Closed Under Your Skin

[Linden Kinnek]

Things in the menagerie were a little weird. With Kasim having lived with Lysander all year and him not liking lin on account of his being Lucas’s best friend and his and Casper’s history.

He liked the first and last hours of the day when the shop was closed, and there was just one person making sure everyone was in the correct cages and had food and water enough for the night. The cats were away, and each of the owls was in their cages. He thought about the evening ahead. Tonight was one of the nights he was with his family. He liked being at home. His parents were fine, and he enjoyed spending time with his sisters. But Tara was back at school now, not that she had spent much time at home, at least not while totally focused on Stan. and ivy was the main reason he split his time between his parents’ house and Caspers, he had missed so much of his sister growing up it was good to be with her for some of it, listen as she spoke about the volcanos she had learned about in school and how her friends had got friendship bracelets without her and how well she was going in swimming lessons. But it was the nights with cas he loved the most spending time with him, the kisses and the embraces, the laughing until they couldn’t breathe. And his favourite part, the lying in bed with his arms around cas, watching the stars through the skylight.

He closed the streeler tank glad that all seven were in there and he didn’t have to go on a random snail hunt before he went home it was then that a noise distracted him and he looked around wondering who was trying to make a dash for freedom

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Casper knew this was huge for him. He'd gotten a flat of his own, with his own money, straight out of school. He'd been really tempted to ask Linden to move in with him, but part of him still felt that Linden wouldn't want to be that serious with him. It was a loft apartment. Half of the ceiling was glass panes, thick heavy glass. The apartment was open mostly, his bedroom up a ladder to the loft. The loft doubled as a sitting area, where he'd put the television and seats for company. The kitchen and dining area were unmarked on the lower level of the flat, merging together in a cozy area. He'd bought some curtains to sort of mark off the outlines of his art studio.

The bathroom was the only part of the flat walled off, tucked under the loft next to the washer/dyer unit by the door. It certainly wasn't the fanciest place ever, but it was enough for Casper, and big enough for him to live and have a studio.

His new apartment was great, he loved it, he loved being away from school, but he hadn’t realized just how badly he would get separation anxiety. Casper had been having a bad day. His head wouldn’t stop talking. He’d been missing Linden terribly. He’d been trying to ignore it, but he hadn’t heard from Linden since the previous morning, and a million things were screaming in his head. He doesn’t need me, he’s going to forget me, did he ever even love me? God, I’m worthless, I was nothing, I’ll never be anything.

Unable to take it any more, Cas went out looking for Linden, forgetting in his panic that he had a cell phone and leaving it on the table. He knew the Menagerie was closing, and he was almost sure that Lin was working. He hoped he was. Cas hurried in, cheeks stained with tears and shaking. He had his arms wrapped tightly around his torso, unable to call out or speak, looking around with panicked eyes trying to locate his boyfriend.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden turned around and saw that it wasn’t an animal breaking its way out it was a person making his way in. His first thought was to wish he had locked the door for a split second until he realised who the person was. It was his Casper. His Casper, not looking at all happy. Cheeks stained with tears and so curled up in himself “Casper” he breathed closing the distance. In three steps he was next to him wrapping his arms around him and holding him. He could feel him shaking and the gaspy breathing. “Casper, baby, come here. I’ve got you and am not going to let go.” he said his fingers winding themselves into his hair and gently massaging his scalp. Just holding him for a short while. “What happened” he asked gently before he kissed the man’s salt coated cheek.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas hiccupped, holding his arms open as soon as he saw Linden. He collapsed into the man, babbling incoherently and too upset to make any sort of sense. He quickly gave up and just buried his face in Lindens neck, shaking as he broke down and just cried.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden staggered slightly as he felt all of Casper’s weight on him. He held him tight as he mumbled and muttered trying to make sense of what he was saying though it was more of a jumble of words and sounds than a sentence. He held him not sure if he should take him into the staff room so they could sit on the sofa or if he should finish checking the last few animals and take cas home as it didn’t look like the problem would be anything small. Instead, he just stood there stroking Casper’s back and hair rocking them slightly and making soothing noises until cas was ready to talk.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Casper wasn't sure how long he clung to Linden, but his man knew how to calm him down- thankfully. Eventually the shaking subsided and Cas let out a tiny sigh, pulling away and too ashamed to catch Lindens eye. "I'm sorry," he managed, scrubbing his sleeve over his face and trying to step away. "I- I should go,”

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden kept holding cas. Hugging him, stroking his back and hair and trying his best to calm him. He wasn’t sure how long they had been standing there except it was now dark outside not that it had been particularly light before thanks to the winter sun. Eventually, cas stopped shaking and with a big sigh pulled away he loosened his grip to let him find his balance and his own space but didn’t let go completely. "Cas” he said cupping his man's cheek in his hand so that he could see him. "You dont need to apologise.” he said wiping his cheek lightly with the cuff of his hoodie. "I am glad I am someone you come to when you are upset” he added. Brushing his man's hair out of his face. It was then that cas pulled away slightly more. "no, please don’t go. I just need to give the cats their supper and lock the back door and then I am done. We can go home, or somewhere else. And talk about whatever is wrong” he said moving towards cas to give him a hug and a light kiss on the top of his shoulder.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas bit his lip, leaning a little into every touch Linden gave him. He nodded, wrapping his arms around himself and trying not to shrink too much. "Okay," he agreed softly, lowering his eyes and staring at his feet, letting his hair fall forward for a bit of cover. He would wait for Linden to finish up then hopefully just go home and curl up with the man and fall asleep.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Once linden was sure, cas was not going to bolt he slowly let go giving his arm a reassuring squeeze as he did unzipping his hoodie and putting it around Caspers shoulders knowing how much he liked his hoodies "I won’t be long. Promise, five minutes tops" he said before heading behind the counter and getting a can of cat food, opening it and distributing it between the five bowls in the cat enclosure getting a few meows in response though unlike usual when he liked to longer with the animals tonight he was now just getting the jobs done. He then made a final lap of the shop checking doors and pausing every couple of seconds as he worked on shooting a glance at cas. He ended up at the back door which he locked with both key and charm before vanishing into the back room emerging in his coat with his bag over his shoulder. "okay buttercup. I am ready." he said wrapping his arm around him. "Do you want to go home or is there somewhere else you would prefer?" he asked.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas felt a little better with Lindens hoodie on, reaching up and clutching it closer. He looked up shyly through his bangs, sniffling again. “Okay,” He agreed gently. He still felt awful, a mix of guilt and shame twisting in his gut. He stood still, trying to wait patiently for the man to finish while just staring dully at his feet. He shut his eyes when he felt Lindens arm around him and turned slightly, laying his head on Lindens shoulder and clutching the hoodie tighter around him. “Just- home, please,” He asked softly, his voice dull.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden was trying to be as fast as he could. But the sight of Casper there looking lost in the middle of the shop kept making him want to stop and just hold him until he was better. But he knew that it would be better to get things done and go somewhere more comfortable than a shop. When he was finally done he held cas close his head on his shoulder and the man’s voice sounded so flat. "okay casopiller. Let’s get you home" he said slowly leading him towards the door only letting go with one hand to open and close and lock it. He kissed his man then. "I love you. Always remember that" he whispered before taking his wand out ready to apparate them.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas looped his arms around Linden, brow furrowing at Lindens words. He pressed closer, hiding his face in Lindens neck. He let the man apparate them home, lingering a moment before sighing and letting go, shuffling over and collapsing onto the couch. He curled up against the back of it, gripping the hoodie closer and hiding his face against the fabric. He felt stupid, and a part of him worried Linden would be upset with why Casper had been upset. Embarrassed, he tried to tuck himself away, even if he knew it wouldn’t work.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden apparated them back to the apartment he opened the door and let cas lead them towards the sofa. as was slumped into the seat and curled up facing away from him he sat besides him and waved his wand getting a few things moving around in the kitchen. ”baby. Are you okay?” he asked softly leaning into and resting his head on the man’s back feeling the bones of his spine under his cheek as he wrapped both arms around him to hold him close.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas sighed heavily, knowing there was no way out of it, and he leaned back against Linden, too ashamed to try and meet his eye. “Separation anxiety,” He murmured, his eyes tearing up again. He sighed, turning his head away. “I couldn’t make it stop,” He whispered. “A few days now. It… was getting bad.” He admitted gently. His voice broke as he tried to explain. “‘He doesn’t need me, he’s going to forget me, did he ever even love me? God, I’m worthless, I was nothing, I’ll never be anything.’” He quoted dryly, pulling away and burying himself against the couch, curling tighter into himself and taking deeper, shaky breaths.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden loosened his grip as cas moved and started talking. Lifting his head slightly so that he could hear him. He felt his heart drop at the words. And he bit his lip to stop himself from interrupting cas. He was sharing his hurt, and it hurt linden too. A hollow pain in his chest. "Casper" he whispered moving until he had one hand under Caspers knees and was able to slowly rotate him so that he was facing him. "Casper, baby" he said again. His man's legs now across his lap "I am here. And will be here for you whenever you need me" he said ducking down slightly so he could see his face. He reached up to brush his hair out of it. "Cas, I need you too. And there is no way I will ever forget you, you have gotten well and truly under my skin, and your name is carved right here” he said taking Casper's hand and holding it against his chest above where his heart was. ”you have so much going for you. You are so talented, and smart, and generous and kind and loving. Beautiful, and oh so loving” he said slowly untangling Caspers fingers from their firm grip on each other. ”You bring so much joy and sunshine to my, and a lot of people's life.” he said before taking his hand and kissing it.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas let Linden shift him, peeking up through his hair at the man. He listened to Linden speak, his breath catching and the tears spilling over again. He leant in as Linden finished speaking, catching his lips in a gentle kiss. "Linden," Cas breathed, shifting to sit in his lap. He wrapped his arms around the mans shoulders and buried his face in his neck, shaking. "I'm sorry," he whispered, unsure if he was apologizing for getting upset over something so stupid or apologizing for doubting the man.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden let cas shift and move to face him. He could see the tears welling in his eyes again "Casper" he replied just as cas kissed him he kissed him back as softly and tenderly as he could,

When the broke he wiped the tears from his cheeks before putting his arms around his man's waist. "you dont ever need to apologise for being upset or worried" he said tilting his head up to see cas’ face and slowly rubbing a finger allong his cheek. Not sure what else to say.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas swallowed nervously, sighing and snuggling closer. "But… its stupid," he murmured, catching Lins hand and holding it close. He knew his apartment was a mess; he'd tried focusing on a commission to counter the thoughts but aside from the completed painting he'd sent out all he'd managed to do was get paint all over the studio, his bed an unmade mess and his kitchen perhaps too clean from un-use. He just leant in, hiding against Linden again. "What's wrong with me?' He murmured, mostly to himself.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden smiled as Casper snuggled into him. This had to be one of the most comfortable places in the world to be right now. "It’s not stupid. And it’s not something you can help" he said then he smiled slightly coyly "and it is in some ways a little flattering that you want me around so much" he said. He felt casper taking his hand and he gave his hand a squeeze back. "you are not broken or wrong cas. I love you for you, and any baggage that comes with that is not going to change that. But if you want to see someone to talk things through with there is nothing to be ashamed of and i will be with you as much or as little as you need" he said by this time the hot chocolate that he had been charming to get ready came floating over to them complete with marshmallows and cream, ”have some hot chocolate. The warmth and sugar will make you feel a little better

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas sighed softly, burrowing against Linden and shutting his eyes. He laughed breathlessly, sniffling a bit still. He pulled back a little to look at Linden as he spoke, smiling shyly despite his messy honey hair covering his eyes. “You’re too sweet,” he murmured, looking over as some hot chocolate appeared. He shifted, sitting beside Linden though he kept his legs draped over Lindens lap. Cas cradled the cup, leaning half against the couch and half against Linden. He sipped it, sighing happily as the warmth spread through him. “You know me too well,” He joked, though his smile faded and he looked into the dark liquid. “I’m sorry I can’t do more for you. And that I’m always a mess. It feels like I’m just a disaster.” He admitted, shaking his head as his shoulders slumped again.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden looked at his Casper curled up against him and smiled slightly at his soft laugh. He leaned forward and brushed his hair out of his face before kissing him on the temple. "and you, my buttercup, are adorable” he whispered

With the arrival of the drinks, he shuffled slightly in his seat as cas repositioned himself sitting across his legs over his lap his arm around Caspers back fingers gently running through his hair at the back of Caspers head. He took his own mug and took a sip. It was good. Not as good as if he had been making it by hand, but magic was useful when he couldn't. He chuckled as capers comment. "Of course I do. That is what I am here for" he said lightly knocking his head against Caspers shoulder before he saw the change in his man’s expression he put his cup down on the side table so he could hold cas to him. "hey, buttercup. You already do so much for me. I dont want you to do any more. You aren't a disaster, but even if you were you are mine, disasters and all. And we will work through them together” he said. Trying to make eye contact and to let Cas see that he meant it. Every word of it wasn't just pretty words, playing nice. He knew cas had issues he always had. But that was not going to put him off being with him. They just needed to work through them together

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas sighed, comforted by Lindens touch. He laid his head on the mans shoulder. He smiled softly, rubbing his thumb over the cup and savoring the warmth. His breath caught when Lin held him and he set aside his own drink to curl against the man. He smiled as Linden spoke. He met his mans gaze before just leaning in and kissing him sweetly. "You're so good to me," he murmured, tracing his fingers over Lindens jaw. "I'm sorry I got so anxious… I'm not used to being apart like this."

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden kissed cas back gently savouring it. Things didn't have to be rushed between them, they were better slow and tender. He was happy just being with cas. He opened his mouth as cas said he was good to him. To say something to protest but before he could, Casper’s fingers on his jaw elicited a sigh. "you don’t need to apologise it isn’t something that you can control.” he said rubbing his man’s back. "what can we do to make it easier?" he asked. He had been keeping his promise and spending at least three nights a week here some weeks more, but he had had a few in a row at his parent's home and the last night he had been here had been a full moon and they had had Ivy to look after it had been fun watching old movies and eating pizza, but it had meant less time as just them. And as nice as it would be sitting like this forever there was no way it was practical.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas curled into Linden, shutting his eyes. "I don't know," he responded gently, feeling silly as he said it. He traced his fingers up Lindens side slowly. "I keep thinking I'm just being dumb, I… don't know how to fix it." He grimaced, before hiding his face in Lindens neck.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden rested his head against Casper as the man curled into him. Why did he always smell so damn good. It wasn’t even anything he put on. It was just pure cas. “I will have a think and see what I can come up with. I have an idea but will need to look something up first.” He said. He was pretty sure it would be doable. But he didn’t know what charms would be needed to do it. He felt Caspers fingers on his side and did his best to ignore the goosebumps rising on his skin glad that he at least had long sleeves in. “You are not being dumb. And it isn’t something that will be fixed easily. But we will work on it.” he said. Running a hand through Caspers hair and lightly kissing his forehead. “I don’t like seeing you this upset. But I am glad that you don’t feel like you have to hide it from me anymore. My beautiful buttercup” he said quietly brushing his hair out of his face.