Closed Hesitant Understanding

Elio Zephyr

Elio Zephyr

It's all just creative chaos 📷 Photographer
 
Messages
1,464
OOC First Name
Pheeb
Blood Status
Half Blood
Relationship Status
In an Open Relationship
Sexual Orientation
Panromantic Homosexual
Wand
Straight 14 1/2 Inch Whippy Elm Wand with Fwooper Feather Core
Age
1/2035 (24)
Elio had been feeling strange for the last few days, unsure of where he was and who he was. Talking with Isla had helped more than he thought it would, and he was grateful to have reconnected with his sister for the first time in years. The only thing he did know what how he felt about Rowan, but it was the rest that had him confused. The prefect had been doing his best to step away from Rowan since then, letting her experience her own independence and make friends away from him which had never been something he'd intended to do, but he realised that it was what she wanted. On the way out the Charms class though, he waited until he left the room at the same time as the Gryffindor, "Hey, can we talk for a minute?" he asked, talking quietly over her shoulder. He felt like he'd lost himself since they'd last spoken and he didn't entirely understand it, but if he was going to do anything to figure out what was going on in his head, he had to talk to Rowan first. He had a horrible feeling that Rowan wasn't going to like what he had to tell her but he wouldn't go back on his promise to keep being honest with her, and maybe it was a good period of time for them both. Elio spotted the trophy room across from the classroom, nodding his head in that direction before pushing open the door, glad to find it empty, not that he expected a parade to be passing through.​
 
Rowan rolled her eyes at Chrys and Elsie as she headed out of the classroom. It had been weird to be sitting on her own, not having really had anyone else to speak to in class since she no longer took these classes with Elio. Well, she did, but she didn't sit with him. She was having a hard time really dealing with it all, even though she'd been the one to say she needed to take a step back and she had, physically, but emotionally she was still tied to Elio. She looked for him in every room she entered and always knew where he was when they were in any kind of proximity, but, it was weird not knowing exactly what was going through his head. As she walked out of Charms, stuffing her textbook back in her bag, she nearly jumped when she suddenly found Elio to be closer than he had been in days. It upset her for some reason that she hadn't noticed him and she frowned at his words. She looked over to where he was gesturing and followed, not sure why he'd chosen the trophy room of all places. Surely they could talk literally anywhere else. Why on Earth did it have to be this stuffy place? Surely the lake had much nicer air. "What's up?" She asked, looking around the room, not quite sensing the slightly off feeling between them.​
 
Elio was getting the impression he had somewhat of an idea of how Rowan felt now when they were down at the lake, and he did his best to not come across as too nervous, not that he thought he was doing a great job of it. He didn't mean to throw this on her in between classes, but he didn't know when he'd get the next chance to really feel like that had time to talk away from other people. Elio moved across the room before turning to lean against the window sill. "Are you doing okay?" he asked, knowing that it had been a bit of a strange week for them both since they'd sort of taken their route for the last week. It felt unnatural to not have spent his lessons with Rowan beside him, it felt kind of empty but at least he could look across the room and believe that she was doing what she thought was best for her. "I'm sorry, I know we said we'd keep our distance.." he admitted, having no real excuse as to why he was asking this from her when really everything was just confusing, and he knew that he had to see her if he was going to make sense of the scrambled thoughts in his mind. Elio sighed as though the next words out of his mouth had been held back for a long time, "I've missed you," Maybe that wasn't what Rowan wanted to hear while she was trying to settle herself. Maybe that was exactly what she was trying to get away from, although Elio was in a weird limbo of not quite knowing whether he was meant to step back entirely or not. The prefect didn't turn away though and just looked at her as though it had been months not just a few days since they'd last spoken. Had it really only been that long? ​
 
Rowan watched Elio, not quite sure what was going on. Being around him, with him, made her feel better than she had any right too and even though she knew that they'd promised to keep their distance, she also knew that it was rather an impossible task. All she really wanted to do was walk over to him and wrap herself into his arms. He had said he would always be there for her, but she'd also said he couldn't let her just... do what she wanted, and since this was what she wanted, she knew, realistically, she shouldn't be doing it. Even if she really wanted to. She looked at him as he asked if she was doing okay and she ran her fingers through her hair slightly, trying not to give too much away. Truthfully, she was just so tired. She'd been keeping herself awake at night trying to occupy herself with other tasks and then she had started leaning more into helping Elsie. It seemed like so much longer than a few days had passed. "I'm f-" She could have kicked herself when she realised what she was about to do and so she bit her lip and sighed. "I'm tired, to be honest, but... yeah, I guess I'm okay." She really wasn't sure, it was still so new after all. She was getting a little bit nervous now though, because this didn't really seem like the kind of place for a casual chat and, she was starting to feel a little bit antsy. He'd moved to the other side of the room and she immediately felt hurt, like maybe he was moving away from her specifically, but, she didn't voice it. "No... it's fine, I like just talking, catching up and stuff, like friends, right?" She asked, now nervous about what was going on. She didn't quite know what to do when Elio seemed to voice what he might have been trying to say though, that he missed her. She let out a hesitant breath, because the same was true for her. She stepped towards him a little, but remembered the distance he'd placed between them, physically, and so she stepped back instead. "I... me too." She felt like it had been so much longer than a couple of days, honestly she was quite done, she'd had enough, but she was determined to keep her promise to herself and to Elio if she could. "Uh," she'd never had trouble talking to Elio before, and honestly, she still didn't, she just wasn't sure what she could and couldn't say anymore even though every time she saw him she just immediately wanted all of his attention, affection and advice.​
 
A smile came to Elio's lips when Rowan cut herself short of what she was going to say and she ended up correcting herself. It was like she was becoming more aware that sometimes she didn't always say what was on her mind, although he was glad that she seemed to be able to do that with him, even now when they were in this strange zone of being friends without really be there day to day. He was sure that Rowan had to know for the most part what he was going through, how difficult it always was to try and explain to anyone else what their relationship was, and even know it was like they were somewhat on the same page even though they were doing totally different things. At hearing she was tired, he hoped that it was because she was doing more things now that she was before, rather than that she wasn't sleeping. He'd seen Vader do that enough to know it wasn't exactly healthy. He didn't want to linger on the fact she missed him too, for a variety of reasons. Elio had always been open about what was going through his head but right now even he was struggling to know what was, that it was hard to put it into words. Where was he supposed to begin when his thoughts were jumbled up like last nights left over Spaghetti Bologna. "I wanna ask but, I don't think I should." he admitted, "it's like, when we were out on the lake, I meant what I said, every word, and yet even though it's true, we're still apart. More apart than before," he laughed lightly at the situation, "I understand it though and I know why but I don't know how I can be everything when we're so.. " he trailed off, not really having the words to finish his own sentence. Why was it so difficult to have any idea of what he was even thinking right now? "If I stay away I want to find out who I am Ro." They'd never actually addressed the fact he'd kissed her back at the lakes, there had just been so much else going on and he had even less of an idea of why it had happened then as he did now, "There's so much of myself that just doesn't make sense. I thought.. I thought I knew how I worked, but now..every time I feel like I've figured it out, something else throws itself into the mix."​
 
Rowan wasn't quite sure why, well, she was and she wasn't but, she just wanted to hug Elio and hold him close. There was a strange sort of calmness in the air, but also a weird sense of confusion, but not like panic, not like there had been at the lake. She wasn't sure what to make of that. She didn't like the strange awkwardness that seemed to be surrounding them now, especially given they were alone and she was sensing there was something on his mind. Because that was part of the point. They were separated, but, they still knew each other. She knew the way he bit his lip and ran his hands through his hair and she knew the way he just looked out the window when he was thinking about something he needed to say. So, she was feeling a little bit anxious and she couldn't really stop it, she just... needed him to say whatever he was trying to say and not beat around the bush. She didn't like the feeling she suddenly had shooting through her body. She wasn't ready, not yet. Not yet. She knew this was it, she could tell this was the moment she'd been dreading. He was done, he couldn't do this, they needed to stop. "El..." there were a lot of things she wanted to say, but, what could she say? There was nothing really she could say. She wasn't quite sure what he was asking though and so she frowned slightly. "W-what are you trying to say... El?" She asked, desperately hoping it wasn't what she thought it was, she wasn't sure she was strong enough to hear it.​
 
Elio could sense that she knew where this was going, but he wanted to make sure that she didn't think that it meant what he'd said before was any less true. He just wanted to reach out to her but he knew that he wasn't what she wanted or needed right now, not when she was fighting to do these things by herself, so he remained where he was, leaning on the stone behind him for literal support, "I want to figure these things out with you Ro, none of it makes any sense to me anymore. I've spent my whole life thinking I was gay and now, whatever is going through my head doesn't match what I thought I knew." It was so frustrating, every moment that played out didn't add up. "If you want to distance yourself and do more things by yourself then I am never going to stop supporting you, but if that's the case then I have got to know where I stand too." He didn't want to put her in this position, but right now he'd pulled himself away from elements of his personality that he'd always had. He didn't even feel comfortable at the thought of hugging Ava and it was driving him crazy that he couldn't do anything to find out why. "I just thought I'd come to you first that's all."​
 
"I don't..." She didn't understand. He was gay, wasn't he? Had something changed? Of course she knew she loved him and was attracted to him in that sort of physical sense, but she'd always taken him being gay at its quite literal core. Sure, when he'd reciprocated her love it had been very confusing, but she'd been pretty clear on the fact that he didn't see her that way, and she wasn't sure if he was trying to say it was different now or not. What they had was weird, it didn't make sense, but, it was theirs, and she hoped this didn't mean that he wanted things to end or... or whatever. "We... talked about this... didn't we?" Hadn't this been what the lake had been about? What they wanted out of this? "At the lake... we said that you and me... that we'd work together but... seperately?" She said, frowning. She was having an incredibly hard time with this and she felt incredibly stupid that she couldn't seem to wrap her head around whatever he was saying. She wasn't sure if it was just because she was so exhausted, mentally spent or just stupid. She shook her head, attempting to clear her thoughts. "I don't want to distance myself... I just, I don't..." what was wrong with her brain right now? She felt like it was mush and it just didn't want to think. She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. She couldn't control this situation, calm, be calm.​
 
Elio could tell that Rowan was beginning to panic and really this was the last thing he'd wanted. This was why he'd wanted to lay it all out for her and not do anything until he'd said it. "You sound like you're repeating what's going on my head," he mused, before running his hands through his hair, his knees bending as he slid down the wall until he was sat down, head in his hands with frustration at the whole thing. "We didn't talk about this because I didn't know about this until I kissed you." The frustration was clear in his voice although he did his best to hide it. "It is not like I have a lot to go on." He had closed his eyes now, elbows still resting on his knees. He knew what Rowan meant when she said she didn't want to distance herself, she didn't want to lose him and he didn't want to lose her either, and he had no intention of doing that. "What part of what we're doing right now is working together?" He asked her honestly. He felt like for the last few days he'd been more on his own than ever, which did little to help his own thoughts to the point where he'd even had to go and speak to his sister about it. ​
 
"That's because I'm repeating what's going on in mine... or not going on in mine..." she said hesitantly, not enjoying this unnerving feeling she had. She was trying to get her brain to work, to compute what he was saying, but she couldn't get it to stop running away with every single strand of thought she was trying to feed it. Every time she tried to latch onto something to say, it slipped away and she found herself spinning, mentally away from it again. She frowned, rubbing her hand along her arm, trying to ground herself in some sort of reality, but she wasn't quite sure she was understanding what was happening. She'd kissed him, not the other way around... he'd kissed her back though, hadn't he? She shook her head, frowning again. "You're gay, El," wasn't that the point of all of this? Wasn't that why they were so confused about everything? Was he not gay, then? What was he saying? She bit her lip, the physical pain bringing her back to reality a little, but still not enough. "We decided together, you and me." There was something she wasn't getting and she didn't know what it was, but she knew it was frustrating him, she could feel it. Through the strange feelings and through the racing thoughts that slipped through her fingers like smoke, he was saying something, but she wasn't grasping it. "It's not... working, is it? I'm sorry..."​
 
Elio didn't know what was going on in his head but when Rowan told him straight out that he was gay, it hurt more than he realised. She knew everything about him and yet she could still believe that? He had thought so too and clearly had already been challenged on his views in the past that made him think that things were really not quite that simple, but hearing her dismiss it so shortly still felt like a blow. Together, you and me. Except that right now they weren't even talking until Elio caught her in the corridor. "What isn't working?" he asked, confused at why she was thinking that of all the issues going on in his head, that is was what he was most unsure about. The way that Rowan pushed him away at the same time as telling him they were together had his head in the state it was in any only proved why he was having so much trouble. "I don't know what I am!" Elio hadn't meant to raise his voice, but between everything going on he was feeling as though he was just losing himself entirely. "This isn't about whether or not we work Ro I know we do." he had quieted down again now, head still in his hands. Elio knew they worked in that they had the same emotional connection along with whatever else he was feeling. Maybe this was just another misunderstanding and Elio most certainly did not want this one to turn out the same was as the last. "None of this makes any sense, I don't make sense," It was a good job Elio's hands were covering most of his vision otherwise Rowan would have seen the frustration that was starting to turn to tears that tried to escape his closed eyes. He breathed out a sigh as though defeated, where was he even meant to go from here? "Like I said, everything at the lakes was true, it still is, I just wish I knew who I was."​
 
There it was, the miscommunication, the thing that always popped up in these moments that always seemed to ruin whatever they were working towards. It was like a bus slowly crashing into a wall and she was right on the last seat, but she couldn't escape the inevitable as it slammed against a barrier, a barrier she didn't even know existed. What barrier? Where had it come from. "I don't know," she said hesitantly, trying desperately to latch onto a thought she could use, but, it was like her own brain was fighting against her. She was losing control, she couldn't think straight, she didn't get it, she didn't understand and it was painful and frustrating and hard. She wanted it to stop, she wanted to think clearly, logically, but she was clouded by something she could hardly see through. She jumped when he yelled, at her, at the situation, she wasn't sure, but it wasn't helping either of them. He was on the floor, she noticed, she didn't remember him sitting down but he was there now and she just felt like a stunned mullet standing in the middle of the floor and doing nothing but reflexively stroking her arm up and down, trying to what? Ground herself, calm herself? Which was it? "I'm... I'm trying." She tried to tell him. Hadn't he said he would be proud of her for trying, for making friends? She was trying, but it was hard she didn't think he realised how hard this was for her, but it had to be better than what they were suffering together, it had to be, but... was she hurting Elio more? Was she causing him greater problems than she had before? She didn't want that, she wanted him to have everything he could have. She'd been wrong on the lakes, she should have walked away, she knew that, but she couldn't, she couldn't this was Elio, her Elio, the only person in her life that cared about her as much as she cared about him. "I don't know what you want... El," Except it looked like he didn't either. She didn't know how to help. She wanted to just, be physically close to him, but, it was like there was this massive rift between them. "I've caused this?" She asked, dropping her hands to her side and twisting them into fists to try and get her thoughts together. She'd thrown a spanner in the works by loving him. If he'd never met her this wouldn't ever have happened. He would be with Marco right now and he would probably be happy, happier than he could ever be with her still in his life. She wasn't crying, she wasn't, but oh, did she desperately want to. She was still standing in the middle of the room, without a thought of what she should do. She couldn't get them to form properly and they just dashed away again before she could catch it. "I'm sorry, El," She'd been strong, she'd been so strong, but now she couldn't even keep a coherent thought in her head, he mouth didn't want to make the words come out and her brain just didn't want to form them. She couldn't think straight, she couldn't understand what was happening in front of her and she could tell this wasn't helping.​
 
Everything that Elio thought he knew about himself was slowly being chipped away. Normally he would have just gone across to Rowan right now, scooping her up in a hug but she’d told him she didn’t want that, she didn’t want him to be there as much and yet this was meant to be the way they were figuring how to be with one another? The only thing keeping him away from her was because she’d asked him to. How did that make any sense? He was giving up part of himself for this, a huge part of himself but he wasn’t just referring to the odd guy he may have found cute. “I know, I know,” Rowan was doing well on her part to stand on her own two feet, he knew that. Elio pulled his hands away from his face, looking across the room to see Rowan looking perhaps as lost as he was feeling. “You have nothing to be sorry for babe,” he sighed, partially wanting to just reverse time and drop the topic entirely. Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything at all. “Ro, all I want is to be honest with you. That’s why I’m here, disturbing you.” He hoped she had something fun planned for the afternoon because he knew he certainly didn’t and it would have been nice if at least one of them did. Rowan seemed to think that things between them were for her to take the blame for which was entirely untrue. In another attempt to explain himself before Rowan got too far down the road of miscommunication he pressed on. “I’m not gay, at least not in the usual sense,” Was there a usual sense? Eugh, too many questions, “I always thought I was. I’ve always found that guys were what I was attracted to, they stood out to me, and yes some still do. Falling in love with you though proved it wasn’t that simple. Yeah I might find guys attractive, but you’re the one that’s got my heart,” this wasn’t news but it felt important to reaffirm nonetheless. “When you kissed me last year it was different to how it was last week. It was as though..” it was so hard to tell, it had been so quick but he knew it wasn’t his version of normal, “It was nice.” Elio wasn’t sure how long he’d been looking ahead of him instead of at Rowan but he looked back to her now. She was trying so hard, he could see it, she was putting herself in so many situations that she’d already told him she was so tired. “I don’t know what is happening to me, I can’t work out why and I haven’t a clue how to begin to work it out without you.” With this and then trying to keep his distance, while them still being together, how was he meant to figure it out? Elio raised from his position on the floor, feeling as though if nothing else and least he’d told her what was going on in his head, and he could relax a little at that. “I don’t want to get between you doing what you have to do, I just, I need to know what I am before I do something that hurts us.” He glanced to Rowan, feeling as though there was still something strange between the but not really able to place it, “Should I, not have brought this up?”​
 
The more that Rowan was listening to Elio's voice, she felt like maybe she could ground herself more. Maybe they'd put restrictions in place and it had been too much. Maybe they really should just do whatever they felt, but... maybe check in first? Like maybe she shouldn't just snake herself around him, but ask first? See if that would be okay? Because what they were doing right now wasn't working. She tried to steady her breathing, letting her mind race as she carefully pulled it back. He was such a calming presence in her life, she didn't know how she'd managed to be so grounded before him. Maybe she hadn't, maybe that was the point? This was so new for both of them, they maybe just had to... soldier through it, not be so hard on themselves, let the chips fall where they may? Her thoughts were still hard to grasp and she held a hand up to let him know she was just trying to focus a bit, closing her eyes and pressing her hand to her forehead. The feeling was nice, and she continued to breath, trying to let the build up out slowly. She was losing control, but this was small, it was small, she could deal with it. He called her babe though, so... he didn't want her to go away, right? She couldn't deal with that. It would be like someone telling her she'd never be able to see Elsie again, or Zennon or Gracie to a lesser extent. They were her life, she couldn't just... stop. He wanted to be honest, of course, and that was what they'd agreed on, so it was good, honesty was so important for them, especially right now. She knew who she was... for the most part, she was trying to figure it out outside of him, sure, but... she shook her head. She couldn't imagine what she must have been going through and dammit, she just wanted to hug him or touch him or something, but it had been her rule, she couldn't just... not follow it. "El, I am so sorry, if I ever thought this would... I shouldn't have kissed you," she said, opening her eyes as she looked at him. She wanted to help him, but she didn't know how. "You... you don't know what you need, but... just know that you can have as much of my time as you need... I know what I said and... and I still need that, but, you're my best friend, the only person who occupies my whole world... how could I say that and not help you however you need?" She asked, stepping a little closer to him now, so that at least she wasn't just standing in the middle of the room like a nutcase. "No, please don't think that. I always want you to be honest with me, no matter what, I'm sorry I'm not doing well for you right now, I should be supporting you that's what we said," she frowned. She was still finding her thoughts difficult to grasp, but, she was slowly calming down. "I didn't listen, to you, I do that all the time, I'm so sorry," she said again. Shaking her head. "No matter what, no matter what I'm going through, or what is happening or anything, middle of an apocalypse, horrible lesson, terrible car crash, falling off a broom, anything, middle of the night, or at dinner, please never think I'm unavailable to you. Even if we're... whatever we are, I'll be there whenever you need, I promise." She didn't know how to help but, she wanted all of him, his whole self, she didn't want a scattered version of Elio in her life who had to compartmentalise and change himself for her. She loved him for him, not his face, though... that helped, a bit. "I love everything you are... and if that means I have to help you figure out what that is, then, I'll do it. If it's something different than we thought, well then I'll just have to love that too, won't I?" She wasn't sure it all made sense, such as her head was at the moment, and she'd stepped closer to him as she spoke, so they were at least on the same side of the room now, but she made no efforts to move closer unless he wanted her to, because she didn't want to be rejected again, and if he wanted her to hold by her rule, she would.​
 
They had learnt from their past mistakes that keeping things bottled up in their minds didn't do either of them any good. Elio wanted to tell Rowan things because they were important, especially when they were both trying to work on themselves. Rowan was too much of a large part of him for Elio to just not take her and what she thought and wanted into consideration too. He was a little surprised to hear that she didn't think kissing him had been the right idea, especially after telling it had opened up something in him. "I'd rather be confused and figure it out, than never even realise," Sure things were confusing again but he wanted to make sure he worked on himself and it was much better than this sort of thing popping up later down the line. Surely they had to be a good middle ground here where they could still communicate while giving one another space. Rowan was supporting him, even if it was just listening to the random jumbles of thoughts that were buzzing around his brain, and he smiled at her comment. "You know I'd do the same for you too right? I know right now, you want your own space and I am more than happy to back away, but no matter what I'm never gonna be far away," in some ways the physical distance between them in that moment let Elio concentrate more on what he was saying, instead of relying on showing how he was feeling. That being said Rowan didn't make it easier for him not to close the distance between them when she told him she would have to love every part of him. In some ways that was how they'd gotten in this predicament in the first place, but they'd come this far and they were both still willing to work things out, and maybe one day things wouldn't always been so unclear, even if they weren't ever as "normal" as others would expect. Rowan continued to move toward him, and it took all of his strength not to reach out to her. If he could work things out with her he felt as though it would be a huge weight of his shoulders, although they still had to be smart about it. "You're too good for me," he gave a chuckle, feeling a little more relaxed about the situation already and running a hand through his hair as he tried to think for a solution. The prefect let out a huge sigh, turning on the spot to look down to the floor before looking out the window, contemplating a balance that wouldn't comprise either of them. After a moment, the Gryffindor turned back to Ro, taking another few steps closer, "What if.. what if throughout the week, we stay as we are, we go about our usual routines and classes, but one or two nights a week, they're ours." Maybe it would give them a good middle ground to be able to know when they could talk and update one another, plus Elio could bring up properly a few things he was going through without disturbing the rest of her time. "We'll make a thing of it," he shrugged, "get comfortable one evening and just have a chance to just be us. Whatever is going on we can save it for then you know. If.. if that would work for you?"​
 
Rowan bit her lip as she listened to Elio. It was still hard to concentrate, really concentrate on what he was saying because it seemed to have been wanting to go into one ear, but out the other, which was making it difficult for her to get it. But she was picking up the gist of it she thought which would hopefully let her know the situation for the most part. Mostly she was just tired and emotionally spent. She'd bundled up the panic attack she was in the midst of having and the calm down procedure was also working she hoped. "I'm... mostly just sorry that this is something you really need to do on your own," she admitted, wanting to provide as much help as she could to him. She felt like most of this was her fault, well all of it really, because it was meeting her that screwed all of this up and now all of his relationships were currently in or likely going to be in jeopardy as he tried o adjust to whatever he was trying to figure out about himself. She knew that he was attracted to guys, she didn't think that had changed, but, something in the way their kiss earlier in the week had made him feel was what had done it. Rowan smiled when he returned her sentiments, not at all surprised by it. He really had made her a better person, she wasn't the self-centred cruel girl he'd first met, and though it seemed like so long ago, she knew it had only been a little over a year, which was honestly crazy. The more she wondered on it, the more she began to agree that time was a relative construct and therefore not real, but she preferred not to dwell on that purely for the implications of what it would mean and send her into some conspiracy thing that she was definitely not looking forward to at all. She wanted to help him where she could of course, but she knew he would have to ask because she didn't want to make things more difficult for them. He mentioned she was too good for him and her immediate reaction was to frown, because no, he was much better than she was. She'd changed fundamentally as a person, and though he'd never really seen the cruelty she could inflict on others (though this situation was pretty cruel in her mind) she definitely could still do it. She was very capable of it in fact. She chose not to say anything though, because it was probably something they could argue over for ages, and that was not the point of this time in the trophy room. She saw him take a step towards her and she looked up at him. She liked what he was saying. It gave her a chance to do her own thing, or rather, it forced her to do her own thing, maybe get to know Ilija a little more? "I like that... it's a good idea." Of course she would always hope for them to figure everything out and know exactly what they want, but they couldn't have that, so this would be the best right? "We still do Astro... right?" She wasn't sure what she would do if he said they weren't going to do Astro anymore. Did it count for their time together? She needed to know.​
 
Hearing the words from Rowan that at the end of the day, this was something he needed to figure out on his own, was a breath of fresh air even though there were complications between them. It was true, no matter how close he was to Rowan he was never going to figure this out himself if he didn't actually work on it, and there was only so much he was going to know by staying in one place. Of course it didn't matter how far they strayed in their developments, there was always going to be a Rowan sized piece in his chest, she was still his best and closest friend, the one he looked up to the most and trusted completely. It was hard to accept that it was what had brought them together that was going to be the reason they had to pull away, no matter how temporarily, but neither of them would be able to grow without it. Still, that being said, knowing that they would still have time to see one another, a way that would mean they didn't grow so far down different paths that they lost one another, was reassuring and at least to Elio he knew it would make the rest of it a little less daunting. He smiled when she asked about Astronomy. It was the class that they'd first met in properly and bonded over, "And.. and we'll have Astronomy." He liked that idea, he didn't want to lose his original blanket buddy. He sighed, a relief of tension lifting from his shoulders, but still he didn't move closer to Rowan. Their time would come perhaps, but that wasn't right here right now. They had a plan, a plan that hopefully would work in both their interests. After they'd agreed on a time and date to meet, Elio was still resisting doing anything more and no doubt Rowan was probably on her way to.. whatever she did now too. He'd have to ask her later. "I'm so proud of you Ro." She'd handled the entire conversation pretty well if he were honest, but not just that, this whole thing with him too. When they'd spoken at the beginning of the year, things could have been so different if she'd come back and had already been over him and yet between them they knew they had things they had to settle. ​
 
Rowan wasn't quite sure what she'd have done if it turned out they couldn't have Astronomy, considering she only actually did Astronomy for Elio, she probably wouldn't have bothered honestly. She sighed in relief when he said they would still have that. She nodded a little and moved closer to poke him in the shoulder, getting a little uncomfortable when he told her he was proud of her. Honestly, she didn't see that she'd really done anything to be proud of. What had she done? She laughed slightly. "You don't have to say that you know, I was stupid," that much she knew was true and nothing he said would convince her otherwise. At least she knew now why he'd chosen the trophy room, they had no memories here, it was a blank slate, nothing corruptible. She felt better knowing he'd taken that into consideration and that she could keep all the good things she did have for when they were together the days they were permitting. "I miss you, I'll have to make sure I have lots to tell you!" She said after a moment. Though their time together had never been boring, she could just as easily lay on a couch in silence with him and not say anything. She wasn't sure if she could do that when she wasn't with him all day every day, so this would bring a new dynamic to them and maybe give her more of a chance to understand more of herself too, where she stood in Elio's life and how she could make his life better than dragging him down all the time. She wanted to be the one who made him stronger and better, like he did for her. What had she given him but nine months of pain and numbness and then more pain? She wanted to be better and she knew that she couldn't be relying on Elio, because, despite everything, she knew he would do anything for her, including wrapping her in bubble wrap so nothing could hurt her. But maybe really what she needed was a taste of real life, instead of always being caught up in Elio's affairs. "I should catch Elsie, we're going over her routine and she needs a second pair of eyes. Maybe soon I'll be all fit and toned like my favourite boy," she said, unable to resist the urge to give his arm a soft squeeze. "I..." she wasn't sure if she should say it. Was it a boundary? She frowned. Telling Elio she loved him was easy, like second nature, but... they'd sort of established that they were going to cool it on things, hadn't they? "Um...I love you." She smiled lightly at him.​
 
Elio was chuckling at her comment, what was she talking about, of course he had to say it. He believed it regardless of what she'd mentioned and he wasn't going to not tell her so. "I know I don't have to, but it doesn't make it any less true," he smiled. He missed having her around even if it was for the most random topics, or even just because having someone beside him that he could turn to was the most rewarding thing he could ever want. "You better, and you better remember all the little details too because I don't want some half ass'd story time," he joked, glad to hear that Rowan was planning to fill up her days with things rather than just mooching, but wanting of course to hear about it all given the fact he was no longer experiencing it all right beside her. He grinned when Rowan told him about helping Elsie out with her dancing. He knew Rowan had danced in the past although really he didn't know the depth of her hobby for it since she'd never shown that part to him, but he was pleased that she would be spending more time with the Ravenclaw too. Elsie was a good kid too who no doubt had some of her own things going on in her life that she would appreciate Rowan's company with too. "You guys will have to show me it one day," he was serious, he wanted to know more about what they enjoyed, and even if his own dancing looked like someone was trying to stun him he could still appreciate someone who could dance. The grin remained on his face when she called him his best boy, his hand moving to catch hers and taking it in her own, while he emphasised flexing his own arm muscles, which didn't work out so well given how many layers he was wearing. He gave up and let his arm fall again, but with Rowan's hand still in his he gave it a squeeze. Hearing the Gryffindor say those three little words made his heart flip in his chest. How was she even able to do that to him? Feeling as though he'd better leave and get back to his studying before he once again got himself too wrapped up with Rowan, which really was easily done and why they were in this mess in the first place, he moved forward towards her, planting a kiss on the top of her head, "I love you more baby girl," he mumbled against her hair, giving her hand a final squeeze before releasing her, and taking a few steps back with a sigh and a grin, moving before she could contest his response. "Friday, don't forget," he kissed the air from the doorway in her direction, before pulling it open and heading back out into the swarm of the castle. ​
 
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