Closed I Hated You (I Loved You Too)

Tristan laughed. "So just everyone who went to Hogwarts with us, then?" He teased, cautiously happy they could joke about that a bit now. At least, he hoped so. As he handed Mason over to Vivian, he made sure the other man was holding him properly. He didn't need to worry, as Vivian clearly knew what he was doing. Then the image of Vivian holding his son truly hit him, and all Tristan could do was stare for a moment, a torrent of mixed emotions building rapidly in his chest. He simultaneously wanted to take his son back immediately and take a photo of this moment so he would never forget this image. His mouth went dry. He tried his best to appear casual as he responded. "I mean, I think so." He said, aiming for a joking tone that he didn't entirely manage.
 
Vivian laughed a little awkwardly, giving a small shrug. "How many of them are gonna bump into the music I released on a muggle label?" He teased, though his attention quickly focused on the small baby in his arms. Mason had Tristan's eyes, now that he was looking at them closely, and when the baby smiled up at him Vivian smiled back, giving him a gentle bounce. It had apparently been the wrong thing to do though as the smile quickly vanished, giving way to a face Vivian knew meant tears were imminent. "Oh no, sssh, it's okay, I'm sorry..." He said softly, switching to more of a rocking moment and singing softly to the boy, gentle and slow the way his sisters had liked when they were babies. Mason settled down immediately and he relaxed, continuing to rock him lightly as he trailed off the song.
 
Tristan laughed softly. "You never know, they could be fans." He said, watching Vivian closely. He winced as Mason started to cry, automatically reaching over to take him back and thinking of ways to soothe him. But it seemed like Vivian didn't need his help, he started to sing to Mason, which made Tristan feel all sorts of mixed emotions again. This was turning out to be a very strange day. He hadn't heard Vivian sing in years and hadn't realized he had missed it until this moment. He was quiet as he listened, watching as Mason was soothed. The silence hung in the air between them, until Tristan saw Mason reach up for Vivian's hair. He grimaced. "Mason, no-" He said, reaching over. It was too late, the baby had grabbed a fistful of Vivian's beautiful long hair and yanked at it.
 
Vivian couldn't help a small snort of laughter at the thought of his classmates being fans of his music. He was pretty sure most people he had known in school had forgotten him by now. It was a relief though, to be able to soothe Mason so easily. It reminded him of when his sisters had been little, and how quickly time had passed. It felt like no time at all since they had been babies like this, and it felt like they would be off to Hogwarts any day now, even though he knew there were several years left to go. His thoughts were interrupted by a hand in his hair, and - yep, that was definitely a familiar feeling too. "Ow!" He yelped instinctively at the sudden yank, face twisting in pain, but he tried not to startle Mason. "Come on Mason, let go please..." He said gently, shifting one hand to try and extracate his hair from the infant's grip.
 
Tristan tried to reach over the table and help Vivian, but it was rather difficult to do anything. "Mason." He tried, though he knew it was pretty much impossible to reason with an 8-month-old baby. He glanced at Vivian apologetically. "Sorry, Mason isn't around people with long hair a lot." He said, relieved to see Mason's fist unclench as he let go, staring at the strands of hair left in his fist in fascination for a moment.
 
Vivian chuckled softly at Tristan's apology, relieved as Mason finally released him. "It's fine." He said gently, quickly brushing his hair out of reach with one hand. "My sisters were the same, I used to keep it plaited in the back every time I visited them." He said with a fond smile, before realising Tristan wouldn't know who he was talking about - their lives had changed so much. "My mum remarried." He explained quickly. "Flavio's older brother, and it's exactly as weird as it sounds. They're happy though, they've got two kids. Twins..."
 
Tristan frowned in confusion when Vivian mentioned sisters, trying to remember if he had ever heard him mention siblings before. He immediately felt like a terrible person for forgetting, but then Vivian helped him by explaining. It did make Tristan remember just how long it had been since he talked to Vivian properly, but he was glad he hadn't forgotten something big. "I see." He said. "Must have been strange?" He stated, though it turned into a question at the end.
 
Vivian gave a small snort of laughter. "Strange is an understatement. I'd say you should have seen the wedding but it was already enough of a disaster. I had to walk down the aisle with Flavio, who's now my uncle, and try not to think about how we made out at school. Flavio also invited Kauri as his date, they're flatmates now which is... really fun at family gatherings. And mum invited Rose Holland, they worked together at the time, and there's some kind of.... drama with her and Kauri too, I don't know what exactly, but the whole thing was a mess." He explained, rocking Mason lightly as he spoke. "Marcos Morales carrying a cat down the aisle was pretty funny though."
 
Tristan raised his eyebrows. "So adding me to the mix would have made it more of a disaster?" He teased, though he understood what Vivian meant, especially as he mentioned Kauri. Tristan tilted his head. "Wait, he was with Flavio?" He asked, trying to put that together in his mind. He paused. "Just curious." He added hurriedly, not wanting Vivian to think he was too interested in Kauri. "What sort of drama could he and Rose Holland possibly have? I thought they were both the type of people to skip around in flower fields and make daisy chains in their free time." He said, frowning a bit.
 
Vivian snorted softly at Tristan's comment, raising an eyebrow. "I think my dad is the only person who would have been a more disasterous appearance than you." He said pointedly. He couldn't help smiling at Tristan's shock over Flavio and Kauri, surprised at how much he enjoyed catching Tristan up. "Yeah, they've lived together for years. I don't know if it's.... just as friends or something else, but Kauri is basically a second dad to Flavio's kid." He explained, before shrugging at the question about Rose. "Bad breakup, I think. The whole wedding was groups of people desperately trying to avoid each other."
 
Tristan smiled a little and nodded. "Suppose so." He said, happy to realize the comment didn't hurt at all. It all felt so long ago, which was probably why they were even able to talk normally now. While they had hurt each other a lot as teenagers, with the time and space they had taken, it felt... different. "I see." He said, a bit surprised to hear Flavio had a kid. Had he known that? He wasn't sure. Babies were a thing he hadn't paid any attention to until he had gotten someone pregnant. "I lived with Jerara for years." He commented. "We were roommates, but we just did our own things. He was usually out of the house doing merlin knows what, and I was usually working." He said, thinking back to that time fondly. "But now I live on my own." He added, not sure why he did. He nodded when Vivian mentioned the breakup. "Forgot they dated." He mused.
 
Vivian smiled slightly at Tristan's reactions, enjoying catching him up on things. He listened as Tristan discussed his own last few years, realising all over again how much of the other man's life he had missed. "Surprised you two were still friends after graduation." He commented, thinking back to the speech that had shocked their entire class. "That was... unexpected." Vivian didn't want to think about how glad he was to hear that Tristan was living alone, even if it would make co-parenting more difficult with Do- "Dominique?!" Vivian said abruptly as the name from earlier finally clicked into place in his memory. "You mean that kid who was practically stalking you in school?"
 
Tristan laughed at Vivian's words. "Are you kidding me? I loved that speech, it was the best thing that could have happened that night." He said, grinning at the memory. "I could almost see Alicastell's regret in not picking me. It was hilarious." He said, shaking his head. "Besides, after graduation, the whole grudge about the head boy thing just seemed silly." He added with a small shrug. Tristan winced as Vivian put the pieces together. He must have slipped up and used Domi's name earlier. "Er, I don't want to say yes to that, it makes me sound rather... creepy. She wasn't a kid anymore, and not stalking me." He paused. "I hope."
 
Vivian couldn't help a smile at Tristan's reaction, surprised that he would be so supportive of such a bombshell of a speech, though the comment about it making Tristan look better by comparison did make sense. He nodded quickly when Tristan clarified about Dominique. "No, obviously, I didn't mean it like that. Just... a surprise." He said with an awkward smile. "I suppose she's changed a lot too, then."
 
Tristan sighed softly. "It wasn't... anything serious." He said quietly, taking a sip of his coffee. "Like, at all. I just had a crappy day at work, she was a distraction." He paused, glancing at Mason. "It wasn't supposed to have any consequences, yet... here we are." He sighed softly. "She has changed a lot, but not really for the better. It's a struggle sometimes." He admitted.
 
Vivian's heart dropped as Tristan explained, trying and failing to imagine what he would do in the circumstances. It was a relief, that unexpected pregnancies were unlikely to be a risk for him at any point in his life. "I'm sorry." He said softly, still rocking Mason gently as he listened. "That must be really hard. I can't imagine." He hesitated, glancing down at Mason again. "You got a good kid out of all of it, though."
 
Tristan shrugged slightly, forcing a smile. "It's alright, I'm fine." He said quietly, trying to wave it off. He watched Mason in Vivian's arms. But as Vivian said he was a good kid, Tristan sipped his coffee and looked away, making a non-committal noise. It wasn't something he thought about a lot, but deep down Tristan was pretty worried about actually raising a child, especially with someone like Domi. Neither of them were natural parents, and Tristan had been a pretty awful kid himself at times.
 
Vivian knew Tristan's forced smiles well, knew he wasn't telling the truth when he said he was fine, but he was hardly going to push things now. He focused on Mason instead, smiling down at the little boy resting in his arms. "You're lucky, aren't you?" He asked softly, giving Mason a gentle rock. "Having a dad who loves you so much..."
 
Tristan turned the coffee cup around in his hands, watching the last bits of coffee swirling at the bottom. He closed his eyes for a moment as he heard Vivian talk to Mason. "Don't do that." He finally said quietly, looking at Vivian as he put the coffee cup down.
 
Vivian faltered, being jarred out of the moment. "Do what?" He asked, looking back up at Tristan. He thought back quickly, trying to figure out what he had done wrong. He hadn't really been thinking as he was chatting to Mason, but of all the things he could have said he figured complimenting Tristan was about as innocuous as it got.
 
Tristan's gaze slips back down to his coffee again, a slight frown on his face. "Don't just say stuff to be nice." He said quietly. "You know me better than anyone, especially all the crappy parts. You should know I'm not a natural parent." He said quietly.
 
Vivian frowned too, adjusting Mason slightly in his arms. "I'm not saying things just to be nice." He said slowly. "All I said is that you love him, which I hope is true. I can know all the bad things about you and still be glad you're there for your son." He paused, glancing at Tristan's downturned face. "You remember my dad abandoned us as soon as my mum got pregnant, right? You're here for him. That's a good thing."
 
Tristan frowned, a slight flush appearing on his face. "Of course I remember." He said quickly, a little annoyed Vivian thought he might have forgotten. "But sometimes being there isn't enough." He said, sighing. "I don't know if I can be the best dad for him. And growing up between my house and Domi's... It's not exactly stable."
 
Vivian relaxed slightly as he listened to Tristan's worries, trying to focus on the fact that they were so clearly Tristan's own feelings about his situation, not actually to do with anything he had said. "There's no such thing as perfect parents." He said quietly. "You just do what you can. And lots of kids split time between their parents houses, it's normal. He's happy, he's healthy, you're doing a great job."
 
While Vivian's words were a comfort, Tristan couldn't entirely let himself believe them. He hesitated for a long moment, staying quiet for a bit before speaking. "My... parents did a good job, better than I can." He finally said slowly. "Yet, I still... turned out the way I did." He finally said quietly. "You know, as a kid I was kind of messed up."
 
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