Open What Can't Be Taken Back

[Connor Holland]

Connor didn't want to do this. He almost couldn't think of anything he wanted to do less. He had spent the last month desperately wishing he hadn't gotten himself into this position in the first place, but now that he was here there was nothing to be done but bite the bullet. He had asked Lucas to meet him in the garden despite the cold, hoping that the nice setting would cushion the blow of what he had to do, but as he sat on the bench and waited, Connor regretted that decision. He had never gotten used to New Zealand winters, and no matter how much he blew on his fingers, it felt like they were going to fall off. He ran through what he needed to say in his head as he waited, hoping desperately that Lucas would take it... okay.

 

[Lucas Fletcher]

Lucas was happy to see Connor, it had felt like it had been way too long. He had received his message to meet in the gardens and headed there, picking a flower on a whim to give to him. He beamed at the sight of his boyfriend, walking a bit faster. It was pretty cold outside, and Lucas wondered if Connor had chosen the setting as an excuse to cuddle against each other. The thought made him blush a bit. As he reached Connor, he leaned in to kiss his cheek before sitting down as well. "Hi." He said, hoping the flush on his face would be attributed to the cold. "I got you this." He added, handing him the flower.

 

[Connor Holland]

If Connor had thought this was going to be difficult beforehand, the second he saw Lucas he realised it was going to be impossible. He smiled weakly, unable to do anything but accept the flower, holding it weakly with the stem pinched between his fingers. A couple of months ago he would have clutched it to his heart, but those days were done now. Or... about to be, at least. "Thanks..." He mumbled, not quite able to look Lucas in the eye. Connor had never been good at giving bad news, and despite all his thinking, he had no idea how he was going to do this. "I, um..." He stumbled over the words, glancing at Lucas for a moment before looking away, steeling himself. "I need to talk to you about... something... kind of serious, actually."

 

[Lucas Fletcher]

Lucas' smile faltered a bit at Connor's reaction. He wasn't looking at him and he didn't really seem to appreciate the flower. Had it been a stupid gift? Maybe you didn't do that after you had been dating for a while. There seemed to be a lot of unwritten dating rules Lucas didn't know about. Unsure of what to say, Lucas sat down next to him. He frowned a bit at his words. "Did something happen?" Lucas asked, wondering if something serious had happened with his family over break.

 

[Connor Holland]

Even the slight drop in Lucas's tone felt awful, and a deep part of Connor yearned to just.... pretend nothing was wrong. Anything to stop Lucas feeling like that. But it would be worse to keep lying than to... get this over with quickly, so he stumbled his way into the explanation he had settled on, eyes locked on the flower. "Okay, so, um, you're... you're one of my best friends, and that's... you're really important to me, you know? I never want... anything bad to happen to you, and that's, um..." Connor faltered, stumbling over his train of thought. Part of him wished he had written this down, but he knew how callous reading off a card would seem. "That's why I... wanted to talk about this. Um, quickly. So it's not..." He sighed, leaning forward and rubbing his face quickly. "I think, um... I think I asked you out for the wrong reasons." Connor said slowly, the weight of the words dropping his voice a few steps. "I was... hurting and lonely and I just... kind of rushed into it without thinking. I don't... think I feel the same way you... feel about me, and I haven't been fair to you." It would be easy, so easy to stop here, never mention what had happened in the holidays, but that wouldn't be even remotely fair to Lucas. "I, um... things got... a little flirty with, with someone else over the holidays. And I realised it happened because... I was still thinking of you as my friend Lucas, and... and that's horrible, that's not what you deserve, so..." Connor spun the stem of the flower between his fingers slowly, staring at it because he couldn't bear to see the look on Lucas's face. "I'm really sorry. This is... all my fault, I've been horrible. I know I don't... really deserve it, but I... I hope we can still be friends?" Connor couldn't help the hope drifting into his voice, though he couldn't help thinking that was an opportunity he had probably trashed, maybe for good.

 

[Lucas Fletcher]

Lucas wasn't sure what to make of what Connor was saying. He had been so sure there had been something else Connor needed to talk about that it took him a moment to even feel nervous about what Connor was saying. But once it started to sink in, Lucas felt his stomach drop. He listened quietly as Connor tried in a nice way to say that dating him had been a mistake. That he never should have asked him out. Lucas started to blink a bit faster once Connor started talking about someone he had gotten flirty with over break. He was basically admitting to not even thinking of Lucas. "So... you're breaking up with me?" He asked him finally, his voice small. "You asked me out, and now you're saying you feel differently than I do? I didn't even like you before you started being all- all charming at the ball! I was the one who thought we were going as friends!" He said, getting up angrily. "You changed that, and now you're saying it was a mistake?" Lucas shook his head. "Just tell me then, say the words that you're breaking up with me. Stop hiding behind this friend bullcrap. Don't try to make it sound nicer than it is." He said, tears blurring his eyes. He refused to let them drop. He swallowed. "Why did you pretend to like me if you didn't?" He asked, more quietly.

 

[Connor Holland]

Connor hadn't expected Lucas to be happy about this, but a small, stupid part of him had hoped things would turn out well. He hadn't realised just how unprepared he was for it to go badly until Lucas spoke, his heart shattering to pieces. This had been a mistake, a huge mistake. He wished he could take it back, just eat every stupid word that had escaped his stupid mouth and go back to dating Lucas like nothing had ever happened, like he had never hurt the other boy. But the words were out there now, and he had to stand by them. He felt his shoulders hunching as Lucas spoke, knowing every word was true, though the last question struck him in his heart. "I wasn't pretending!" Connor said too quickly, face falling. "I... just... I got... friend feelings and... romantic feelings all mixed up. I... you're nice, I wanted to spend more time with you, I just... I realised too late it was... as friends. It's... I know I'm stupid, this is all my fault, and I'm sorry..." Lucas had only asked him for one thing, and Connor was almost too cowardly to give it to him. He had danced around the words, but Lucas had asked him directly, and it was the one kindness he had left to give. "...I... think we should break up." He said quietly. "I really am sorry."

 

[Lucas Fletcher]

Lucas frowned, feeling more and more furious the more Connor spoke. "So you weren't pretending, just being an idiot." He snapped. "I've never dated anyone before, if anyone should be confused about that stuff it's me." He said, feeling a tear escape him, to his frustration. He angrily wiped it away and looked down, trying to compose himself for a moment. "I can't... do anything with you saying sorry over and over." He finally said, his voice shaking. Connor finally said the words plainly, but it still frustrated Lucas how he twisted them. "You don't... think we should break up." He said. "You're breaking up with me." He took a deep breath. "In case this stuff is still confusing for you. You were a bad friend and a bad boyfriend. I don't think we can be friends after this." Lucas said, snatching the stupid flower out of Connor's hand and stomping down on it with his foot. Then he turned and ran away, before he could start to cry in earnest.

 

[Connor Holland]

Connor knew he barely had more dating experience than Lucas, but he also knew that if he brought that up now it would only make things worse. Somehow he had managed to ruin two relationships in less than a year. He opened his mouth to apologise again, slamming it shut quickly when Lucas told him not to, eyes flicking up to the younger boy's face for just a second before looking down again, somehow feeling even worse than he had before. He winced when Lucas scolded him for how he had phrased the breakup, knowing it was true. Even now he was trying to weasel out of the situation. Connor had somehow managed to hold himself together up to this point, but he felt tears prick at his eyes when Lucas called him a bad friend, and they spilled over when he added bad boyfriend. For all his good intentions, Connor knew Lucas was right. But the thought of losing Lucas as a friend still hurt, almost immeasurably. "I'm sorry..." He croaked, not even able to bring himself to react as Lucas took the flower back and crushed it. It was what he deserved, really, and he covered his face, letting sobs finally overpower him as Lucas left.

((This thread is open now if anyone wants to be part of the aftermath :V ))

 

[Freya Song]

Freya was not trying to eavesdrop. Happening to stumble upon drama and staying out of sight in order to collect gossip to report back to Kas was an entirely different thing, that in no way resembled dropping any eaves. She could only pick up fragments of the conversation, but it was with a growing sense of unease as she got the gist of what was going on. She'd done her best to ignore the Connor-and-Lucas thing because it was weird to think of two people she tolerated being together, but she was a little concerned to witness a crying Connor. Emotions were messy and the fallout she had just witnessed just proved that not caring about other people was the superior move. She was highly frustrated to find that she'd failed in that goal, and was slowly moving towards Connor. Freya did not like to consider that she might actually want something, and she liked losing that thing even less. Which was awful, because she couldn't imagine a world where Connor and Lucas weren't friends.

Freya was historically not great with emotional conflict, thinking back to when she had chopped off all her hair after the whole keeping magic a secret from her muggle brother deal. She still hadn't told him about that one. Her track record for dealing with problems was abysmal, and yet. This was Connor. He was her frie- nope, the word still wouldn't stick, but the sneaky voice in Freya's brain whispered family and she couldn't dislodge it. "Hey, marshmallow," Freya said, as gently as she could manage. She crouched down next to Connor and warily placed a hand on his shoulder. She didn't know what to do. Her specialty of running away wasn't going to work here. "Do you want me to hex him for you?"

 

[Connor Holland]

Face in his hands, Connor felt crushed by his grief. He had tried so hard, wanted so desperately for this to go well, to find a way not to hurt Lucas, to keep him as a friend. But here he was, alone and knowing he had ruined one of the best friendships he had ever had. He was so consumed by pain and regret that the voice nearby came as a total shock. He tensed immediately and drew a few shaky breaths, his first instinct telling him not to cry around Freya. But her tone was gentle, more sincere than he had ever heard her, and Connor let himself relax, leaning in to Freya instead, grateful beyond words for the comfort. He shook his head quickly at her offer, sniffling and wiping his eyes. "It's - no." He croaked out, eyes still locked on his knees. "He's... this was my fault. I'm... I'm the o-one who bro... broke up with him." Connor stammered between sniffles and sobs, struggling to get himself under control.

 

[Freya Song]

Freya was, well. Relieved wasn't the right feeling, and Freya couldn't identify what her emotions were doing in relation to Connor's predicament. Just being here was so far outside her comfort zone she may have been on a different planet. Jokingly mocking him for getting into a relationship didn't seem like the right response, and somehow she didn't think a "wow, that sucks" was going to fly here. Tucking Connor up against her like he was one of her stolen cats, she began petting his hair in the hopes it'd help him calm down. "At least you didn't adopt a pet together, that would've been messy," Freya said, before her brain could catch up on the fact that she was supposed to be making Connor feel better. Like a friend-adjacent person, or something. She scrunched up her nose and tried again. "It's not your fault," she said. "It's not anybody's? Just a not fun situation all around, sunshine." Freya desperately wished there was a guide book for this kind of interaction, because she was not convinced she was capable of assisting here.