Thursday Night Dinners

[Ava King]

It had been a long time. Of course, Ava had kept in touch with some of her friends, namely Cyndi and Monty, but as far as being ready to have someone over for dinner, the old mother wasn't sure. Still, she had sent a letter to Monty, asking how he'd feel about having weekly dinners. Cyndi and Ava had already had their catch ups and continued to do so, but with Monty having been so close to the investigation, it had taken awhile for Ava to digest everything that had happened. And losing a child was something one never got over.
Braxton had been great, offering to look after her children for the night, and every Thursday night should tonight go well. Ava assumed he was just happy she seemed to be getting back on her feet again. She, at least, hoped that she was. She had set the table, two places and two glasses, the chicken still in the oven, keeping warm. As the doorbell rang, Ava smoothed out her dress, before taking a deep breath and going to greet her guest.

 

[Monty Pendleton]

When Ava had written to Monty proposing weekly dinners at her house, he had immediately replied to say that he thought it a lovely idea; but now that he was stood upon her doorstep, a modest bouquet of flowers in his hand, he was beginning to have second thoughts. Were the flowers too much? Did they imply something he did not mean? Would she wish he had not brought them? Such a seemingly simple dilemma could be turned by Monty's brain into a complete and utter catastrophe, so that by the time he decided he would give the flowers to her, after all, his hands were shaking and his stomach was in knots. He might not have cared so much, had it been anyone but Ava; but after all that he had done, he did not think he could afford to make any more mistakes, and the thought that she might terminate their friendship was one he couldn't bear to dwell on. Though it often appeared that he was supporting her, it was made lesser apparent that she was his solace, too.

Finally, after great delay, Monty rang the doorbell, his breath held in nervous anticipation. Then the door opened, and before he could help himself he launched into speech. "Hello - I wasn't sure if I should - hi - I thought you might like - I mean - do you think you could close the door and we could try this again?"

 

[Ava King]

To say she was nervous was nothing compared to how Monty was acting. Ava was absolutely delighted to see him, and loved the flowers but she had to giggle at his speech. She nodded, taking a step back and closing the door, waiting a short moment before opening the door with a huge smile, jumping in before he had a chance. "Hi Monty! Wow, are those for me? You shouldn't have! They're beautiful." Ava exclaimed, leaning in and giving him a hug with a small kiss on the cheek. "Come in, dinner is almost ready." She said, taking a step back again and welcoming him into her house. He'd been there before so she assumed he knew where everything was. Ava headed towards to the kitchen, getting a vase to put the beautiful flowers in, before heading towards Monty and holding out the vase for him to put the flowers in. "These will be a good table decoration." She mentioned, before putting them on the table, finally turning and looking at Monty. "Can I get you a drink?" Ava offered, hoping that the fact that she usually talked a lot hid her verbal diarrhea of nerves.

 

[Monty Pendleton]

In spite of his nerves - or perhaps because of them - Monty grinned, laughing as Ava really did shut the door. He had only a second to compose himself before it was whipped open again, and, perhaps to save Monty humiliating himself twice in a row, she greeted him so enthusiastically that he could not have got a word in edgeways if he'd wanted to. Then suddenly she had kissed his cheek, and his heart had stopped, and then she'd pulled away, and the world had resumed its usual business of whizzing through space while rotating at a speed of one thousand miles per hour, yada yada. Feeling slightly as if he might be about to defy gravity, he stepped inside, closing the door behind himself. "Actually, they're for me," he said, attempting to keep a straight face. "I noticed this rose here was bright pink, and thought immediately of myself." Grinning, he put the flowers in the vase and followed her to the dining room. "Hmm," he said, as if pretending to consider her offer of a drink. "I think that would probably be wise. Thank you. The dinner smells lovely, by the way; may I ask what it is?"

 

[Ava King]

Ava couldn't help but laugh at Monty's response about the flowers, whacking him playfully on the arm. "When did you get so sassy?" She asked, still laughing. "I suppose you are right though - bright pink is definitely your color. Wasn't it only a few years ago I suggested you purchase a sparkly pink jacket? I'm disappointed you're not wearing it tonight." Ava commented teasingly, though still cringing at that shopping trip where her hormones were all over the place and she got angry at Monty because she couldn't throw away the ice cream that he bought for her. As he considered her offer for a drink, Ava laughed again. "I feel like you've been spending too much time with Vex. His cheekiness is rubbing off on you." She grinned. "What do you want to drink? And it's a chicken roast. I hope that's okay?" Ava asked. "How is Vex by the way? And, the castle?" Though the decision to step down had been the best one for her, she missed the school terribly.

 

[Monty Pendleton]

Monty laughed, half-heartedly dodging Ava's whack. He recalled both with amusement and embarrassment that day Ava had asked him to accompany her clothes shopping in the village. "Argh, you know, I nearly wore it," he said, smiling shyly. What small amount of confidence he had gained since stepping through the door was falling fast away now that Ava was calling him cheeky. "Oh! I meant - I meant that it would probably be wise, because... well, because... Oh, Christ, never mind. Sorry. Anything, really, would be lovely; thank you." Now Ava would think him rude! While a small part of his soul withered away, he said, "Absolutely - thank you. This really was a kind thing of you to do, Ava." Still he did not think he had made up for appearing so impertinent, but there was little else he could do.

"Vex is - oh! yes, I meant to ask," he said, suddenly remembering the crisis that had greeted him during his first week back that term. "Well, what I mean to say is that he's missing you. As we all are! But Vex especially, I think. He hasn't taken such a keen liking to Professor Alicastell, and he... he isn't..." Monty closed his eyes and shook his head, trying to steady his racing pulse. "Sorry. I just need to... do you mind if I..?" Without finishing his sentence, Monty took himself back out into the hall and opened the front door, stepping outside into the cool air. His mind was racing, his palms were sweating, and for a moment it was all he could do to take a real breath. This wasn't how he'd meant it to be. Why did he have to worry so much? And now he was ruining Ava's evening, he thought. She'd been kind enough to invite him to her house, and he could barely even stand inside it without having a panic attack.

Monty lifted his face to the sky and sighed, trembling gently. He felt as if there did not exist the correct words to explain himself, to apologise, to tell Ava how he was feeling. When he opened his mouth in her presence, all that seemed to come out was nonsense, so that he was almost afraid to say anything any more. It would have been simpler, he thought, if she knew that he loved her. Or maybe it wouldn't. Maybe it would have made things much, much more complicated.

 

[Ava King]

Ava laughed at Monty's reply about the jacket. She made a mental note to herself - she was definitely going to buy him a pink jacket for his birthday whether he wore it or not. She noticed him stumbling over his words and she wondered if she had said something to cause it. Ava knew of his anxiety, but with all her nerves she had let her words ramble out without thinking of how they might sound. "It's fine - it's perfectly fine. It's very nice to see you again Monty." Ava replied as he thanked her. She was aware that she usually pushed Monty to his edge on purpose, but figured she might tone it down a little bit. It had been awhile.
She listened as Monty spoke about Vex, grinning at the thought of what the poltergeist was probably up to in his upset, and wondering what Monty's question was that he wanted to ask. Ava would have to see if she could organize a visit to try and explain herself to him. However, Monty's conversation trailed and he stopped, taking himself outside. Ava stood where she was for a moment - now she knew she had been too much for him. She gave him some time, checking on the chicken and pouring their two glasses of wine, hoping that Monty hadn't left. She would understand if he did though - her craziness usually had a limit. Ava took in a deep breath and head towards the door, taking the wine with her. Ava saw Monty standing outside, and with a small smile, she made her way to him. "I have that drink." She said softly, holding it out to Monty, before taking a sip of hers. Ava didn't say anything else. She would just stand with Monty, until he was ready.

 

[Monty Pendleton]

Monty was grateful for the moment to calm himself down before Ava came to find him, but the moment she reappeared, all of his efforts were immediately reversed. His heart jumped, and his breathing shallowed; and though he desperately tried to, he could not meet her eye. "Thank you," he mumbled, gently taking the drink. He did not sip it, though; after holding it in silence for some seconds he placed it down on the low wall beside him and covered his face with his hands. Everything he wanted to say was rising up in his chest, fighting its way out into the air. "I can't do this," he whispered, dropping his hands. His heart was pounding. The ground was sinking. He knew, then, that he was about to say something, something potentially disastrous, but he had no idea what until he spoke, so that both he and Ava were hearing it for the very first time.

"I hate this," he said, starting to cry. "I can't... I can't do it. I'm sorry." He looked up at the sky, at the stars, at the garden - at anything but Ava. "The thing is - the stupid - the stupid thing is, I've loved you from the second I met you. And... I didn't think it would be this hard." Finally Monty met her eyes. "I'm absolutely terrified I've fallen in love with you. I can't do that - and, and God knows you don't need it at the moment. Please, don't mistake me for thinking my feelings are requited. I know they're not. I don't want them to be. This - this is the problem, see. I don't know how to love somebody. I don't know how to love." He looked away as fresh tears fell from his eyes, feeling as if he'd only said half the amount he needed to say. There was more, much more, but he couldn't burden Ava with all of it in one go. He added, his voice straining under the weight of his sadness, "And I don't want to be loved. I don't want to be loved because I could never be the man somebody deserved. If - even if you loved me too, I couldn't do it. That's why it's hard. It's hurting. I just want it to go away." He shook his head, wiping his face. "I'm sorry, Ava. I'm so sorry for putting this on you."

 

[Ava King]

Ava stood in the silence, sure she'd stay there for as long as Monty needed. She wasn't sure entirely what was happening, what he was feeling and why, but as long as he knew that she was there when he needed her, then she would stay. Ava continued to sip her wine until Monty started to speak. She stood and listened to what Monty was saying, his words slowly sinking in. If there was anything she was expecting, it wasn't this. What was she to do? She loved Monty - but not in the way he apparently loved her. Ava didn't know if she could ever love anyone in that way again. She had been through so much, and had only ever thought of Monty as a friend, a close friend, but nothing romantic or anything more. Ava took a deep breath as Monty apologized. "No - no, don't - don't apologize." Ava said softly, though she didn't know what else to say. "Thank you for being honest with me. I - I love you Monty, but, as a friend." She answered, as kindly as she could muster. "If, if you're hurting and want it to go away, what - what do you want to do?"

 

[Monty Pendleton]

Monty had predicted, of course, that Ava would feel this way - that she would not love him back - but though the most part of him had hoped his love would be unrequited, his heart still fell when she told him that it was. She didn't love him. The second woman he had ever fallen for did not love him. Was it something about him? Had he done something to turn her away?

He took a deep breath in, his chest hurting, and nodded. He was being irrational. Ava had lost several loves in her life already; perhaps she simply wished to spare herself to grief of losing another. Or perhaps she just did not like him - and that was OK too. She did not owe him her love. She did not owe him anything at all. "I don't know," he said eventually, looking down. "I don't want to lose you as a friend, but..." He closed his eyes and shook his head. "I don't know how to be your friend. Not at this moment, at least." He gave Ava a brief, sad smile. "Thank you for your honesty, too. In - in a peculiar sort of way, I suppose I'm relieved. Heartbroken-" Monty grinned- "but relieved. I just... need a little time, perhaps."

Glancing inside the house, Monty winced. "I am so sorry; I've ruined this perfectly lovely evening of yours, haven't I?"

 

[Ava King]

Ava looked at Monty as he nodded, and she hoped he fully understood what she was feeling, and why. And there was nothing, right now, and maybe ever that she could do. Her heart was still sore, and all she needed right now was her friends. As he spoke, he seemed to understand. She was sad that there was going to be some more time where they weren't going to see each other as he said that he needed time, but she rolled her eyes and nudged him playfully when he said he was heartbroken; Ava was glad he was still smiling and able to muck around with her. As much as she hated to say it, Ava replied to his comment. "As much time as you need."
Ava followed Monty's look back to the house and she laughed softly. "Not at all. Don't feel bad Monts. I'm sure we're both pretty confident I can finish the chicken and the wine by myself." She assumed he wasn't planning on hanging around any longer. "You can still write to me right? I mean - if you want to, you don't have to, you can have your time. Just, let me know when you're ready." Ava said, not quite sure what else to say or do.

 

[Monty Pendleton]

Monty had already begun to regret confessing his feelings. How on earth could things ever be the same between them again? From this moment forth there would hang between them a tangible tension; and whether he overcame his feelings for Ava or not, the professor was not sure he could bear it. He nodded almost imperceptibly, the night feeling suddenly cold and empty. "Thank you," he said, inhaling deeply in a desperate attempt to salvage some stability from his chaotic mind. "Thank you. Yes, yes of course I'll write." How often and what about, he was not so sure. "I'm sorry." He was trying visibly hard not to cry again. An awkward silence was at risk of starting to settle, then, so Monty said, "I think I'd best go. I hope - I hope you take care of yourself. I really am sorry about your evening." With that, he turned and made his way down the steps and towards the road, realising only as he walked away that it was not the night which felt suddenly empty - it was him.