For how long I don't know.

[Alexis Richarde]

Hi everyone, I know this is going to seem like a repeat post of many things but I do intend to follow through with it this time. I need time away from Hogwarts New Zealand and I’ve known this for a long time but now I know that if I don’t my life could only get worse.

You see, I have depression and my mom is persistent that the time I spend on the computer is the cause of this, I disagree but to prove her wrong I thought maybe I should try. But there is another thing, roleplaying has become hard for me because my mind is pushing rather dark thoughts in the forefront and it is scary. These thoughts are so bad that I am going to ask my doctor for anti-depressants. I know that this isn’t exactly something to be ashamed about but I kind of am and until I can control my emotions from the pills and hopefully become happy enough to get myself off of them at one point or another without returning to the point I am currently at.

Another thing is, I’m in grade eleven and it is possibly the hardest year of high school I have ever had. With my mind focused on the thoughts mentioned above I am finding it hard to focus on my education and my grades are slipping. I am not an unintelligent person and it stresses me so to see my marks take the brunt of my chemical imbalance. I need to improve my marks to get into my number one university for journalism and if I don’t get into my top choice university my life is basically over because my mom won’t help pay for my education if I don’t get into that school because she won’t find the need to invest in me.

So with all this and a few other things, I will be taking a good period of time off of HNZ excluding the main plot roleplays I have with some characters. I’m sorry for the others but they will have to wait or possibly be cancelled completely because I simply cannot handle it all. If you’d like to reach me, feel free to PM Alexis Richarde or skype me at alexis.marie83 and for those of you that have my face book send me a message there.

Thanks everyone.
Alexis.

 

[Nicolas King]

I've heard a decent amount about what you're struggling with (mostly from absence posts, yes) but am not able to relate to you in any way. You have my sympathy, however, and I do hope that whether through medicine or changing what you do on a daily basis that you will sort things out for yourself and be much happier for it.

Grade eleven is likely the hardest year of secondary school on the whole, I would agree. You go from one science to possibly three, and everything seems to change as they try to streamline you in to your university programs. I don't like the system here, much. They specialize us much too quickly much too fast. Courses requiring genuine creative thought are cut out and fact-regurgitation courses shoved in their places, the idea of going to school to improve yourself, acquire a great general knowledge of the entire world you live in, and simply desiring to learn becomes almost asinine because if you select courses based on that, the amount of programs you can apply to in university or college is severely limited. It's a frustration, to be sure, but alas - that's the education system we have. At least, for you, you already know where you're headed and I hope you marks turn up for university applications next year. (I'm assuming you're not pining for early acceptance, in which case grade eleven marks (very fortunately) do not matter in the slightest.)

At any rate, take as much time as you need. We'll miss you, and I hope you can come back soon, but real life is more important and your well being should be your main focus.

Best of luck, once more,

~Me.

 

[Luciano Lurken]

Alexis,
That sounds awful, you take all the time you need, and we'll still all be here for you when you get back
I had a friend who was on anti-depressants last year too, and she also felt ashamed, but you're right, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, especially if they'll make you feel better
Hope you get back here soon, Luciano will be missing Abbey And I'll be missing you
Feel free to Skype me if you want to, I'm happy to talk
-Lizzy

 

[Lily Drage]

Take your time and do what you need to do. We all can understand. Come back when you feel you are ready and hopefully things will work out for the better.
Julie

 

[Aroha Jennings]

Alexis.

I know what you're going through, vaguely (I have some big anxiety issues, bordering on other stuff). It can be pretty scary to think that stuff, and I hope things will get better for you. We all totally understand that you need time off. Don't be ashamed about going onto anti-depressants, there's nothing to be ashamed of. Remember we're on your side

-Olivia ♥

 

[Alexis Richarde]

Thanks loves.

Tiny update:
Next Thursday I'm talking to my doctor about medication and maybe I'll be put onto them, which hopefully won't have the bad side effects which could be very bad. Y'know some of them actually might make your depression worse?! Wow, strange. Anyway, maybe this will make me all happy and stuff and help me sleep! Which miiight allow me to get better marks because my conditions apparently doesn't really help with focusing and doing well in school and work. So yeah.

 

[Vivienne Esquire]

Alexis,
I totally understand what you're going through and wish you all the best. You might think "these are just words!" (that's how it was for me at times when I had depression and social anxiety), but believe me when I say that we're all here for you and hoping that you feel better soon.
So yeah, come back when everything starts getting more bearable, because we'll miss you!
Helena

 

[Andromeda Fiorelli]

Alexis

take all the time you need and be good to yourself
we'll still be here when you get back, just know that we are here for you
You're in my thoughts and prayers


Lin

 

[Alexis Richarde]

Okay another update:
Tomorrow is my doctors appointment and I'm really afraid. My mom and my best friend/crush think that putting me on suicide watch is a good idea and no matter how screwed up my mind is, I don't want to be put on it and if my mom talks to my doctor she just might. Right now I'm basically just having freak outs and I might be put on s-watch, which means I'd be away from the computer and all that for I don't know how long.

 

[Kiera Kaster]

Aww Alexis!!
Everything is going to be fine though I don't really know what that s-watch is....
I hope your doctors appointment turns out well and that you get the help you want/need.
You are in my prayers!
Kait

 

[Alexis Richarde]

Suicide watch

&& Thanks Kait.

 

[Isabella Chaos]

Alexis I'm so sorry to hear all this! (I've been meaning to IM you since I saw that you had IMed me a few days ago, though whoever was on my laptop at the time never told me you IMed me while I was getting ready for work. )

I sincerely hope your doctor's appointment goes well tomorrow and that you won't have to be put on s-watch because that's no fun. Maybe they just want what's best for you though? Idk, sometimes parents put that stress on you in front of the doctors which never really works in your favor. Is it possible for you to talk with the doctor without your mom being in the room so that he/she can make that call? I don't know anything about doctors/appointments and how they work. It doesn't matter though because I just wanted to let you know that you'll most definitely be in prayers!

I love you so much!
~The Elphaba to your Galinda

 

[Professor Cyndi Kingsley]

Alexis,

I hope everything with the doctor's appt goes well. Many of the medications for anxiety and depression unfortunately do have side effects that can worsen the symptoms, which has never made sense to me , but so long as you keep contact with your doctor about anything you feel, things should be ok. Most of the side effects that actually worsen depression can be easily fixed by changing the dosage if and when it's necessary.

S- watch? Take care hon, ok? If you need someone to talk to, I'm all ears


Big

Cyndi

 

[Alexis Richarde]

Thanks everyone.

Another update:
My doctor told me to go to the hospital to get psycho analyzed and because those appointments take a while to set up and she wanted me to get in right away I went to emerge the next day. I waited four and a half hours, missing my last two classes and lunch. Basically I was pissed so now my mom are going to have to go back on monday or something but you should all be happy to know, or unhappy (who am I to gage your emotions), that I have my mom and my grand father here for me so if I need them I have my rocks (they really have been the only people I could count on for my entire life outside of myself) and I have a friend who cares deeply for me and is being as understanding as he can be about it.
You should all know that despite the thoughts I have, I do not plan on and will not commit suicide but I know what I'm thinking is not healthy and this is why I'm going through it, not because I'm afraid I eventually will make this all reality. I have a family history of this sort of stuff and I think it'd be best just to get it all under wraps before it effects me more then it already has.
Another kind of positive, I had a big ol' cry the other day and I'm feeling a little bit better. With that said, my emotions are still a wreck and I have the rest of the school year left so I will be cutting my current time on HNZ in half, no matter how hard that is. You guys are kind of my rocks and my escape but I can't have an escape anymore but if you do want to talk, my skype address is available via pm.

 

[Alexis Richarde]

Okay I'm annoyed at myself for doing this, really.

Another update:
My mom called the hospital I went to and they said I had to go to CHEO (A children's hospital) which really got me annoyed after waiting four hours, as you can guess. I was also told I had to go and get a referral for that but the hospital called back and now on May 27th, I have an appointment with a child psychologist at the hospital. Until then I will be somewhat active (not as much as I used to be) but I still have school work & work, and depending on what the doctor says I will decide from there.