- Messages
- 9,961
- OOC First Name
- Abby
- Blood Status
- Pure Blood
- Relationship Status
- Single
- Sexual Orientation
- Heterosexual
- Wand
- Ash Wand, 14 1/4", Essence of Hair from the Tail of a Male Unicorn
- Age
- 1/2009 (44)
It is breaking my heart to write this right now, like seriously, I'm crying right now. But I've been thinking about this for the longest time and I've always decided against it, but I can't anymore and it's just one thing after another that just confirms that this is the right decision for me. It's time for me to leave the site.
I've said this a billion times and I'll keep saying it because it's true: HNZ saved my life. I joined HNZ (as Scorpius Knight!
) waaaaaaaay back when it was first starting to gain its footing, I think in 2007 was when I joined, it still had it's default blue skin and there were so many things wrong with it back then
I remember accidentally introducing those Dollmakers dolls to the site because I used one for one of my characters (Rose Weasley
) and people started asking me where I got it from, etc. Then I remember telling Alicia about doing a Hogwarts Yearbook and didn't think she'd ever go for it, but tada now we have awesome yearbooks!
I got busy with school at the time the yearbook stuff was getting in gear (the end of junior year was a b!tch!) so I had to leave the site back then too. For a long time HNZ was at the back of my mind, but senior year was mega hectic and I had absolutely no room to fit it in, so when summer rolled around I finally decided to join, July 16, 2008 - 5 days after my 18th birthday! The changes I saw in the site (after only a year!) were shocking and I was amazed at how much more awesome the site was now and instantly got hooked. For a while it was something fun to do online, my source of entertainment during the summer when I had to take care of my brothers, but it soon began growing into much more than that.
Throughout the summer I had been making plans to go to university in NY (my ultimate dream!) but at the end of August my mom dropped the bomb on me and told me I couldn't go after all, it was too late to do anything about it and too late to even think about going to another school anywhere. I can't even describe how heartbroken I was and how empty I became for the next few days, I cried every night (yes, school is THAT important to me). It was even worse when my mom and I had to go on our non-refundable trip to NY at the end of August anyway, it was just salt in the wound, I couldn't take it. But I remember finding a little enjoyment and comfort from a little site called HNZ. I remember sitting on the bus to New York (8 days on a bus and only 3 days in the actual city!) actually patiently filling out my Sorting form and my Sorting ceremony post on my little cell phone because the thought of getting sorted brought some excitement into my life for that moment. After my mom and I got back from NY, the thrill of at least getting to visit the city (and seeing Leighton Meester while there!
) wore off and the reality of me not going to school sunk in even more. To cut things short, I fell into a huge depression, though I doubt my family even took notice. I felt horrible and worthless and incompetent but the more time I spent on HNZ, the better I felt. It was fun pretending to be someone I wasn't, I got to control my characters life and I got to protect her from ugly things like depression and I got to have good things happen to her; I was living vicariously through Isabella Chaos, who cares if she was only 11.
Then I started getting more heavily involved with the OOC part of the site and my god how it helped me, how you all helped me. ♥ All the discussions in the old Spam topics helped restore me back to the positive, determined person that I am. I remember being SO in love with the site that I read every single post I missed in Spam and I remember getting online the moment I woke up and being on it ALL day, only leaving my computer when I had work or chores to do. The more I got to know people and they got to know me, the more support I got to get back up and try again with school. I was so utterly grateful for HNZ at that time because it offered SUPPORT, something I never received from my family, something I still don't receive now.
But I see now that I was so dependent on HNZ for that love and support that it was almost like I couldn't function without HNZ, now it was doing the opposite. It was pulling me away from getting back on track for school because I'd spend all day RPing and chatting. It's taken me two years, that's two years too many for me, to get back on track and I think I can finally say with a good fair amount of certainty that I'm finally going to school in NY come this September. HNZ was my support system during my tough times, and I will FOREVER be grateful for that, for you all, but now that I'm 'better' now, it's time to go. I'm finally getting my life back on track and that is where my focus needs to be on. Right now my younger sister is about to move out of the house with her daughter and it's taking a toll on all of us (she was useless around the house anyway, but my parents are stressed about her leaving since she has NO idea how to take care of herself much less her baby without additional help and she doesn't know the value of a dollar) and my brothers, 12 and 7, are getting involved into VERY bad things and I don't know how to stop it. My mom is in another country and my dad just stopped caring; I'm trying to be the parent to my siblings but all I've ever wanted to do is get the hell out of my city and never come back. How am I supposed to trust that my siblings will turn out okay without me taking care of them next year if they are this bad right now? But at the same time, I've put off two years of school to help take care of my family, it's time for me to start focusing on myself. HNZ was my escape from my real life, but my real life is so messed up I need to take care of that first.
Truth be told the site also changed. Yes a lot of the change was definitely for the better, but I feel like now things are going in fast forward and I can't pause it to keep up. And why should the site have to stop for me to catch up right? I've absolutely LOVED being a part of HNZ, the site is amazing and the way it's continually growing is astounding, but I've realized that it can continue on without me. Instead of struggling to keep up and pretend to be a good GM, I'm going to stop being dead weight and let the awesome Admin and Staff continue to do their thing and help you all out. I've absolutely LOVED that I've gotten to be a Global Moderator on HNZ, it's such a wonderful opportunity that I'm SO grateful I was offered. I still remember the day I was asked to become one and my reaction "Are you sure you got the right person?"
and how ecstatic I was about it, but lately I've been so busy with living in my real life that I can't do the title justice, and I can't live through Isabella anymore, or any other character for that matter. I've got too much on my plate right now and each time I tried to evaluate what I could do to make things easier, HNZ was always the illogical thing to hold on to, but I did because I couldn't bare to leave it, but it's finally come time to make the logical choice and let go of something to help lessen my load. I need to put my all into my real life, not other character's lives.
Every time I've thought about leaving the only reason I would choose to stay was because of my characters ♥ and the plots I have with everyone else. I cannot stress this enough, I am SO SORRY for every plot I'm about to ruin with my leaving. Pattycakes, I know we've talked for YEARS about a plot between us and we talked about getting to meet in real life in NY and thinking that we'd be able to carry our plot through by that time with each other literally side by side; and Taylor: TIGHT!
I'm so sorry that it's going to ruin so many things for your characters, that's the thing I hate most about my decision! I tried convincing myself to stay for my characters and the plots, or at LEAST see my poor baby Isabella graduate, but my RL has affected HER life so much that staying and posting sporadically wouldn't do her justice either. I had always hoped to do everything I could for Bella to become Head Girl, but the busier I got the less it seemed likely and now her OWLs just past and I wasn't even able to do them, I was so mad! I had built up Isabella's status and reputation and was doing well with her lessons for a while, but now it's all gone or too late and staying with mediocre grades and me not being able to RP her properly just wouldn't do her justice at all. ♥
Words cannot express how truly hard this was for me to do. It's taken me hours to compose myself to write this, but I feel it's something that was inevitable for me and I just had to let go now. Thank you HNZ, for opening my eyes to new countries/cultures, and thank you for helping me learn more about myself and seeing that I really am a Slytherin at heart and that no, that isn't a bad thing. Thank you for shaping me into the person I am now. Mostly, thank you HNZ, everyone, for saving me so that now I can save my siblings, and thank you for always always always supporting me when I was never supported at home, and thank you for helping me achieve my goals. Thank you for saving me. ♥
Love always,
Abby Elphaba
P.S. If anyone still wants/needs to get a hold of me, my email is redwaterfreak@yahoo.com - I check it obsessively. I'd link you to my facebook & all that junk but seriously, all you need to do is google "abbyelectric" and you're bound to find me, no joke. My Skype is also "abbyelectric" but at the moment my internet connection sucks and constantly kicks me off so I don't log on, and if you all have StumbleUpon, my screenname is, you guessed it, abbyelectric, so that's also a super easy alternative to getting a hold of me if you're ever online.
I've said this a billion times and I'll keep saying it because it's true: HNZ saved my life. I joined HNZ (as Scorpius Knight!




Throughout the summer I had been making plans to go to university in NY (my ultimate dream!) but at the end of August my mom dropped the bomb on me and told me I couldn't go after all, it was too late to do anything about it and too late to even think about going to another school anywhere. I can't even describe how heartbroken I was and how empty I became for the next few days, I cried every night (yes, school is THAT important to me). It was even worse when my mom and I had to go on our non-refundable trip to NY at the end of August anyway, it was just salt in the wound, I couldn't take it. But I remember finding a little enjoyment and comfort from a little site called HNZ. I remember sitting on the bus to New York (8 days on a bus and only 3 days in the actual city!) actually patiently filling out my Sorting form and my Sorting ceremony post on my little cell phone because the thought of getting sorted brought some excitement into my life for that moment. After my mom and I got back from NY, the thrill of at least getting to visit the city (and seeing Leighton Meester while there!

Then I started getting more heavily involved with the OOC part of the site and my god how it helped me, how you all helped me. ♥ All the discussions in the old Spam topics helped restore me back to the positive, determined person that I am. I remember being SO in love with the site that I read every single post I missed in Spam and I remember getting online the moment I woke up and being on it ALL day, only leaving my computer when I had work or chores to do. The more I got to know people and they got to know me, the more support I got to get back up and try again with school. I was so utterly grateful for HNZ at that time because it offered SUPPORT, something I never received from my family, something I still don't receive now.
But I see now that I was so dependent on HNZ for that love and support that it was almost like I couldn't function without HNZ, now it was doing the opposite. It was pulling me away from getting back on track for school because I'd spend all day RPing and chatting. It's taken me two years, that's two years too many for me, to get back on track and I think I can finally say with a good fair amount of certainty that I'm finally going to school in NY come this September. HNZ was my support system during my tough times, and I will FOREVER be grateful for that, for you all, but now that I'm 'better' now, it's time to go. I'm finally getting my life back on track and that is where my focus needs to be on. Right now my younger sister is about to move out of the house with her daughter and it's taking a toll on all of us (she was useless around the house anyway, but my parents are stressed about her leaving since she has NO idea how to take care of herself much less her baby without additional help and she doesn't know the value of a dollar) and my brothers, 12 and 7, are getting involved into VERY bad things and I don't know how to stop it. My mom is in another country and my dad just stopped caring; I'm trying to be the parent to my siblings but all I've ever wanted to do is get the hell out of my city and never come back. How am I supposed to trust that my siblings will turn out okay without me taking care of them next year if they are this bad right now? But at the same time, I've put off two years of school to help take care of my family, it's time for me to start focusing on myself. HNZ was my escape from my real life, but my real life is so messed up I need to take care of that first.
Truth be told the site also changed. Yes a lot of the change was definitely for the better, but I feel like now things are going in fast forward and I can't pause it to keep up. And why should the site have to stop for me to catch up right? I've absolutely LOVED being a part of HNZ, the site is amazing and the way it's continually growing is astounding, but I've realized that it can continue on without me. Instead of struggling to keep up and pretend to be a good GM, I'm going to stop being dead weight and let the awesome Admin and Staff continue to do their thing and help you all out. I've absolutely LOVED that I've gotten to be a Global Moderator on HNZ, it's such a wonderful opportunity that I'm SO grateful I was offered. I still remember the day I was asked to become one and my reaction "Are you sure you got the right person?"

Every time I've thought about leaving the only reason I would choose to stay was because of my characters ♥ and the plots I have with everyone else. I cannot stress this enough, I am SO SORRY for every plot I'm about to ruin with my leaving. Pattycakes, I know we've talked for YEARS about a plot between us and we talked about getting to meet in real life in NY and thinking that we'd be able to carry our plot through by that time with each other literally side by side; and Taylor: TIGHT!

Words cannot express how truly hard this was for me to do. It's taken me hours to compose myself to write this, but I feel it's something that was inevitable for me and I just had to let go now. Thank you HNZ, for opening my eyes to new countries/cultures, and thank you for helping me learn more about myself and seeing that I really am a Slytherin at heart and that no, that isn't a bad thing. Thank you for shaping me into the person I am now. Mostly, thank you HNZ, everyone, for saving me so that now I can save my siblings, and thank you for always always always supporting me when I was never supported at home, and thank you for helping me achieve my goals. Thank you for saving me. ♥
Love always,
P.S. If anyone still wants/needs to get a hold of me, my email is redwaterfreak@yahoo.com - I check it obsessively. I'd link you to my facebook & all that junk but seriously, all you need to do is google "abbyelectric" and you're bound to find me, no joke. My Skype is also "abbyelectric" but at the moment my internet connection sucks and constantly kicks me off so I don't log on, and if you all have StumbleUpon, my screenname is, you guessed it, abbyelectric, so that's also a super easy alternative to getting a hold of me if you're ever online.
