Closed I Wish

[Zennon Baros]

Zennon's letter to Leda could not have been more vague. I need to get away for a bit, hope you've got a spare bed xx Zennon. Honestly, if it weren't for the fact that most of his family was there and he trusted Elio to handle things with Rowan (honestly she probably wanted him there more than Zennon right now anyway) he wouldn't have been leaving the house at all, but he felt so crowded and he had NEWTs to worry about this year as well as everything that happened to Sam, he was feeling more overwhelmed than he had in his life and the only person he wanted to see was the one person he couldn't see when he got back to school. Having graduated last year, Leda was wild and free as a bird. He knew Leda and Mervyn lived with Wendall as well, so it was a bit like a little family and he knew all three of them and was comfortable with at least two of them, who he knew wouldn't crowd him like his family wanted to do. He needed time... time to process his loss and grief and time to really understand what all of this meant. Losing Elsie was not something he'd expected and he didn't think he was dealing with it how he should. People said he should talk to someone, the only person he wanted to speak to was the only person he knew had experience with this and the only person who's doorstep he felt comfortably standing on with very little planning. "Leds?" He called, hoping she was hope despite not actually being totally aware of when he'd be arriving.​

 

[Leda Layton]

Recieving a letter from Zennon hadn't been a complete surprise given that he was still one of her best friends. Things had taken a strange turn just before she'd graduated, but she still thought that it wouldn't break what they had. Perhaps they would have to work on it, sure, but not break it. What she hadn't expected however was to recieved a letter from Zennon who seemed to need somewhere to stay for a while. The last few weeks had been chaotic, having sold Olive's house for somewhere that wasn't a target for werewolves, was going to have Leda feeling much safer about where she lived. It had been hard, selling the place that her sister had worked in, all the little memories they had especially from the last few years, although Leda was keen and determined to make sure that there was always a reminder of her sister wherever they were. For her sake and the sake of her niece, nephews, and cousin. ​

The Former Slytherin opened the door, expecting to see Zennon on the doorstep with his usual goofy smile, although when she laid eyes on him he looked almost lost. "You found the right house!" Leda smiled, moving out the way to let him enter. Since his letter, she'd managed to convince Wendall to bunk in the living room so that Zennon could use his room. During the holidays he would be staying with them, and it was large enough too to accommodate a sleeping back or two on the floor should Lysander ever want to come over, but with her new life on the horizon Leda still had to be careful about where they lived so it wasn't quite as big as the family home she'd shared with Olive. Mervyn and Leda had their own room of course, and she'd demanded that Mervyn's baby brother would be staying in his room. She didn't know how she felt about having the baby around her all the time, she wasn't equipped to deal with everything at once, but when Mervyn had come to her she couldn't turn him down. "Dump your stuff..wherever you can find a place honestly," she waved her arms around in the hallway that was still covered in a lot of cardboard boxes. She would eventually give her friend the full tour, but for now she just wanted to see how he was doing and so beckoned him towards the back of the house into the tiny kitchen, beginning to boil the kettle, watching him closely. Mervyn and Wendall were off doing Merlin knew what, but it was nice to see Zennon again and felt like it had been more than a couple of months. There had to be a reason that Zennon hadn't just written to her more than a sentence, and she'd considered for some time what was going on with him that wasn't suitable for a letter. "This place, it's not much, but you're welcome to crash however long you need." she stated, hoping it would invite him as to why he'd even asked to come over. ​

 

[Zennon Baros]

Zennon loved Leda, she was his best friend in the whole world and at the moment, she was the only one who could truly understand what he was currently going through. That wasn't to say that his family couldn't because Merlin, could they ever, but it was suffocating being in that house. He couldn't just... breath. After what happened, with Rowan and everything, and his mom getting all protective and crazy about it all, he'd just needed to get away from all of it, be with someone he could just... not hold himself together around. He trusted Leda with his life and... for today, his emotional wellbeing. He couldn't let himself go at home, though his mom tried to be there for him, she'd just lost the love of her life and one of her children, she wasn't doing well at all. As Leda opened the door, Zennon felt like he could breath a sigh of relief. It wasn't like he was relieved she was letting him him, because he already knew that, but more that it was a confirmation of their relationship as friends, that they could be friends even outside of school. These were the kinds of things he worried about with all of this, how much would he have in common with people he went to school with and how good at staying in contact would he be? He smiled lightly at her, though it wasn't exactly what she would usually expect of him, given he wasn't happy and knew he wouldn't be for a long time. Elsie's death was still fresh in his mind and it was as if he hadn't fully accepted it. He kept using the present tense for her, and heading up to her room to tell her a funny thing he'd just heard, only to then remember she wasn't there. He would forget every morning and fall asleep with memories. It was a constant horrific cycle, but it was all he had.​

​

As he stepped into the small house, which honestly just seemed very Leda, he raised a questioning eyebrow at the state of the place. Her glasses aside, there were what appeared to be a lot of baby things around the house and Zennon looked at Leda. At the moment he didn't have it in him to ask, somehow he was a little afraid of the answer, but, he'd get there soon enough. He nodded as she said he could dump his stuff, and he did so by the door. He figured he could move it later when he was a bit more settled. "Thank you, Leds," He said, looked around a little. It was nice, all things considered and probably the best part about it was that it held no painful memories for him, there was nothing here of his father or of Elsie, he didn't have to watch where he moved or close his eye whenever he walked past the mantle with a photo of Elsie waving out at him, or walking past her bedroom and not smelling the rich earthy paints coming from inside. He could relax a little, and forget about the deep gash his heart was suffering. "I'm sorry for just... being so vague... I had to get away." He told her, sitting heavily on the sofa. He dropped his head into his hands and breathed in as deeply as he could. It didn't smell like Elsie here, it didn't smell like his dad here, he felt like this was the freest breath he'd had in the last month and it was overwhelming to say the least. "I needed... space. I couldn't breathe."​

 

[Leda Layton]

If Leda was honest, and was asked, she would have said that Zennon looked exhausted. The former Slytherin was making them a drink as her best friend took a seat on the couch, and various situations ran through her mind about what had caused him to come here in the first place. It wasn't that she minded having him, not at all, but there had to be a reason for it. Her blue eyes watched him drop his head, and the blonde moved round to set two mugs on a table before sitting down beside him, turning her head to study his body language. "Did something happen?" she asked eventually, beginning to feel a little uneasy, although given her own events last year she hoped that Zennon could talk to her too. "Did you have a fight with your family?" Heck, she knew how that would go too. She stopped herself asking about his girlfriend Sam, and why he hadn't gone to her too. There were so many questions on the girls mind but she knew she would have to approach it patiently if she wanted the full story. ​

 

[Zennon Baros]

Just being in Leda's presence meant Zennon could breathe again. He'd feared he would never have that kind of relief again when those two officials had come and shattered his life. It had been hard, his entire family in one place, everyone grieving. It was suffocating, stiffling. Rowan hadn't shed a tear, uttered a single word in weeks. His mother couldn't stop crying. Grace was completely blank for the most part and his cousins were just as heartbroken as he was. Cayleigh especially he knew had been close to Elsie, they had similar outlooks on things. The truth of it was, that Zennon just couldn't handle it, he couldn't handle the responsibility that had been placed into his hands. He was supposed to be there for Rowan, for Grace, Isaak was living his life, as he should, given an amazing opportunity on a Quidditch team just as this had been dropped in their laps. How was he supposed to be a healer if he couldn't even heal himself or his family? He heard her set something on the table, mugs, if the smell was anything to go by. She sat beside him, and it was like they were back in the common room again, just having a chat, just being Leda and Zennon. So much had happened in such a short time and he'd been worried this would be awkward. Honestly, he just wanted sixth year all over again. He wanted to just forget. "Something... yes," he heard himself say, the hitch in his throat tightening as he thought about it. She would understand he knew, but, but it was still so fresh, so new... and Leda's sister had died so horribly, this wasn't the same at all, how could he compare the two? "You... ha, a fight... I wish," a fight would have been so much better than the alternative. A fight he could fix, they'd proved that, but this... this was eternal, this was impossible, this... this was permanent. "The twins... Elsie and Rowan, you... their birthday was just past," he said, gesturing vaguely behind him as he did so, because looking at Leda right now was hard and so he just stared at the ground with his hands clasped across his knees. "Elsie is a dancer... you might remember, I don't know if I ever mentioned," he was finding it so difficult to pull at the threads in his brain. He spoke of his siblings often, he loved and admired them and everything they achieved together and separately. He'd never been jealous or embarrassed by either of them, they had a good relationship. "It was their sixteenth birthday, you remember how special that is," he said, looking slightly up at Leda, the dull light in his eyes giving away the truth of the emotions he was feeling. The emptiness. "Rowan set up this... this big family event, everyone came, all the cousins, Ilija Olaf, the Hufflepuff, Elsie's best friend, the girl I work with in the infirmary, Elio Zephyr of course..." Just thinking about him with Rowan relaxed him a little, he didn't have to worry about Rowan so much with Elio around... but he worried for Elio too, he needed to look after himself too and he wasn't sure he could do that with Rowan around. "Elsie didn't come home, Leds..." he said softly, jumping to the end without warning. "Elsie and Dad... they're both... they just," he'd already said the words once, he wasn't sure if he could stomach the thought of doing it again. "F*ck... Leda, I can't say it." He said, taking deep breaths as he tried to calm himself from the oncoming hysteria of the moment. He couldn't tell her they were dead. He just couldn't say it. Not again.​

 

[Leda Layton]

The horrible feeling in Leda's stomach only got worse as she saw how hard it was for Zennon to say what was on his mind. Flashbacks to her previous year fresh still in her mind, she knew what was coming. For a moment, Leda thought Zennon was about to tell her that both twins had died, although she didn't say anything and just sat there quietly listening to the Slytherin get his words out. She was pretty sure she'd heard him mention Elsie's dancing, something about a big recital although Leda had never really thought to ask more about it. Chills went down her spine as he said Elsie and his dad didn't make it home, her eyebrows raising as she felt sick herself. Leda had lost her own dad too a few years ago, taken by an illness although she hadn't been close to the man at all, and it had been Olive's absence she missed as she left to help their mom. She still however knew what it was like to lose a sibling, the wrenching realisation that they were just gone, without so much as a mention to say goodbye. Leda was never going to just get over Olive's death, although in the last twelve months she'd come to at least work around it, a mix of distracting herself just enough that she didn't focus on it for too long, and forcing herself to be so involved with her own memories that she could convince her brain that Olive was still here, even if it was temporary. It had taken a good while though, and the first few months had been the hardest, especially when she was trapped at school. She looked to Zennon, knowing almost exactly what he was both going through, and what he was going to be in for, although really his situation was perhaps even worse. A double whammy of both family members at once, and ones that he were closed to, too. "..you don't have to say it." Leda had been swarmed with her own loss that she'd never considered how she'd act when it was someone else, although it did make a little more sense why he'd come to her specifically. "Zennon, I'm so sorry," Leda turned to face him a little more, trying to remember how he'd spoken to her that day in the Quidditch shed, although she'd been so overwhelmed she had barely managed to focus on the words he'd said at the time. The world never gave anyone enough time, especially the best ones. Elsie was a couple of years younger than her too, it was just cruel. Leda wasn't an affectionate person and didn't know whether a hug was a good idea or not, so stuck with words instead since she felt more confident with those. "How you feel right now, it will get easier to manage. I..I don't know if it ever goes away fully," Leda wasn't going to beat around the bush, she never did, "They're such a huge part of not just your life, but who you are too, that it's hard to see them when they're not there." Her gaze had lowered to his hands, all she had to offer him was that they were on the same page, and there weren't many Leda could honestly say that about. It was just cruel that this was what it was over. "Can I tell you something though?" she asked, looking up again, not waiting for a response because really she believed he'd need to hear it, "Don't hold it in. Whenever you can, talk about them. If you're upset, just let it happen." Leda sighed quietly, not for the first time wishing they had been in the same year at school, "I spent far too long trying to deny it in my head, that when it did hit me it was as though I was hit with months worth at once. And people will be there for you. More so than you ever dreamed would be. People do listen." Leda may not be returning with him to Hogwarts, but she'd found friends in the final year that she'd never expected because of Olive's death, ​

 

[Zennon Baros]

There was so much that Zennon wanted to say to Leda, mixed with his own grief were the images of her in the Quidditch shed when he'd gone to see her after she'd lost Olive, and he'd thought about the way she'd listened to what he'd been saying, even through all the hurt she'd felt, and he'd somehow found the words to say, even though he'd had no idea what he was supposed to do. He could feel Leda moving besides him, but he couldn't bring himself to look up, because he didn't want to see the way she was looking at him. Of all the people in the world, Leda was the one he didn't want to disappoint the most. She'd been his friend since his first year, to that affect, he'd known her for almost half his life, which was an entirely crazy amount of time. He hadn't really ever thought about what friendship would look like outside of the school, but this was it apparently, Zennon crying on the couch of the one person he knew would understand him more than anything. He was almost glad, if he could ever be glad, that it was Leda and not someone else, because Leda was special and she always would be. From such a young age they'd had so much in common and he felt he was more moulded by her friendship than he was by his own goals and needs and something inside of him just clicked with something in her. They'd been fast friends and their relationship had only grown. Sometimes he looked back, but he was never quite sure how any of it had started, though he was sure Professor Pendleton's collapse way back when had something to do with it. He did managed to finally look at her when she told him she was sorry, because of all the times people had said it to him, that they were sorry, that they understood how he felt that they were there if he needed anything, this was the first time he actually believed it. Because Leda had been through it. She really was sorry, she really did understand what he was going through, and he believed, she really would help him if he needed anything and it was why he'd needed to come to her in the first place, because he just needed someone to tell him the truth, about everything. He didn't know what to say to her, he and Leda had never had a really emotional relationship, not until the last year or so of their friendship, but he could just feel that she really believed what she was saying and if she believed it, so did he. "I... feel so... wrong," he said, not quite understanding what it had been until this moment. "I don't feel right... I don't know what I mean by that... exactly but," he just felt like the world had split apart and been mended, but that it had been wrong because there was something missing, someone missing, and it just wasn't right. "I love Elsie... loved her, and now I don't know where to put that because... because how do you love someone that... that isn't there anymore? Where does it go?" He asked, though he wasn't sure if she would have an answer. There was a point in his life where he never would have thought about the meaning of life, but he'd been thinking about it a lot lately and how a person's life could just end. "She's gone, she's not here and it feels wrong." The deep breaths from earlier were helping to calm him, but the pinprick of tears at the corners of his eyes were hard for him. Tears brought tears of course, but Zennon had never been a crier and so he tried to hold it in, despite what Leda might have said, he couldn't change entirely, as desperately as he might have wanted to. "How can someone just... just not be there anymore? It just doesn't make sense. I spoke to her in the morning, I teased her about losing... she was supposed to win and throw her victory in my face and tell me how much of a loser I was... but she didn't. I dont even know why that annoys me, but it does."​