his mind that Linden may truly be in love with him. It was too bad, really, that Casper had become so jaded that he could neither bring himself to believe it or listen to that little voice in the back of his head,
 
Linden listened to cas talk his face getting redder as he spoke. What kind of weird logic was that. Being secret boyfriends to annoy Tara and not upset Lucas. He massaged his temples slightly when cas asked how drunk he had been. ”Apparently i was quite drunk if both you and my head are telling me i was.” he said he would have to find some headache potion, or at the least some muggle paracetamol before they went out today in the hopes to settle it and wondered if it would be weird wearing sunglasses when out if he used the excuse about glare from the ice. “That was a terrible offer. I hope you said no” he said. “Casper wi…”
 
Casper's heart twisted painfully at Lindens words. Of course. Right. What was I thinking? Cas stopped listening, throwing the blankets back. He could feel he was on the verge of tears, and he didn't trust himself to speak. He brought the pillow out of bed with him, throwing it hard at Lindens face before speed walking away to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

Casper leaned against the wood, clamping a hand over his mouth to keep himself quiet as the tears spilled over. New record. It didn't even take you a day to just rip out your heart this time. He was shaking, and he sunk down to sit on the floor. He drew up his knees, burying his head in his arms and trying to pull himself together. It was hard. Harder than every other time he’d had to do this. Perhaps because he’d never let Linden so close before, in so deep. Casper tangled a hand in his hair, biting his lip hard.
 
Linden was interrupted half way through what he was saying by blankets being thrown at him followed by yet another pillow in his face. By the time he was untangled casper was in the bathroom slamming the door in his face. He tried the handle but was not supprised when it didn’t work. He knocked lightly resting his forehead against the door “Casper. Let me finish what i was saying.” He said. Listening to see if there was any movement on the other side. “Being a secret to annoy your sister and not upset my ex a terrible idea. You are so amazing you need to be recognised, you shouldn’t settle for a secret.” rewording what he had previously said. Still there was no response from the bathroom. “Casper will you be my boyfriend. No hiding no secrets” he asked. Hoping that he wasn’t messing things up or reading cas wrong.
 
Casper was shaking, struggling to pull himself together. Stupid stupid stupid. He beat himself up, furious he'd let Linden so close only to have Linden change his mind. He didn't speak, not trusting his voice, sure Linden was starting some grand "we're family" speech. Probably a culmination of everything he'd been telling Cas all their lives.

He was startled then when Linden asked him out, stunned for a brief second. Wait… what? Cas got to his feet, hesitating a moment to wipe a sleeve uselessly over his damp cheeks. He unlocked the door and opened it slowly, only able to look Linden in the face for a brief second before dropping his eyes. "What?" He asked softly, his voice hoarse.
 
Linden waited for a long moment, hardly daring himself to breathe. He heard some movement and hoped that it wasn’t lin preparing toothbrushes or toilet roll to throw at him. heard the door unlock and slowly open. There was an eye then half a face and then a man, Casper. It was clear that he had been crying. He reached out for him putting his arms around him “gosh cas I’m sorry” he said holding him close. “Casper Jason Beckett. Will you be my true blue no secrets boyfriend” he asked again.

True blue:Australian slang meaning genuine
 
Casper sighed, burying his face in Lindens neck and lacing his arms around the other boys waist. "You're mean," he grumbled, but settled as Lin held him and asked him out. "Only if you're serious," he countered softly, his heart thundering in his chest. It was weird how easily Linden got to him, slipped past his defenses. He sniffled, hiding his face a bit more, his hands clutching at the back of Lindens shirt.
 
Linden felt a face against his neck and arms wrap against his waist. And smiled as cas called him mean. He wasn’t. He was sure it was just maybe they sometimes, often, didn’t communicate things the clearest. He gave sas a squeeze before he took his shoulders and created a bit of space between them. “Do I look serious?” he said trying to pull the most serious expression he could an effect that was ruined by the fact that he was still in pyjamas with his hair messy from last night and that he was trying to suppress a huge smile “now come on boyfriend let’s get ready before Tara comes barging in here again and I don't want another pillow in my face”. He said wondering if he had time to have a shower and deciding he probably did.
 
Casper laughed at Lindens serious face, reaching up to brush at Lins hair. He smiled almost shyly at Lindens words. "Sorry… I could kiss it better," he offered, almost unsure, but leant in just a touch as he said it, his heart stuttering as Linden called him boyfriend. Cas could get used to that, but he was also afraid to, worried it was only a temporary thing.
 
Linden smiled as cas laughed at him. The response he had been going for. He blushed as cas said he would kiss it better. It sounded tempting but he could already taste he had horrible morning breath “as tempting as that offer is. My can taste my morning Breath would give a nurdu a run for it’s money and I will not subject you to that.” He said placing a hand gently on top of Caspers cheek and stroking it gently with his thumb not sure if cas got the creature reference “can we get ready before Tara comes back I really could do with a shower and coffee before we have to face her gloating” He said.
 
Cas blushed, pulling away gently. "Yeah, we should probably get dressed. Try not to get killed brushing your teeth, your majesty," He told Linden, teasing lightly, moving away and trying to hide his disappointment at the rejected kiss. Stop being so needy, Merlin, Casper. He chided himself, shuffling through his suitcase for clean clothes.
 
Linden could see Casper was a little disappointed and quickly pecked cas on the cheek before entering the bathroom.

The hot water in the shower did its bit to help clear lindens head and he started to wonder if maybe the secret boyfriend idea wasn’t a bad one after all. At the very least until they got home so he wouldn’t have to put up with Tara’s gloating. Unfortunately the shower wasn’t doing much for the headache but the coffee would help with that.

He left the bathroom ina cloud of steam his towel securely fastened on his waist another around his shoulders. The cool air chilling the water drops that remained on his skin. And there was cas looking so well put together his smart style something lin knew he would ever be able to master “let’s try this again. Good morning boyfriend” he said slipping his arms around caspers waist from behind before kissing him on the cheek the taste of toothpaste still on his breath.
 
Casper thought over everything that had happened as he got dressed, considering the changes that would probably happen. He chewed his lip, brushing and styling his hair. He had just finished when Linden reappeared, holding him and kissing him. Casper hummed happily, relaxing into the embrace. He leaned back, reaching a hand up into Lindens hair and smiling.

"About that," Cas murmured, moving his fingers to run down Lins jaw. "I was thinking." Cas turned a bit in Lindens arm. "I really do think we should keep this to ourselves right now." He told Linden, looking slightly worried. "Not to annoy Tara- I mean, it will be fun. But I'm thinking about Lucas." He explained almost shyly. "The three of us are sharing a dorm, Lin. He's already hurting a lot. Do you remember how he acted over Lapis?" Cas asked. "We have to live with Lucas for the rest of the semester. And we are his friends… aren't we?" He asked softly, worried Linden would be mad at him.
 
Linden felt cas relax it was almost like he was almost tense and when he touched him he relaxed like lin had some magic power or maybe he was just reading too much into it. He rested his chin on cas’ shoulder relaxing as he felt a hand in his hair. until cas turned around. And started to speak. Annoyingly caspers words made sense. He nodded as cas spoke “why do you have to make so much sense and be so nice. Me and Lucas were never that considerate to you” he complained ad he did feel guilty about it. “If that is what you want then I am happy. I get to keep you all to myself.” He said squeezing cas slightly to emphasise his point “But i don’t want you to feel like you are my secret because I am ashamed of you or that you aren’t good enough to be my proper boyfriend because i’m not and you very much are. And we can come out and tell anyone you want whenever you feel ready to. Though maybe not Tara today. I don’t want another headache” he said
 
Cas sighed with relief as Linden seemed agreeable, leaning in and kissing him without a thought. He pulled back, leaning his forehead on Lindens. "Don't get me wrong. I am very clingy and would love a lot of affection. But…" he sighed. "Things with Lucas are always… hard. If we can just hold out a little bit maybe it will be better."

Cas stole another kiss, before pulling back. He was going to say something, but a quick once over made him realize Linden wasn't completely dressed. Casper turned scarlet, quickly looking away. "You should get something warm," Cas managed, walking away to the bathroom quickly and shutting the door.
 
Linden kissed Cas back savouring the moment even though he had a feeling that kisses from Cas would not be in short supply any time soon even if they were playing secret. He smiled at Casper’s comment. “Oh I know. You don’t think i haven’t worked that out over the last seven years” he said in an almost seductive tone. “I can look after telling lucas when the time comes” he said while things were awkward between them he was hoping that he was slowly making progress with him. At least now he was able to talk look him in the eye and talk to him without being a mess and they did once again have quidditch together.

As cas made his way to the bathroom after one last light kiss cas was off in the bathroom and he saw the time. Where had their twenty minutes gone? He opened his bag and took out his boxers, jeans, tshirt, shirt, hoodie and jacket, putting them on as he went. A selection of layers from thinnest to thickest layering up for the cold. “Cas please can i borrow one of your scarves?” he called through the bathroom door he had liked using cas’s scarf last night, and well, after looking in the mirror this morning he could do with an extra layer around his neck.
 
Cas walked over to the sink, splashing some cold water onto his face before taking a few deep breaths. “I’ll trade you for a hoodie,” He called back, taking a moment to study his reflection and make sure he looked alright before walking out to the bedroom. He went back to his suitcase, grabbing a small notepad and pen and slipping them into his pocket. He stopped on his way to his shoes, reaching out to take Lindens arm.

“Lin,” Cas made a point of staring at his shoes near the entry of the room. “I’m not the team. I’m going to notice a lot more than they are.” He told Lin quietly before letting go and making a run for his shoes, too embarrassed to look at Linden just yet.
 
Linden pulled his woolly socks on and was just slipping his feet into his trainers when the bathroom door opened and cas emerged. “If you want a hoodie, go for it. I don’t know if it will go with your outfit you are the one with an eye for that sort of thing” he said. Not really looking away from his laces. He had just finished the second shoe when cas took his arm. Lin stood and looked at him. Though it seemed like Cas didn’t want to make eye contact. “I know you aren’t on the team. but what's quidditch got to do with anything?” he said confused as cas made a dash for his shoes by the door. He had picked up his bag and was nearly at the door himself when he realised what Casper had meant. "Oh, Oooh, I’m sorry” he said sheepishly his face suddenly going very red.
 
Cas summoned over Lindens hoodie, pulling it on immediately and slipping his shoes on quickly. He laughed lightly at Lindens apology, turning and grabbing his collar. Cas pulled Linden down into a solid kiss, probably the boldest so far. He lingered for a bit, before nuzzling his nose along Lindens jaw. "I'm tempted to tell Tara, I wanna hold your hand," he told Linden, pouting a bit.
 
Linden had just reached for the door and told himself that they would be leaving the sanctuary of their room the space between the secret and the boyfriend when he felt Casper grab hold of him and pull him into a bold kiss. Leaving breathless and light as air as cas moved along his jaw. “Stop” he whispered before cas got the better of him.

“Not today. I don’t know if i can cope with her gloating today. We can still hold hands. She can’t be watching us all day” he said though her hints and pushes were not much better at least he knew how to deal with them. He also knew that he would have to find some way to get some alone time with cas “Come on. Let’s go and see what’s left for breakfast” he said. Opening the door hoping not to find a tara with extendable ears on the other side.
 
Cas couldn't help the slight twinge of disappointment when Linden denied him, nodding quietly and following Linden out the door. He supposed it wasn't quite a complete rejection, but it was enough. He folded his arms, watching his feet as he walked down the halls. Breakfast was probably good. He tried to distract himself from his thoughts, but he didn't have much luck. It was easier not being allowed to touch Linden yesterday. Today it just felt impossible. He sighed softly, straightening and attempting to put on his best brave face. Casper didn't know what was going on, or what to expect. Surely, Linden would move past this sooner instead of later. If Cas was smart, he would have walked away with his heart and his dignity still in tact. But Casper had never been very smart.
 
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