Now and Then

[Taylor Blare-Edogawa]

It had taken a little over a month, but eventually Taylor had gotten the money she needed to get herself a ticket to Japan. She had never been to Conan's house, but she knew where he lived, they had sent letters to each other over the break, just before the break-up, since then, she hadn't spoken to him, not even once. She had practically ignored him in all of their classes. She sighed and stepped out of the airport. She hadn't brought much with her, at least that was how it appeared. She only had a small bag with her, but it had an enlargement charm on it and she had at least a weeks worth of clothes in it as well as some cash in case she needed a hotel room or something. Unfortunately Taylor couldn't speak much Japanese at all, same for the few words she had learnt from Conan. Luckily, Japan was well known for its multilingual signs and the normality of a lot of the people to speak English. She was kind of glad Conan wasn't Chinese right now. She'd die in China. She would barely be able to make her way out of the airport she was sure. She had heard that most of the people in China didn't want to speak English because they were stubborn of course, she didn't really know that, it was just something that someone told her, it might have actually been her uncle... Taylor sighed and held her hand out to hail a cab. There was no point dwelling on them right now, she had done her mourning and now she was one her way to apologise to Conan for everything she had done last semester. He didn't deserve it, she knew that now. It was just her way of trying to protect Conan, even if he didn't need it.

Getting into the cab that finally pulled up, Taylor reached into her bag and found the address in her notebook. She read it out to the driver and then say back. She didn't know how long this trip was going to take, she hoped she had enough money. She gestured to the driver and asked if he could put some music on. She was fairly certain this trip was going to take at least an hour, maybe. She settled into the seat and crossed her legs looking out the window at the scenery. She was going to have to come here more often, it was a beautiful country. The people were really polite too and she had to admit she was glad that she didn't have to learn Japanese, she took so long to learn languages that in another five years she might actually be able to speak a full and proper sentence. Soon the cab ride came to an end and Taylor hopped out, paid the cab driver (quite a fee, though she didn't quite know the conversion) and looked at the house. It was a big house, bigger then hers by far. She stared at it for a second before continuing along the path to reach the front door. She knocked lightly and waited. After a few minutes she noted that she perhaps had not knocked loud enough and this time knocked louder. She really hoped that Conan didn't hate her.
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[Conan Edogawa]

Months had passed and it was sure enough that Conan had not really been the same after Taylor had broken up with him. She had not spoken to him since then and she didn't send any letters, and he did the same. He was severely hurt after that break up. And quite frankly, even though he still had lingering feelings for said Gryffindor girl, he still couldn't deny that he was angry, no, furious at what she had done to him. Could anyone blame him though? He did not hate her, no, he can't bring himself to hate Taylor but he was mad at her for leaving him like that. There was no reason. She had simply told him that it was for the best. How could he know that if she didn't even tell him? Conan was mad at Taylor, but he was also mad at himself since he couldn't even do a thing to stop her.

The boy sighed as he sat up on his bed. It had not been too long since vacation had started and now, Conan was back home in Japan. Since Ai hadn't been coming home, his aunt and uncle had decided that it would have been better if they were home while his twin refused to come home. Of course, their fight was still a secret to the adults so they never knew that he had disowned his sister, but frankly, he wished he hadn't fought with Ai, then perhaps he wouldn't be so alone now. Shaking his thoughts out of his head, he quickly changed clothes and went out of his room deciding to stay within the living room. "Conan, you're sister had sent her current address. Are you going to visit her?" Uncle Hiroshi had asked him out of nowhere. "No, Uncle," he said coolly when a knock came at the door. And being the lazy boy he now is, he refused to stand and just continued lazing around the sofa that left his aunt, Fusae, to open the door. Conan was just about to open the television when he had heard her aunt call out to him. "Conan, a beautiful lady is looking for you. I'll let her in, okay?" the woman told him and Conan nodded his head in response, not even realizing that his aunt had just spoken in the English language. He opened the television and just turned the channel to some detective movies he knew he would enjoy and was completely oblivious on whom his visitor was.

Language: English; Japanese; Japanese
Feel free to godmod Conan's auntie and uncle anytime..

 

[Taylor Blare-Edogawa]

It had been over five years since Taylor had last had an anxiety attack. But standing at the front door of her ex boyfriends house, she had to admit she was definitely beginning to feel it. Her hands were actually starting to shake as she waited patiently for someone to answer the door. What would she do if it was Conan? Would he shut the door in her face? Would he refuse to even open the door and just leave her standing there? Would she be standing here for hours wondering if he hated her? What if- The door opened and Taylor found herself face to face with the features of a woman who looked enough like Conan to be a relative, but not a parent. She assumed this was his Aunt. Taylor smiled nervously and shifted her weight from foot to foot. She wasn't sure if this woman knew who she was, or even why she was here. Did she know about them. Taylor swallowed her thoughts and tried to calm herself down. "Uh...um, I n-need to see Co-Conan." She said taking a slight step back in case the woman wanted to slam the door in her face. She was rather surprised however, when the woman took a step back and told Conan that she was inviting her in. Taylor blinked, she had not expected that.

Taylor tentatively stepped into the house and looked around. It was a lovely place, that was for sure. The woman whom Taylor assumed was Conan's aunt gestured to herself and then to the kitchen before telling Taylor that if she needed anything, she needed only to call on her. "I am Fusae, please make yourself feel welcome." Taylor nodded, smiled a little and looked around to find Conan as Fusae walked away. Taylor eventually found him in what she figured was the living room. Though he had not yet noticed her. Taylor bit her lip and thought about just leaving, but she knew she had come to far to turn back now. No, she just had to do it. The worst he could do was throw her out and tell her he never wanted to see her again, right? Taylor swallowed the lump in her throat and stepped further into the Living room. She first noticed that he was watching television, but then she noticed that he was kind of slumped and she knew that he was still angry. She could see it in his eyes. "Conan... it's me." She was pretty sure this was all she was going to need to say for him to understand.
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[Conan Edogawa]

Conan had been keeping himself busy. Or at least that was what he was trying to do for the last couple of days. He would go out of the house once in a while to keep himself preoccupied and he was quite surprised at the turnabouts of the people he used to know in Japan. A lot had changed that was for sure. He never did expect for things to turn out the way they did. His friends had matured a lot and even they had remarked that he too had changed. He was more serious than before and less carefree. Surely, he would never be the same again after the fight with Ai and his breakup with Taylor. Those two incidents had brought a lot of change into him and even pain in his heart though he knew that he was also at fault for everything that had happened then. But that still didn't change the fact that he was furious at the Gryffindor girl. There was anger in his heart for the said Gryffindor just when the one for the Hufflepuff was disappearing. Sometimes he would wonder if girls where present in the world just to hurt him.

But those thoughts were thrown out of the window as he just continued to relax himself and watch the detective movie that was currently airing. He was focused in the movie, too curious about whom was the culprit of the crime. Until he heard her voice. He could have sworn that his neck could've broke because of the speed that he'd turn his head. His eyes widened, but only for a moment before they returned to a cold, hard gaze. His face only turned to a surprised one for a brief moment before it returned to a blank, emotionless face. "What the hell are you doing here?" he inquired, his tone of speaking was cold and harsh as he stood up to face her. He didn't hate her, no. But now, that she was there right in front of him. Right in the house where he lived. Anger was consuming him and the pain she had brought him was coming back at him at full force. "Do you plan on hurting me again? Cause if you do, just get the f**k out of here Taylor," he told her. Conan's voice was deadly calm and his eyes were showing the pain he'd been through yet his Asian features were stone hard. He really didn't know what he was supposed to do now. It had been more than a semester since she had left him and now here she was? What was he supposed to think? He didn't know. All he could mutter was a simple sentence before resuming to be silent. "You've done enough."

 

[Taylor Blare-Edogawa]

So far this adventure was going exactly the way that Taylor had expected. She didn't really know what she was expecting, but if she had been expecting anything to happen, she was pretty sure this right here, was it. She had winced when Conan had snapped his head to her so fast she thought he might've actually broken it. She didn't know people could actually physically move that fast. Of course, being a Quidditch girl herself, she probably shouldn't really have expected less. She licked her lips slightly, just looking at him. She couldn't bare to look at him, but she couldn't bring herself to look away. She had done so much of that when they'd broken up, she didn't want to do it again. Though as Taylor looked into Conan's eyes, bypassing his emotionless expression that really wasn't quite as emotionless as he would've liked to think, she could see his true emotions. The hurt, betrayal, anger, confusion, everything she had felt and more. Except his sense of betrayal, hurt, anger, and confusion was directed at her, not the universe. She knew it was her own fault that they had reached this point, but she couldn't seem to shake the ever present anxiety that was attaching itself to her nerves. She quickly placed her hands behind her back to hide their shaking and licked her lips and tries to even out her slowly increasing breathing. She was sure that until she got this over with, she would be feeling exactly like this.

It was Conan's swearing though, that was really doing it. She hated swearing and had only ever used it once that she could recall on Ai. It was not language that she used or liked other people using it on her, so when Conan yelled at her, again, Taylor bit her lip and dug her nails into her shaking hands, keeping them behind her back. Conan didn't know about her anxiety and she would rather keep it that way. Especially if this was going to end badly, she didn't want him to feel bad for her. Taylor had to steady her breathing before she was going to be able to talk, so she took a number of deep breaths to calm herself and tried to be as discreet about them as possible. "Conan, I-" As it appeared he wasn't finished and Taylor was cut off. Though his words were true and she knew it, she wanted to at least apologise and explain, now that she finally could. Maybe it was too late to fix their relationship, but at least he would understand that none of this was his fault and she would feel much better about it all. "The reason I am h-here, Conan, is to apologise." She told him. "Y-you didn't deserve what I did t-to you and I really am so v-very sorry for it." Still as she spoke her anxiety worsened and she was starting to stutter her words. She cursed herself and looked back at Conan, though she didn't really know what to say. "I-I'm s-sorry, can I s-sit down?"
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[Conan Edogawa]

Conan had different emotions right now. What is Taylor doing here? was a question he couldn't get out of his head. A part of him wanted Taylor to get the hell out of his house and his life. Another part of him wanted her to stay and listen to her. And the last part of him wanted to beg her to come back to him. Which part was winning? Conan refused to know. He didn't want the inner turmoil consuming him but with all the emotions conflicting within him, he wasn't quite sure with the outcome of this visit. These were one of the times when he wished that Ayumi would come for that surprised visit and beg him to spend time with her, or Genta and Mitsuhiko dragging him out of the house just to play soccer. If that happened, Conan would surely say yes. He didn't want to see Taylor right now, not when he was still healing from the pain she had given him when they broke up.

Conan was fuming in anger. He really didn't quite know that he was this capable with being angry. Sure enough, he was quite violent some times but this was on a whole different level. He was in the same house as his aunt and uncle and he didn't care how he treated the apparent guest. "Apologize?!" he raised his voice, "What would your apology do?! Will your sorry fix everything?!" he roared in anger as he took a breath to try and calm himself down. He needed to calm down. No one was there to calm him down but himself and so he had to try. But he really was angry that Taylor was apologizing to him right now. He deserved an apology, yes, but he knew that it wouldn't really change anything. It wouldn't bring what they had back. Conan glared at Taylor, he couldn't deny that he still had strong feelings for the Gryffindor but still the pain she had brought him was just too much to hold. "Suit yourself," he told her coldly as his eyes never left her.

It was then that an apparent distraction happened. The phone rang. Conan was just about to leave it alone until he realized that his aunt and uncle would probably not answer it since they were in the kitchen and he and Taylor were in the living room. And so, he decided to answer. "Hello? Ayumi!" he said with a smile forgetting for a bit that Taylor was within the room. He was quite surprised that it was his childhood friend that had called asking him if he'd be alright with having dinner with the rest of the gang. "Yeah, sure. I'll go, I'll pick you up later. I promise. Bye!" he said with glee before bringing down the phone and finally remembering that Taylor was in the same room as him. He turned his attention back to her and sat on the opposite chair facing her. He was calmer now thanks to phone call he received. He just sat there, waiting for the Gryffindor to say something because he had nothing to say to her.

Language: Japanese

 

[Taylor Blare-Edogawa]

The only thing Taylor could do as she watched Conan was grip he hands into fists and try, very hard, not to shake too much. If it got noticeable, things would get weird and she knew it. She was mad that Conan wasn't even really listening to her. She knew he was upset, he had every right to be, but right now he was acting like a complete and utter child. She didn't even speak as he yelled at her yet again. She wasn't used to being yelled at and she certainly didn't appreciate it, but there was very little that she could actually do as she sat in the chair, trying very hard to control the hyperventilation that was coming on and she had to admit that Conan certainly wasn't helping very much. If she could glare at him right now, by Merlin would she ever be chucking him the filthiest most annoyed look she could muster. At the moment though that was going to have to wait, because right now she was also dealing with the fact that right in front of her, Conan answered his phone and was talking to someone like she wasn't even there. Hold on, was that a girl's name she just heard? Dammit, why hadn't she learned to speak Japanese! This would be so much easier if she could! At this point, Taylor was working herself up so much that she was starting to get light headed and her breathing was becoming quite erratic. She felt like there was a big rock, pushing down on her chest and she flung herself onto the floor on her hands and knees, trying to get the rock off of her chest. She didn't have her medication with her! She hadn't used it in years! Argh, why had she been so stupid!

Not being able to look up, Taylor couldn't even ask for help, she was trying to form words, but she couldn't breath enough to be able to say anything. A thousand thoughts were running through her head, a thousand million thoughts that she was using to try and retain her sense of calm, but it wasn't working nothing was. Taylor collapsed onto her stomach and rolled herself over so she was staring up at the ceiling, her whole body shaking as she tried to bring herself back from the brink. She hadn't gone through an anxiety attack quite this bad before and she was equally upset and afraid because she was having it in front of Conan who seemed to have made it very clear that he didn't care whether or not she was alive or dead. Taylor could feel the tears running down her cheeks as she rolled back over onto her front and tried to push herself back onto her hands and knees. She was going to have to ride this out. It was not going to be easy.
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[Conan Edogawa]

Conan's thoughts ran through his mind like wildfire. They were so fast in spreading through his mind. A thousand words were not enough to explain how he felt right now. Only a few moments ago, he had only quite a few emotions surrounding him. Pain, betrayal, confusion and anger. But after that phone call with Ayumi, many more had rushed toward him. Among them was panic. He had taken his seat on the couch comfortably, he was ready to listen to Taylor. Ready for anything she had to say. But he certainly wasn't ready for what happened instead.

It all happened in a flash to Conan when Taylor was suddenly a heap on the floor, having trouble breathing. She was rolling over on the floor and in another moment, the Hufflepuff boy almost flung the center table aside, the only furniture between him and the Gryffindor girl. "Taylor! Hey! What's going on?!" he nearly yelled as he held her in his arms instead of letting her support her herself. Conan felt so helpless as he didn't no what to do. "Auntie! Uncle! Call the ambulance! Call Doctor Arata! Call for help! Anything! She can't breathe!" he yelled at the top of his lungs making sure that his voice could be heard to the kitchen. "Hey, hey, hey. Just breathe, come on now," he quickly said to Taylor as he noticed that he was also trembling. He was scared. Conan Edogawa was scared. But he needed to calm down as he tried to smile at the girl trying to get her to calm down as well and breathe. He was wiping her tears when her aunt had come out of the kitchen bringing a glass of water. Conan immediately took it and tried to get her to drink but it was not working at all since she had already blacked out.

Now, Conan was really panicking. "Uncle! Where's the f**king ambulance?!" he yelled and like the gods had answered his prayers a quick loud series of knocks was heard through the doors. It was Doctor Arata, they're family doctor. The Hufflepuff quickly scooped Taylor up in his arms and laid her on the couch and letting the doctor do his work, all the while, he sat on the couch nearby, shaking a bit. He only spoke when the doctor was asking him questions of what had happened and what he knew about Taylor but most of the time he was only praying that Taylor was okay.</COLOR></FONT>

~~~ After A Few Hours ~~~​

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Conan had already gotten Taylor in his bedroom and laid her in his bed, covering her up with a blanket. He had grabbed a chair and seated himself beside the bed as he looked at the sleeping Gryffindor. "Why didn't you tell me you had anxiety attacks?" he whispered to her sleeping form as he took her hand in his and gave it a small kiss. He had never been so afraid with something so true unlike the one that happened in the Borely Mansion which was only an illusion. "You should have told me stuff like this before. I'm not a psychic, you know?" the Hufflepuff said as he moved strands of her hair away from her face. "I can try to understand if only you told me earlier," he muttered as he was slowly falling asleep, all the while still holding Taylor's hand.

 

[Taylor Blare-Edogawa]

Taylor swallowed. Her throat was really dry and her head was throbbing like it was being constricted by some form of rope. She opened her eyes and turned her head to see that Conan was sitting in a chair beside the bed. She looked around and could only assume that this was his bedroom. It looked kind of boyish, so she doubted it was Ai's. Besides, had Conan not told her that Ai had moved out or something. Taylor tried to roll over, but noticed that her hand was being held by Conan and she smiled slightly. So maybe he didn't hate her as much as she had thought previously? That was good. Taylor used her free hand to pull herself up in the bed so that she was sitting and tried to tug her hand out of Conan's grip. She couldn't remember what had happened, but she could guess. She looked over at Conan and sighed. She did feel bad about all this and she hoped that this wasn't going to change anything. "I'm sorry Conan, I really feel bad about this. This wasn't how it was supposed to go down." If she had known it was going to get this bad, she definitely would have taken some precautions. How had she even gotten here? The last thing she could remember was being on her hands and knees in the living room. Had she passed out? That was highly likely. Damn, she'd not done that in quite a while.

This was very new. She hadn't really had to push through an attack before. Usually she had her preventatives at the ready. When she was attending Muggle Primary school, before her exams she used to take them, just to be on the safe side. "This was new to me as well." She wasn't sure if Conan was even awake right now, but she didn't care. If she could get this out she would. She swallowed again. She was going to need some water. "I only going to apologise once for this, because there wasn't much else I could do. I swear." She then cleared her throat, which hurt a little to be perfectly honest. She decided that enough was enough and began to poke whatever part of Conan she could reach, turned out to be his arm. "Conan. Hey, Conan. Come on, wake up. I can't move with you gripping my hand like that, what are you a vice? Conan!"
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[Conan Edogawa]

Conan felt like sleeping was the best. Well, that was what he has been doing most of the time ever since Taylor had broken up with him. Sleeping made everything go numb. He didn't feel the pain or the betrayal whenever he was asleep. He didn't want to hate Taylor. He couldn't. And so, when he was being disturbed from his slumber, he just groaned in annoyance and just held the hand he was holding just a bit more tighter. Wait, a hand? he thought to himself whilst still having a bit of his consciousness. He then heard a voice. It was Taylor's voice he could tell. He would never forget that voice. He was in his rook sleeping, holding Taylor's hand and he could hear her. Perhaps it's a dream? he thought before pulling the hand towards him. "Just five more minutes," he mumbled. He didn't want to let go of her. Not yet.

It was only moments later though that someone was tugging the hand away from him and was also poking his arm. He was getting seriously annoyed. Someone was disturbing him in his sleep. Then, he realized he was no longer dreaming! Taylor really was in his room! Everything that had happened in the last few hours came rushing at him. The Hufflepuff let go of Taylor's hand and rubbed his eyes. He groaned sleepily as he sat up straighter in his seat and took a look at Taylor. Now what was he going to say? He still was angry at her for breaking up with him for no reason at all. But he also wanted her back. What was he supposed to do? He cleared his throat and just spoke. "Do you need anything?" he said, his voice void of emotion. Just pure coldness.

 

[Taylor Blare-Edogawa]

Taylor watched Conan as he finally began to stir. He was finally waking up. Well that was something at least. How long had she been asleep? Taylor cursed the fact that she was not old enough to do magic outside of school. She would know what the time was with a quick tempus spell. Sighing Taylor waited patiently and resigned herself to the fact that she would just ask Conan when he woke up. Easy. Allowing her hand to fall out of his grip, Taylor watched him as he watched her. Where were they supposed to go from here? There were so many thing that she wanted to say, but right now all she could think of was water, so she turned to look at him when he asked if there was anything she wanted. "Yes. Actually. Uh. Water would be... lovely. If you don't mind?" Of course Conan was still hurt, she could see that, but she couldn't go back. Admittedly if she could somehow go back in time, she would, but ... that just wasn't going to happen. Messing with time was a dangerous thing to do. Even for wizards... or witches. Bad things happened to people who messed with time. Everyone knew that.

When Conan got back with the water, Taylor smiled in quiet thanks before gulping it down. Her throat was so dry that she could have sworn that this was the best tasting water she had ever had. Setting the glass down, Taylor looked at Conan and shifted on the bed so that she was facing him fully. She might as well get this over with. "Conan. I'm going to tell you why we had to break-up. Bear in mind that this is in no way an attempt on my part to make you feel guilty or sorry for me or anything like that. Okay?" She asked, looking Conan in the eye. "Do you promise?" Taylor wanted to be sure. She didn't want him to feel pity or anything. She just thought that he had a right to know. Taylor cleared her throat. "Okay. Hmmm, um, well I guess I should start from the beginning. Remember how for that week before we broke-up, you barely saw me?" She asked, moving her legs up to her chest. "Well, there was a reason for that. I had just received a letter from my Aunt. My cousin, Corey, died that week and it was likely that I was going to miss the funeral. As you know, they looked after me when my parents died, well even before that, before the fire, when my parents were in St Mungo's. Corey had been sick even before I left for school, but I never realised, never suspected just how bad it was." Taylor him, hugging her knees to her. "And, well, him and Lewis are the closest things I have to brothers. It just, stunned me." She added, moving her head down to rest on her knees. "I did't want to burden you with my problems, considering you still had all that stuff happening with your sister..." Taylor trailed off, not wanting to go into any detail. "Then over the holidays, my Uncle was killed in an accident on the way home from his work." Taylor looked up at Conan. "I'm sorry. I just... I didn't know how I was supposed to deal with it all, so I just sort of... shut off and pushed everyone away. Really. I. Am. So. Sorry, Conan."
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[Conan Edogawa]

Conan had multiple thoughts in his mind. Seriously, it was an amazing fact that he still hadn't gone insane. Well, in scientific fact, he might not be insane just yet but in others' point of view, he might already be. After all, in his own point of view, he was already going crazy thinking about everything going on his life. There was Ai and Taylor. And there was Taylor and Ai. And also a little bit of Jeremiah. But then again, they were mostly the only ones who gives him problems and he seriously doesn't know how to deal with any of them. Jeremiah just irritates the cr@p out of him. He has no idea of what he could do with Ai. And Taylor. Dear Merlin, Taylor was his biggest problem. Conan liked her, maybe even loved her, and probably up to now as well. But now, he didn't want to get hurt again by her. Which he knew was evident. He still hadn't healed after all. Conan sighed as various thoughts still came and went from his mind as he handed Taylor the glass of water.

Afterwards, Conan had seated himself comfortably once again and looked stared at Taylor. He really missed her and if only she hadn't caused him so much pain, he would have already hugged her and told her how much he wanted her to be with him. But, that seemed impossible at the moment. Conan remained silent as Taylor began to speak. Was it necessary for him to even speak? He certainly didn't think so. All that remained on him was a stone hard face, pain showing in his eyes which were staring back at the Gryffindor girl in front of him. At first, Conan only deemed that it was not necessary for him to speak, but right now, he just plainly didn't know what to say. Taylor had been having problems. But, really, he was still hurt by the fact that she had just broken up with him. He felt utterly useless and that his relationship meant nothing at all for the Gryffindor. "What am I supposed to say, Taylor? That everything's alright now? Cause I seriously can't," he said coldly. Even though he knew her reasons, it still couldn't be changed that he was still hurt and in pain. His words were hard though if one were to pay close attention, the pain hidden in his words could be felt because they really ran deep through him. "You didn't trust me enough to tell me anything when you left me. What was I supposed to do? What was I supposed to think? It really hurt, Taylor," he told her, trying not to raise his voice before simply saying above a whisper, "You should have known that I was beginning to love you."

Language: Japanese