Symmetry

[Hayley Elridge]

Hayley's world was falling apart around her. Everything she had thought was right and true, betrayed and turned upside down by the one person she thought she knew best. Everything was hopeless. She could see no point to anything, no point to trying any more. Her hopes, her dreams, the thoughts that had given her joy, were destroyed, and with them any shred of motivation.

After leaving her betrayer, Hayley fled the castle. She was going to cry, and there was nowhere safe to do that inside. She would have liked nothing more than to curl up on her bed, but she couldn't do that, not in Slytherin. Not where the cause of all her hurt might see. She ran down to the lakefront on automatic, as her default place to go, but seeing the tree that she and Harley habitually sat under made her feel worse than ever. The memory of when they had been happy, talking and laughing and drawing together, burned in her head. How distant that seemed now, how impossible. Her tears were blurring her eyes now, and she stumbled on to the next tree along. No one could see. Hayley scrambled up it, onto a sturdy overhanging branch, huddled against the trunk and sobbed.

She was still wearing her backpack, and something was digging into her side. Her sketchbook. Struck by a sudden, hopeless anger, Hayley pulled it out and flipped to the last drawing she'd done. A lovingly detailed portrait of Harley, with her new blue-green hair and her old familiar smile. Hayley tore it out, and ripped it into tiny pieces, while her sobs shook her clumsy hands and her tears stained the paper.

She flung the fragmented drawing outwards into the lake, beyond caring that not all of the pieces made it into the water. Then, the last of her energy gone, Hayley turned back to the trunk, arms wrapped tight around her sketchbook and forehead resting against the rough bark, and cried.

 

[Ainsley Lynch]

Outdoors was really the only place to be in the summer. OWLs were creeping closer and beginning to worry Ainsley a bit, but it was impossible to stay cooped up in the library on a day like today. She had decided to take a break from studying and go for a wander through the grounds, clear her head and maybe check on the vegetables she had growing at the Wild Patch. She wasn't entirely sure what she was going to do with them once they were grown, but maybe the House Elves would appreciate a little donation, or she could send them home for mum to cook.

Ainsley was wondering about the condition of her onions as she spotted a familiar looking person up a tree by the lake. She was excited for the barest of seconds about seeing Hayley before the excitement turned to worry. Hayley looked horribly upset, and she was... throwing something into the lake. Ainsley got a sinking sensation in her stomach as she realised this reminded her uncomfortably of her own state when she had first met Hayley. This couldn't be anything good. Worried about her friend Ainsley approached, patting her leg gently when she got close enough. "Hayley... what's wrong?" She asked softly, looking up at the other girl with concern.

 

[Hayley Elridge]

Hayley's eyes were closed, and still leaking tears, her cheeks wet with them. The texture of the bark against her head and the familiar weight of her sketchbook in her arms were her only connection to the outside world. She wanted to forget that there was a world outside. If there was nothing there, maybe her pain would go away too. But Hayley knew all too well it didn't work like that. Besides, her pain was all inside, her feelings, heart was inside her, no matter how much she might wish she could rip it out.

Hayley started violently at the feel of a hand against her dangling leg. She couldn't bring herself to move, or to open her eyes, but the quiet voice coming from below her was easily recognisably. "A-Ains . . . ley." In a flash of bitter irony it occurred to her that this was almost exactly the same situation in which she'd first met Ainsley. But she couldn't even begin to bring herself to articulate that. "I . . . everything's bad." It was an accurate summary, and one she thought Ainsley would understand. There was nothing positive left in her life, no hope she could cling to. She felt that nothing would ever be right again.

 

[Ainsley Lynch]

The pain in Hayley's voice was heartbreaking, and though Ainsley didn't know what was going on it was clear to her that her friend needed help. Ainsley wasn't the most practiced at comforting others when they were upset, but she did her best, gently reaching up to try and help Hayley down from the tree. "Here, come down here..." She said softly, trying to emulate the gentle tone mum used when Ainsley was upset when she was little. "Come down here and tell me what's wrong." She stroked Hayley's back soothingly as she helped the girl down, putting gentle arms around her. "It's gonna be okay, I've got you..."

 

[Hayley Elridge]

Hayley didn't actually want to come down from her safe, isolated perch, but nor could she summon the energy to resist Ainsley's gentle tugging. All the strength had gone out of her, both physically and mentally; all the convictions she held felt like so much dust. But the reassuring warmth of Ainsley's arms around her made her suddenly realise how much she had needed that, some human contact to ground her. The realisation brought on a fresh wave of sobbing, and she slumped uselessly into Ainsley's embrace, sliding out of the tree and onto the ground.

The idea of actually forming the words to explain what had happened seemed impossible. Speaking it would only make it more real, and bring her more pain. But Ainsley . . . Ainsley was the only one who could understand, could know exactly what she was going through, although Amber's betrayal hadn't been so deep. She'd only dated a harmless boy, not a former nemesis. Hayley cried and cried. It was a long time before she could even take enough breath to speak coherently, but Ainsley held her and comforted her. Finally, Hayley settled for the root of her hurt. "It's Harley."

 

[Ainsley Lynch]

Removing Hayley from the tree was more difficult than Ainsley had anticipated, the other girl moving like a heavy sack of grain as Ainsley gently helped her down. As soon as Hayley was out of the tree Ainsley hugged her close, kneeling and guiding Hayley with her to her knees so they could sit. She held the other girl close, rocking her slightly and letting her cry. Ainsley had never seen a friend in pain like this before, never had to comfort someone as they cried, but she remembered what mum had always done for her when she was upset, holding Hayley close and shushing her softly as she rocked the other girl in her arms.

Ainsley felt her heart break as Hayley explained what was wrong. She didn't really know a lot about Hayley's friends, but the name was familiar, and she was fairly sure she knew why. Stroking Hayley's back softly, she rocked the other girl gently. "It's going to be okay..." She said softly, hugging her close. "It's okay. I've got you. Tell me what happened..."

 

[Hayley Elridge]

With her face still buried in the taller girl's shoulder, Hayley shook her head. "It's not okay," she murmured. "It's never gonna be okay again." She took a shaky breath. She was certain it wouldn't help to tell Ainsley what had happened, and she really didn't want to go over that nightmarish conversation, but she owed Ainsley that much. Ainsley who'd coached her about this, who'd warned her it might go badly but could never have guessed just how badly. Who was the only one who could be here for her now, when her other friends couldn't know.

"She." Hayley started, but couldn't get any further. Her throat felt dry. She swallowed and tried again. "She. Kissed Odette." Belatedly, she realised that Ainsley wouldn't know who Odette was. "Our enemy, ever since first year - Harley hated Odette. She's a nasty, horrible, lying snake. And she kissed her." Hayley dissolved once more into sobbing, until her throat ached and she could barely draw breath. She gulped in air, harsh, heaving gasps until she could speak again. "And I wanted. I was going to - to tell her. But she was so freaked. But she wants . . . She wants to date Odette. What the f***?"

 

[Ainsley Lynch]

Ainsley could hear the heartbreak in Hayley's voice and it broke her own heart, as she held the younger girl close and gently stroked her back, letting Hayley gather herself. Whatever was going on had to be significant, to have hurt Hayley so deeply, and although she would do her best to be there for her friend, Ainsley didn't know if she would be able to do anything to really help. So for the moment she did the only things she could, held Hayley close and rubbed her back soothingly, trying to be a calming presence for the other girl in whatever storm she was currently going through.

When Hayley began to explain it seemed... something of a jumble, and Ainsley struggled slightly to understand exactly what Hayley was trying to convey. It... sounded upsetting though, and certainly the main crux of the thing was Hayley's friend wanting to date someone who was not Hayley. "So she's... dating someone she hates?" Ainsley said, uncertainty in her voice. "That... doesn't sound very healthy. You're supposed to date people because you like them. Do... what do you think is wrong?" She asked, unsure of how to help. Social situations like this were tricky and messy, and in her experience quite beyond Ainsley's ability to really understand. People seemed to do silly things all the time for silly reasons, and she was never really going to make any sense of it. But at least she could be here for Hayley.

 

[Hayley Elridge]

Hayley took another deep breath, and another. Now that her tears were abating, she was becoming aware of her surroundings again; the dampness of tears on her face and on Ainsley's pretty lacy shirt, the awkward square edges of her sketchbook squashed between them. Hayley didn't want to leave Ainsley's embrace, or even think about the world outside, but she shifted her position slightly to make it less uncomfortable for both of them.

In other circumstances, she might have been amused by the confusion in Ainsley's voice. Hayley supposed she hadn't explained very well, and the situation was still baffling to her, too. "I don't. I don't understand. She used to hate Odette. She's supposed to hate Odette. We all hate Odette. That's just. How things are." Her words were still coming out in a hesitant, jumbled mess, and Hayley made an effort to pause and arrange her thoughts. "She said . . . she said Odette had changed, that she's. Trying to be better. I don't see any evidence of that. But. F***, I don't know. I don't know," she whined into Ainsley's shoulder.