Open Happiness Isn't Just a Feeling

[Harper Alston]

Harper had never thought herself an arrogant person, but looking back, she had to admit that she'd started her animagus training with a certain level of arrogance. Despite Professor Summers' repeated warnings about the difficulty of the process, she had assumed she would be able to master the skill with a bit of hard work and dedication. But after more than a year of hard work and dedication, Harper still had nothing to show for her training. She couldn't even self-transfigure a strand of hair.

Her training had reached a standstill, leaving her desperate for some sort of progress. That desperation had led Harper to check out a book on advanced charms. She had decided that one of her problems with self-transfiguration was that she lacked a clear visual goal. She didn't know what animal she was supposed to transfigure herself into. If she could somehow figure that out, then maybe the rest of her animagus training would be easier. Learning the Patronus Charm, then, was the answer. Harper knew it was a difficult spell, but she couldn't not try it, not when the potential rewards were so great.

Gripping her wand, Harper reread the section about the charm before closing her eyes. She tried to picture the moment when she had completed a hat-trick during her summer football league's championship match. Was it the happiest moment of her life? She wasn't sure, but she didn't really know what that moment would be. Winning the championship had definitely made her happy, and hopefully it would be good enough. Harper opened her eyes. "Expecto patronum!" A large cloud of black smoke erupted from her wand, and the foul smell sent her into a coughing fit. Eyes watering, Harper cursed under her breath and started to wave the book around in a feeble attempt to make the smoke dissipate. She was pretty sure she'd never screwed up a spell this badly before.

 

[Professor Emmaline Hopkins]

Emmaline was not quite sure what she was doing outside. She knew she should be in the library studying, or well anywhere studying. She was still carrying around her backpack, which grew heavier and heavier with each day that passed. I'm going to be a hunchback before this year is over She absentmindedly thought to herself as she continued to walk out of the castle. The Great Lawn was too packed with people today. Maybe that was one of the reasons it was calling to Emmaline. The library was always full now with fifth years stressing about OWLs. It was almost a rare occasion to get a table by yourself anymore. Constantly surrounded by people, but never socializing. A breath of fresh air would do the young Gryffindor good, or so she hoped.

The brunette apparently was not going to get a breath of fresh air though. Suddenly there was a huge cloud of black smoke that seemed to be coming from a single student. Her blue eyes gazed at the student who had cast such a spell. Is that Harper? Emmaline wondered briefly as she tried to get a little closer to examine the situation. The smoke was burning her eyes though, as she began to feel them water a little bit. Her mind instantly tried to think of a Charm that would fix the situation. Although that Transfiguration disappearing charm did come to mind, Emmaline was not sure that such a charm would work on smoke nor did she think Depulso would do any good.

Instead Emmaline decided that Harper had the right idea. She reached into her bag to grab one of her many textbooks as she began to flap the book around in attempts to clear some of the smoke that was not invading her nose with a terrible burnt smell. She choked out a small sentence trying to make light of the situation and hopefully draw attention that she was there to help; "I have never considered this use for textbooks." Emmaline continued to randomly move the textbook into the cloud of smoke hoping that it would decide to blow away or disappear on its own.

 

[Harper Alston]

It was a good thing she'd decided to practice outdoors. Harper had chosen her spot mostly because sitting in the sun usually put her in a good mood, but now, she could see that it also had the unexpected benefit of being out in the open air, giving the smoke more room to disperse. She probably would have accidentally suffocated herself if she had practiced indoors.

Another figure — hazy at first because of the smoke — joined her, and Harper smiled when she realized who it was. Em's comment made her chuckle, something she instantly regretted when she accidentally inhaled a bit of the smoke. Harper coughed. "Who needs fans when you have textbooks?" she joked, giving her friend a sheepish smile. It was nice of Em to brave the acrid smoke and come over to help instead of doing the sensible thing and heading as far away in the opposite direction as possible.

The smoke was slowly starting to clear up, thanks to their fanning. Hopefully a breeze would come along soon to speed up the process. "Thanks and sorry for this. I, uh, was trying out a new spell, but I don't think I've gotten it down quite yet," she said with a laugh. It was perhaps the understatement of the year. If there was an opposite to a Patronus Charm, Harper was pretty sure she'd managed to conjure it. She gave Em a curious look. "What brings you outside anyways?" These days, it was rare to see Em outside the dorms or the library. OWL year had hit them with a vengeance, and between all the studying they had to do, Harper didn't see her friends nearly as often as she wanted.

 

[Professor Emmaline Hopkins]

Emmaline almost felt bad for making Harper laugh in the cloud of smoke. She tried not to do the same as she held her breath, waiving the textbook around like crazy as the smoke began to fade away. Thankfully. It was getting a bit much. She released a long breath as she felt like she could actually get some much needed fresh air into her lungs. It wasn't as fresh as she had imagined when she first ventured out, but at least the smoke was not as terrible. Her eyes weren't watering as much. The young girl smiled as Harper asked what she was doing outside, explaining first that she herself was practicing a new spell. Emmaline wondered what spell would cause such smoke. Would it be on their OWLs She thought for a moment, worrying about the idea. Maybe Emmaline would have to ask Harper. The other girl did quite well in classes, seeming a lot more put together than Emmaline herself.

"I decided to leave my station in the library for a moment. I needed..well fresh air." Emmaline explained, a little laugh escaping her lips at the last part. Obviously things had not gone exactly according to plan. "I've been basically living in the library. It gets a bit crowded after awhile." She went on to explain, knowing that Harper always told her that she needed to take breaks anyway. This was kind of a break. It was a moment that her blue eyes were not glued to a textbook or her flashcards.

"What spell were you attempting anway?" Emmaline asked curiously. She thought about all the smoke charms that littered her textbooks. If that was the case, Emmaline felt Harper had done an amazing job at that. Definitely more than Emmaline could have produced.

 

[Harper Alston]

Harper tried not to smile too widely when Em explained that she was taking a break from studying in the library. Em was undoubtedly the hardest working person in their year, and sometimes Harper worried about her. It was one thing to work hard at something you enjoyed. It was another to work so hard you just ended up stressing yourself out. And Harper suspected Em sometimes fell into the latter category. Harper didn't want to overstep any boundaries, however, so she avoided broaching the subject directly, instead encouraging Em to take frequent breaks and inviting her to hangout so she was forced to occasionally stop studying.

She chuckled at Em's comment about fresh air. "Well, welcome to the outside world," she joked. "There aren't as many books out here, but at least there's sun." While the library was an okay study spot, Harper had always preferred finding other places around the castle to do her revision. The mood in the library could get a bit depressing, especially once the semester kicked into full gear and the place filled with students frantically cramming for their classes.

At Em's question, Harper shrugged and sat down in the grass, motioning for Em to join her. "The Patronus Charm." She assumed she didn't need to explain what the spell was to Em of all people. Hell, there was a good chance Em even knew how to do it. While the charm was fairly advanced, a textbook had mentioned that kids as young as 13 had managed to successfully cast it. Of course, there were also people who went their whole lives without learning how. "I wanted to figure out what animal my patronus was." She also assumed she didn't need to connect the dots for Em on that one since her friends knew about her animagus training. "Have you ever tried it?" Harper asked curiously.

 

[Professor Emmaline Hopkins]

Emmaline felt a sort of release talking to her friend. She knew she had to do this whole 'social' thing more often, but there just weren't enough hours in the day. She looked around wide eyed, as Harper mentioned that this was the outside world. "You mean...wow that's not just a giant light bulb" She joked, knowing it was a lame joke. She was never the funniest individual, but from time to time she knew how to make a lame joke. She could thank her sister for that skill. River, after all, was always telling the worst jokes when Emmaline needed them the most.

Emmaline sat down as Harper did, on the cool grass. She had wished she brought a blanket, but the thought had not even crossed her mind. She hadn't sat outside like this in...well way too long. Not since her last outing with the Gryffindor Girl Squad, or with Hunter. Emmaline didn't mind the situation though. She could always change her uniform into something cleaner and proper when she went inside. Right now, she had to learn to live in the moment. Appearances were not always everything, even if that was a hard fact to swallow.

As Harper explained the charm she was trying to cast, Emmaline could not hide her surprise. That was certainly a lot more advanced magic than they were learning. Of course, Harper would want to try such a thing. She had the brains and honestly the guts to do such a charm. Even if it had not worked out the first time. "Honestly..." Emmaline paused, almost embarrassed. She had not given much thought to charms or anything that was not on her exams. She focused on what needed to be done, not giving much thought to what she wanted to learn. "I thought the Patronus Charm would come later. I haven't even consider making one" She added truthfully and maybe a little ashamed. Why hadn't she thought about it.

She was curious though, why Harper had. It wasn't going to be on the OWLs. The answer made sense though. A Patronus was a part of yourself, if you could conjure it, an animal that reflected your inner self. Emmaline thought about giving tips she had read about the charm but decided against it. For some reason, that didn't feel like the right thing to do at the moment.

Her curiosity got the better of her though. "What would you want your Patronus to be?" She asked. It was almost a dumb question. No one could choose what it was. But it seemed important to Harper, which meant it was important to Emmaline.

 

[Harper Alston]

Harper giggled as Em feigned surprise. "I know, shocking, right?" It was perhaps a lame joke, but she enjoyed lame jokes. The more groan-worthy, the better. Harper was glad when Em joined her on the grass instead of excusing herself to study elsewhere. She knew the other girl was likely very busy, what with her million classes and prefect duties, so it made her more appreciative of the times when Em did decide to take a break and hang out.

Em seemed to hesitate at her question, and for a second, Harper wondered if maybe the other girl had tried it but failed to conjure anything. But then Em went on to explain that she hadn't even thought of attempting the Patronus Charm. Harper shifted uncomfortably. Was that another example of her own arrogance? She hadn't thought twice before trying a spell that wasn't even required for NEWTs, and if she was being honest, she must have thought she had some chance at success, otherwise she wouldn't have attempted it.

"I mean, that makes sense. I don't think it comes up until seventh year." Harper glanced at the textbook she was clutching, which was definitely not on the fifth year reading list. "Probably smarter to focus on things we'll actually need to know for the exams." OWLs were still a few weeks away, but she had no doubt that Em, like herself, had already started preparing for them. "But if you do ever decide to try it, maybe don't have your first attempt be indoors," she said with a laugh.

Em's question surprised Harper, and she was quiet for a few moments. "I... I've tried not to think too much about it," she said. Of course, there was the unfortunate truth that trying not to think about something often led to thinking about that thing more. "Don't want to get my hopes up, you know?" Harper said quietly. The comment almost sounded absurd coming from her lips. She had always been reckless with her hopes, considered it a strength even.

But lately Harper had started to wonder if maybe her optimism was a curse, one that blinded her and hurt others. She hated that she even had these thoughts. But after getting her little sister's hopes up about being magical — only to watch them get crushed when the Hogwarts letter never came — Harper had tried to start reigning in her expectations. Except she wasn't very good at it (case in point, her Patronus Charm attempt), and so she was just left with guilt.

"Do you remember those essays we had to write in Transfiguration about our animagus forms? I guessed that mine would be a dolphin," Harper said. "So I guess it'd be nice if that was my Patronus — a dolphin or some other water creature." Of course, that was all from the perspective of wanting a water creature as her animagus form, which wasn't something she could control. And even if her form did turn out to be aquatic, there was always the risk that she'd end up as something useless, like a sea cucumber. "What about you? What do you want your Patronus to be?"