You Kicked Me When I Was Down

Stefan Archer

head librarian
 
Messages
18,986
OOC First Name
Emzies
Blood Status
Muggleborn
Relationship Status
Married
Sexual Orientation
hetrosexual
Wand
Knotted 12 1/2 Inch Sturdy Fir Wand with Thestral Tail Hair Core
Age
4/2015 (46)
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Halloween. A terrifying day. The day that was nothing more than a huge scheme to scare those easily scared. And confuse those easily confused. Coming under both categories, a person had no chance. For so long, it was day that he'd not even known about. Oblivious to the holiday, if he even wanted to call it that. In a sense pleased of the little relevance it held in a life with so little. So glad of not having to push an already strained mind. The sickly smell of candy. The horribly loud music and influx of people all standing together in the same place. Mixing of groups. Halloween. A day of horrors. It was really nothing else. A day to hide away. But, Stefan Archer knew for a fact that he didn't need a day to do any of that. Stefan Archer, hide away every day. He took to his small dark corner and just waited. Waited for the storm to pass. For the sunlight to shine through and all darkness to fade. Wishful thinking. Hopeful Thinking. And really wasn't that the most important thing. Hope. Without any, there was nothing. Hope was that warmth that stayed when all else had faded. When night had fallen on a clear day in the bitterness of winter. Unlike most, Hope was Stefan's closest friend. It was his blanket. Where others had real comforters, Stefan had hope. And hope was all he needed. Silly had he been to think hope would form in the shape of a school. Hogwarts had been the escape he'd wished for, but not the one he hoped for. The one he hoped for came with his father's apology and a vow to stop. It wasn't right for him to have to put up with all that he did. His eyes welled whenever he got to a point where his mind reminded him of how he had it. How his father was to him. And how truly unfair it was that he was like that. Stefan Archer had no plans to get ready for Halloween. He hated the day. It made him confused, he didn't know who people were. He could barely make out much as the hall was made darker, for a "spooky" effect. All the costumes scared him. Why would people chose to wear such things. Some weren't dressed that badly, but it didn't make him any less afraid. Sure, he was aware that they were just having fun, but that to him didn't seem like fun. The Slytherin boy was sure, that it was better when a person was not colour blind, but he wouldn't ever know now would he.

On that Halloween, Stefan had pretty much sat on the dorm room floor, with his back against the wall the entire day. It wasn't like him to act like this. Despite what most people thought he was sure. Stefan made a point of going out at least once a day for food. But, Stefan hadn't eaten since the night before. It had almost been a full day. And despite this, Stefan still wasn't hungry. He just wanted the day to be over. For the festivities to be done and for all the others in the school to go to bed. Stefan hadn't ever known about this holiday until he'd over heard a group talk about it the year before. He hadn't known anything about it, and from what he'd seen on the side lines it wasn't something he liked. Now, he had chosen to stay pretty clear of it. Of anything to do with it. Hiding out in the little space he could call his own. Sitting on the cold ground, Stefan began to feel trapped. Which in a sense he was. Although it was self inflicted, he was still trapped in one place. This made him feel sick. It made him physically want to throw up. He stood quickly, and went to the bathroom. He didn't want to be sick in the dorm room. Or on his clothes. He knew all the others were away at the Feast. So he felt comfortable enough taking his jumper off and throwing it to the door before standing in front of a sink. He clutched the side with both his hands and let the coldness of the sink reach up his arms, causing hair to stand on ends and goose bumps to develop. His eyes were fixed on the small droplets of water that stayed almost frozen on the sink. Of course he couldn't actually be sick, he hadn't eaten. His stomach however wanted to be sick. He was now realising that he was really very hungry. He hadn't eaten in an entire day. He hadn't really eaten that much the day before. He was trapped, he was hungry. He had chills. His jumper was off. It felt like home. For a second as he stared at the sink he believed that he was back home. His head snapped up. Frightened eyes stared back at him. "Come on Stefan, get a grip" He muttered to himself, his eyes not moving away from there reflection. He wasn't at home, he was at hogwarts, and at Hogwarts Stefan knew he was safe. He'd be safe. Stefan's eyes moved to the bruises which crawled past his old tank top and reached up to his shoulder. More on one side than the other. They moved down to the bruise on his arm from where his father had grabbed him just before he left for the train. A sharp reminder that he wasn't free yet, was what they were. Unfortunately for him, his bruises took forever to heal. He put that to the fact he was so thin. And there was something else, he was reminded of as he stared at his reflection. His too skinny body. Lastly, his eyes glanced away from the mirror and stared at his arms and hands. His left wrist had almost a bracelet of bruising, followed by a long cut moving up his arm. Both fading slowly, but both, against his pale skin still clear. The scars on his hand. Still as clear. He lifted his right hand from the bowl and glanced at the scar. The Essecne of Murtlap had actually helped a lot. It wasn't perfectly healed, but it had stopped reopening. He'd taken the bandage off so it could have some air. Air

With that small thought Stefan was off. He tore himself away from the sink, where as he thought more and more about himself and his body and many scars he'd grown angry. He took his jumper and quickly put it on before taking his converses putting them on quickly and heading out the Dorm room. The Slytherin boy hadn't really planned anything for the day. And he knew what he needed to let his mind settle, to help his cuts and bruises. For Air, and for more peace. His first thought was the lake front, but, he thought against it. He couldn't venture that far from the castle. He needed to be sure, he'd get back without getting lost. So instead the Slytherin headed for the courtyard. It was a little too close to the hall than he wanted, but he knew if he went to the very end of the courtyard that it would be fine. He walked quickly, although still being sure he knew where he was going and being sure that he wouldn't fall and hurt himself. The fact the feast was currently in full swing wasn't actually phasing the Slytherin. He would just quickly walk past the hall, and no one would notice him. Not Kate. Not Sara and not Willow. He didn't need them. Well, that was wrong, he did need them, but he didn't want them to need him. Better off without me. His mind told him. He wanted to see Willow again, but his mind reminded him that while he'd agreed to be friends, it was only a matter a time before she realised he was no good for her. Stefan was also aware that it wasn't long till one of the three or all of the girls put the pieces together. Well, they would believe that they'd figured him out. Why he was acting like that, the real reason for the scars, his skinniness. Stefan Archer was an awful liar. And he knew all three girls were smart enough to put the pieces together. A lot smarter than he was anyway. Stefan knew that Willow had problems with the magic side of things, but she would at least be doing better than him. Taking more in, and she had the advantage of school before magic. Stefan had nothing. He had this education, and it wasn't like he was actually excelling. Stefan knew that if he actually listened in all his lesson he would be a lot better at it all. But he had problems with the bare basics, the rest was like a foreign language to him.

With eyes glued to the floor, Stefan Mason Archer walked past the Great Hall. He did not even steal a glance into the room. Instead he just headed straight out the doors and practically sighed in relief as the cool spring air hit his face. Stefan took a deep breath in sucking all the air he could and then exhaled. He was breathing as if it was a new thing. Like he'd just discovered he could breath. Stefan now let his eyes wander the empty courtyard. The dark blue eyes of the boy took in the many sights. The plants, the benches. The little spots of brighter light which came from within the hall. It was pretty dark already, but Stefan could see from the simple fact that the light from the great hall and other areas of the school, gave the courtyard a sunset look to it. The slytherin boy walked slowly, to the end of the court, to the corner where a bench and a pillar met. He took a seat on the bench, and sat facing the opposite wall, with his feet on the bench and his back against the wall and pillar. He sighed. Never had he ever thought he'd be at a place like this. Sure, he'd always imagined himself alone. But not at a place like Hogwarts. Still one and a quarter years into Hogwarts and Stefan still had problems believing it was all real. But, he knew it was. It had to be. Hogwarts was that one shred of good in his life, beside the friends he'd once had. Sitting alone on the empty courtyard, Stefan was able to just clear his mind. He was happily alone that Halloween light. It was peaceful, he was calm. The rest of the world, would ignore him, and he could just let his eyes stare upwards and ignore the rest of the world. Despite his lack of friends, the slight coldness, his growing hunger(with his stomach quietly reminding him every so often) his scars, the thoughts of what his father would be like when he returned, despite everything that the slytherin had to think and worry about. Stefan Archer was happy.​
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OOCOut of Character:

Sorry about the size of it.
I got a little carried away.
 
It has been a good day for Willow Autumn.
Despite catching a cold after her night out on the cliffs with Stefan Archer, the lovely people at the Hospital Wing managed to cure her before she even said, "Pepperup Potion Please". Although her face was tinged bright red and her ears didn't stop billowing out steaming smoke until the next day from drinking the potion, she felt fine - physically fine. She didn't feel like she was going to have a bout of of dizziness or a random fainting attack. She felt as clear as day, absolutely fine - despite her last conversation with Stefan ending on a down point - she focused on the positives - Kate was eating again, Sara was starting to feel better about Kate and Stefan's awkwardness and Willow...was feeling good.

She walked up the gravel path, making her way back to Hogwarts Castle after spending sometime breathing in the salty air near the Lakefront. She enjoyed gazing at the Lake lately, the sparkly water reflected the fluffy white clouds and every now and then she'll see the tentacle of the giant squid - and despite having small hooks on the tentacles, the squid was quite friendly. She smiled as she watched students swim out to the squid and tickle the tentacles. Soaking up a happy atmosphere was something Willow needed amongst all the gloom and misery that her friendship group was tackling with. Kicking stones, she was approaching the entrance of Hogwarts Castle. She wasn't sure why there weren't many students out and about in the courtyard - the majority of students liked to kick back and relax in the area. And she remembered - Halloween. She cast her mind back to the previous year, Dressing up with Chris for the Halloween Ball. This year, she wasn't even sure if she wanted to go - she hasn't even talked to Chris since arriving back for the new year. Her grades were suffering and she was feeling stressed, she decided to go to the ball - even if she wasn't going to dress up at all.

Sighing, she walked into the Courtyard, greeting the silence warmly - knowing that most of the students would be excitedly discussing what they were going to wear for Halloween - today, Willow just wanted to go straight back to the Dormitory and head to bed. Anti-social attitudes were something Willow was starting to get used to. Being outgoing was something, but pushing people away was another. She felt annoyed - she didn't know why she was annoyed, but she felt the nagging emotion. Her eyes gazed around the courtyard - her eyes landed on a small figure. Approaching the figure slowly, she kept her head down. She was wondering what to say, how to feel or even how to react. She looked up at the person, trying to give a warm smile that turned out to be just an awkward smile, she met his eyes and spoke; "Hi Stefan." Her voice playing host to pain and shyness.


OOCOut of Character:
Blah. Apologies for lameness.
 
Kate was a small bit worried.She didn't want to join the others at the feast she was still not used to being around food especially a feast.But everyone she knew was going and she didn't want to sped Halloween alone.She remembered when she was little and all the trick or treating she had done it had been really fun and the neighbours were usually generous.But know even the thought of that amount of food made Kate shudder.She used to love lots of sweet things she had practically swore by them but it had all changed now.

feeling sorry for herself Kate made her way down in her simple outfit.She hadn't gone scary some people wouldn't call it a costume but Kate had left it to last minute.She now told people that she was dressing as an actress so she had put on one of the possible dresses for the Yule Ball on.She had done her hair and everything.Even though the dress didn't fit her new thin body so well she still looked kind of pretty.She walked down th stairs dreading going into the hall she started to breath quickly.She stopped took a deep breath and walked on.When she was almost at the end of the stairs she spotted Willow going out to the courtyard.Without thinking Kate followed she hoped Willow wasn't doing anything important or private.Kate really didn't want to go in but if she really had no other choice she would.Jogging she managed to spot Willow she was about to call her name when she saw Willow stop by a small figure.Deciding she was to close to come back she walked up.It wasn't until then did she notice who the figure was she stopped and started for a few seconds before remembering where she was. "Umh hey guys"She said awkwardly wanting to be anywhere but here.
 
If even for a while, his mind could forget everything, and just pretend that Stefan Mason Archer was just a normal boy. He didn't even feel the need to define what he meant by nothing. He would never have to. People would realise if they at all knew him, that normal for him, might be a bad day for them. Their everyday life was a lot more normal that anything Stefan could claim to say about his. The longing in the boy to swap lives with whoever crossed his paths was so huge. Stefan wouldn't ever go through with switching his life for another. Yes, he hated his, but he wouldn't want anyone to have live it, so he did. Alone, and trapped in an endless cycle of pain and misery, all of which that brought him nothing and left him with even less. The barrier that he'd built, crumbled almost every time his father's hand reach him. A barrier that he then had to spend hours rebuilding, because it could not be left vulnerable. He could not be left vulnerable. Because, Stefan knew the more vulnerable he actually was the harder everything seemed to be and the more painful things tended to be. Even happily sitting on his own, he couldn't get away from the reminders of what his father had done. His back ached from the bruises now pushed against hard rock. Slightly arched forward, a pain in his stomach was forming. He wouldn't be able to stay out long, but Stefan Mason Archer could not bring himself to go back inside. Not any time soon. He didn't think it was right for him to do such a thing. He'd pass by a hall that made him want to vomit what little was left in his stomach. For Stefan to be happy for a long time, it was impossible to know what it would take. Over the past few weeks, since being out late at the cliffs, Stefan felt like he was coming down with something. He wasn't sure what, but it had given him a fairly bad cough. He didn't cough that often, but when he did, it actually hurt. He had been sure that his ribs were fine, but he wasn't so sure any more. Stefan knew that they must have healed, it didn't take that long, the pain was just the cough. Of course, being in Stefan's current condition he couldn't exactly just go to the Hospital wing to see if he was okay. The hospital wing would do more than just check to see what he had. They notice the bruises. They might demand for him to remove his jumper. And since all Stefan had were tank tops, the bruising which reached up past his t-shirt and started down his back would be as clear as day. Hospital wing was not an option for the Slytherin.

The hospital wing not being an option for Stefan was exactly why, he hadn't gone to see them about the colour blindness. When he'd arrived at Hogwarts it had been one of the first things on his mind, but he'd quickly realised that this would not help him. This would draw attention to him and the very last thing Stefan wanted was attention. It was obvious in the way he kept to himself. Never really branching out into different friendships. It was a forever alone type of thinking which kept him from making more friends. The ones he had currently he was sure wanted nothing to do with him. Stefan took a deep breath of the cold air and exhaling out came a cough. Harsh and sore as Stefan winced slightly in pain. The outdoor was not as cold as he believed it to be. He felt comfortable enough pushing up his sleeves. Exposing the bruises on his left wrist and the cut reaching up his arm, His right hand, not bruised. Just the gash of the palm of his hand. His eyes wandered to it, it took the colour blind boy a long while to get his eyes away from the sky. Even in black, white and grey it was amazing. The dark blue eyes wandered to the cut. He traced a finger along it, applying only a little pressure. Sure to not cause the cut to accidentally open. Because that really was the last thing that Stefan wanted. Although on a day like Halloween, with the real blood of his hand, he'd be able to make a costume that would compete with most others in authanticity. A small voice reached his ears, and Stefan glanced up at her. Willow, there was a pain in her voice. It was shy. Did she know? He didn't know. She might. Stefan just smiled and then looked back to his hands. He tucked his legs slightly, as if forming a barrier between him and Willow. He didn't want to make her sick. And being around him did that to people, he saw it in Kate. Stefan shook his head slightly and then looked back to Willow. He met her eyes and wondered if he was to say anything. He willed for himself to not cough or for his stomach to not rumble. But he couldn't really control what his body did. The only thing he seemed capable of doing. Stefan smiled slightly, shifting position so he wasn't causing was much pain to his back. A pain he knew currently he wasn't hiding too well.

"Hey. Not a fan of Hallowe'en" Stefan attempted to make conversation before looking back down at his hands. He wasn't sure what else to say. He hadn't exact left things on a good note between them. He was good at reaching lows with people. "I'm sorry" Stefan suddenly had thoughts about just quitting school. He knew that way he'd never escape, but his friends wouldn't be constantly listening to him say he was sorry. Stefan didn't know why he thought that. Never escaping would not do well with him. He just wanted to be free, more than anything. He knew he would continue apologising to his friends until he had nothing left to apologize for. Stefan looked back at her. Before Stefan could say anything else, a second voice entered, and Stefan's heart dropped. He lowered his head. Kate Moon. Why did she have to be here. Hadn't he made it clear, he didn't want her help, he needed her to leave him alone. Stefan took a deep breath and looked up at Kate. As soon as he had, he couldn't look away. His eyes looked at the dress she wore, and his eyes met hers. He was clearly speechless, more so than usual. He coughed slightly, and as he did the harsh cough forced itself to the surface. At least this drew his eyes away from Kate as he stared directly at his hands. Suddenly aware that he was exposing his brusied wrist. Once he'd control his cough, Stefan pulled down the sleeves of the jumper. Kate looked amazing to him. He didn't see the skinniness. He saw a healing person. He saw a girl, who he wanted to be friends with more than anything in the world. The girl, who he'd actually liked as more than a friend. He wanted to tell her how amazing she looked. But, he was scared, after all he'd said to her, he was scared to tell her that she was.....to him......no matter how skinny.....beautiful. "You should go enjoy your night. Both of you. I wanna be alone." Stefan met Kate's eyes, and lingered on them, before moving to Willow. It was his polite way of saying that he wanted them to leave. Stefan would avoid the mistake of last time. He would not be insulting or mean. He would state fact. "My father and I never celebrated Halloween, it holds no importance to me, but it must to you both. Please," It wasn't a lie but it wasn't the truth either. Halloween was just new to him, he hadn't even known about it. His father had never brought it up. and Halloween scared him. As Stefan returned his gaze to his own legs, he heard his stomach rumble loudly. It was pretty clear that Stefan hadn't eaten in a while. Stefan closed his eyes and waited for the girls to speak, he knew they wouldn't just leave. And in a sense it was almost what he wanted.​
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Willow was still trying to find the words that summed up their friendship with each other; perhaps frosty was a good one - awkward doesn't even come close these days. She couldn't say there was tension nor was there a dark negativity cloud hanging over the trio. It felt friendly enough and she knew her place. She could help feeling a little peeved that Stefan and Kate still weren't talking to each other and she really did start to feel like it was just her trying to mend everything together. Although she didn't want to portray her annoyance to Kate and let alone to Stefan - if by anything now, Willow realized her friendship was on the rocks.

"Hey Guys" Willow noticed the small fragile voice of Kate. She looked marginally better than she did last time back down at the Kitchens, the dark purple satin dress accentuated her thin state - but she still looked pretty beautiful, Willow snuck a glance at Stefan - his eyes fixated on Kate's beauty, obviously he still had feelings for her. Obviously, Stefan didn't know that Willow figured out Stefan's secret. Obviously, Kate didn't realize what was going on. Obviously, no one knew what each person was thinking and how they thought they were being perceived. This was going to be one long day. "Hi Kate" Willow smiled and patted the seat next to her. Willow did think about moving along so Kate was sitting between them, but she didn't know if that would cue more...frostyness. She noticed the bruise and the cut on Stefan's arm - Willow wasn't sure if her theory on Stefan's life was correct, but she'll eventually have to talk it out of him someday - even if it'll mean him being angry at her for the rest of the entire school year. It didn't matter.

She wanted to sigh - why did Stefan assume that she (or Kate) didn't want to be around with Stefan? She gave a small laugh; "Stefan, If I wanted to go to the Hallowe'en Ball, I'd be dressed up by now and be in the Great Hall. Not in my uniform and sitting in the courtyard. I'm not in the mood for Halloween anyway." She sighed, it was true. Right now, she could be having fun dancing and eating so much candy that'll make her dentist faint. This year, Halloween didn't feel like fun - it felt like what it was showing. Dark, gloomy - perhaps a little scary and accentuate the fact that she is a Witch but not the type that the muggle's know with the crooked nose and ugly teeth with long hay-like black hair. Willow just wanted to be with her friends. The friends that she wasn't quite sure that were still her friends.
 
OOCOut of Character:
Sorry for the delay, was sick yesterday and the day before.

Sara was on her way to the feast, she was dressed as a cheerleader. Suddenly she saw her sister, stunning in her purple dress, but she was thin, so thin. She also saw Willow, who wasn't dressed up, but she decided to walk up to them, there was someone else with them, but approaching them from behind, she couldn't see their face. Hoping she wouldn't be annoying anyone by greeting her friends. She approached them, and raised her hand in the air as a gesture of greeting. "Hey guys, Happy Halloween." she smiled. It was then that she realised who was with them. "Stefan." she smiled. "Long time no see." she said meekly, she was annoyed with him, but didn't want to blow up, she wanted to be friends again. The last time they'd met, he'd gotten mad with her for nothing-she didn't want a repeat.

Sara already suspected what was wrong with Stefan and looked him over, wondering if his wounds had healed. Willow had helped her with her conclusion-though she didn't know it. Before Sara had known that someone was hurting Stefan, but Willow had mentioned that she thought Stefan and his Father's relationship wasn't good. This had led her to believe that his Father was the one doing the hurting, but she knew Stefan would deny it. "So, how is everyone?" she asked, tentatively, praying to God that this wouldn't be as awkward a conversation as she anticipated. She also hoped Stefan wouldn't blow up at Sara as he had last time.
 
Kate blushed slightly when she saw the was Stefan was looking at her.She started looking down at her hands trying to look anywhere but at Stefan.She was a bit relieved knowing that he still had feelings for her but sad because she knew he wouldn't own up to those feelings.She wasn't sure whether she wanted to be here or not.She didn't want things to go down hill again.Her thoughts were interupted when she heard Stefan cough.She bit her lip worried for him she looked at Stefan and saw a bad cut on his wrist this made her even more worried.She wanted to go over and comfort him but she knew she shouldn't as that would just mess things up.

Kate did a little sigh.It annoyed her only a small bit that Stefan always dissed her and Willow whenever they were around.She knew he had his reasons but it still annoyed her a small bit.At the moment anything was better then being at the feast even if it was here in the courtyard with Stefan and Willow. "I didn't want to go to the feast too much people...and the food"Kate said quietly shifting awkwardly.Halloween wasn't the same this year she couldn't eat and sweets and sh was to scared to go to the feast.It didn't feel like it at all.Kate did a small sigh of relief when Willow offered her a seat.She sat down slowly and carefully,it took a few seconds to get comfy but she was grand after that.There was a little awkward silence before it was broken by a new arrival.Kate started to shift things were different between her sister and herself but she was glad to have another familiar face with her.she did a small smile seeing her sisters outfit it was cute.She wasn't sure if her sisters loudness would be okay but since Sara in a way was part of this she was welcome. "Hey sis I like your outfit"She said quietly but she smiled.She patted the space between her hoping the others wouldn't mind. "I'm grand and you?"She asked quietly again.She wondered would her voice ever get louder but for now she would have to deal with her weak one.
 
Not often could Slytherin actually claim that he was a happy bunny when someone didn't do as he said. He was in no way like his father, but he got pretty close most of the time. Anger built up inside him, like a volcano just before it burst. Unlike his father, Stefan knew he could control it. He would handle it. He would take care of it. He'd get rid of his anger, and show to all, that though his father had chosen on route he would chose another. As much as they shared DNA, that was the only thing that Stefan knew they had in common. It was the only thing. It would be the only thing. Stefan didn't know if he actually looked like his father. It wasn't like he'd ever posed in a picture with him. There were no pictures of him, or any family member in his house. It was what lead Stefan Mason Archer to believe that he had no other family. How little he knew. It had always made him wonder what would take for him to get any form of personal information out his father. His father was not functional, his father didn't listen to Stefan, no matter what he said. Speaking out of turn wasn't something that Stefan ever did. He knew to not. Like he knew now to not say anything very insulting and just hint at the fact that he wanted them to go. At Hogwarts it just seemed like his goal had almost become getting others to leave him alone. It was the only way anything was quiet for the Slytherin. He needed the peace to recover. The quiet to let things heal, body and mind. With others, Stefan found this a little more difficult considering that he had to be constantly lying to others. As he looked up at Willow who taken a seat he moved his legs in towards him. He knew that any more pressure on his stomach and he would be in some serious pain. But, Stefan had to ignore it. He would have to let Kate sit, he couldn't not, especially if they showed no signs of going. He had no choice but to accomdate. Stefan coughed again. He wished himself to not. It hurt, and it would bring more attention upon him, and right now, he didn't want that attention, he was just putting up with them with him. His dark blue eyes met Willow as she spoke. Not in the mood for Halloween. He was sure that was his fault that she felt that way today about halloween. He knew his entire's groups issues could be traced back to him, the fact that Kate and Willow stayed only lead him to the conclusion that they knew or thought they knew. He didn't like that. Sure it would make things a little more equal when it came to knowing things about the other, but his was substantially worse than anything any of them would realise.

Lowering his eyes once more, Kate took a seat. Stefan pulled his legs even closer to his body. He leaned his head against his knees and let out a small and quiet sigh. His stomach had a lot of pressure on it. It made him want to hurl almost, but, he just kept his head on his knees and just breathed. That was the only way to keep himself calm. The only way to stay without crying out as the pain became too much. His stomach grumbled loudly. Unlike all the other times at Hogwarts, it didn't appear that Stefan had gained any form of weight in the past two months since his return. Sure, things were healing, but the entire thing with Kate had sent him pretty much back to square one when it came to eating. But, unlike Kate, no one would notice for he was already thin. Stefan was thinner than Kate. Though it was no longer by such a big margin. Stefan looked up once more when a third voice spoke. Sara. He didn't really smile at her. He'd been pretty horrible to her. Something she hadn't really deserved. But, he'd lost it. Stefan Mason Archer was by no means perfect, he really was getting a lot of things wrong, and losing his temper with Sara was one of those things. The question she asked, was one that Stefan hated more than anything. It was pretty clear that he wasn't okay. Sure there and then, he felt good, but he wasn't okay. He was far from it, but that question did not lead to the answer that people didn't want to hear. All they wanted was a yes thank you, nothing more than that. Stefan just nodded, checking to see if there would be any room, while turning his attention away from the pain he was feeling. The slytherin had not exactly planned for anything like this, he'd rather hoped he'd avoid them all, but like moths to a flame they'd found him. One following another, following another. Stefan had been the only one who'd not followed someone. Well, he couldn't be sure about Willow, but he just assumed. Letting Kate answer first, gave him a chance to just think. Get his words together. "I've been worse." Was all Stefan said, well more like muttered quietly, raising his gaze to the three girls. "I've been better" He shrugged, carefully to not cause too much movement. His gaze moved up to the sky, somehow he was looking up as if to find some sort of conversation starter, but it was fruitless. "I should probably go." Stefan looked back and them and nodded. He turned his body and slowly stood, vaguely aware that it would hurt to stand. He coughed again, harsh and painful sounding. He got to his feet, and had to keep himself up with the world beside him. His stomach was in a lot of pain. His hunger fueling it, and the bruises helping. He put a hand on his stomach and just breathed in and out, slowly. "On second thoughts" Stefan turned to put his back against the pillar, before sliding down to the floor, his eyes shut, and on hand on his stomach. He lay his legs out straight, and kept talking as deep breaths as he could. His eyes remained closed, he just wanted the pain to pass over. And he knew eventually it would. "Sorry" He muttered to them, opening his eyes, and looking to all three. The pain was clear in his eyes there was no hiding it. It was why, he didn't meet there eyes and once he'd glanced at all three he just kept his eye staring at the opposite wall. Stefan really did wish they'd leave.​
 
Willow sighed, here was four students - one from each house sitting in the Courtyard, wrapped in gloom. They were sure as hell celebrating Hallowe'en spirit. Willow was completely sick of it. By now, she would have expected everything would have passed and they'd all be inside dressed up and eating copious amounts of cake and sickly sweets, scaring each other and having a good time. Nope, Hallowe'en in Willow's mind was about celebrating the fact that each of her friends were growing more distant with each other. ...and this is the best thing that can be happening right now. Willow thought.

She felt and heard a slight ping - the ping and the tingly sensation happening in her head. Her tension headache was back. Her headaches were becoming more frequent and this fact didn't surprise Willow one bit. She was neglecting her own needs, her schoolwork, her music and her importantly - her health. Her time was spent checking if Kate was okay and once she was satisfied she would move on to Sara and then Stefan and then start the process all over again until the next day. She was sick of it, the hostility between the four was at it's max. No one knew what to say to each other, or even how to act. Willow was in the middle of the entire thing. Sara only confirmed her inklings about Stefan - Willow had the most positive idea of what was going on. She felt like she was a step ahead.

"Stefan, you're not okay, sit back down...and you don't need to apologize for everything." She spoke softly but her words came out like ice. She was feeling irritable. She smiled at Sara's arrival and watched her join the group. Willow felt her temper rising, she was jealous. She knew she wasn't the girl who people would stop and take a second look at - Kate was gorgeous, her purple dress was gorgeous on her. Even Sara looked beautiful. The Moon sisters always looked so damn beautiful and of course they could afford to look that way. Being in a mansion and all. Willow fumed in silence, she wasn't the type of person to be so caught up on looks and styles and the way she felt about where she lived. The Moon's Mansion was definitely modern and quintessentially stylish. Willow lived on a farm - something that she was sure the majority of people would cringe at. Stefan liked Kate. She was sure someone like Sara. The fact was, Willow didn't feel pretty at all at this moment. Her Brunette hair fluttered in the gentle breeze, her blue eyes gazed at her feet. She wished she knew where their conversation was going to go.
"...so..."
 
"Thank you Kate. I'm fine." Sara smiled, sitting beside her sister. Lately Sara had found she stepped more lightly, more elegantly. She wasn't sure why, but her theory was that when such tension and fear was in the atmosphere that one would tread carefully, one tends to actually start doing this. that probably had nothing to do with it, but Sara tended to over-analyse. She looked toward Willow. She had begun to be worried about Willow-she had been consoling all of them, trying to fix Kate and Stefan, but she was going through something pretty harch herself. Sara really wanted to talk to her about it, but she was afraid it would just upset Willow.

Sara looked toward Stefan. This boy, this boy who she knew made her sister's heart flutter, who saw everything in black and white, literally and as a smile. He seemed to think it should be easy for them to lose him. Sara felt that he didn't know his worth, but she knew that he was a good person-that the word, time, destiny would eventually turn in his favour. Sometimes she wondered though, if the world was ever really fair, if anyone escaped without scars and memories that cut them to the bone. If life were fair-there would be no poverty, there would be no abuse-everyone would be happy. this world was a hell. Sara's faith was broken.

She smiled at Stefan's answer-trust him to make light of it, it had been what he'd been doing for weeks now. She gave him a look, telling him that she knew otherwise, but she gasped as he almost. "Willow's right Stefan, you have nothing to be sorry for." she added, giving him a worried glance from her seat beside her sister. She looked at Kate, conveying her feelings-the way they had always been able to communicate. Sara need only look at Kate and Kate would know what she was thinking about. She so wished she could tell Kate her suspicions about Stefan, but Kate would worry, and she had enough to worry about at the moment.
 
Kate kept quiet for a while.She watched everything,she could see Willow looking troubled and this worried her as Willow could not be under stress it wasn't good for her.She watched as Stefan winced in pain as he tried to leave and though the others probably didn't notice he was thin,thinner then herself.Ever since she had met him he had been thin but usually he would of gained some weight at this time of the year but he didn't exactly look like he was improving and Kate knew it was because of the situation they were in.All there lives were messed up at the moment and really Willow and Sara shouldn't be in it.It didn't really have to do with them or Kate for that matter it was Stefan's problem but they were all in it and thats how it would stay because friends help each other whether they like it or not.

She could see that Stefan wanted them to go away and a part of her wanted to do that but they had to sort this out do something.She shifted uneasily on the ground.She wished things were back to normal that she had never met Stefan but the other part of her knew that life wouldn't always b perfect and that you were going to hit bumps on the way because of all this she had met Stefan someone who she really cared about someone who made her heart flutter and she had also made two really close friends and she also had learned an important lesson, never ignore your friends they will help you.If Kate hadn't listened to her friends she would still be not eating and getting thinner.Even though they were in a horrible depressing situation there was light at the tunnel.Kate had been changed for the better.She wasn't sure whether it had been for the others but she believed and hoped that it would in the future.You only have one life and there is no point depressing yourself about it you have to carry on and get through the situation no matter how long it takes and you have to remember you can't do it by yourself no matter how hard you try you can't.

Finally Kate got back to the present conversation.Nothing much had changed.there was still an awkward silence that no one seemed willing enough to break. Kate sighed took a last look around to see if anyone would speak. "So amm Stefan what do you like to do in your spare time"She asked quietly and not looking him in the eye but smiling a little.She knew this was a useless start to a conversation probably the worst but it was something and it was better than the silence
 
The intense pain in the area of his stomach, seemed to slowly pass. He could breath more slowly. Be calmer. His cheeks were warm, and unknown to him, they'd flushed a deep red. He was embarrassed. It was an awkward moment when he was about as weak, as a particle of dust in the air. Likely to be thrown everywhere, and only ever given brief moments of rest. While safe at school, he felt a lot safer than he'd ever felt before, there was this. This silence, the darkness, the loss of any form of nice feeling. Alone, forever alone, what he knew he'd be destined to. If his attitude changed, if he just let them in they might help him. But, how could they. What could a group of 4 12 year olds do about his situation. He was sure it would be fairly hard for adults to do anything about it. Killing his father would not necessarily solve the issue, because, Stefan knew killing was wrong, and doing that would make them no better, than him. And Stefan would never find out all he needed to know. How his mother died, what his mother's name was, if he had grandparents, aunts, uncles. Where his mother was buried, if his parents were even from New Zealand. No, killing his father would solve little. But he could hardly see anyone willing to take him. Who'd want someone like Stefan, he always told himself. Stefan knew few families would want a boy like Stefan. A boy, who had suffered so much and was a wizard. It wasn't like any of his friends had jumped to insist he stay with them. Even if they knew, it wasn't like they were offering Stefan a home. He would need much, he had so little as it was, there was only going up. The few clothes he had, would soon be too small for him. He had to thank that his uniform was too big for him now, which would allow for a lot more growth, less could be said about his t-shirt, and jeans. More so with his shoes. He'd slowly grown into them, but not for very much longer. His shoes, were the perfect way to see how Stefan had to live. They were old, worn, muddy, had small tares in them and generally looked about 5 years old. But, that was all. He didn't have anything else. He had that. As a small breeze blew through the air, a small sigh was emitted from Stefan's lips. He shuddered slightly. The breeze was cold, but he found as soon as it passed that he was warm. However warm he might be, he pulled down on the sleeves of his jumper. Not meeting there eyes. Keeping his firmly on his hands. One hand slowly tracing the scar on the other. Stefan couldn't understand why the three couldn't just move on as friends with out him. Like, others seemed to do.

Most would be jealous of Stefan right now. Although, he could barely see what each girl looked like, he knew that all three were the prettiest in the year. While Stefan seemed to only have eyes for one, he thought the two others were as amazing, as kind, as smart. He didn't know why in the three his eyes had found one, but, it was what had happened and Stefan wasn't exactly upset. As much as he wished for all to be happy, he wished for her to always be with him. Night and day. But, to allow all others to be happy, he knew he could live without them. He'd been alone for so long, what did it matter if he was alone now. When he'd sorted out the problem with his father, then he'd be able to make friends. He'd be able to put it behind him, and form a large, thick brick wall between him and those memories. But right now, he couldn't. Right now, he just had to live with it. The scars forever a reminder that his life resembled a hurricane. The tone of voice which Willow had used, had shown to Stefan that there was only so much of this that they could all take. He knew it was his fault, but he knew that no matter what he said they'd never believe him. He couldn't understand why they would bother with him. He would barely bother with himself. It was pointless, he knew that he was annoying, that being closed off was not favored. It was just the way things were. And Stefan saw no point in changing it, or trying to make it better. What he did would work in the end. and Though it angered him that it didn't currently, he knew for a fact that it would in the end. The main problem Stefan actually had, was not his lack of ability to read, or write, not his awkwardness or loss of a parent. More, the root of his problems and by extension their's. He didn't believe in himself. he didn't believe that he was a worthy enough human to merit such people as Kate, Willow and Sara. He did not merit them, he didn't think he did. Stefan's father had constantly reminded him of how worthless he was, and how worthless he'd always be, a human who couldn't see colour, was no human in his father's eyes. And Stefan carried that with him. It wasn't something so easily escaped. Sure the year before his confidence had grown slightly, but it was not by much and it wasn't something that had been that strong. This year, Stefan had begun believing his father was right. About him. And this had crossed over into how he treated his friends. Stefan glanced briefly up at the question. He didn't really do anything in his spare time. At home, he cleaned the house, made his father something to eat. Stayed out of his father's path. All things that were easier said than done.

"My spare time, Nothing. I read the school books" Because I have nothing else to read The mind added to the conversation. It was true what he'd said, only school books. "We don't really have enough money for me to have hobbies." Stefan nodded slightly. "Willow, you're suggestion for the Essence of Murtlap really helped. The cut's almost healed." His eyes met Willow as he held out the cut hand. It looked better, cleaner. And not as deep, but it was clear it had been a pretty bad cut. "Thank you." Stefan retracted his hand and glanced back down. Stefan coughed again. He was warm. He didn't want to take the jumper off. Stefan ran a hand through his hair, briefly exposing the cut on the side of his face, usually covered by his hair. "What about all of you?" Stefan wondered what they all liked to do, while also thinking it polite for him to return the question. He wanted to hear about lives a lot more perfect than his. Once more his stomach rumbled loudly. Soon, Stefan. Soon muttered his mind.​
 
If it was any consolation for anything, the fact that the Essence of Murtlap worked on Stefan's cuts were fading was a good thing.
"That's fantastic Stefan" She spoke quietly and smiled at him. She decided to be quiet, she knew her temper wasn't a particularly great thing. It wasn't the type of violent rage temper - the sort of anger that scares people that they'll crouch and cover their face with their hands. Willow wasn't the type to get physical, but her words can have the ability to hurt and to destroy and sort of friendship that they'll already have. She was feeling alone - the type of loneliness that you know that you're not exactly alone but it feels like it.

She listened to the small quiet conversation. Books. Were Stefan's escape - even if it was just school books. Willow glanced her thought back home, the image of the Den with the big old armchairs draped in cloth, the musty smell and the warmth it drew in. The time she spent reading possibly hundreds of fairytales over and over again. It was good. "It doesn't matter if you don't have a hobby, as long as you're happy, you got air to breathe and something to live for...then you don't really need a hobby after all." Willow murmured to no one in particular. Her headache was starting to become painful and she can start to feel the dull throbs - as if her brain had it's own heart. Praying silently that nothing was going to happen to her then and there, she breathed and relaxed as best as she could. The tension wasn't really helping with anything but she was glad that Sara and Stefan were getting along.

"Horse riding...music...baking..i'm..rather obvious really." She spoke. Quiet and a growing fury.
Willow never felt this angry at all during her time at Hogwarts so far, nothing really had infuriated her to the point that she felt like shouting. She cared about the three people that were sitting around her - and that was the thing that made her angry, each of them having their own problems and yet nothing has been resolved, nothing. "...god I hate this..." she whispered out loud, her thoughts echoing out loud though her speech. She wanted to talk to Stefan. She wanted to say what she knew. She wondered if anyone else had the same thought. Burying her head into her heads, she gave out a muffled sound of annoyance. Her conscious and head yelling at each other, trying to figure out if she should say something now or say something later.
Something was going to give way soon - either her temper or her conscious.
 
Kate wasn't exactly sure what Stefan and Willow were talking about but she had a lot more on her mind.She wasn't sure if any of them were noticing the fact that she was watching all of them closely.She could was usually good at picking out emotions in people or she would sometimes notice a hidden emotion.At the moment she could see Stefan was in pain,Sara was worried and Willow was angry and also in pain.She wasn't exactly sure what she was feeling but she knew she had to help all these people maybe not now but maybe sometime in the future.she knew Willow was stressing herself out doing to much for other people than rather focusing on herself.Even though Kate appreciated Willow's help she was sure she would be able to cope on her own and maybe even help the others.Kate wasn't going to do much in this conversation she decided she would just observe and set her plan (which she was still working on) in motion whenever it was most suited.She wasn't sure whether the others knew about Stefan's past she knew Willow did but she wasn't sure whether Sara did.So she would keep quiet for the moment and see what would happen.

"I love reading too"Kate said smiling.She knew Stefan only read school books but it was the same as ready a fiction book..She really did love ready and during the weekend or the evenings you would always find Kate in her bedroom with her headphones in head down reading a book.It was one of her few obbies whether she blocked out the world and she focused on the world of the book.This sometimes annoyed her parents or siblings because if she was ready a very good book she could be reading for hours totally ignoring the world outside the book. "Well my main hobbies would be ready,sport and music"she said cheerfully trying to a least break some of the tension.She wasn't liking this situation and she had a feeling somebody was going to burst soon...god I hate this... Kate bite her lip and looked over at Willow when she heard this.This made her think that Willow was definatly close to loosing it and Kat edidn't want this to happen.But she couldn't think of a good conversation starter so she just waited for Sara to answer.
 
Sara smiled, sightly when she saw that Stefan's cut was healing, it had looked painful and sore the last time she saw him. however, she could feel the tension building. She glanced over at Willow, she knew Willow was getting mad, and Sara herself was getting mad. She was angry with Stefan, for feeling like he couldn't tell them the secret she was sure she knew. She was angry with Kate, because she had let a boy influence her, change her. In fact, the only person in this escapade that Sara wasn't angry with-was Willow. She thought Willow had every right to be mad with the rest of them, she was going through a lot and was being over-looked. She looked over at Willow and raised an eyebrow, wondering how she was doing, and if she was okay.

She pondered for a moment, after Stefan's question. "Well, I like reading, acting, music, horse-riding, swimming.." she drifted off, then having an idea she decided to tread in more dangerous water. "And of course, just being with my family, it's where I'm happiest-besides Hogwarts of course." she hoped this would lead to an interesting conversation, and maybe give her more clues as to wether it was Stefan's Father who was hurting him. She looked sharply toward Willow as she heard her whisper. she nodded at her in shared sentiment-this was frustrating. She almost felt like shaking Stefan and Kate, giving them a good talking to, then running off and slamming a door. However, she couldn't do that, no, at times like this, one required a little diplomacy.
 
Generally obvious of feelings in the air, even Stefan felt the tension. As if all of them were about to blow. It wasn't what Stefan wanted. It wasn't what any of them needed. Stefan knew that he couldn't do anything to change it. He couldn't see how it could be changed. It wasn't like he had let them in. He'd been friendly with them the year before, counting all three as his friends, but he was giving them so many reasons for them to back out. To walk away and just never have to suffer because of him again. He half blamed them for what was happening. If they'd all just listened to Stefan, they'd understand he knew best. He knew he could take being alone, and the brunt of anger, but the others couldn't. He'd faced more than any one would ever face. And he was only 12. His life had never had any ray of light, not until Hogwarts. For Willow, her parents might've died, but she had her extended family who were taking the best care of her. Sara and Kate, might've lost an aunt, but they'd come into a lot of money. More money than Stefan ever hoped to make. When his mum had died, Stefan had been left with nothing. Left with bitterness hanging in the air, anger and embarrassment. He didn't why, his father was how he was. He couldn't explain, let alone find the courage to tell someone what was wrong. he figured if they did know, they were trying to pick the moment. But, there was no way of knowing when the right moment was. There was never a right time to say the words, Hey Stefan, is your father hurting you It wasn't something that could be easily be said. He wanted them, to just leave, and not ask any questions. Questions he wasn't ready to answer. Questions that he never thought he'd be able to answer. They wouldn't understand it. It wasn't like a simple thing that would be solved with talking. It wasn't simple. Nothing was ever that simple. Did they expect him, to just pour his heart out to them, and then be able to walk away. Did they think that if he told him, that they'd be able to look at him the same. Look him in the eye and say that everything would be fine. Not feel pity for and his upbringing. His terrible lot in life. Sure, it wasn't his fault, not any of it, but he didn't want them to know of such evil, that was done without the aid of a spell. He didn't want them to think that all the people of the world were like his father. Sure, he figured they knew that, but he didn't want them to feel bad about his lack of everything, and them having everything. Taking most of it for granted.

The food on each of their plates. Three times a day, with as many snacks as they could eat or wanted to. Be able to have hobbies, and actually know what it feels like to be loved. Having the people who care about you around to support you always. Stefan knew he had friends now, but he doubted they'd always be around. And he doubted they really cared. He was probably just interesting to them. Only that, and not much else. Once, they'd found out, he was pretty sure they'd just move on. No one stuck around for that long. Stefan's eyes moved from each girl, Willow first, something to live for. He didn't really have that. He had hope, and that was it. She listed her hobbies, Kate did too. Followed by Sara, who ended with family. God, that annoying thing. Family. Stefan had a family, only one member wasn't around and the other didn't act like family. He didn't know where his father was from, but what he did now know, was that his father wasn't from New Zealand. Which puzzled Stefan. A lot of things about his family and his past made him wonder. It wasn't as clear as Sara's and Kate's or Willow's. He knew what it was like to wish upon a star each night and be let down, each time. He knew what it was like, to not feel the warmth of the sun on his skin. Losing his friends, would not be the end of Stefan, but merely a return to what he had been, and that was a reason for why he was so desperate that they leave him alone. Because alone may be dull, but it was what Stefan knew and what he knew how to handle. This, friendship, constantly watching those around him. That was a foreign concept. Something he never thought he'd have to get used to, but, Hogwarts had proved him wrong in a lot of ways. He'd found that hogwarts had proved him wrong in many ways. Friends were hard, and it was clear it all needed work. Continuously. He sighed slightly, not hearing Willow's words. He realised this was hard, but his mind was else where. He was constantly conscious of the bruises and cuts around his body. He was aware that they were all watching one another. Silent words hung in the air. Words that wanted to be spoken but weren't. The entire atmosphere could be carved with a knife. He'd have to be the one to figure out what to say next. He would have to be. It was up to him, since all three girls, seemed incapable of trying to make conversation, something they had all once been good at.

"Being with my family. My family isn't big enough to be called that." Stefan leaned his head against the stone wall. The dark blue eyes glistening in the dark light emitted for the Great Hall. It looked almost like Stefan was to tears. Pain clear in his eyes, as well as the emptiness that he felt each day. His family couldn't be called one, because it wasn't one. His father was his blood relative, but that was all. A family was not necessarily meant to be people joined by blood. But, that didn't even matter to him. Apart from the three in front of him, and other less close friends, Stefan was his own family. He coughed loudly, his head lowered and his eyes back to the floor. "It's just me, and my dad. Just me and him." There was no point saying differently. They all knew he was motherless, and though he'd never known his mother, he clung to the idea of her. That she'd be proud of him, that she'd protect him. But, no. And Stefan didn't have to hide at least that he didn't have one. It was important to him, but it wasn't a secret he felt the need to keep. "My dad will always be there for me, I know" Stefan muttered, nodding his head. It was false, his father wasn't there for him, but he felt the need to say something, throw them off his trail. Realising that they were smarter than that, Stefan tried to get the conversation away from him. And noticing Willow, and the fact, she was clearly in pain. He knew pain. "Willow are you okay? Maybe you should lie down?"
 
Silence was bliss. Silence was something that Willow took for granted. It wasn't the type of forced silence as if she was sitting in the Library studying for a subject or even when lights go out in the dormitories to signalize that they should be sleeping. It was Silence of being far away, ignoring the world for a while - even for a few mere minutes.
Willow's head still buried in her hands and was ignoring the mumblings of conversation that was around her, the gentle breeze easing some of the burden of her headache. It wasn't something she was used to. Pain and Anger. She wondered how Stefan ever managed to control such feelings, feelings that would crumble away layers of personal strength. Her hands gripped tightly around her head, frustration and annoyance settling in without any choice. ...Come on Willow, stop being so angry...but I can't help it....stop it, you're better than this...For crying out loud, I wish they'd just sort it out without me doing something...yeah right, as if that'll happen...cut it out!...This would been over aaaages ago if you did something...so I should say something then...but no!..
The back and forth banter in Willow's head raged for what seemed eternity, each word digging her fingers deeper into her head and the ache increased, little by little. Her breathing becoming shallow, she knew she should have calmed down but calming down wasn't an option. Her growing fury reaching it's boiling point.

Snap.

"Willow are you okay? Maybe you should lie down?" Willow opened her eyes and her directed her gaze Stefan. Her usually clear bright blue eyes are now a shade of tinged red, bloodshot eyes caused by the intensity of her headache and the ever growing stress of current life at Hogwarts. It seemed to emphasize her anger, her longing for all their problems to end but at the same time it emphasized her condition. She gave him a puzzled look - she knew she wasn't okay, she didn't need to lie down. Staying quiet she looked over to Sara and Kate, her anger growing from jealously. Jealousy she didn't even know where it came from.
Willow didn't even notice the throbbing in her head or even the pain in her eyes. She was running on adrenaline now. "I've figured out something." she stood up and faced her friends. "I've figured out your secret Stefan." She spoke, calmness was her thing. "The bruises. The cuts. The withdrawals. The Quietness. It's not part of your Colorblindness isn't it?...Isn't it?" She spat out the last two words. Anger consumed her, she knew it was dangerous. "Kate told me something, Sara just confirmed my inklings. It's your father isn't it? you're scared right? He's the one that's been giving you the bruises, he's the one that's giving you the cuts isn't he?" She glared at him and knew she must have been a sight to look at. "The reason why you're pushing us away, is because you don't want us to know about it or even do something about it?" She felt the sharp stabs of pain in her head and gasped, clutching her head she stumbled a few steps backwards.

Snap.

Her eyes looked towards Kate; "Didn't you know Sara is worried about you? Worried about that you're hurting yourself. Worried that you weren't eating. Worried. just worried because you're her sister and she felt like you were pushing her away?" She spat out her words hysterically. Willow collapsed on her knees, gasping;"Your sister...loves you. She's worried. I wish every single day I had someone that close to look out for me. And even if I did have a cousin, he's not here. he's not here. he's just not here. And here you are...pushing her away." Her eyes stung, tears made it's way down to greet the earth. She was sick of it.
...See Willow, it's good to be angry...not it's not! she's pretty much pushing her friends away....no, she just needed it. no, now she just made things worse...
]"Shut up!" Willow clutched her head and screamed. She knew she couldn't control anger and now the dizziness was coming through - either she was going to faint there and then or something entirely worse could happen. Gaining most of her breath back she painfully stood back up again, glaring at the three - the bloodshot eyes emphasizing her anger; "I am so sick of being in the middle trying to sort out your problems. I've tried. I've failed. I've tried again. but I can't. I just. can't...by myself." She trailed off, a lone tear running down her cheek.


Snap.

She felt the color drain from her face and a new pain emerged.
...time to run Willow.
She took one last look at her friends. Friends she didn't even know that would still be her friends after seeing her anger.
Willow wondered if this is what Stefan felt like, the feeling that he had when he said those things in the Great Hall. She looked at him.
She still wanted to be friends, but she couldn't be around. She couldn't even help any of her friends.
...Sorry. She whispered as she lowered her head.
Feeling worse than she did before, clutching her chest she made dash for the castle entrance. Hallowe'en was living up to it's name.
She didn't know where she was running to or how long she'd stay conscious for. But she didn't want to see them. Even though she'd knew they'd come looking for her. She wanted to be alone.
 
Kate shifted uncomfortably as Sara spoke about family.That wasn't really fair its not like Stefan had to say anything and if Stefan didn't want to tell them anything they should let him be.Kate hadn't come here on purpose and she wanted to leave but she didn't want to seem rude so she sat there getting a bit cold because of the dress.She had probably ruined it from sitting down on the ground and her legs and arms were quite cold but she could last a little longer maybe.She bit her lip as Stefan started talking.She could see he was lying at the end but she didn't say anything.She looked over at Willow who Kate was increasingly worrying about.She didn't look to good and Kate felt a bit guilty.But what came next she was definatly not expecting.Kate looked at Willow her mouth hanging open.Where was her calm,cool friend?the person in front of her looked like a madwoman.Kate couldn't help but flinch as Willow's anger turned to her.Kate was sat frozen to the spot not sure what to do.She did a little jump when Willow shouted and clutched her head.There was something seriously wrong her and Kate wanted to go over and help her friend but she knew this would make things worse even when Willow ran off Kate didn't do anything because she knew Willow would want to be on her own.She thought about leaving but she decided to stay another few minutes to see what the others would say.She felt herself tremble with both shock and coldness.After tonight Kate would leave Stefan alone and let him come to her if he needed her.Kate started thinking of what Willow said Kate knew all of this and it annoyed her that people thought she had done it on purpose.The truth was she was always the one to help people and to ask for help especially from someone she had helped many times was hard.It was like she was losing a part of her.this was the exact same argument she had had with Danielle a few weeks back.She came back to the real world and looked at the others she sighed and leaned against the tree that was behind her. "Poor Willow"She whispered to herself.Her poor friend had been dragged into this as had Sara and in a way her too.But she didn't regret it life was going to throw problems like this at them and the only thing was to rise above them and not let them bring you down.Kate had learned this the hard way and she hoped Willow would learn this but sadly like Kate she would learn it the hard way.She believed that no matter how bad life is you must not let it bring you down because to every cloud there is a silver lining.
 
Sara knew now that it was Stefan's Father, a thing she had suspected for weeks now. She was worried about Willow though, she didn't seem well, and Sara nodded at the suggestion that she should lie down. Suddenly Willow grasped her head in her hands. "Willow!" Sara exclaimed, standing and putting her arms around her friend.

Then it began, the onslaught, but for once, Sara was letting the old her through, rather than smothering her. she stood back and let Willow talk. She was right, all of it and Sara really wanted to say something, but knew better than to interrupt her. Just as Willow ran off, Sara started toward her, but decided against it. She turned to Stefan and Kate. Folding her arms, she began. "Stefan, I know. I've known for months, so has Willow." she spoke clearly and calmly, trying to explain what she had been trying to say. "And I am sick of this facade to try and protect us." she spat, her anger bubbling. "We want to help you, come live with us, tell some one, a teacher anyone, just don't keep pulling this cr@p, because eventually, people will stop caring." she growled. "You need to learn that people will help you, wether you want it or not and seriously, don't even try and deny that that B@stard is hurting you." she was really going now, her voice dangerous and high-pitched.

She then turned to her sister, the person she loved most in the world, and glared. "Kate, I'm sorry, Willow's right. We've changed, and not for the better." she sighed. "I just can't believe that the strong, capable, independant girl that I know would let a boy turn her into this." she added. "I just can't understand, why you'd stop eating, why you'd let it get to you, and trust me-I know about things affecting people." she addressed both of them now. "Willow needs us now, but have either of you thought of that? No. You have been involved in so much drama lately, that it is wearing us all down." she was calm and clear. "I know that you two have feelings for each other, and I'm angry with both of you-Stefan, for not trusting us, and Kate-for not talking to me, for pushing me away. Still, i know all of these things and I want you two to talk, but since you won't do that alone..." she drew the sentence into thin air, then whipped out her wand and said bluntly "Locomotor Mortis." their legs snapped together and once more she said "Accio wands." so that they couldn't undo the spell. "Now that neither of you can leave-talk, because I'm not letting you go until you do."
 
There was little that the slytherin had learned from his time at hogwarts. People still generally surprised him. All the time, more of the time that he tried to spend around others he was trying to be careful about how to deal with questions, potential question and the need to not sound like he was practically dead inside. Which was in most times not very successful. He had to try harder and had to be better than his usual front. But, forever holding a front was also not very good. Stefan was tired almost all of the time, he had barely any time to just sit back and enjoy what life had to offer. It was clear that the three girls had also let his issues, become the front of theres. With Sara it was understandable, considering Kate was her sister, but that was the only thing. He didn't see why Willow stuck around. It clearly wasn't good for her. There was one thing that Stefan knew well and that was anger build up. His father had constant anger build up, just constant anger. He knew the signs, the growing impatience the hurt behind the fire in the eyes. The feeling that maybe then all the anger would be gone and all that would be left would be a sense of caring. His father may have never had a proper conversation with him, but Stefan was optimistic. He was optimistic that it would all in the end be alright. That his father would get over whatever phase he was in. That everything would be fine. While Stefan wanted this, and hoped dearly that it would be true, he knew for a fact that it just wouldn't. His father scared him when he was angry. His father made him want to curl in a ball in the corner of a room, and just hope the world forgot he existed. Because that would be better. For no one to know him, and for to know no one. He would leave a lot less behind. He wouldn't have ever tried to make a difference, or tried to make friends. He wouldn't have ever considered being near to people. Becoming friends with Willow, Sara and Kate had on the surface appeared as easy as anything, but Stefan hadn't completely decided if he trusted them. He wasn't sure, if being friends was the best decision for him. Take care of yourself before considering others. Something that Stefan had to say that he lived by. He thought it was pretty pointless him trying to sort out others, if he couldn't sort out his own life. If his life was a little steadier, then, yeah, he could understand spending time with others on them, but Stefan wasn't developed in thinking of others.

One thing that Stefan did not expect, That he had completely not seen coming, was Willow. He didn't think that she'd handle this well, but it was clear, she needed a little extra help these days. Stefan knew that there wasn't much he could've done about it, it was really her problem, and not something that he considered thinking about. However, hearing her words I've figured out your secret Stefan's mind could only look confused and ask Which? All he could do was sit in silence as she talked. He began to feel his own blood boil. She was being pretty ridiculous. He couldn't just say. They couldn't just assume that they were right, even though they were. Stefan didn't think they could on any authority give him crap on what he should've done. How he should deal with it. The bruises and cuts were just the tip of the ice berg. But, he wouldn't say not like this. He wouldn't start being open about it. It was clear that none of them were ready for it. None of them were ready to hear what was really wrong with him. He could tell from her anger. In his situation, anger was never the solution. His mind still processed all that was being said, when Willow turned to Kate and spoke to her. He had to admit, in some parts he could agree with her. He didn't like how she was going about it, and it made him angry. He didn't want to be angry. Which he got angry, he got pretty violent. Just like his father. He wanted to throw and destory anything that was in his line of path. But, Stefan had to contain it. He stood up, just as Willow began to leave. "It's not true." He yelled to her. "You're wrong" He sounded pretty convincing. But, his attention was quickly drawn away as Sara began speaking. He had enough of it. He was on his feet, unsteady and holding the wall to support him. Sara didn't know what she was going on about. "I don't need a place to live. I don't need your help." His words were like ice. The Slytherin in his blood rising to the surface. She couldn't just say that him living with them would solve it. His father would find him. His father would find him. Stefan knew that when social services would get involved that he'd be shipped off to some foster home, with two people that had no idea how to deal with someone like him. And there was no telling if they would be magical or not. "Pulling what cr@p? I told you all to stop caring, if any of you actually listened to me we would not be in this mess, you'd notice, I tend to be right!" Stefan's anger was clear, cancelling out whatever pain he had. He was breathing deeply, his heart was racing and he was roasting.

The moment that Sara called his father a b@stard, Stefan was ready to lose it with her. He could understand where she was coming from, and how it was true what she said, and how it was technically right to call him that, but he didn't like others saying it. He had to play the card of his father wasn't hurting him, and this was proving difficult enough already considering they were pretty spot on, he was glad that they couldn't at least see his back and stomach, Stefan knew he had to side with his father, to throw them off and still work towards dealing with it himself. "Sara, Don't call my father a b@stard. He's not perfect, but, he's still my father, and these allegations you are throwing his way are not very nice. Just because none of you know what it's like. Colourblindness isn't something that makes life easy. It isn't like the other forms. I know the other forms. My dad is partially bloody colour blind. And he's fine. COMPLETE colour blindness, means I can mistake shapes and spacing. In bright lights, my eyes hurt, which makes me pale. Slight darkness for you, is like being blindfolded for me. So before you, or Willow, or Kate, start assuming that just because I have a few scratches and bruises that my father is hitting me, remember I can't SEE." almost all lies. But for once, in his anger, he was pretty convincing. Stefan let her continue, just as she drew out her wand he cursed himself for not bringing his own. The spell cast made him incredibly unbalanced. And he had to sit one of the ledges, to not keep himself from falling. He didn't have a wand to give to her. "I never asked you all to care, I told you to leave me alone, and it looks like I was right, you would've been better of actually listening to what I had to say. If you want us to talk, fine. Kate," Stefan brought his dark blue eyes up to look at her. "Both your sister and Willow are right. I know what it's like to have no food. It's not pleasant, but, not eating should never be a choice. I think you've let the money get to your head. Food is as important as air, and you ignore it like it's dust. That is complete bullsh!t. Don't do that. Don't get upset over me, just because I said we shouldn't be friends. And you have proven to everyone how right I am." Stefan stopped talking. He was taking in deep breaths, hoping to not cough. He could feel his anger still strong within him. He didn't want them to be around him.

"You all should've left when I told you to. Don't fight, if there is no battle to be fighting. Also, whatever feelings I may have had, are pretty much gone." Stefan wasn't being strictly honest, he still cared about her, but this was the perfect time to cut away the ties that he held onto. Let them go and let them fix there issues, while he worked on fixing his. "Sara, trust is earned not given, now let me go." Stefan's stomach rumbled loudly. He was hungry and he just wanted to go. The anger he had in him was building up and up, and he didn't want to lash out at them. Not any more than he had already.​
 
Kate watched as everyone started shouting and giving out.She did a little sigh had they all really gone so low they couldn't even speack properly to each other.This would take a long time to sort out.Kate couldn't help but roll her eyes when Stefan said his supposed reason for his cuts and that.Did he honestly think they were that stupid that they hadn't put all the pieces together.She could see how angry Stefan was and if she hadn't seen his fathers attitude to him she would of probably believed him but she had and there was no changing that.She wouldn't say anything for now but she wouldn't let this problem rest.she would see what Stefan would do and see if he actually would trust them and tell them the truth but for now that seemed unlikely

Kate flinched a bit when Stefan started giving ot to her but then shee couldn't help but feel a bit peeved.Did they honestly think that she had purposely stopped eating?Did they think she acted the way she did out of her own free will?No there was a lot more then that to it and as her friends and family she would of thought they understood that but obviously they didn't.Kate could feel anger build up inside her.And he had the cheek to say that the money had gone to her head.That was really the last straw for her.She sat up and looked Stefan straight in the eyes her eyes like fire. "How dare you say that i chose to not eat food there was a lot more to it then that"She said her voice dangerously low.She had never once been this angry and she could feel all of the anger in the pit of her stomach just bursting to come out. "Me have let money get to my head?"Kate said nearly laughing "Are you serious I'm probably the last person that that would happen too.You make the assumption that just because he have lots of money we use it and become spoilt brats but your wrong there.There is no difference in our lives other than the new house and living in England everything else is the same we don't spend all the money and we certainly don't let it go to our heads"She said spitting out the last words.She was sick and tired of him making those assumptions. "And you think this was all about you!No it certainly isn't.Maybe for the first two days but after that no a lot more went on so I were you I'd stop making these assumptions"She said her voice still dangerously low.Her eyes were still like fire."I will let this thing about you and your mysterious cuts and brusies alone for now but this isn't over yet"She said her voice cold.Kate had never once in her life got that angry before and she hopped she never would again.The ball of anger would stay inside her for a while and if anybody said a thing out of line to her they would seriously regret it.

Kate didn't care about what Stefan said about caring because at the moment she couldn't care less about Stefan.He was lucky she didn't have her wand because if she did his bruises would look pretty minor.She then turned to Sara "Undo the spell now and give me my wand back"She said putting out her hand.If Sara said no Kate would attack her sister and in the mood she was in now she would get the wand no matter what.
 
"Oh come on Stefan, don't insult my intelligence." Sara replied, to his outburst. "You need help, you yourself told me that sometimes you hadn't enough to eat-you can't deny that, even if you expect me to believe your stories about your Dad." she added, arms still crossed, speaking calmly. Sara sighed when he said they didn't listen. "Stefan, we listen, but what you're saying doesn't make sense." she then realised that she didn't make sense and quickly added. "I mean you gave no explanation, you can't blame us for being worried."
She laughed coldly as Stefan used his colour blindness as an excuse. "Well, Stefan you made one mistake, you see I take an interest in my friends and so I looked up colour blindness to help understand what you were going through. The symptoms don't include mixing up shapes." she had wondered how it affected Stefan, though it was quite possible they were symptoms he suffered, but she hoped he didn't and she could catch him.


Sara's jaw dropped as Stefan spoke to Kate. Her eyes flashed and she was about to yell, when Kate stood up for herself. Sara smiled proudly, watching her sister. She rounded once more on Stefan at his last comment. "Stefan, you have said that before, called me spoilt and said I abuse our money-I don't and Kate doesn't either, that is not an excuse to use." she shook her head at Kate. Stepping back she added. "I will set you free when you two agree to be civil." she smiled, hoping they would agree.

OOCOut of Character:
I asked my friend who's colour blind about that info, but if you have any other, Consider that Sara didn't say that, if it's wrong, I'm just using the info I have.
 
Even as they spoke to him, saying the words he knew they would, his anger was mixed with an odd happiness. Who knew it took getting angry for his friends to not bother with him. Who knew that it would take just that to get them leave him alone. He figured that anger for once solved problems, mainly he knew that this was probably the method most did not try when solving problems. Stefan's problems were a whole lot worse than anyone elses. He was sure. It wasn't like he had any of the usual problems most had. He had the small issue of keep friends, and liking a girl he knew he shouldn't but that was it. That was the extent of his normal problems, but outisde of the four walls of the castle Stefan had so much more. He had layers and layers of issues, that went skin deep. It wasn't easy to be like that, it wasn't easy to know what the issues were. He hadn't asked for them, and yet here he was, pushing his friends away all in the name of the greater good. For 12, Stefan was a lot more mature than most others in his year. Sure, there were those small brief moments when Stefan was reminded of his age, where he acted it, and had thoughts like every other person his age, but those were short lived and hardly ever happened. It was just the way things were. Like it was just the way that Sara and Kate were rich, and that Willow lived with her aunt and uncle, because her parents had died. it wasn't anyones fault that Stefan had ended up in the family he had. Sure it wasn't exactly fair, but it wasn't anyone's fault. It was just bad luck. And Stefan knew bad luck could hardly be blamed, since it wasn't ever really a thing. It was just what happened. "Sara, I don't eat enough because we can't afford it, not because my dad keeps it from me." Stefan snapped. It wasn't all false what he said, they didn't have money for lots of fun, but his dad didn't always give it to Stefan. But he could hardly say that, for that, even hiding behind the clothes that he had didn't mask the fact Stefan was skinny and would always be skinny. Until his father got his act together Stefan would have no hope of gaining a substaintial amount of weight.

KNowing this to be a terrible line of thought, Stefan shook his head slightly. "Colour blindness and what I have are different. I have Achromatopsia." Which was an awfully hard word for him to pronounce but he made an attempt at it anyway. It wasn't like it could get worse for him there and then. "My colour blindness, which means I also suffer from Day Blindness. In bright lights, I can't make out everything, because they all blend into the one. And I can't make them out. It's different." Stefan attempted to explain. It was difficult to, he barely understood it. He didn't understand how it worked and how he'd gotten it. Just that he had. His father had something like it. He barely used it as an excuse it was the truth. And yet no one seemed to believe him, that was the most annoying this. Why wouldn't people believe him, it wasn't like they knew about him. It wasn't like they'd experienced it. He turned back to Kate, as she began speaking. "Really? You haven't?" He said, almost reaching mocking in his voice. "Don't you have people who work for you? Who do the house cleaning and part of the cooking. Servants? You could do it yourself, so that these people wouldn't have to. But, no, you don't." Stefan knew that cleaning was hard, in a house with someone else, no matter how big or small it was, there was no way of keeping it constantly clean. That was impossible. "And not to mention you invited me to your house. That is in England, when you full well knew that I lived in New Zealand and completely ignored the fact that I might not be able to in any way afford that kind of flight. If you both forget that, your friend who is incredibly skinny, wouldn't be able to afford a trip all the way to London, then clearly you've forgotten what it's like to have nothing." Stefan stopped and just took deep breathes, he was still tired, and he was hungry, but he was trying to get calm. He took deep breathes in and out. He didn't want stick around this place much longer, he just wanted to run. Go, leave and not look back. "Kate, I will be civil, if you agree to be too." He said, as calmly as he could manage. Hoping it would be enough.​
 
Kate was furious at both of them.Sara because she refused to undo the spell and Stefan for making fake accusations.Right now she wanted to kill them both.They were making her anger levels fly through the roof.She could feel a vein throbbing in her head.She had totally lost control of her emotions.She rolled her eyes when he used his coloured blindness as an excuse.Maybe it was a part of it but she knew one or two people who are colour blind and they didn't have big deep cuts in their arms.she wished he would just tell them the truth and get it over and done with.Kate was detirmened to get the truth from him even if it took years she would keep trying until the very end. "I just want to to know Stefan that I will get the truth from you.It doesn't have to be today or tomorrow or even in three years time.I will always be there.there to help you and tell the truth too.No amount of cold shoulders will put me of course"She said her voice low.She wanted him to understand that this was far from over.She would be there whenever he needed her even though he was being a complete @sshole write now.

Kate shook her head as Stefan once again made the accusation "Do you think we asked for this?We were happy with our lives in Ireland we didn't get any choice in this.All the servants came with the house,we could of sacked them but then they would lose their jobs.And anyway Sara and I are only there for the summer."She said her voice low again. "You can't blame everything on our wealth because it hasn't changed me or gone to my head and I wish you couldn't just see that"She said her voice suddenly softening.She was suddenly very tired.She wished Stefan would see past their big house and wealth.She hadn't asked for anything like this to happen she had been happy with her life in Ireland with her friends,family and their little cottage.She wondered would things be the same if her grand aunt hadn't died.But Kate stopped herself there was no point wondering what if you had to focus on the present. "Well Stefan I'm sorry I should of realised"She said her voice sounding tired.. Kate then turned to Sara. "Fine but theres no point staying here any longer he has made his decision and we have to respect that"She said tiredly wondering what had happened to her previous fire and ager that had engulfed her only only seconds before.Sighing she leaned back on the tree behind her and closed her eyes
 
"Yes, so you and your Dad can move in with us, we'll pay for the moving fee's and such. We already have Michael and Stefan Glass living with us." Sara smiled, practically, but sadly, she knew Stefan would come up with some excuse. Sara had to be careful, she knew that in a situation like this, she could loose both Stefan and Kate, by making them angry, but this needed to be done, and she wasn't afraid of the consequences.

Sara was interested in Stefan's illness, she knew it was very much living up to a cliche, A Ravenclaw who liked to absorb new information, but she hadn't heard of Stefan's illness before, and she was interested. She planned to ask him more about it at a more appropriate time. "Sorry Stefan, I didn't know." she frowned, sympathetically, never again would she make assumptions if she hadn't researched it fully. Sara smiled at Kate's statement, it was very much the type of thing Kate would say, no tact or diplomacy, just hard, plain truth.

"Sara was angry now. "Oh for God's sake GET OFF your high horse!" she growled, she stood above him, her eyes filled with anger. "Stefan, have you any idea how much i hate this? How much I wish I didn't feel like a stuck-up snob every time someone calls me "M'am" and knowing they'd be offended if I asked them not to?" she was worked up now. "You know that I hated being Sara Moon, the girl who was bullied, a weirdo, who everyone hated, and then we moved to England and I felt like I was crossing all my beliefs that everyone should be equal and no one should suffer, that the rich should give more, but I realise now that being being in my financial status doesn't change who I am-that I define who I am, and I will not have anyone, especially not someone who hides who they are lecture me about who I am and where I come from." she took a deep breath and composed herself, trying to regain her normal composure.

She smiled as they both agreed, she knew that Stefan would probably leave, but she wanted to talk to Kate, and hoped she would stay, then she released the spell.
 

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