Closed I Hated You (I Loved You Too)

Vivian shrugged slightly. "Well, isn't that proof that perfect parenting isn't all it's cracked up to be?" He said softly. "You're not your parents, but Mason isn't you either. All you can really do is take good care of him and try to guide him. He's going to be his own person, one way or another. Looking after him and loving him are the only things that matter. The rest you'll learn as you go."
 
Tristan let out a small huff of laughter, shaking his head. "I suppose." He muttered. "I'm trying my best, but it's hard." He said, shaking his head. "I shouldn't be bothering you with this, though. Sorry."
 
Vivian relaxed more, glad that Tristan had settled a bit. "It's fine." He said gently. "You're doing a good job though, I mean it. He's happy, he's healthy, that's all you can do right now. And if you're worried about the future there are books on the subject." He couldn't help a small smile. "Pretend it's NEWT cram week all over again."
 
Tristan laughed at Vivian's response, shaking his head. "I didn't cram more in that week, I was prepared in advance and had been prepping for the NEWTs for months at that point." He said, raising his eyebrows slightly. "But I suppose I see your point."
 
Vivian smiled, glad to see Tristan laughing again. "Well, you've got the rest of his life to keep preparing for the next bit that's coming. Get started on the toddler books now and you'll be ahead when he gets there." He smiled. "You'll be fine." He added, more seriously. "You're taking care of him, you're trying to do things right. And you love him. That's what matters."
 
Tristan smiled a bit. "You'll laugh at me, but I've already been looking at toddler books." He said with a small shrug. "I like to be prepared." He said, then he sighed. "I just feel strange, you know. A child is not something I ever wanted in life. That doesn't mean I love him less, it's just... strange." He said with a small shrug.
 
Vivian smiled. "Not going to laugh, I genuinely think it's a good idea." He said gently. He nodded when Tristan talked about his feelings, trying to imagine what it would be like to wind up with a child out of nowhere. "That makes sense." He said gently. "He wasn't something you pictured for the future, but here he is. It would take some adjusting."
 
Tristan nodded, taking a moment to think it over. "Thank you." He then said, smiling. "I'm glad I ran into you."
 
Vivian smiled back, trying and failing not to noticehow much it felt like when Tristan had smiled at him so long ago. "Me too." He paused. "I think this is the longest conversation we've had in almost ten years."
 
Tristan let out a small sigh and nodded. "Definitely the least toxic one we have had in maybe even longer." He admitted. "Do you want me to take Mason again?" He asked after a beat, though the sight of Mason holding onto Vivian's arm as he held him was a nice one.
 
Vivian couldn't help a sad little laugh. "I think finding any non-toxic conversation we've had would be a hard task." He said with a small smile. "But I think we managed it." He shook his head when Tristan offered to take Mason, adjusting his grip slightly. "I'm fine with him, he's comfortable." He smiled slightly. "Doesn't weigh nearly as much as the twins."
 
Tristan laughed. "I mean, we were pretty normal in our first few years, I think." He said, trying to think back to how it had been when they were eleven or twelve, just starting at Hogwarts. He nodded when Vivian said he was fine to hold Mason for a bit longer. "I think he likes you."
 
Vivian chuckled softly and nodded. "Up until about third year I think we had a pretty good thing going on." He joked lightly, face softening at Tristan's next remark. He smiled and nodded, looking down at Mason. "Well that's good, because I like him too." He said gently, lightly tickling Mason's cheek with one hand. "He really is very cute."
 
Tristan nodded, grimacing a bit at the reminder of what a little sh*t he had been around the age of fourteen. It was nice that they could joke about it a bit now, but it was still a tender spot for them both. Tristan laughed softly. "I know, babies tend to be. But I do think he wins the prize for cutest baby. In my entirely unbiased opinion."
 
Vivian couldn't help a small smile at Tristan's comment, looking down at Mason again. "He's definitely a strong contender. The twins are a bit too old to give him competition anymore, so I think he's a shoo-in." He said fondly, giving Mason another gentle tickle.
 
Tristan nodded and smiled at Vivian's words, tilting his head slightly. "How old are the twins?" He asked, trying to imagine having a much younger sibling, or two of them. How strange that would be.
 
"They're six now." Vivian said fondly, thinking of his sisters. "Aleja and Carolina." He added. "They're spoiled rotten, everyone loves them to bits. It's really weird, seeing my mum... be a mum." He added with a small sigh, looking down at Mason again. Vivian had never really thought much of the separation he felt with his mother until the twins had been born - she had needed to work, to keep food on the table, and he had always liked spending time with Gran anyway. It wasn't until he had seen his mother raising other children that he had realised she never really did that for him. It was hard to blame her though, when he really looked back. She had been so young, younger than Vivian himself was now, and she did have to keep food on the table. He didn't resent her for the distance, couldn't when he knew how hard things had been back then, but there was something sad about seeing her so excited to raise her new babies.
 
Tristan nodded when Vivian explained the twins were six, though it surprised him. Six seemed so old, and it really put into perspective how long he hadn't talked to Vivian. He hesitated a bit. "Are you alright?" He finally asked, seeing the complicated expression on Vivian's face.
 
Vivian tensed slightly when Tristan asked how he was, trying and failing to think of an easy way to joke off his feelings. But it would feel cheap, when Tristan had been so open. "Just thinking about my mum." He said quietly. "She was only twenty two when I was born. It... being older than she was really casts things in a different light. She was still pretty much a kid, working all the time to keep her actual kid fed. I get it a lot more than I used to. And I'm glad she's enjoying being a mum now that she's ready. But... it's strange. Seeing her with the twins I sometimes... forget that she's my mum too, you know? She's so different."
 
Tristan nodded and listened quietly to what Vivian said. He glanced down at Mason as he did, his stomach twisting. "I think all a parent can do is their best, but... it's understandable that it's rough when your mum is a different parent under better circumstances." Tristan sighs. "To be honest, both Domi and I barely know what we're doing."
 
Vivian's face slipped slightly as Tristan spoke, shaking his head. "Oh no, I didn't.... I wasn't trying to say or imply anything about you. Just... thinking about my mum." He said quickly, rocking Mason as he spoke. "I don't think any parents know what they're doing when they start. My mum's circumstances were very different. I know she was doing her best. And she loves me. And you're doing your best, and you love Mason. So it'll be okay."
 
Tristan nodded quickly. "I know, I just have... a different perspective on it now, I guess." He said, sighing softly, glancing at Mason. He smiled a bit. "I never really considered having kids until it happened, honestly." He said, then grimaced a bit. "I would have picked a different person to do it with if I had." He added quietly. He watched as Mason started to fuss a bit, resisting the urge to immediately take him from Vivian.
 
Vivian nodded when Tristan explained, relaxing slightly. He gave a small chuckle at the comment about Domi, nodding in agreement. "I didn't think she would have been your first choice." He said with a small smile, which quickly slipped as Mason started fussing. "Ssh, ssh, it's okay..." He said gently, rocking the boy and starting to sing to him softly again, picking a few lines from a half-finished song he was trying to write for his sisters' next birthday.
 
Tristan nodded, alarmed by the words that nearly escaped him as he looked at Vivian with his son. Maybe Vivian would have been his first choice, if he had thought about it, but it did no good to say that now. He hesitated as he watched Vivian sing to him again, his heart clenching. "It's almost time for his nap." He explained apologetically as Mason kept fussing.
 
Vivian wasn't totally surprised that singing didn't help this time, especially when Tristan explained. "Ah, of course." He said gently, moving to settle the boy in his pram again. "There you go, Mason. Nice and comfy, on the way home to bed." He smiled warmly, giving the boy's cheek one last tickle before sitting back up. "This has.... actually been really nice." He said slowly, a little surprised at how true that was. "If you want to catch up more, you know where I am." He added, before he could talk himself out of it. A mistake, likely, but he had never been accused of good judgement when Tristan was around.
 
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