Open It’s not the same

[Rowan Baros]

“It’s just not that same,” Rowan sighed, slumping into her seat next to Elsie. Zennon was on the other side of the bench, pouting mostly, ever since he’d gotten his badge he’d been almost inconsolable complaining about having responsibilities thrust upon him and all that stuff. For the most part, Rowan had been trying to ignore him because she just felt so empty these days. She knew why, but she had tried so hard not to think about it the last couple of weeks because every time she thought about it she’d start crying. “I miss him,” she said, turning to Elsie who was half way through with her breakfast sandwich.​

 

[Elsie Baros]

Elsie couldn’t really see what the big deal was. In her opinion, Rowan was being an idiot. “Have you tried just talking to him?” Surely there was nothing so bad that it couldn’t be fixed with talking. “He’s your best friend, Ro, he’s probably just as upset as you are, more so probably, since it’s mostly your fault.” She scolded, shaking her head. Whilst she hadn’t specifically spoken to Elio much; or about Rowan at all, she could tell he was sad, he almost always sat alone in classes these days. “I bet he misses you.”​

 

[Rowan Baros]

Rowan remained silent as she stared over her shoulder to where she used to sit with Elio. It had been so long since she’d sat down to a meal with her house mates that it almost felt like a distant memory, but was in reality no more than six months or so, even still, seeing the familiar spot now occupied by someone else broke her heart a little, as it did every day. She wasn’t sure she would ever be able to put the pieces back together again properly and she knew it was entirely her own fault, but she had never been great at stitching, she didn’t even know where to begin to repair the damage. Not to herself and certainly not to Elio. What she’d done was inexcusable, she should have known and even if she shouldn’t have known, she should never have made it seem like his fault. Elio hadn’t done anything wrong aside from tell her the truth, an honesty she had always loved him for. An honesty she’d always admired in herself and yet the moment it was used against her it was like she didn’t even know who she was any more. Who Elio was, though he hadn’t changed. “I can’t, Elsie, how could I just talk to him after something like that? I was horrible, I said mean things to him, I yelled and made a huge scene. I’m not surprised he wants nothing to do with me, I want nothing to do with me. I just wish I could walk into a room and not cry everything j see him or something that reminds me of him. We’re in the same house, you don’t know how hard it is to avoid him.” She sighed, giving up on her in eaten food and preparing to stand and leave the hall. “I love him, always will, just wish he felt the same,” she said. “Besides, he can’t miss something he doesn’t like.”​

 

[Elsie Baros]

Elsie turned back to focus on her sandwich as Rowan did as she usually did and monologued her feelings when she didn't have access to her diary. For the past couple of weeks, Elsie had been acting as something of a pseudo diary to her sister and honestly she was a bit sick of it, but she loved Rowan, so she wasn't about to tell her sister to keep her feelings to herself, not after she was finally actually talking about them. "Look, here's how I see it," she started, finishing off her sandwich and pulling Rowan's hand into hers. They'd always been affectionate together, Rowan had always been an affectionate person and one of the ways Elsie had figured out she'd liked Elio more than she let on was that she hadn't been super affectionate with him. Elsie barely even remembered the pair hugging. "Elio loves you, okay so maybe he doesn't love you like you wanted, but it was your fault to being so public with your declaration. You could have told him in a broom closet like everyone else." She said, only slightly bitter about her own current relationship troubles, though the worst thing was, she wasn't even really sure what the troubles were, or even if there were any. "Maybe you don't see it, but he's as miserable as you and the worst part is, he can't do anything about it, but you can, and honestly, right now you're just being a selfish b**** by refusing to talk to him."​

 

[Rowan Baros]

It seemed that Rowan was not having the best couple of days, from Zennon to Rowan to Elsie, none of them seemed to be as supportive as she would have hoped. She looked at Elsie and squeezed her hands as she started talking, not really wanting to hear what was being said but knowing that she had to listen anyway. “You don’t get it, think about how it must have looked!” She said, pulling her hands out of Elsie’s. “I yelled at him! Because he’s gay!” She said, her voice raising in octaves that she was trying to contain. “I must look terrible! He probably thinks I don’t accept him or something, I’m probably seen as a horrible person just because the guy I like doesn’t like me back and I told not to touch me after he told me he was gay, don’t you understand?”​

 

[Elsie Baros]

"Ro, oh my god, calm down!" Elsie called to her, looking over at Zennon, and being surprised that he'd up and left. Rude. "It's not as bad as that, come on. You know I'm bi, right?" She asked, trying to make a point, though she was pretty sure it wasn't going to make much of a difference. "If you explain, I'm sure he'll understand and, anyway, who cares about everyone else, you never used to. Then you started liking Elio and everything changed, I haven't even heard you swear once!" It was so weird. "Not to mention Hyperion, you know you've missed like three study sessions?" Hyperion was nice enough to help them and Rowan was just throwing it in his face. Ugh, she was a total disaster and here Elsie was trying to fix her relationships when she had her own to worry about.​