Closed Just You and Your Anger

[Tyler Lee]

Tyler had reconsidered this idea at least a hundred times, but here he was in the end anyway. He couldn't believe he was in front of Blake's door, holding a stupidly expensive bottle of wine as if that would fix the friendship he broke when they were boys at Hogwarts. But he couldn't ignore that he knew Blake's address, that Blake had wanted him at his wedding a few years ago. He hadn't gone, but it had to count for something, right?

But as Tyler rang the doorbell, regret flooded him. What was he doing? Going to Blake for advice? He knew that it was selfish, that Blake owed him nothing- less than nothing. But here he was anyway. He had always been selfish, and it wasn't like Blake didn't know that. But as Tyler heard noises behind the door, he suddenly realized the wine was probably weird. He had considered it a late wedding gift, or at least the better alternative to showing up entirely empty handed, but now he just felt like an ass standing here with this bottle. He briefly contemplated throwing it into a nearby bush, but that was the moment the door opened and he looked into the face of his former friend. It was also the moment he realized Blake was hot and that part of him had always known it. What the hell. Maybe he'd drink the wine instead.

 

[Blake van Houten]

For all the teasing he got for it, Blake had grown to not only accept but revel in his status as a Husband Guy. He liked hanging out with Lars, simple as that, and after over a decade together it was an accomplishment to still be so into your partner, as far as he was concerned. But he couldn't really imagine a better use of a day off than just hanging out with Lars, watching him paint, going on walks, reading together on the sofa. It was a kind of peace he had never known he wanted; never expected to achieve. But here it was.

So his day off coinciding with Lars having to do the setup for an upcoming exhibition of his work was... less than ideal. It left Blake restless and lonely, unsure what to do with himself. He had done the dishes, washed the sheets, dusted the house top to bottom, and reorganised his drawers. It was only after he'd run out of house maintenance work to do that he'd turned to body maintenance. He got more than enough exercise at work, but if there wasn't anything to do... Blake had dug out his home weights set, ignoring how they always made him think of his father, and gotten to work seeing how many reps he could get in before he got bored.

Which was not many, as it happened, as there was a knock on the door when he was only half an hour into the workout. Setting down the weights and mopping the sweat off his face with a towel, Blake silently thanked whatever forces were watching over him for offering a decent distraction from his boring day off. As soon as he opened the door though, he realised he wasn't actually sure whether this was something to be thankful for or not. "...Tyler?" He asked hesitantly, not quite able to believe what he was seeing. Blake had been fairly sure his former best friend would never have any interest in catching up again, and had long since given up on him. Seeing Tyler at the door now... he had no idea what to think.

 

[Tyler Lee]

While the door was opening, Tyler considered for the first time that it was possibly Lars opening the door. Even though he knew Blake was married to him, he hadn't thought about him at all until this moment. So it was a weird sense of relief he felt when he met Blake's gaze, though relief was only one of the many emotions swirling around in his mind. He opened and closed his mouth, then thrust out the wine bottle at Blake. "Sorry for missing your wedding." He said, the words coming out almost angrily in his haste to get them out.

 

[Blake van Houten]

Blake felt a little like he was being pranked in some way - there was no way Tyler had pulled such a complete and total 180 in the time since they last saw each other, Tyler's vicious words in the park hurting just as much as when they had both been students in Hogwarts. But he accepted the wine on autopilot, giving a small nod. "Thanks..." He said warily, glancing Tyler up and down. "What... why are you here?"

 

[Tyler Lee]

Tyler glared at Blake, he knew he was doing it but he couldn't help it. He tried to stoften his words, but they still came out more angry and frustrated than he wanted. "I need your help- I know you don't have reason to help me." He said. "But I'm here anyway." He shrugged a little. "Also I'm sorry for the park, I wasn't mad at you. I was mad at... my friend." He remembered how utterly frustrated he had felt, seeing Fabian mess with Blake just to mess with him. It had been a weird mix of humiliation and feeling worried for Blake. Now with everything that went down, it was even more of a mess. "He sucks." He said, but it didn't sound like he meant it, even to his own ears. "Is uh, Lars home?" He asked, realizing suddenly that the only thing worse than this situation was having Lars see him like this. He was a confused mess.

 

[Blake van Houten]

Whatever Blake had expected from Tyler, it wasn't a call for help. He tried to think of what Tyler could possibly need him for - because Tyler would have to need Blake to even consider going to him - but he came up empty. He nodded in acknowledgement of the apology, but barely even actually registered it, the situation felt too bizarre. He shook his head when Tyler asked about Lars, snapping out of his reverie slightly at the mention. "He's setting up for a gallery showing." He hesitated before opening the door a bit wider. "You had better come in, then..."

 

[Tyler Lee]

Tyler's shoulders relaxed slightly when he heard Lars was away, which was ridiculous. He wasn't scared of him, or anything. But it was nice not to have to come face to face with him during this conversation. "I see." He said, nodding as he followed Blake inside.

It wasn't like Tyler had put much thought into what Blake's house would look like, but he was still surprised by the reality of it. It was... cozy, warm, nice. Kind of like how Tyler imagined the Hufflepuff common room to look like. Warm wood tones and yellow accents, tons of paintings on the walls which he guessed were painted by Lars. Vases with fresh flowers were set on every surface. He felt increasingly awkward as he sat down on the comfortable sofa with mismatched (but somehow matching) pillows. He couldn't help comparing this to both his own place and Fabian's apartment. They had similar taste and it was entirely the opposite of this cozy little house. Though Fabian was actually able to afford the style they both liked, unlike Tyler who just got everything in black so it'd match.

Even though this wasn't what he liked, he had to admit this looked nice. He hesitated. "I suspect you didn't decorate the place?" He asked. "Considering the way you decorated our dorm room was just throwing all the Quidditch posters you owned on the wall and leaving your stinky socks lying around." He stopped, holding his breath for a moment. He had fallen back into friendly teasing without thinking about it, but that wasn't their dynamic anymore. He wasn't sure how Blake would react.

 

[Blake van Houten]

As Blake closed the door, it struck him just how weird it was seeing Tyler here. His former best friend felt like part of a different life; one that didn't exist anymore. Hadn't for a very long time. He felt alien, standing here in the middle of the cosy life he and Lars had built for themselves, like a black splotch in the middle of a vibrant canvas. He couldn't hold back a small snort of laughter at Tyler's comment, heart lightening for a second. "Nah, this is all Lars." He said fondly. "It'd be all Quidditch posters if he wasn't here. Less socks though." He added, though he wasn't sure how true that was. A piece of his heart froze over again though, as the weirdness sunk back in. "Why are you here?" He asked, tone cooling from the familiar warmth that had been creeping in from lifetimes ago.

 

[Tyler Lee]

Tyler's mind was already half forming a funny response about other pieces of laundry Blake might throw around his house, but the change in Blake's expression told him that the brief moment of friendship was over again. He nodded like he understood, then leaned forward slightly, elbows on his knees and his hands clasped as he thought of how to word this. "I- I don't know where to start." He finally began. "It's about- it's about the guy I was with last time you saw me, the rude one. He's my coworker." He started, desperately hoping Blake would just put the pieces together without him having to put it all into words, somehow.

 

[Blake van Houten]

Blake wasn't really sure what he expected this to be about, but as he set the wine down on the coffee table and took a seat in a chair across from Tyler, the pieces started to click. Somewhat. "He apologised to me for you after you sulked off, actually." He said warily, studying Tyler's expression. "He seemed like a nice guy, had some nice stuff to say about our match against Ballycastle." He added, trying to make his position clear. The guy had seemed decent enough to Blake, which did explain Tyler having problems with him. Not to mention... "Are you freaking out because you've only just noticed he was gay?" He added, raising an eyebrow. Blake knew Tyler likely would have reacted better if Blake had told him rather than kissed him back in school, but after their falling out he couldn't really think of anything his former best friend would come to him about unless he was having a similar experience, and needed to check in with... the only gay person he knew, apparently.

 

[Tyler Lee]

Tyler shrugged a bit as Blake talked about how Fabian had apologized. He didn't need to tell him he was a decent guy, though nice was definitely not the right word for him. "He's- he's my friend." He said, trying to explain to Blake that that wasn't the issue. He snorted at Blake's next words, stung despite knowing he deserved that comment. "What? No, of course not. It's practically the second thing he says to a person after he introduces himself, sometimes the first." He said, waving that away. "I know I reacted badly when we were kids Blake but I'm not some sort of- anyway." He shook his head as if to clear it, then rubbed his hands over his face. "I don't have an issue with him being gay." He repeated. "It's-" He sat up suddenly, having made a decision. "Back then- when you kissed me." He winced at the word. "Did that- was that because you thought maybe I was also interested?" He knew he wasn't being clear and he knew he was circling around the real issue, but maybe Blake had sensed something. Maybe Fabian had too. How else had he gotten into this situation twice?

 

[Blake van Houten]

Blake relaxed a little at the confirmation that he wasn't here to help Tyler through the exact same freakout, but it only made the other man's presence more confusing. He couldn't quite hold his gaze when Tyler mentioned the kiss from so long ago, head dropping slightly. They had managed over a decade of Not Talking About It, and though he was nearly twice the age of the scared little boy he had been then, somehow the mention brought back all the panic and shame he had once felt. He shrugged slightly at the question, stomach twisting into painful knots.

"Not... specifically?" He said slowly, shoulders hunching a bit. "I mean, I liked you, kinda, but I wasn't... really conscious of that at the time. I hadn't realised I was gay yet. I was mostly just panicking because it was after the whole thing at the Yule Ball with Sierra... you were pissed off that I'd kissed her and I think in my mind it was like, well... kissing isn't a big deal, look at this! Which... man, I know how dumb that is. But you were freaking out, and then it like... twigged for me that I'd liked that in a way I didn't like kissing Alice or Sierra, and then I freaked out, and..." He shrugged. "I wasn't exactly mature enough to process anything that was going on. I still thought it was a misandrist conspiracy that they let girls play Quidditch, bro." He reminded Tyler, thrown back to just how small his mind had been at the time.

 

[Tyler Lee]

Tyler had honestly forgotten almost all the specifics around that event. He had forgotten how Sierra was involved, he had kind of forgotten about Sierra entirely if he was honest. It had seemed like such a big deal back then, like the end of the world. He suddenly felt very old. Tyler nodded, trying to process that thought. Was the fact that Blake's kiss was the main thing he remembered all he needed to know? Or was it normal to remember the moment you fell out with your best friend. "I know. You were stupid. I was equally stupid, as you know." He said, nodding vaguely at Blake's whole explanation, clearly thinking and not really listening to the parts that weren't related to him and his current issue. He let out a sigh and closed his eyes. "I'll be plain. Fabian kissed me. And I kissed him, I think. And now I don't know what to do."

 

[Blake van Houten]

Blake was a little surprised to hear Tyler call himself stupid. It was almost like an apology for all the years of isolation. Almost. He was quickly torn from the past though when Tyler finally laid out what had brought him here, blinking at the other man in disbelief. "And... you came here to ask me?" He said blankly, mind completely failing to process what it was supposed to do with this information. "So... you're... confused because you liked it?" He asked, still not quite sure that could be what was going on.

 

[Tyler Lee]

Tyler shook his head, then shrugged. "I don't know, Blake. How do I know?" He asked, finally opening his eyes again and looking at him desperately. Even now, he had twisted the truth. Fabian hadn't kissed him, he had kissed Fabian. But Fabian had always made it so clear that he wanted to, he had kept pushing Tyler. Was it his fault that he finally snapped? "We were tipsy and he was constantly joking about it and hitting on me and I finally just-" He grimaced. "Okay, maybe I was the one kissing him." He admitted. "But that doesn't have to mean anything, does it?"

 

[Blake van Houten]

As if this conversation hadn't been painful enough. Blake was hit by a spike of second-hand embarrassment, Tyler's discomfort tugging on his own nerves. "That's - I can't tell you, Tyler." Blake said heavily, trying to keep himself together. He'd had deep, sincere conversations with queer fans before, people who were thrilled to have Quidditch stars just like them to look up to, but he had never been all that good at dealing with other people's emotions and the weight of his history with Tyler only weighed the conversation down further. "It means whatever it means to the two of you. If you're having... questions about your sexuality, that's not something I can answer for you."

 

[Tyler Lee]

Tyler's shoulders slumped at Blake's words, realizing that he had known all along this wasn't something Blake could solve for him. It had just seemed nice to think he could. Maybe he would've just said that it was nothing, that Tyler was being silly. He groaned softly, and fell back against the backrest of the couch, hands over his face. "I'm sorry." He mumbled against his hands. "I shouldn't have come here."

 

[Blake van Houten]

There had been times in the past when the sight of Tyler so genuinely upset would have been a source of joy for Blake, but now... he felt sorry for him, in a way he had never expected to. It was achingly familiar, and he shook his head, leaning forwards a little, elbows on his knees. "No, look... I can't tell you what it means, but I can tell you it's okay. It's okay to learn new stuff about yourself - it's good, really. Great." He added, glancing around his home - a home built by love he had never expected to find. "If you enjoyed it, maybe you're bisexual. Or maybe you were just drunk, and like making out in general. Or maybe it's just this one guy. None of those are bad things, they're just... new things you're figuring out. That's good." It sounded cheesy, he knew, but after the kind of press training he had gone through for work it was far easier than talking about real emotions, something that had only ever come easily to him with one person.

 

[Tyler Lee]

Tyler's hands slowly dragged down his face before landing in his lap, he listened to Blake, shifting himself up a bit as he finally looked at him, just feeling tired. "I don't know." He said softly. Then he sighed. "It's definitely not just him." He said, shaking his head. "At least, he can never hear it might be that or he'd be insufferable." He reached up to smooth his hair back as he thought about Fabian. "He's awful, Blake. He's a jerk, he's arrogant, he's insufferable. He loves making people uncomfortable. He's not good at his job but is good at pretending he's good at his job." He started gesturing with his hands to emphaszie his point. "He's rich, and I mean, stinking rich, and he's in no way modest about it. It's so clear he has never had to try for anything in his life. He thinks life is just one joke, and he think's he's hilarious-" To Tyler's horror, he realized his was smiling. He dropped his hands, his face shifting to a horrified expression. "Oh, Merlin." He cursed under his breath.

 

[Blake van Houten]

Blake watched the transformation of Tyler's face quietly, reassessing as he watched his former friend process in real-time. It was a surprise when Tyler actually managed to reach the conclusion himself, and Blake did his best to fight back a laugh. "Well, he does sound right for you." He said, hoping to lighten the mood somewhat. He hesitated a long moment before reaching over, gently squeezing Tyler's shoulder. "It's okay. Change isn't bad. If you like him, you like him."

 

[Tyler Lee]

Tyler let out a huff, shooting Blake an annoyed look. "I'm nothing like that." He muttered, though he couldn't help the slight amused smile playing around his lips. "Not the rich part, at least. And I actually try for things." He said, shaking his head. He let out a deep sigh when Blake squeezed his shoulder. "I should've said that to you- back then." He muttered. "Guess this explains why I freaked out a bit back then too, though." He said with another shrug.

 

[Blake van Houten]

Blake gave a small, airy snort of laughter, relieved that Tyler hadn't taken any offense at the teasing. It almost felt like they were friends again, after so long with an ocean between them unsaid. He smiled a little sadly, shrugging. "I mean, you were also mad at me for kissing the girl you liked, so there were circumstances." He said, though as true as that was it had been hard to take any solace in it for the past fifteen years, when the pain of his first real kiss having lost him a friend was so deeply ingrained. "It's... you're gonna be okay, bro. I promise. If you've got feelings for this guy, there's nothing wrong with exploring that. You don't need to have a name for things yet if you're not ready, just... let yourself be curious."

 

[Tyler Lee]

Tyler smiled a little, feeling an odd sense of relief. Maybe he hadn't completely broken things between them when he didn't go to Blake's wedding, though he knew he shouldn't hope too much. It would be up to Blake, he knew. He cleared his throat. "I completely undersold how awful he is if you're encouraging me to- explore things." He said, feeling his cheeks heat up a bit at the word. "He's awful, Blake. The worst. More arrogant than you were back in our school days." He said, the same fond smile appearing on his face as he'd had before.

 

[Blake van Houten]

Somewhere, somehow, something had eased between the two of them, in a way Blake found surreal. He'd never expected to have a civilised conversation with Tyler again; had written their entire friendship off as a lost cause when they were still teenagers. But here they were, and this time he couldn't hold in a small laugh at the look on Tyler's face. "Yeah, I'm not buying it when you look like that." He smiled. "You definitely like him."

 

[Tyler Lee]

Tyler let out a laugh, louder and more relieved than he had expected. He grabbed one of the tiny pillows Lars had probably picked out and tossed it at Blake. "Shut up!" He said, still laughing. "He's the worst, you don't know that I like him." He said, though he was grinning. "Ugh. Maybe I just have bad taste." He groaned.