Closed Simpler

[Rowan Baros]

It had been a couple of days since the Cliffs and everything with Elio. Rowan hadn't been avoiding him like last time, and she was pleasant and spoke to him if she saw him, but she didn't go out of her way to do so. She still felt... nothing, when she thought about him, which she tried to avoid doing, but he seemed... a little bit happier than she thought he might be. She knew why, the Hufflepuff. She'd managed to somehow catch sight of them in the Entrance hall that time, before she and Elio had... he was happy because of Marco Mariani and Rowan knew that could she feel anything, she would feel hurt and sad. It wasn't that she didn't want him to be happy, because she did, but, seeing that so early after all of this, she knew it would have broken her already shattered heart again and her protective cocoon of numbness would have done nothing to help. She looked at Amaya, who'd been able to tell straight away there was something wrong. She was kind, Amaya, someone Rowan should have put more effort into talking to when she and Elio had split the first time. Perhaps then she would have had more context to advice. "I just don't... feel. I don't feel anything." She admitted, the wind softly blowing her hair into her face as she spoke. It was hard not to flash back to the night on the cliffs. She'd felt so wonderful, even if it had all ended up being an illusion. "I just can't bring myself to... to... make any emotional connection whatsoever."​

 

[Amethyst Michaels]

Amaya had easily agreed to study with Rowan, but it had been clear right away that something was up. She hadn't really pried into it, leaving Rowan space if she needed it as they worked. It wasn't long before the other girl finally spoke. Amaya looked up from her book. "It's a defense mechanism," She told her, "You've blocked it all off because you don't want to feel what's hurt you, but the hurt was bad enough that to cut it off you've cut off everything." She reached over and brushed Rowan's hair back. "Coming back from that would take a lot of effort," She laid her arm over Rowan's shoulders. No one in her family was especially great at advice, and she and her siblings were all really rather blunt about everything. She wasn't sure if that was what Rowan needed right now, but it was what Amaya knew.

 

[Rowan Baros]

Rowan sighed and leaned slightly into Amaya. "Maybe, but it f*cking sucks," she said, shaking her head. She didn't want to think about it like that. A defence mechanism, from Elio? She didn't really want to be defended from him though, not really, she just wanted him to understand her and she knew it was hard, but, something in her needed him to understand. It made no sense to her at all. "But I just don't understand though, I mean, I told him I was sorry about everything and that I trusted him not to hurt me on purpose and he just... did the thing again? Like, how does that even make sense, he said he didn't want to leave me and I guess he sort of hasn't but, I just don't know, Amaya, it's all very confusing." She told her friend softly. The memory of the argument flashing across her mind, but she had no tears to cry anymore.​

 

[Amethyst Michaels]

Amaya ran her thumb lightly up and down Rowan's arm. "Yeah, the truth does suck sometimes." She could definitely understand being rejected, at least, though the situations were vastly different. "Just because you know how you should feel and how you want to feel it doesn't mean you can control how you feel," She told Rowan gently. "I'm not really good with advice, but if you want to rant about it I'll listen," She offered softly.