Closed Gone

[Zennon Baros]

It had been some time since Zennon had really gone exploring around the castle. Afterall, with everything going on in his life, he'd not really had much chance to get out. With his Dad and his siblings, his own life only made things so much harder to deal with it all, especially given all his lies to close friends. He was trying to get past that these days, but it was a terribly slow process. After all, when one was tangled in a web, it is hard to find the right line to pull to unravel it all. But he didn't want to unravel too much either, since it could all just come crashing down. He really needed to just find an outlet for everything but it was hard to really know what that outlet should be since he didn't really have any hobbies or anything like that. Lately, he'd been trying to reconnect with his old friends, but it was hard and really terrifying. He had so many secrets now and he didn't know where to start. As he explored, he hadn't expected to find himself in the Antiquated Lavatory, he'd been here a couple of times over the years, it was the easiest place to get away from people, but he hadn't expected to be hearing someone crying either. It sounded like a girl, but he couldn't see anyone. "Uhm, sorry! Is someone in here! I don't mean to scare you." He hoped they wouldn't freak out that he was there, after all it was sometimes hard to be interrupted when you were in a vulnerable state, he understood that too well.

 

[Pippa Majors]

To say Pippa had felt overwhelmed with her new personality was quite an understatement. The girl, whom had done everything to not be the same - still felt hollow and ill when she looked at herself. She tried to play aloof, and cool, but that wasn't who she was. Instead she felt mean, and like she was rubbing everyone the wrong way.

The former blonde tried not to worry Maggie, adn thus found herself having her own little break in an old lavatory, with a box of Kleenex and a stuffed kitten in her hands. She was sniffling pathetically, sat by a stall. No one would be out would they? Of course it would be Pippa's luck that someone would stumble across her. And a boy nonetheless. "I'm not scared." She said pathetically, cuddling up to the stuffie in her arms. "I'm a scary prefect so you should go before you lose house points." She attempted to threaten through her stuffed nose and tears.

 

[Zennon Baros]

Zennon listened out for the reply, confirming that the voice indeed belonged to a girl. After all, he didn't think anyone was that high pitched as a male, although puberty was a thing, that he didn't really know much about. He had too much he had to worry about without also worrying about the changes to his body, which, honestly, both terrified and disgusted him. "Sorry, I didn't mean to assume you were scared, it was just that I was trying to announce myself, so you didn't get a shock if you came out of the stall." He told her, shifting from foot to foot. He wasn't great at this, but at least he couldn't see her, so, it wasn't too bad. He didn't think he knew her, given he didn't recognise the voice, but that wasn't always a certainty.

She mentioned being a prefect and Zennon shuffled slowly closer to the stall he thought she might be in. 'Oh, sorry, I didn't know. But, I don't think you can be scary if you're crying in a stall..." he started, realising a little too late how that might sound. "Oh, I didn't mean that, only that maybe you aren't scary if you're upset, when my sisters cry they aren't scary, so, I know a bit about that..." He told the voice, sliding down the wall of the stall on what he assumed was the opposite side to her. "Besides, I don't recognise your voice, which means your not a Slytherin, so... you can't take points anyway, and you're not the head girl... I don't think she knows how to cry, she's pretty scary."

 

[Pippa Majors]

Pippa wasn't quite sure how to take the boy speaking to her through the door. Curled on the floor next to an old toilet - Pippa had never felt less dignified. She supposed it was a good thing the boy couldn't see her. "Yeah I might hex you if I startle." She said, trying hard to sound as mean as she could through wiping at her eyes with toilet paper. Her mascara was now skewed over her face and she was certain she'd look like she had a black eye. Of course this just made it clear to her that she would not come out until the boy left.

"Maybe I can be scary!" She said, taking a shoe and lobbing it over, hoping to smack the boy on the head or shoulder with the flimsy bunny slipper. However Pippa couldn't help a chuckle at his comment about the head girl. Through all her pain humor still found a way. "I suppose. Listen, sorry about the slipper throwing, I'm just having a rough time." She admitted. The posh girl with mixed accents sighed. "Why are you in here? Is this your crying stall?" She asked.

 

[Zennon Baros]

Zennon wasn’t sure what was going on, but he’d never been one to walk out on someone crying. Especially girls, since they reminded him of his sisters and he’d never been uncomfortable around emotions, despite what he might have wanted. She seemed like she was trying to be tough, whoever she was and he did admire that, but he also knew that trying too hard to be fine was detrimental in the long run, he had first hand experience in that aspect after all. He chuckled lightly, though there wasn’t much to laugh about. “I’d like to see you try, I’m pretty good at defensive spells, though I couldn’t tell you much about offensive ones. But a good protego will get you there.” He said, greatly curious as to who this girl was, but neither wanting to invade her privacy, nor wanting her to invade his.​

​

“Maybe you can, but you are currently crying in a stall, are you not?” He asked, hoping she’d not take offence since he wasn’t judging her, just pointing out facts. It was then that he suddenly got smacked in the top of the head with something and he helped slightly, looking to the offending item with a frown as he rubbed his head. “You realise that’s not making your point for you, right?” It had bunnies, there was no way this girl was really as scary as she was trying to make out, whoever she was. She was having a rough time, she said and he could absolutely understand that. He was in a bit of a situation himself and he wasn’t sure quite how to deal with it. “I’m sorry to hear that, do you want an ear? Sometimes talking about things with people you don’t know can be therapeutic, so I hear.” He said, fully intending to sit here and listen to her for as long as was needed, it wasn’t like he had anywhere to be. “I get overwhelmed sometimes and I come here to calm down, no one is usually here though.”​

 

[Pippa Majors]

The fact the boy had so clearly bragged about being defensive, and still was smacked in the head by a shoe, was more than comical for Pippa. After all, he could be as defensive as he wanted, without expecting the unexpected though he was as defenseless as a mouse. The falsely dark haired woman sighed when she realized though that perhaps talking wouldn't be so bad. "You can sit down out there. The house elves clean the bathrooms i think." She said. "Can you slide me back my slipper, my foot is cold."

"I wish I could say I understood that, but I never really felt overwhelmed until this year." She said, sharing more with this stranger than she really had with Maggie. "I had a crush on this guy for a long time and... it didn't go well he didn't like me. So i thought, if I changed how I looked I'd feel better but I don't. I didn't even change it for him I was just tired of looking like this little girl, you know? I mean you don't, because you're a boy. You're a boy right?" It didn't much matter. "What do you get overwhelmed about?" She asked, almost hoping maybe they had similar worries so she didn't feel so ridiculous.

 

[Zennon Baros]

Zennon hadn't always been the type to sit and talk about his feelings, in fact, he still wasn't, it wasn't like he wanted to just reveal his deep and dark secrets through a stall wall, but, something in what he'd said to her, rang true for himself too, after all, sometimes all you really did need was someone to listen, even if they didn't know what was really going on. For now, he was certainly content to just listen to the girl as she spoke. He chuckled slightly and slipped her slipper under the wall through the gap, leaning back against it and staring out into the room. He didn't really have anything specific to focus on and that was entirely okay with him, since he wanted to give his full attention to whatever was going on with this girl. She did sound a bit lost and after the time he'd had, he knew a bit about what that was like. His anxiety had hit an all time high this year, almost to where it had gone back when Monty had gotten sick and collapsed, he just honestly had no idea what that kind of stress could potentially do to him and honestly he was freaking himself out a little. He hoped that she wasn't about to add to that stress, but he somehow doubted it, since he didn't know her at all, he was positive of that.​

​

When she started talking, Zennon almost relaxed. Not that he'd had much experience with this kind of thing, but he was relieved it wasn't some crazy secret that was being hidden right under everyones nose, he was almost positive that he would have feinted right there were that the truth. "Yeah, I'm a boy..." He told her, after she'd finished speaking. It seemed she did have a lot on her plate and Zennon wasn't really sure what to say, though she hadn't asked for any advice. He wanted to try and help if he could, maybe give her some idea about how to get out of the issue she was in. "Do you want some advice at all, or would you rather I just sit and listen?" He could do that too, because he was very good at paying attention. He sighed as she asked about him and heaved a great groan. "Honestly there's probably too much to go through in this next couple of minutes..." He said, not sure if he wanted to recount everything that he had been through in the last couple of years, or even in his whole life. "My life is... stressful, I guess you could say and I don't always know what the answer is..."​

 

[Pippa Majors]

Hearing the voice confirm he was a boy was both strange and relieving. Strange because she'd never been in a bathroom with a boy. Relieving because she had guessed correctly and didn't have to feel guilty for getting it wrong based on the voice. At the end of her explaining her problem - which sounded so first world to her - the woman shrugged. "I don't know. I just want to have all the answers too." She said. It seemed in a way their overwhelming feeling stemmed from the same thing - not having the answers.

"i know it's not possible to know everything. That's some of the fun of life or whatever." She spoke sighing. "But sometimes I feel like I don't have any of the answers, you know? Like I'm taking a test, for a subject I don't know, in a language I don't know." Now Pippa leaned against the door, adn she and the boy were back to back with only something thin separating them. "What answer do you want most, guy?" She asked, realizing she didn't know his name.

 

[Zennon Baros]

Despite the ridiculousness of finding himself sat in a bathroom, back to back through a stall with a complete stranger - though he supposed she wasn’t a complete stranger given it was pretty evident they were both students, so he’d probably seen her around some - Zennon was actually finding this to be somewhat therapeutic. He was surprised, he’d never really been so open with anyone about how much stress he was under, was it any surprise to him really? After everything going on in his life? Not to mention he now had OWLS to contend with, though he didn’t want to tell the girl that, it might be too revealing. He had no idea how old she was and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know, becuase then he would start trying to develop more of a picture of her in his mind and he didn’t want to do that. Right now she was a disembodied voice that he could say anything to without worrying it would get out to someone else, but if she became anything more, he knew he wouldn’t be able to talk to her anymore. It was a tough situation that he hoped she didn’t try to exploit, because right now he was so desperate to talk to someone, he very well might just have told her anything she asked.​

“I don’t think wanting answers is a bad thing”. He told her, shifting to bring his legs up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. “I think it makes sense that you want to know what’s going on, after all, it can be hard to really put yourself out there and then when you do, it doesn’t always work out. So you want to know what’s going on, right? I understand that.” Though the pair had vastly different problems, Zennon wasn’t all that surprised to note that the solution to her problem seemed simple to him. He’d never been in her predicament before, but he’d seen others in much the same struggle. He hoped he wasn’t leading her astray. He wasn’t actually terribly good at this. “It’s like when you look at Divination homework and realise the entire thing is being made up as we go along, like how the Star is supposed to represent a journey of self, like that’s just rubbish.” He realised then that he’d told her he was in at least third year, but he didn’t think it was unsafe to do so, after all, there were a lot of students in third year and above.​

“I guess, my biggest question is, how do I continue on the path I’m going without causing harm to those I care about.” He said, sighing. “I’ve lied to a lot of people about stuff, not intentionally, well, yes but I didn’t want to do it. There’s just things about me that I would have rathered they not know and now that I’m sort of preparing to tell people, I don’t know how to. I’ve caused a lot of problems in my life by lying, rifts with friends and such, but I don’t think I really realised how much problems it caused until now. I don’t want to hurt them,” he said, shaking his head. “But I also don’t want them to hate me more - so I’ve wondered whether I should just keep lying - not that it would help the situation, but which is better, keep my friends in the dark or potentially lose them, I certainly couldn’t blame them for hating me after everything I’ve done.”​

 

[Pippa Majors]

It was reassuring, on some level, for Pippa to listen to someone else talk about their aches. The soothing nature of it most likely came from the fact that she enjoyed helping others. Like Maggie with her English or classes, or Linnux when it came to being able to practice quidditch tossing with her - though she was a terrible quidditch player. "I never took divination." Pippa admitted. "I think the future scares me, which is rich since I want answers." She laughed dryly.

Pippa let a small silence settle between them, her dark orbs trained on the old stone wall in front of her as she thoughts. "They always say the truth will set you free right?" She asked, though she knew it was a lame answer, and adjusted on the hard floor before speaking more. "Lying to people sucks, and it hurts them. Inevitably regardless on your reasoning of lying, they're probably going to be mad. Some people might stay mad forever, some might only stay mad for a little bit. Regardless, when your truth comes out - the people who matter and genuinely care about you are going to accept the truth that you speak. The people who don't don't matter right?" She said, and while she wasn't sure what the secret was, her gut told her if he had come to the aid of someone crying, then he couldn't be so bad. "We should do this more often, guy, It's nice to talk to someone that isn't related to the guy that broke my heart."

 

[Zennon Baros]

The more he spoke with this girl, whoever she was, the easier he was finding it to sort of, release his burdens a bit. She was something of a neutral party who wasn’t interested in her own interests pertaining to him because he was someone she didn’t know. He assumed they saw each other around the castle at some point, given it wasn’t actually that big and whilst he didn’t think they were in the same house and he knew she wasn’t a first year, that didn’t mean they were seeing each other all the time. Her voice was slightly distorted by the fact that the room was echoey and that she was on the other side of a door, but it really wasn’t doing a lot and he was positive that if he did know her, he’d know that. Despite not spending a lot of time with his friends previously, he certainly spent enough time with them to know their voices, he was positive of that at least. “I think the future scares all of us,” he admitted, leaning his head against the stall wall. “I think it’s that fear that drives us, you know? Wanting to push ourselves harder to try and make a future for ourselves.” He couldn’t know for sure of course, there was a reason he no longer took that class. “I believe we can make our own future, to a degree, but it’s hard when you’re looking at it without all the facts and the facts are hard to get.”​

​

Hearing her take on his situation was... enlightening. He was already pretty much agreed with what she was saying, but it was different to hear it from someone else, mostly because it meant he wasn’t kidding himself. Surely if someone else was making the same suggestions he wasn’t wrong right? She was making s lot of sense and it wasn’t anything he hadn’t already told himself before, but something she added sort of clicked into place for him. People who didn’t accept what he had to say, maybe they weren’t worth it. They could be mad all they wanted that he’d taken so long to tell him, but, hating him for what he said was different and maybe those friends wouldn’t be people he should worry about. He blinked at the sudden realisation that she was right. He’d been so focused on what he was going to say, he hadn’t thought about who he was actually going to tell. “Wow, yeah that was... I wasn’t expecting that”. He admitted turning slightly and pressing his hand to the stall wall. “Thank you that’s helped a lot actually.” When she mentioned they should do this more often, he chuckled slightly and stood up. “Yeah. That would be cool. I don’t want to spoil this and I don’t want to invade your privacy at all. We’ve shared some pretty deep things and... weird as it is, I’m not sure I could do that if I knew who you were...” he trailed off for a moment to think. “I’m going to leave first, you can leave when you want, but, I’ve got to do something ,you’ve inspired me a bit. Thanks.” And with that, not waiting to see if she was going to step out of the stall, Zennon quickly headed out of the bathroom.​