there's not a beautiful way to explain that i am lonely

[November Albertson]

November took the long path down to the lake after her classes were over with for the day. Glancing she decided to make her way to the cliffs, almost as if she was avoided the lake front where the ducks wandered. She was feeling more herself at the school but it didn't mean she wasn't capable of feeling sad or upset. She hoped Amber would be far from this place as it was technically forbidden to go up on the cliffs and Amber was a goody-goody. November felt the wind hit her face as it came off the lake and made tears well up in her eyes with its sharpness. The wind felt good however, cool but not so much that she'd rather be inside from it. November was in that awkward stage of life where everyone seemed so distant from her, she couldn't explain fully how much it hurt her feel that way. She was certain her closest friends at the school hardly even noticed when she felt down compared to when she was happy, as she never really had much outward emotions present on her face. Standing back from the edge November wondered why about a lot of things. Why was she here? Why did Flavio and Noemie like her? Why did Flavio seem like he was going to kiss her at the dance? Why was the lake so dark on a sunny day? Why did August pick on her for being a witch?

Sighing the young teen sat down on a rock away from the edge, fearing the possibility of accidentally going over the edge. November was determined to catch up in the classes she joined that year that she hadn't been a part of during her third year. Both of which were on the list of needed NEWTs in for a possible future career she thought would be interesting to have. But the darkness of the lake drew her in and she found herself spending more time staring out at the lake thinking why questions than really studying. Hearing a cracking noise November was startled and glanced over her shoulder but didn't see anything. Letting out her breath the girl leaned back against the rock again and continued reading the Muggle Studies textbook she had in her hands.
​

 

[Ainsley Lynch]

Summer wouldn't last forever, and Ainsley was spending as much time outdoors during it as she could. Her freckles stood out more prominently than usual from all the sunlight she had been absorbing, and her hair even felt more golden than usual. It was in about its usual amount of disarray though, as Ainsley had spent some free time this afternoon working in the Wild Patch, and her hair was knotted with stray leaves and twigs. She paid it no mind though, as she wandered the grounds, bare feet padding softly against the grass. Days like today were too nice to waste indoors.

Ainsley was just wandering aimlessly when she spotted a familiar face, heading up a path she had never followed before. Ainsley didn't know November terribly well, but the girl seemed nice, and it seemed strange that she would be going up to the cliffs by herself. Unable to settle her curiosity, Ainsley followed November at a distance, slipping between the trees to stay out of sight. She was just making sure November was okay, she told herself, nothing creepy about that. When November took a seat with a book, Ainsley realised abruptly that it would be strange now, to just follow her all the way up here, to an area that was technically off limits, and then just leave without even letting November know she was here. Deciding to bite the bullet and actually talk to someone she hoped she could consider a friend, Ainsley slipped out from the trees she had been hiding between, and padded over to November. "What are you reading?" She asked softly.

 

[November Albertson]

November was beginning to wonder why wizards truly knew so little about the people she came from. Surely they used the muggle technology outside of the school? But as she read more of the textbook she began to realize just how little they understood muggles. She found the book annoying and the only reason she thought to take the course was a future ministry career she thought would be interesting required NEWT level exams in Muggle Studies. She found herself uncomfortable in the course as Amber was taking the course in fact, she was certain only one course this semester she wouldn't have to see Amber in, but she wouldn't be surprised if Amber join that one too. Hearing a voice November looked up from her thoughts and found Ainsley standing nearby, she hadn't even heard the redhead coming up. "Muggle Studies, I'm a year behind," November said lifting the textbook up to show Ainsley the cover.

Glancing around the young teen had the odd suspicion that Amber wouldn't be too far away. Ainsley and Amber had always seemed super close and only in the last year she November really notice them not hanging out with each other very much. She hoped Amber wasn't on her way up here as it would just ruin the already awful day the girl was having. Looking out over the lake she wondered what Ainsley was doing up here, she thought most students would stray away from the cliffs. "You're not meeting...someone up here are you? I could leave if you want," November said not want to get in the way of her roommate and whoever she might be friends with.
​

 

[Ainsley Lynch]

Ainsley nodded as she took a seat next to November, looking over the book's cover. "I see..." She said softly. "I'm not taking Muggle Studies, but my mum is a muggle, I could help you if you like. I never went to a muggle school or anything, but I know... some muggle things, at least. I never knew about magic until I came here." Truth be told, sometimes talking about muggle culture made Ainsley feel even more isolated than when people talked about magical culture. It was no big deal for her not to know magical culture, she hadn't grown up with it, but she had grown up so far outside of muggle culture too that it felt like there was no real culture she could call her own.

Padding her feet idly on the dusty ground, Ainsley shook her head. "I was just going for a walk and I saw you heading up here, I... thought it would be nice to say hi." She said shyly. It was only then that the thought occurred that just because November had come up to this isolated place alone, didn't mean she intended to remain alone. "Are... you meeting anyone? Or did you want quiet with your book? I can go, I didn't mean to interrupt anything."

 

[November Albertson]

November listened to her quiet roommate talk as she sat down next to her. She was surprised Ainsley was being so friendly. She couldn't help but have a little distrust for the girl, the last time one of their classmates acted friendly towards November it was to question her Lucas and Amber and that hadn't been very fun for November. "I'm actually muggleborn, not that many people really know," November said glancing up to Ainsley's face. The redhead was different from most of their year but November liked different as she felt most of the time she was different from the rest. November bent the corner of her textbook down and closed the cover. She wouldn't do anymore reading now she had a distraction next to her, which was a relief to her. She found studying muggles to be rather awkward as she would consider herself more muggle than witch still.

Brushing her hair out of her face November gave her roommate a small smile. She thought it was nice that Ainsley seemed very innocent. Plus, it seemed as though Amber wouldn't be on her way up here which help November relax a bit more. "Hi," she said with a little wave and light laugh. November couldn't actually remember the last time she did laugh, probably was during the break when she was at her Aunt's house. Her nieces were two funny little things. It was different there than being at her real home where she often felt judged for how different she was. "No, no. It's alright. I just came up here to study a little bit, which I've done now," November said hoping Ainsley didn't also feel like she needed to leave. She was surprised how similar she was to this girl. Both had muggle parents and hadn't known about magic before school. She knew it was a more rare position to be in at the school. She wondered how many others were muggleborn at the school as well.
​

 

[Ainsley Lynch]

Ainsley smoothed her skirt out a little as she listened to November, eyes widening in surprise. "Oh! I didn't realise, I thought I was the only muggleborn in our dorm! Everyone else seems to just... know everything, I thought I was by myself." She gave a small, shy smile. "I wish I'd known, we could have helped each other when we were still figuring things out..." Ainsley's first year, especially, had been rough, and she wished she had known there was someone else going through the exact same just a few beds away.

Ainsley laughed happily at November's remark. "Hi!" She said cheerfully, pleased that November seemed happier. Looking back, Ainsley wasn't sure she remembered a time she had seen the other girl smile. Making a quiet mental note to try and make it happen more often, Ainsley nodded, padding her feet idly against the ground. "If you're sure." She said softly. "There's so much more schoolwork to do these last couple of years, it really feels serious..."

 

[November Albertson]

November was shocked by what Ainsley said, the way she talked about her mom she thought Ainsley might be halfblood, which would be better than muggleborn in many people's opinions. "You are too?" November smiled towards the girl surprised by how much they were alike. "Yeah, that would have been nice. I did pretty poorly the first few years, before Noemie and I became friends," November said looking down at her hands feeling a bit nervous talking about it for some reason. Ainsley was close to Amber and November didn't want Amber to have more reasons to pick on her for. She did return Ainsley's smile however though she was already beginning to feel more sad than happy again. She missed out on a lot of friends she could have had by not talking to her roommates for their first few years of school. Plus the fact she felt so out of place everywhere she went, the one place she would call home now would be her Aunt's house here in New Zealand. The only other magical people in her family and they loved her there.

November did feel a bit better sharing this little joke with Ainsley. She felt as though it was possible to make a friend with this girl. She hadn't thought about being friends with Ainsley before, she was always quiet it would have been awkward trying to talk to her before now. "It's fine. I don't mind taking a break from studying, it's all I really do, study that is," November commenting on the fact that she basically lived in the library these days. But as winter was headed their way she had wanted to spend more time outside before it got too cold. "So uhm, how're things? I noticed how you and Amber seemed to avoid each for a bit? You don't have to answer, I just notice things that others probably miss," November asked wondering how the two girls had even became friends as they seemed so different from each other. But also living with them November saw everything though she never spoke to any of the other girls. She hoped it didn't seem like she was pressing Ainsley into saying anything about their dorm-mate but she had always thought the two were attached at the hip, like how they had shown up to that first breakfast together and ruined the nice birthday gift moment with Flavio. November hadn't minded Ainsley as she didn't really do much but Amber had started glaring at her then and hadn't seemed to stop all year.
​

 

[Ainsley Lynch]

Ainsley nodded, smiling a little at November. "Yeah!" She said happily. "At least, I'm pretty sure. I never met my dad, and my mum doesn't like to talk about him, but I think she would have told me if he was a wizard. At least, she would have been less surprised when I got my letter." She smiled a little, remembering how alarmed mum had been that day. At first, she thought it was something Ainsley had made herself... it certainly sounded like the kind of stories she used to make up to entertain herself. It had turned out to be true though, and now here they were, so much time and change later. November talking about her first few years at Hogwarts lessened Ainsley's smile, and she nodded sympathetically. "That must have been awful." She said softly. "I don't know how I would have managed to adjust if Amber hadn't helped me. It's so strange, coming to a place like this with no real idea what to expect."

Ainsley nodded. "That's fair. It just seems like there's more and more study to do all the time these days." November's next question soured her mood a little and she felt her stomach twist, remembering last year. Twisting her fingers together Ainsley shrugged, staring at her lap. "We... had a fight." Ainsley said slowly, the words dragging out of her. Explaining how awful things had been, how awful she had been... felt even worse, talking to someone who hadn't been involved. "She had a... a boyfriend, and I hated it. That's all." She said quietly. "I was... probably a bit silly. But it's fine now. It's... we're back to normal."

 

[November Albertson]

November wondered as Ainsley spoke if maybe her father hadn't even bothered to tell her mother in the first place. But, she didn't know the situation with her father and did not want to suggest he'd keep something from them if he had been a good father like her own. She couldn't imagine her dad keep a secret like that from the family. Her mother had, but it had been about her sister, who was also muggleborn, November's Aunt Sarah. The truth came out when November was revealed to be magical as well. November was beginning to feel as though the world had been against her for so long, coming to Hogwarts was something exciting but it only made her feel less like herself. "Yeah," she simply said in reply to Amber. She moved her knees up so she could rest her head on them, her book discarded to the side.

As November waited and listened to Ainsley's retelling of the previous year some things began to click in her mind. The way Amber had reacted about her boyfriend breaking up with her or her to him could have been partly because of the fight she and Ainsley had. Maybe Amber choose her friend over a guy, which November thought was the better option, she didn't know Wyatt but Ainsley was seemingly a very nice girl to be friends with. Plus, boys complicated things. "I suppose she wouldn't want to keep up two battles," she finally said a few moments after Ainsley spoke, though it had taken her fellow Hufflepuff a few moments of her own to say what had happened. "Sorry, I don't want to say anything bad about Amber. Not to you, or anyone," November quickly said picking her head up hoping Ainsley wouldn't be offended. "I'm glad your friendship is back to where you wanted it to be," the Hufflepuff said quietly. "I feel as though.... maybe.. my friendship with Flavio might be.. headed down the path you and Amber took last year... and... then there's Amber.." November glanced towards Ainsley. "I'm sorry... I don't understand her very well I think...." November shook her head a little. She didn't understand Amber at all. One moment the girl seemed rather nice and then the next a glare or a sharp word would come from her or worse she'd push one of November's buttons which would cause her to flare up towards Amber. " Our interests...they're soo... different. We just clash every time we talk." November paused for a moment gathering her thoughts. "I don't hate her, but sometimes I wish I had been a Ravenclaw. Then Noemie and I could be like you and Amber," November said feeling tears pricking the bottom lid of her eyes, a feeling she knew very well of as late.
​

 

[Ainsley Lynch]

Ainsley listened to November quietly, surprised at a lot of what she was saying. Ainsley realised she had been so caught up in her own issues last year that she didn't know anything about this supposed second battle Amber had been fighting. And... what did Amber have to do with Flavio? Ainsley stared down at her feet quietly, hidden behind her curtain of hair as she considered what November was saying, no idea how to take any of it. "Oh." She said quietly after a moment, struggling to formulate a response. Was... November insinuating that there was something going on between Amber and Flavio? That was... oh. Amber hadn't said anything, but after how Ainsley had felt about Amber's reaction to her coming out, she could understand Amber feeling like she couldn't tell Ainsley things after how badly she had reacted to Amber's relationship with Wyatt. "That... Amber is... a straightforward person." She said slowly, still staring at her feet, knees bouncing slightly as she processed her thoughts. "She just... says what she feels, and wants the people around her to be happy. It's why she's got so many friends. She's good at talking to people, and she likes helping them." It was easier to address November's comments about not understanding Amber than any of the... interpersonal conflicts she had mentioned. "She's a good person. I wish... it was easier for you two to understand each other. I think you're a good person too."

 

[November Albertson]

November felt quite awkward talking about Amber to Ainsley. She was trying to be careful to not say anything mean about Amber. Of course, November didn't really think too many mean things about her to begin with. She just didn't understand why Amber made everything a competition between them. "Yeah, I guess so," November said thinking over carefully what Ainsley was saying about Amber's personality. "Sometimes I wonder why I keep coming back here you know?" November asked, hoping a fellow Muggleborn would understand what she meant by her comment. This world was so far different from the muggle world, strange and things didn't always make sense. But, it was still a school and the reading textbooks was the same. It was the first time she had ever really heard of a school where the students lived there as well. She would have found a guy to crush on at home just as easily as she had here. But, she had only really liked Flavio after they became friends and she didn't think with her sister around any boys at home would bother with her. September had most of the natural beauty of all the siblings. It made her wonder what October would have looked like, maybe similar to August, or maybe not. Either way, home wasn't where she wanted to be anymore, and likewise she wondered if she really did fit into the school.
​

 

[Ainsley Lynch]

Ainsley was relieved that November seemed to be dropping the subject of the conflicts between their yearmates, but the girl's next question surprised her. "Really?" She asked softly, looking over at the other girl. "I mean, the answer is magic, isn't it? The whole point of being here is to learn... you know, things we would have thought were fairytales before we got our letters. That's what really matters." Hogwarts was everything Ainsley had dreamed of as a child and more, albeit not in exactly the ways she had expected things to work. She couldn't imagine giving up the magical world for anything.

 

[November Albertson]

November glanced at the red head as she spoke about this world their school was in. It did seem wonderful and it was special what they were capable of doing. But, sometimes the magic didn't click with her brain. Sure she had read fairy tales when she was younger, but as she got older she had moved on to different stories, like biographies and things of that nature. Things, more tangible. Magic seemed silly in comparison, at least stories about it. Yet, she was magical and that was the reason why she kept coming back. To learn about this world that was inside of her own muggle world, hidden away. "Sometimes I pinch myself to prove this place in real and everything is real." November said rubbing the spot above her elbow she often found herself pinching. She glanced at Ainsley, wondering what the girl's home life was like, if it was similar to her own. "My brother, doesn't really believe I'm magical. And I can't just go and perform spells for him, he always teases me when I go home that our parents send me to a school for...lunatics," November said hating to use the word herself. She thought that probably most people in the old days who were sent to places like that might have been magical and just unable to control it being muggleborns. She didn't like her brother referring to Hogwarts as such a place either. No one was crazy here, not anyone she had met. "He doesn't understand. And... I try to not let it bother me..usually it doesn't," November said swallowing. "I just, don't belong there anymore and....I..I don't feel like I belong here either," November said trying not to cry. She had already cried in front of Amber because she missed her sister and also let her brothers word's sink below her skin once. She didn't want to cry again about it. November wasn't depressed about her situation, she was more so confused by all the things she was feeling. August was a jerk, Flavio was ignoring her and she in turn was seeking advice from the most trusted friend of her biggest rival at the school. November's world was constantly turning upside down on her and adding puberty didn't help very much.
​

 

[Ainsley Lynch]

Ainsley nodded in agreement with November's comment about pinching herself. Ainsley had always believed in the magical as a child, so she didn't feel the same sense of not being real, but she often marvelled at how lucky she was to be in a place like this, experiencing all the things she had dreamed about in fairytales as a child. November's next remark startled her though. "That's horrible!" Ainsley exclaimed. "How could he treat you like that? That's awful." She put a hand on November's arm gently. "Maybe you could bring something magical back to show him, like... a broom, or something. He'd have to accept that it's real if he saw you flying around on a broomstick." She gave a small smile of encouragement, not sure what else to say. Ainsley had never had any other children around her growing up, let alone someone as close as a sibling, so she never felt fully confident giving people advice. "You do belong here." She said gently. "You're as much a witch as anyone else here, any of the kids or the teachers. You're magical, and I bet your brother is just jealous that he doesn't get to come somewhere so special."