Lost

[Sapphire Michaels]

Sapphire had hidden herself away rather well. She had found a window on the fifth floor that was tucked away from immediate sight. Most people just rushed by, busy with their own lives. And right now, that was just what she needed.

She was curled up on the windowsill, staring outside but not really seeing anything. Sapphire wasn't usually one to cry but today... Today her face was wet with silent tears.

Learning you had a twin was supposed to be good news, wasn't it? And yet here she sat, her thoughts jumbled and her heart aching in a way she hadn't felt before. She sniffed, rubbing at her wet cheek glumly. She wanted to go find Oliver or Alkander, but something was stopping her.

For the first time in a long time, Sapphire didn't know what to do.

 

[Monty Pendleton]

Monty had not been himself of late, and he was beginning to worry it showed. Though usually he could feign his way through a bad week with a facade worthy of the theatre, the mounting pressures of his new position, combined with the constant fluctuations of anxiety and insomnia, were adding visible lines of age to his face, and contributing to an erratic mood quite unlike his usual mellow nature. He had not given up, though. No matter what mental or physical wars he had to fight, he was determined not to give up.

On his journey down from the owlery, Monty stopped suddenly beside a window. He was tuned, somehow, to notice quite often when somebody was upset, even if they attempted to secrete themselves in some tucked-away recess, as Sapphire had. "Hello," Monty said gently, finding a seat on the edge of the windowsill. Afternoon sunlight reflected off the Slytherin's damp cheeks. It hadn't been so long ago that she'd participated enthusiastically in her first Potions lesson, and the drastic change in her demeanour was concerning. Monty looked out across the view, over the castle grounds, then back at Sapphire, offering her a fraction of a humourless smile. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

 

[Sapphire Michaels]

Sapphire jumped when Professor Pendleton spoke, swiping quickly at her eyes. It was useless though- he had already seen her. She looked up at him through wet lashes, before turning to look back out the window. "Not really," she spoke softly. "I just..."

She was silent a minute, trying to find the right words. "Something happened and I don't know what to do about it," she said lamely, knowing it wasn't enough. "Does that ever happen to you?" She asked softly, sounding vulnerable.

 

[Monty Pendleton]

Despite his concern, and his sympathy, Monty couldn't help but smile. "It happens to all of us, I'm afraid," he said. His smile quickly faded as he looked back out toward the forest, which seemed smaller, less oppressive, from such a great height. "Would you like to talk about something, Sapphire?" He considered suggesting they move elsewhere, but none of the passing students were paying them much attention, anyway. "I'm quite willing to listen."

 

[Sapphire Michaels]

Sapph drew her knees up to her chest, giving a half hearted smile to Professor Pendleton's answer. She'd been afraid of that. He asked her if she wanted to talk then, and followed it with the reassurance he was willing to listen. She was quiet a moment as she considered.

She had to tell someone, she supposed. "I... Found out I have a twin brother named Onyx." She said finally. "When I was at Obsidian Harbour just before coming back."

She twirled a strand of pitch black hair around her finger. "I should be happy, but..." She took a few breaths to steady herself. "I just... He wants to know everything about me. I don't... I've never been really close with anyone before. I've made a few friends since I came here, but..." She trailed off, not quite sure how to continue.

She looked up to Professor Pendleton. "Onyx lives with Uncle James. I guess when our parents died the family kept one twin and sent me to the orphanage in Arrowtown. What if... What if he gets to know me and decides they were right to get rid of me?" Her voice broke a little. She hated sounding so scared, but she couldn't help it.

 

[Monty Pendleton]

Sapphire's predicament was much more complicated than anything Monty could have predicted, and at once he admired her for her courage in opening up. It took bravery - more than most people realised - to allow someone to see your pain. "Whatever gives you the idea he'll think that?" Monty asked. "This must be extraordinarily difficult to digest - really, I can only attempt to imagine - but if this Onyx is your twin, then you are his family. Say the roles were reversed, and you'd discovered you had a twin brother - you'd want to meet him, wouldn't you? And, presumably, you'd want to know everything about him. Of course, you'd have to be sensitive to the fact it's a big piece of news to absorb, and patient while he came to terms with it - as will he, for you. But if he wasn't, heaven forbid it, perfect, you wouldn't mind, would you? In fact, you'd probably feel worse if he was! Your own flaws would seem very conspicuous then, wouldn't they?" Monty wasn't sure whether he was making much sense to Sapphire, though he hoped she might at least take something small from what he told her. "I don't suppose Onyx will mind much if you aren't the reincarnation of Merlin himself. I suspect he just wants to get to know his sister. Who, as it happens, is an incredibly bright girl with an incredibly fierce attitude." He grinned. "Don't be so hard on yourself, if you can possibly help it. Nobody's suggesting you need to be happy - goodness, anybody in your shoes would need time for that. Give yourself some time to think things through. I'm certain things will become clearer eventually."

 

[Sapphire Michaels]

Sapphire snorted at the Professor's first question. There were a million things that made her think that, aside from what she'd already stated. She was brash, she never thought anything through, she could be violent, her mind played hopscotch from one thing to another. She opened her mouth to say these things, but the Professor was continuing on.

She tried to listen. It wasn't an if that Onyx was her twin- they looked like genderbent versions of each other. She could sort of understand what the Professor was saying. If she had discovered Onyx's presence before he had hers, she might have been a bit more excited about it. She wouldn't have forgiven herself if she hadn't at least tried to reach out to him. She knew that was all Onyx was doing, trying to get to know his twin.

Professor Pendleton complimented her then, and she felt herself blush a bit. She wasn't used to people saying nice things about her, either. Aside from Oliver and Alkander no one had really complimented her. The Professor proceeded to tell her she didn't have to be happy and that she just needed time to process what had happened.

She bit her lip as he finished talking, running a hand through her hair. "I... I suppose most of what you're saying does make sense." She started fiddling with the hem of her shirt. "I'm sorry to be so... gloomy. I just can't help but worry. I've been in the Home all my life, and no one has even considered me for adoption. Before coming here, any friends I did manage to make always got hurt. Even the woman who runs the orphanage says I'm nothing but a blight on everyone around me. It's not that I'm hard on myself," She admitted softly, "It's just that there's nothing good in me to begin with. The kids here haven't noticed yet, but as long as I'm careful that's okay. Onyx, on the other hand..."

Sapphire sighed and looked back out the window. "I'm just afraid that I'll let him in and one of us will be hurt, and it will be my fault."

 

[Monty Pendleton]

Monty breathed a small sigh of relief. He had a habit of over-complicating what ought to be a simple answer, but Sapphire had been able to make sense of it somehow anyway. That was all that mattered. His relief, however, was short lived, and quickly replaced with sorrow. Having visited the orphanage at which Saveli had temporarily stayed, Monty found it easy to believe Sapphire had been called a blight on everybody around her. It tore at him. How could anybody say something so disparaging to a child? Undoubtedly it could have been much, much worse, but Monty would never have dreamed of saying such a thing, even if he considered it the case. No good was going to come of pointing out only a child's faults; it was their achievements and successes toward which attention needed drawing. Clearly, much like Monty, Sapphire had had nobody to do this for her, and as a consequence she could not find anything to praise within herself.

"Well," Monty said, "first of all, that's enough of that self-disparaging attitude. You've plenty good in you - and I wouldn't say that if I didn't believe it. Secondly... yes, opening ourselves up to anybody invites the opportunity to be hurt. It's scary; I agree. But sometimes - often, in this sort of case - the potential reward outweighs the risk. Besides which, afterwards, you get to call yourself incredibly brave. Hey - and don't apologise for feeling sad. We all feel down sometimes. Just remember that it won't last forever. Mm-hm?"

 

[Sapphire Michaels]

Sapphire chewed her lip as she thought over what the Professor said. He was an adult, and one who seemed to know what he was doing... at least, he knew better than she did. She let out a sigh after a moment, turning to look at the Professor with her eyes clearer than they had been before. She gave him a sassy little smile. "I guess even a crazy old Professor has to be right sometimes," She teased, rubbing at her eyes. "I do tend to overthink things. I mean, he already says he has my sweet tooth and my cinnamon obsession. He's probably just as nervous about this whole thing as I am."

 

[Monty Pendleton]

Monty narrowed his eyes. "I'll pretend, just this once, not to have heard that," he said, clearly fighting back a smile. "I don't doubt it. In fact, I suspect it took him a great deal of courage to approach you." Seeing as Sapphire was sounding a little more cheerful, Monty stood up. "Well, I'd best be off. Mind how you go, Sapphire. And keep up the excellent work in class!" With that, he made to carry on toward the stairs, glad, not for the Slytherin's predicament, but for her sharing it with him. He'd needed the reminder of why he felt so passionately about teaching in the first place.