One year.

H

Harriet Turner

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Black Walnut/ Maple Wand 12 3/4" Essence of Silver Thistle
Harri slowly wondered out to the lawn, it had been a long day of putting on a brave face and slapping on a fake smile everytime someone had asked her what was wrong, but now as the Autum sun sunk lower and lower in the sky, she felt a sense of relief at having escaping the four walls of the castle. She breathed in the cold sharp air feeling her lungs expanding happy at the change from the stuffy common room. Today marked a year since Emma had died. She wasn't one to dwell on the past, but this, well this was serious. As she wondered ever further from the castle she felt like she would never stop walking. Her convereses dragged along the ground and she stumbled a little everynow and again. She cleared her throat fighting back the tears that stung in her eyes. She still had a good few hours before curfew and she intended on sitting out here untill then, despite the fact she had only a t-shirt on. Finally she stopped walking when she found an appealing patch of grass. There was nothing special about where she sat, infact it was sparse and plain, exposed right near the center of the lawn, but she barely noticed. She sat hugging her knees, her chin resting gently upon them. She felt her eyes sting but blinked back the tears once again. Refusing to let her emotions over come her. She looked up into the pink sky, "I miss you," she whispered, no longer able to hold back. A single tear trickled down her cheek.
 
[Hope you don't mind me joining]

Nina walked out of the tents and saw Harri sitting so she walked up to her and heard her say, "I miss you" so Nina said, "I missed you too." Nina then saw that Harri had been crying so she said, "Harri what's wrong? Are you okay?" Nina sat down beside her nervously.
 
((Course I don't :D ))

Harri hurriedly tried to mop up her tears as Nina sat down, she laughed but the sound was hollow, not her usual cheery self. She stumbled over her words, looking from the ground to Nina. Only three people in the whole of Hogworts knew about Emma, one of them had no gone home so it was only two. She was so insecure about herslef, she didn't know who she could trust and who she couldn't. Although she was quite naturally confident behind that all she was insecure, though she scarecly let anyone know this. But right now it showed in her eyes, her gleaming green eyes were filled with emotion and sorrow. "Erm, well.." she began, but quickly stopped "Erm nothing, just me being silly," she stammered feebily, the lie blatently obvious.
 
[Yaye :D]

"Harri, you can tell me." Nina said she was getting scared for Harri, "Did someone hurt you?" Nina asked becoming protective over Harri.
 
Harri shook her head, laughing her hollow laugh once more "No, no nothing like that..." she trailed off once more about to make up something but stopping herself as the truth of Nina's words echoed in her ears, 'you can trust me' the words span round in her head. Her eyes which had been planted firmly on a piece of grass one the floor ventured up to Nina then up to the sky again, as she thought about Emma, she cleared her throat "When someone dies, do you think they still watch over you?" she asked, not telling Nina what was wrong but hinting at it. She continued to stare upwards looking for a sign, that she knew would never come.
 
Nina sighed a little comforted by this but still nervous, "I think they do, I least I'd like to think they do." Nina said honestly then realized what Harri had just told her, "Harri who....died?" Nina asked worridly.
 
Harri nodded, her eyes retracting from the sky in defeat. "Me too," she said her expression looking slightly glazed over, her eyes scanning the horizon, wondering, searching. For who or what she neither knew or really cared. She cleared her throat once more trying to rid it of the foreign husky tone it had now adopted, "Well it wasn't recently," she began as if this tiny piece of infomation made all the difference. Suddenly the glazed look was gone and her normal expression appeared, "Look at me, jabbering on while your sitting there, how rude of me," she said shaking her head at her rudeness. "How are you?" she asked feebily trying to change the subject, as a fresh set of tears welled in her eyes, she turned her head away in shame, almost as if it were a sign of weakness to allow another tear roll down her cheek.
 
Nina watched Harri nervously and said, "Harri don't change the subject, was it someone in your family?" Nina felt her eyes water as Harri cried, Nina didn't usually act this way but Harri was her friend and she wanted to make sure all of her friends were safe and happy. Harri had been so nice to her and Nina had been rude the other day.
 
Harri shook her head as her attempt to change the subject crashed. "Not family, but as good as," She trailed off, once again not giving the full infomation. She looked up at Nina and saw she was now making Nina upset, "No please Nina don't, I'm making you miserable you don't have to sit here with me, I'll be fine." she said lieing confidently. The last thing she wanted was to make anyone else upset by her own problems. She couldn't believe this was happening to her again, last year had been one of the worst times of her life, just the thought of the depression and anxiety made her shudder, she knew that she could never ever return to that state, that was a bit of her past only a few new about and thats how it was going to stay, she would hate for anyone to see how weak she had been. How she had been defeated and practically given up on life, not eaten for a stupid length of time, and been a terrible friend. Though they denied it she knew how she had been, even as she remembered these times a shudder went up her spine. She firmly told herself then that she would never be the cause for any friend of hers to get upset. Never again. And know she had broken this promise right now, as she simply saw the expression on Nina's face.
 
"I'm just worried," Nina said excusing her emotions then shook her head and got rid of her tears and said softly, "Harri...what happened?"
 
Harri looked at Nina for a long moment before deciding she could trust her, she nodded gravely telling Nina that she would tell her and took a deep breath. Before her eyes darted back to the ground where they flicked resetlessy over a blade of grass. She wondered how to phrase it, old insecurites came flashing back she wondered if Nina would think she was being silly and her eyes darted up again to Ninas. But she shook off the insecurities, afterall she was a Gryffindor she was meant to be brave and strong, but right now she felt far from it. " In the muggle world, I had a best friend called Emma," she began, it sounded more like a fairytale, but it would soon turn into a tradgedy... " I've known her since I was tiny, litereally," she laughed a little at this point " We did everything together. And I mean everything. We went to the same nursery, we had our first day of infant and junior school together. We shared so many memories. Then I came her," she paused gesturing the castle, the next part was the difficult bit, the part where she would have to fight to keep herself together, " She was involved in a car accident. A serious one. She had such bad head injuries. They did everything they could. But-but she-she. died," Harri stammered the tears trickled down her face, " That was a year ago today," she siad, tears pouring faster every second. It wasn't a year since she had found out, but a year since the actual accident. Her parents had to tried to keep it from her for fear of her reaction but they obviously couldn't keep it from her forever. She looked up at Nina as if expecting her to laugh at what she had said, to tell her she was being a stupid baby, but she knew Nina wasn't like that. That she was nice and always had been to her. Which made her cry even more, here she was again upsetting her friends.
 
"Harri, I am soo sorry." Nina said softly what else could she say? Nina wrapped her arms around Harri trying to give her some comfort but she knew this wouldn't help much if at all.
 
Harri leaned stiffly against Nina, grateful of the hug, though it seemed to help her in no way. She tried to focus on her life now, it was much different then it had been when she was with Emma everyday. She allowed her memory to wander back, images of herself and Emma flicked through her mind. " So it was a year ago. And I'm probably over reacting but.." she couldn't go on, her throat was clogged and the tears raced down her face.
 
"Harri you are not over reacting, I probably would be worse than you." Nina said honestly, if anything ever happened to Alex she wouldn't know what to do with herself, she probably go into depression or worse. Nina looked at Harri's tear ridden face and she knew how hard opening up was for Harri, especially about something/someone so important in her life.
 
Harri nodded, it was nice to have someone to confide in. She looked up as Nina said she would be worse, she opened her mouth about to tell Nina about the whole of last year but closed it again, she wanted to tell Nina but she knew she couldn't. Nina had enough stress with the TWT as it was. She tried to wipe her eyes but it was pointless, the tears were not going to stop no matter how hard she tried. "Hows preperations for the tournament going?" she asked keen to take the subject off of herself. It physically hurt her to talk about Emma, they day she had died Harri had lost a part of herself, and that part would never come back.
 
Nina saw that Harri desperatly wanted to change the subject so she gave her a look the said, 'if you need anything, i'm here.' Then she said, "There good," Nina smiled and decided she would tell Harri the good news, "Alex asked me to the ball," Nina beamed brightly at this.
 
Harri nodded and smiled "Thanks, thats nice to know," she said truthfully, she knew know that she could confide in Nina and it was nice to have that comfort. "Oh wow really?! I knew he would!" she said smiling weakly, "Thats fantastic news! I'm really happy for you!" she said, "So are you two like official now?" she asked.
 
Nina shook her head and said truthfully, "No, Alex seems to think he isn't good enough, don't know why."
 
"Seriously? But you two are like perfect together!" Harri said, this conversation has successfully taken her mind off of things, "Why doesn't he think he's good enough for you? One of those weird boy things?" she said laughing a little.
 
"I don't know must have something to do with his family," Nina said without thinking then she looked widely at Harri and gave her a look that said, 'don't ask, because i wont tell you'.
 
Harri nodded "Familys a tricky business," she siad all to knowingly. Family was something no one else should or could get involved in she knew from personal experience. "So your just going to have to prove to him he is good enough," she said simply.
 
Nina nodded and said, "Working on it." Nina smiled happily at this.
 
Harri laughed "So how you doing that?" she asked.
 
"I don't know exactly how, I am just trying," Nina said with a small shrugg.
 
Harri nodded good idea, "So you going to make him dress robes?" she asked, supressing a giggle.
 
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