Closed Definitely not a date

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden had wanted to do something special for Christmas this year. He wasn't creative like Casper and he didn't have the people smarts that any of his sisters had. He had had an idea and when he had brought it up with Tara she had been keen. It would be an early Christmas present because everything he read said that things were better before Christmas with the atmosphere and markets. He had initially planned for it to be a present for cas to spend time with his mum but since finding about of Taras family he had asked her if she had wanted to go too her response of “Sure but you’re coming too right linny-bear” had left him booking four tickets to a somewhat cheap hostel Two two-person rooms. As the thought of sharing with Cas’ mum was just a little uncomfortable and he was sure the ladies would want their own space. glad that magic would at least reduce the need for the airfares, and glad that he had worked far too much over the last break.

They had spent the day exploring the small towns near where Martine lived. The cobbled streets were bordered by old buildings that looked like they came from a fairy tale. Linden had taken it upon himself to photograph it all. So his siblings could have memories of the time spent with their mum and Cas could have photos to use as inspiration if he ever needed it. They had returned to the hotel to change before heading out to a muggle Christmas music festival. At least that had been the plan before tara had declared that she was tired and just fancied an evening in with her mum “you two should totally still go and have a good time” had been her remark as she shot them both a meaningful look that they couldn't ignore. Lin shook his head with a “Have a good night HT.” before they headed out catching the U-Bahn to the Theresienwiese subway station. They got off the train and followed the crowd and Ausgang signs until they stepped out into the crisp night air. The smell of food and excitement heavy on the air. “Are you ready for this? I think tara is going to regret missing out” he said, reaching out to cas not sure if they should hold hands so they wouldn't get separated in the crowd of people exiting the station or if it would give the wrong impression, especially after the yule ball.

((Godmod approved by Jess))

 

[Casper Kinnek]

If there was one thing that never failed to surprise Casper, it was Linden. He hadn't been expecting anything from his friend- of course, Cas had been working on Lindens Christmas present for ages, but he hadn't thought Linden would get him anything. Much less a trip to Germany with his mom and Tara.

Something told Cas Tara was the one that had gotten Linden to come along. Not that he could complain. Despite the nearly constant war of his emotions, Casper liked having Linden nearby. Maybe he was a masochist.

Cas had decided to justify the entire thing by saying it wasn't really for him. It was a present for Tara that just happened to involve him. That made more sense to Cas, really. Why would Linden go out of his way to do something this sweet for Cas?

Still, Cas was enjoying it. Even if he was ignoring the looks he kept getting from Tara and his mother. Tara must've been spreading her nonsense. He'd just had time for a quick shower and change before he and Linden went out again. It was undoubtedly another one of Tara's schemes, but over the semester Casper had gotten fairly good at blocking it out.

So when Linden offered out his hand, Cas automatically reached for his sleeve instead, gripping the fabric gently in his fingers. "She thinks she's being clever," he shrugged like it was nothing, looking around. "Where we going?"

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden looked across as casper grabbed the sleeve of his coat. Feeling part of him sink that he didn't take his hand even though he had been the one to constantly tell cas that he hadnt wanted more than friendship. And the fact that he had not been subtle taking finn to the ball. But he had known he had to do something after lucas to make sure that he wasn’t just a heartbroken teenager about to mess up everything good about his friendship. They crossed the street and headed towards the entrance to the festival where an arch with the name of the event in lights welcomed them. “It seems very well organised for one of taras schemes as i only asked if she wanted to come on the trip a few of weeks ago” he said as they passed through the security at the entrance and grabbed a map and program ”welcome to Tollwood. It’s a muggle christmas festival. It has music and arts, and a market all with a focus on sustainability,” he said. Pleased with himself for finding it. It wasn't particularly well advertised. But it had sounded exactly like the sort of thing that cas would like, even if he thought that it was all a plan of Taras. Maybe that would be some excuse he could use if he messed up again. In front of them was a statue of a giant abstract angel made of sheets of what seemed to be white perspex or plastic. He looked from it to cas, his face lit up by the soft coloured lights. He quickly looked down at the map. “the food is mostly out here, the markets are in the pavilion over there and music is playing in each of the tents, which each have a theme, and the decorations are everywhere.” he said. He didn't mind what they did first. He wanted to see a bit of everything. ”but first let me get a picture of you. That lighting is perfect and we need to show Tar what she missed” he said, reaching for his camera knowing that it was not tara who he was taking the picture for.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Casper laughed lightly at Lins comment and shook his head, walking a little closer because of the crowds. "I meant kicking us out by ourselves and you know it." He teased, looking around to try and take everything in as Linden explained it.

Cas' attention was caught by the angel in front of them, captivated by the light and construction of it. He was in awe of it. He always admired art like this. "Hm? Yeah sure," he agreed, only half paying attention as he took in the details of the piece in front of him.

Unthinkingly, Cas drifted away just a touch, losing his grip on Lindens sleeve as he moved to get a better look at the angel, not noticing it had turned him more towards Linden.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden chuckled as Cas said that he had meant making them go out on their own. ”yeah. I think it may have been. But I am glad she did” he said. He loved tara but it was good to spend some time with just Cas. Especially some time with just Cas without the feeling of her, or other people judging them pressuring them to be a couple or pressuring them to be friends. They were them and whatever kind of relationship they had was up to them. Here alone amongst strangers cas and lin is exactly what they would be. “now look at the angel” he said taking a snap “and at me” he said taking another. He couldnt help but smile. Did Cas even know how good he looked in this lighting? He wanted to move closer and… he took a picture of the angel with the lights behind it. “do you just want to wander and see where we end up” he said. not wanting to leave the angel but wanting to experience the festival and wanting to make a shift before he did something else he would regret.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas was drawn back to himself as Linden asked him to pose for pictures, obliging easily. "In a minute," he countered, moving closer and stealing the camera. "Your turn," Cas laughed lightly, snapping a few pictures of Lin in turn before giving the camera back. "We could just wonder a bit and see what we find?" He offered, motioning off in a random direction.

It was oddly easy being with Linden. Aside from having to keep himself in check, Cas just felt comfortable with the other boy near. It was just part of being Linden, he supposed. Even if part of him still wished this was a date, or that Linden would see him. But any lingering hopes Casper had held of finding love had been dashed at the Yule Ball. Between Linden sucking off Finns face all night and Alex, Casper had resigned himself to being the unlovable gay friend that showed up randomly at holiday events.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden laughed as Cas took the camera off him and turned the lens towards him. Managing to capture him mid-laugh. A picture that when they looked at it would seem to natural and unposed it would be one of his favourite photos of himself. "We should get one together too” he said. Approaching another person “entschuldigung. Sorry could you take a picture of us” he said holding the camera out to them. Before standing next to Casper and putting his hand around him, smiling up at the lens. ”Danke,” he said using up most of the German words he had memorised from the phrasebook on the train ride this morning. ”okay. Let’s go” he said. Heading down the aisle of stalls that Cas had gestured to.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas blushed when Lin wanted a picture together, but he fell in with an easy smile. Just a normal picture. Between friends. Cas tried not to focus too much on Lindens hand on him. He knew already he was going to have a hell of a time trying to deal with himself after tonight.

But for now, well, what the hell. Might as well enjoy it. It would hurt like hell no matter what he did.

"Let's explore a bit. Maybe check out some music?" He offered to Lin, looking over as the boy pulled away and tucking away the familiar ache in his heart he'd grown so accustomed to. "Have I ever told you about my cousin Asher?" He asked Linden, reaching over and taking Lindens sleeve between his fingers again.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

A mix of decorations and crafts here. A small bar there, a caravan that served hot chocolate and mulled wine nextdoor. sausages cooking a little further down and Chestnuts roasting in a large pan at another stall. “That sounds like a good plan. And yes there seems to be a lot of different music on. Which do you fancy?” he said looking down at the program as he showed it to casper. “and we should look for something for tara seeing as she was far too tired to come out. do you think she would like some gingerbread?” he said exaggerating the words far too tired into quotation marks. As he stopped at the next stall that had a selection of iced gingerbread biscuits both for eating and hanging as gifts and decorations. And was looking at them. Some decorated in bright icing and others dipped in chocolate.

He looked at cas as he spoke about his cousin. “No. would that be alli and addi’s brother or a different set of cousins?” he asked trying not to smile at the slight tug that was casper holding his sleeve.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas only briefly glanced at the flyer. "We could just wander around and see what sounds good," he offered. He laughed lightly at Lindens comment about Tara and rolled his eyes. "Gingerbread sounds good, she seems to like treats." He offered lightly.

He couldn't help the shy smile as Lin asked about Ash. "He's Abner's oldest," he explained. "He's actually mildly famous in a rock band. Ashes?" Cas offered. "He taught the three of us how to carry a tune when we were young. I actually helped aunt Kara design his tattoos." His smile faltered and he looked away, sadness passing over his face. He missed his aunt a lot. His grip on Lindens sleeve tightened a little and without thinking he took a small step closer.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden nodded at caspers suggestion. Just wandering sounded good. It was how he liked exploring new places, not lost just wandering. He looked at the stand and in front of them and picked four gingerbreads. A heart half dipped in chocolate each for himself, a square saying danke for martine. “Do you think tara would prefer a chocolate heart or an iced one?” he asked looking between two. Once they decided he picked up an extra heart with flowers and writing on for Cas quickly slipping it into the bag before he could see. he had an idea what it said but wasn’t 100% sure. He put them into his backpack before continuing along with Casper. He looked at him as he spoke about his cousin “ashes, that sound familiar” he said. Wondering where he had heard it recently. As he spoke about his aunt he moved a little closer to cas moving his hand a little awkwardly to take caspers and give it a slight squeeze. He knew how much his aunt meant to him. The closest he had had to a mum until martene came along and could hear the pain of losing her still in his voice. ‘What kind of tattoos does he have?” he asked. Curious. He had been vaguely thinking of getting something but had no idea what to get or where.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas looked over the gingerbread hearts, pointing out an iced one that he thought Tara would like and not noticing Linden adding to his bag. He smiled a little as Linden took his hand, and deciding to just deal with the heartache later, tried to lace their fingers. "He has a lot," Cas laughed. "He has a crown for his dad, a strawberry and lemon for the twins, this big tarot sun he loves, this owl thing for his mom, a band tattoo of course, the list goes on," he chuckled. "Aunt Kara helped draw them. She's actually the one that taught me how to draw," he smiled softly, wrapping an arm lightly around his torso. "She did all the final designs but I helped."

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden added the iced gingerbread to his bag before making the purchase and put them in his backpack. He bit his lip slightly as his fingers interlaced with Caspers. Even with his gloves on holding Caspers hand felt nice. He distracted himself by listening to what tattoos Caspers cousin had. He had a lot. “Wow. they sound great. It sounds like he has even more than mum has. I will have to meet this ash some day” he said squeezing Caspers hand again as he seemed to start to fold in on himself in that casper way did sometimes when he was thinking about things “she did an amazing job”. Though part of him wanted to put his hand around Caspers shoulders he wasn’t sure if he trusted either of them enough for that. “Have you ever thought of getting a tattoo yourself?” he asked wondering what cas would want if he got one.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas smiled. He loved Ash when he was around. He tried to keep his heart quiet as Linden squeezed his hand, taking a deep breath. "I've thought about it, yeah," he offered. "I just haven't decided on anything really solid," he shrugged, looking to Linden. "Have you?"

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Lin thought about it. “Yeah? What are you thinking?” he asked. His mum said that there were always meanings behind tattoos. And he just hadn’t found his meaning yet. “It would be cool to get one. But i don’t know what. Maybe i should do like Willow, she has a fox on her shoulder as it is her patronus” he said. wondering what his patronus would be. Not a fox. But hopefully something cool, imagine what it would be like to have a snail.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas shrugged at Lindens question. "I'm not sure," he replied easily. "I have too many ideas to settle on just one." He answered honestly. Cas had a lot of ideas about everything. He glanced at Linden. Maybe too many ideas. Cas gently drew his hand back, shoving them into his pockets like they'd been misbehaving. Which technically they had been.

"What do you think your patronus would be?" He asked, trying to keep the conversation going. "Do you think you'd be able to cast one?" He asked, a bit of doubt in himself nudging in the back of his mind.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden nodded as cas said he had too many ideas of course hs did. “What kind of thing are you thinking?” he asked. Feeling the sudden absence of cas’s hand in his. He looked over at him, the way the light fell across his face. He had to look away. ”Probably a dog like bjorn” he said. He couldnt think of any guardian better than bjorn. When cas asked if he thought he would be able to cast one “not straight away. But yeah, what do you think yours will be?” he asked.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas shrugged at Lindens question. "I can't decide what thing to think. I'm so wrapped up in commissions." He replied easily. He nodded at Lindens answer. "Bjorn is a good gaurdian." He offered easily. When Linden returned his question, Cas almost lied. But he hesitated. Linden really had slipped through his defenses.

Cas sighed. "I won't have one," he answered, hugging his jacket closer to him. "I won't be able to cast a patronus." He answered softly, pointedly not looking at Linden and hoping the other boy would just let it go as they walked through the snow.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden smiled as Casper said that he couldn't decide and was too busy with commissions. “I am so proud of you that they are going well” he said glancing at cas before looking away glad that the lighting was not going to show off his blush.

“Yeah, isn’t he just” he said. The dog had slept with him pretty much every night he had been at home for almost ten years.

At the sound of cas sighing he looked over at him and aw that he was still folding i on himself he could tell from the look on his face. “You don’t know that.” he said he was going to hold his hand again but they were berried deep in his pockets. Instead he put his arm around him and led him towards the stall that they were passing. It seemed to be a bar. It was really nicely done with branches and fairy lights laced through the ceiling. And the drinks named after fairytales. “How about we get a drink? Then maybe catch some music?” he said looking at the menu though he wasn’t sure what each of the drinks tasted like.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas smiled shyly. "I can actually get a flat of my own after graduation." He told Linden. "I was thinking of going to look over break but I'm not sure." He mused a bit.

He let Linden lead him to a bar, distracted a little as he took in the stand. "This is gorgeous," he mused. "And I do know." He told Linden, peeking at the boy and away again. "You have to have a happy memory to cast the patronus." He sighed, picking a hot chocolate drink. He let Linden order as well then stepped back with his drink, taking a sip. His eyes went wide and he took a bigger drink. "Oh my god Linden you have to try this," he held his drink out eagerly.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden's jaw dropped as cas said he would be able to get a flat after graduation. “A flat. That is incredible” he knew cas was doing a lot but didn't know he was doing that well.

It seemed like he had picked well with the bar. Or rather chance had picked well with the bar. “Isn't it just. I would say it was the plan all along, but it just happened to be the first place I saw” he said a cheeky smile making its way across his face. He ordered an Aschenputtel drink. As he watched it being made he continued to listen to cas. His attention drawing away from the mix of liquids going into his glass. He looked at cas his eyes wide. “Casper, surely you don’t mean that,” he said in shock. How could he say that? Wasn’t today a happy memory? He put his hands on his friend’s shoulders and looked him dead in the eye. “We are going to have to change that cas” he said giving him a bear hug briefly before their drinks were ready. He took his, some kind of orange coloured mixed drink in a shot glass. He took a sip of it to get an idea of the flavour. Before laughing as Caspers reaction to his drink. The look of shock and surprise on his face. “Is it that good?” he said taking the offered cup and having a sip. It really was good hot chocolate. “Do you want a taste of Aschenputtel before I shot it?” he said.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas chuckled. “Thank chance then,” He offered idly. Cas winced at Lindens reaction to his comment. He raised a brow at Lins statement, caught off guard by the hug. He was still blinking, processing it as Linden tried his drink. “Sure,” He agreed, sipping Lindens drink. “Not bad,” He offered. “I like mine better,” He teased.

Cas cradled his drink, considering his words. “I meant it,” He offered softly, taking another drink of his cocoa. He looked down into the richness of his drink, rubbing his thumb against the cup. “You’re lucky, you know. You’ve grown up with so much love in your life. You can’t help but give love so easily, it’s all you’ve ever known.” Cas sighed. “All I’ve ever had is rejection, neglect, abandonment. I’ve never had a home. I can’t think of a single memory that isn’t tainted with fear, insecurities, sadness.”

Cas sighed, sipping on his drink. “I mean, even tonight. This is nice, sure. But no offence Lin,” Cas was both swayed by the power of Linden and the light buzz he was quickly getting from his spiked drink. “I’m still holding a good part of me back. You’re great, but you only have time for me when there’s no one else better to be with.” Cas told Lin, resignation in his voice. “Lucas will pull his head out of his rear, or someone pretty like Finn will smile at you, or really just any cute boy will catch your eye and you’ll be wrapped back up in them again and only have time for me when I’ve avoided the dorms for a week or someone else tells you I’m gone again.” Casper shrugged like it was nothing.

He was half studying the fairy lights as he spoke. “I don’t know how to be happy, Lin. All I’ve ever been is just… in the background. One more kid at the Beckett house. Just another boy in the dorm. Nothing ever lasts.” Cas shrugged, downing the rest of his hot chocolate and getting another one. “These are really good, I’m gunna have to learn how to make these,” He told Linden idly, like nothing was wrong. Once he had his drink again, he threw Linden a smile and turned, cradling his drink as he started to leave to explore the festival some more.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden listened as caspers words hit him. It wasnt that they were meant to be cutting. And they weren’t the hit was more like a hard wash of understanding from a big wave than a cutting knife. He downed his drink in one gulp glad that willow had got him some shots at her graduation party over the last break so he at least knew how to do it. He had never thought about love like that. But it was true. His home was full of love. So full he didn’t even have to think about it. He knew he had his mum, his dad, aunts and uncle to look up to. And sisters and cousins who would always be there for him and who he would always be there for. Even introducing someone new like tara had made no difference to it if anything it meant there was more love to go around. He bit his lip. As though to holdin his words, his pretty pretty words as cas called them they would do more harm than good right now.

he also to hold himself back from the sudden feeling of wanting to cry for cas, for everything he had survived already. He doubted cas would ever share this with him openly usually but there was a magic to the market to the lights and the courage from the drinks was probably playing its part.

As cas continued to open up to him lin had to fight the urge to put his arms around him and tell him that everything would be alright. Pretty words he chided himself. “no cas. That isn’t going to happen” he said quickly waping his face hoping that cas hadn’t noticed the tear that was now soaking into his glove. “Lucas is cool and I am not going to say i regret dating him. But we had our shot. It didnt work, we are better as friends” he said the words feeling right as he said them though it hadn’t been something he had been actively thinking about before. then he chuckled. “As for finn. I was using him. Yes he is pretty to look at and fun to hang out with. But i dont like him like that” he paused thinking for a second on how he should continue the sentence “But I like someone else, someone who is beautiful all the way through” he said his eyes not quite making eye contact with cas as he said it. “And you aren’t in the background. You aren’t in my background. You are so much more than that” he finished weakly before he could get started on one of his rants.

He tried to smile at the comment of the drink “Maybe the next one get not spiked. I dont want to be carrying you back to the hotel and having to explain to martene what happened” he said. Before ordering himself one of the drinks cas had had as it was better than his orange one had been.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas kept sipping his drink, biting back a sigh as Linden said he liked someone. Of course he did. "Sure. I've heard that before," he offered almost dryly. It was most likely just a matter of time before whatever pretty boy Lin liked had him wrapped around their finger. Cas shoved his aching heart aside. Of course Linden would find someone else. Cas had always known where they stood. Linden worked very hard to make sure he didn't forget it.

Cas sipped his drink, rolling his eyes at Lindens comment. "Come on, they aren't that strong," he replied with a light smirk. He was starting to hear music now, and he was drifting towards it. There was something familiar about it, but he wasn't close enough to place it quite yet.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden looked cas in the eyes at caspers comment and lowered his chin slightly not a nod, more a slight gesture with his forehead. Before leaning forward and putting it against caspers chest. “Yes, I am sure I have told you that you are beautiful before now” he said. Trying to remember when he had said it. He had certainly thought it many a time.

They started wandering again passing signs for food, and stalls with little tealight holders that spun from the heat. And wooden decorations. He hadnt even realised they were heading into a particular direction when he stopped a sign catching his attention. “Did you say your cousin played in a band called ashes?” he asked pointing to the sign with a picture of a group of people and the word ashes printed underneath in stylised writing. Followed by the name of the tent and the time he looked at his watch. “that in about half an hour” he said.