Closed Hand In Unlovable Hand

Tristan laughed at the memory Vivian brought up, remembering that time. “Don’t tell him, but I snuck in a few snacks.” He told him, lowering his voice as if confiding an important secret. He then raised his eyebrows a bit at Vivian’s next comment. “You sound like you’re the parent.” He teases. “I promise I’m eating my vegetables.“ As if to prove the point, he pierced some tomato with his fork and ate it.
 
Vivian laughed at the conspiriatorial tone, wiggling his eyebrows. "Your secrets are safe with me." He smiled, taking a sip of his wine. He snorted at the comment about vegetables. "Like I said, too much time with my sisters." He smiled sheepishly. "Having a mum who used to own a sweetshop is pretty dangerous for their teeth."
 
Tristan smiled a little. "You must love them a lot." He said, looking at Vivian in a new light. Becoming an older sibling in your twenties probably meant you were basically another parent. Or at least would have to babysit a lot. Tristan didn't have siblings at all, so he couldn't really relate or compare it to having siblings closer in age. "I bet you're a great brother." He added quietly.
 
Vivian smiled fondly, nodding. "I do. It's weird having sisters so much younger, but they're great." The changes to his family had been a lot to adjust to, after 20 years of just him, his mum, and his nan, but in the end it had all been for the better. He laughed softly at the compliment, shrugging. "I try."
 
Tristan nodded at Vivian’s words. He couldn’t imagine becoming an older brother now. Though, with how little he saw his family, he wondered if it would really be any different compared to how things were now. “Glad to know you have some experience with kids, so I can ask you for advice next time Mason does something that freaks me out.” He said with a slight grin. “Babies are weird.” Tristan shook his head. “And deceptively quick sometimes.”
 
Vivian chuckled softly, nodding in agreement. "Happy to help." He said, still adjusting to the small unfamiliar thrill he got at seeing Tristan so domestic, so caring. It was leagues away from the boy he had dated so long ago, and the thought of getting to be with this man... "Oh yeah, they'll do that." He laughed, determined not to get distracted from the conversation. "Just wait until he starts walking. Make sure you've moved everything you love out of reach well in advance."
 
Tristan groaned and covered his face in his hands as Vivian brought up the idea of Mason walking. He couldn’t even imagine the chaos that would erupt. “Please, let him take a while to figure it out.” He said, peeking between his fingers. “He’ll be a menace.” He said dramatically, hoping it would make Vivian laugh a bit. “Have you seen who his parents are?”
 
Vivian laughed at Tristan's sudden distress, heart fluttering slightly. "You're doomed, sorry. He'll demolish everything you love." He grinned, taking a sip of his wine. This was easy, it was so easy to talk to Tristan, to laugh with him. Despite their shared history, or perhaps because of it, this was maybe the easiest date he had ever been on.
 
Tristan laughed at Vivian’s comment, shaking his head. “Good thing he’s so lovable.” He said, sighing softly. “You should meet him again, properly. He’s great.” He said with a small smile. “You know, for a baby.”
 
Vivian was shocked by the thrumming of his heart at the offer, so casual. Of course there was going to be more. Of course he'd meet Tristan's baby, properly. Mentioning Mason somehow made it so much more real - Tristan didn't just want a date. This was deeper. "I'd like that." He said fondly, trying to get his thoughts under control. "This is... we're starting something long term, aren't we?" He added, unable to think of a less blunt way of asking. No "do you want", this time. This was what it was. He wasn't going to run.
 
Tristan had given the invitation thoughtlessly, but once the words had left his mouth he felt nervous. Unwillingly, his mind flashed back to the last time he had alluded to any sort of future with Vivian, even in the lightest sense. The way Vivian had crushed those hopes had hurt, a lot. So when Vivian cautiously spoke about starting something long-term, Tristan couldn’t help but tense up, bracing himself for what he might say yes. “If… you would like.” He said stiffly.
 
Vivian's heart sank at the change in Tristan's demeanour. He knew addressing it would bring back that old pain, but seeing it stung in a different way. "I would." He said quickly and reached to take Tristan's hand, not wanting to leave him uncertain for a moment. "I'm... I'm so sorry for last time. It was stupid, and cruel, and... but I've been thinking about this. A lot. I want... I want this. Properly. I think... we're the people we need to be now, to... have a chance at this working." He took a shaky breath, old nerves and fears gripping him as he added the part he had thought about the most. "I do have one condition, though."
 
As Vivian took his hands, Tristan felt his shoulders relax a little. He had known Vivian wasn’t going to dump him, but he had still felt the same fear come back. “No, it’s alright.” He said, knowing he had deserved it but also knowing saying so would just end in an argument. He nodded at Vivian’s reassuring words but then felt himself tense again as Vivian brought up a condition. “Yes?” He asked tensely.
 
Seeing the relief in Tristan's shoulders relaxed Vivian as well - hurting Tristan was still one of his bigger regrets despite everything, and he didn't want to repeat the experience. The next reaction sent a thrill of fear through him but he pushed ahead, knowing he needed to protect himself early on. However different things were now, he wasn't going to take his safety for granted, certainly not when this was all so new. "No secrets." He said quickly, voice trembling slightly with nerves. "I won't be a secret again, and we're not seeing other people."
 
Tristan silently braced himself for what Vivian was going to say, many possibilities flashing through his head. Did Vivian now want to hide him? Was he ashamed to be back with him? Or was it something else? Tristan’s eyes widened slightly when Vivian finally spoke. He reached for his hand almost automatically. “Of course.” He said quietly. “No secrets, and no other people. I didn’t- I wouldn’t want that.” he said, meeting his eyes. “I haven’t seen anyone else since we… started again.” He admitted quietly. He had barely even been tempted, which was strange for him.
 
Vivian took Tristan's hand almost automatically, meeting his eyes as he spoke. He nodded slowly, fighting against the hurt part of himself that didn't want to believe anything Tristan said. This was different, had been from the moment they ran into each other on the street. He was surprised when Tristan said he hadn't seen anyone else, but he nodded. "Neither have I." He said quietly, a little surprised to realise it was true. It hadn't been a conscious decision, but now he was glad. "So... alright then. We're dating." He said with a small smile, squeezing Tristan's hand. This was new and old all at the same, scary and familiar, but he had to believe things were going to work out.
 
It was a relief to hear Vivian hadn’t been seeing anyone else either, even if he would’ve had the right to do just that. Tristan smiled at him, feeling his heart flutter a little. “I guess so.” He said, squeezing his hand. “Who would’ve thought.” He added quietly, shaking his head in wonder.
 
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