Closed Hand In Unlovable Hand

[Vivian Brackenstall]

As he walked around his flat for the hundredth time straightening cushions and rearranging photos on the shelf, Vivian felt a little like he was floating above his body, watching himself walk around like a ghost. Nothing since running into Tristan in the harbour had felt real to him, and now that they were planning to meet up again, things had only gotten more surreal. He had run the memory over and over in his mind, reassuring himself that it hadn't been a dream. But it was all very real. Tristan had a child. They had reconnected. They had kissed. Twice. And now Tristan was coming over for dinner and a real, measured conversation about what this was, now that they had both had some space to think. It felt like meeting with a stranger and his oldest friend all at once, and Vivian didn't have so much as the beginning of an idea of what to expect. All he could do was wait for Tristan to arrive, and brush the imaginary dust off his piano for the fourth time.

 

[Tristan Collins]

Tristan had changed outfits three times and was now running slightly late. He wasn’t actually late, but not as early as he had wanted to be. He ran a hand through his hair one last time, then apparated to the address Vivian had given him. It still felt so strange to him that he was meeting Vivian, at his house. He really hoped Domi wouldn’t bother him tonight about Mason, Tristan had asked her to watch him weeks ago. Surely, she could do that? He glanced at his watch, then took a deep breath before knocking on the door.

 

[Vivian Brackenstall]

Despite the anticipation that had been ringing in his veins for hours, Vivian still jumped at the sound of the door. He didn't give himself any time for last minute second guessing, pausing just for a moment to collect his breath before answering. He could feel the nerves in his smile as he opened the door, immediately realising he didn't know what to do with himself. Did they kiss? He settled for a nervous nod, opening the door wider for Tristan to come in. "Hey."

 

[Tristan Collins]

Tristan smiled as the door opened, glad to see Vivian. A small part of him still worried this was some sort of elaborate revenge plot, but he knew that was silly after their talks. They were good now, and it was up to Tristan not to screw it up again. Tristan smiled. “Hey, you look amazing.” He said, stepping into his place and handing him the bottle of wine he had brought as a gift. Then he leaned in and quickly kissed him. “Thank you for inviting me.”

 

[Vivian Brackenstall]

Although he was well used to Tristan's easy confidence, hearing him speak only made Vivian feel even more like a muppet puppeting a human's body. All he could do was smile and accept the wine he was passed, before the soft feel of Tristan's lips zapped him back to his body like lightning, fizzing right through him all the way to his toes. "Thanks for coming." He said, clearing his throat to fight back the shake in his voice. It had been almost a decade since he had been that quiet mouse of a boy at school, and he wasn't going to let the nerves undo all his progress. "Dinner's pretty much ready, I'll get us some glasses for this." He said, giving a small smile before leading Tristan into the kitchen.

 

[Tristan Collins]

Tristan followed Vivian, smiling slightly as he looked around his flat. It looked nice, though a lot tidier than it had been last time. He reached to touch Vivian’s hand as they walked into the kitchen. “It smells good.” He said quietly.

 

[Vivian Brackenstall]

Vivian was more braced this time for the touch of Tristan's hand, after a moment reaching out to return it. "Nothing special." He laughed a little awkwardly. "Just made some pasta and salad." He opened the cupboard, glad to have plates and glasses and cutlery to distract himself as he dished everything up. "How's Mason?" He asked as he worked, nerves starting to settle.

 

[Tristan Collins]

Tristan shrugs. “That’s plenty special, I don’t bother cooking most days.” He admitted. “Busy.” He added by way of explanation, leaning on the counter as he watched Vivian. He smiled a bit at the question, thinking fondly of his son. “He’s fine, I had the day off yesterday and we spent all day together.” He said. “He’s so sweet and funny, nothing like me in some ways.”

 

[Vivian Brackenstall]

Vivian couldn't help a small smile at the familiarity. Of course Tristan didn't cook. "I don't cook much either." He admitted with a small shrug, handing Tristan a glass of wine. He smiled as Tristan talked about Mason, nodding with interest. "Sounds like fun." He said fondly. "He must be nearly one now, right?" He asked, balancing a few things in his hands as he started moving food over to the table, trying not to think about how long it had been since he had eaten there instead of in bed or on the sofa.

 

[Tristan Collins]

Tristan took the wine and took a sip before taking a few things to carry as well, following Vivian over to the table. He smiled proudly. “Yes, in a few weeks he’ll turn one.” He said with a sigh and a shake of his head. “Can you believe it?”

 

[Vivian Brackenstall]

Vivian smiled fondly as he laid things out on the table before taking a seat. "If you'd told me ten years ago that you would be so excited and proud just for your kid having a birthday, I never would have believed it." He said gently, heart warming as he looked at Tristan. "He makes you so happy, doesn't he?"

 

[Tristan Collins]

Tristan sat down and laughed, shaking his head. “If you told me ten years ago I’d have a kid I would have been confused.” He said with a shrug. “I never really planned for that in my future.” He smiled fondly. “He does.” He said softly. “It’s a pain sometimes, dealing with Domi, but I wouldn’t give him up for anything.”

 

[Vivian Brackenstall]

Vivian chuckled softly as Tristan spoke, nodding in agreement. He didn't think anyone who had known Tristan as a teenager would have expected him to have a child, let alone become such a doting father. He smiled fondly, nodding. "You're a good dad." He said gently. "I'm glad you're enjoying it so much..."

 

[Tristan Collins]

Tristan took a sip of his wine, smiling softly as he looked away, thinking of Mason. “Thank you. I worry a bit about when he’s older.” He admitted. “I mean, you knew me as a kid. I think he’s better, but I worry he’ll make my mistakes.” He admitted quietly.

 

[Vivian Brackenstall]

Vivian's face fell slightly and he shook his head. "I think those worries are exactly why he won't." He said gently. "You know enough to guide him in a better direction. And he's not you, just like you're not your parents. He'll probably find his own mistakes to make, but they won't be the same as yours."

 

[Tristan Collins]

Tristan nodded, letting Vivian’s words soothe him a bit. He smiled. “True.” He said softly. “Though it’s almost scarier to think he’ll be making his own mistakes, at least I know how to fix mine.” He added, then smiled at Vivian slightly. “The proof being that I’m here now.”

 

[Vivian Brackenstall]

Vivian smiled fondly, though his heart leaped into his throat as Tristan brought attention to what this date meant. "I suppose that's true." He said, managing to keep the shake out of his voice. "I'm... glad you figured it out."

 

[Tristan Collins]

Tristan laughed softly and picked up his fork, starting to eat. “Me too.” He said quietly. “Oh, this is good.” He added, taking another bite. “Thank you for this, next time is on me.” He paused for a moment. “We’ll just go to a restaurant, though.” He added.

 

[Vivian Brackenstall]

Vivian relaxed a little when the conversation steered away from the serious things he knew they needed to talk about eventually. He started eating too, smiling when Tristan complimented the food. "Thanks." He laughed, nodding in agreement. "I should have said a restaurant. I had to floo my gran to ask questions about the sauce three times."

 

[Tristan Collins]

Tristan laughed softly as Vivian said he had to floo his gran about the sauce three times. “You should just pretend you did it easily by yourself, a lot more impressive.” He joked. “Though I’m still impressed, so I don’t think it matters.”

 

[Vivian Brackenstall]

Vivian laughed fondly, taking a sip of his wine. "I don't wanna set the expectations too high." He teased. "What happens if I pretend I did this all by myself and one day we're cooking together? I don't want you to expect me to just be able to do this." He teased lightly, though a slight flutter went through him at the thought that that really was a possibility. This wasn't a one-off - as scary as the future was, Vivian couldn't help imagining one.

 

[Tristan Collins]

Tristan smiled fondly at Vivian, silently pleased at how easily the conversation was flowing and how natural this felt. He wondered if it was the same for Vivian. He hoped so. “Bold of you to assume I ever cook, even together with someone.” Tristan joked. “Besides, I’d be impressed by anything, since I can barely boil an egg.” He said, smiling at the thought of the two of them together in the kitchen. It was a nice thought.

 

[Vivian Brackenstall]

Vivian couldn't help a small laugh, taking another sip of his wine. This was all so easy - as if they had been together all along, and the exciting start of something new all at once. "The great Tristan Collins, living on takeaway?" He teased. "Scandalous." There was something nice about learning something new that Tristan couldn't do. No - about Tristan admitting he couldn't do something. Teenage Tristan never would have said that so easily.

 

[Tristan Collins]

Tristan smiled and took a bite of the food, feeling like it tasted better knowing Vivian worked hard on it for him. It made him feel strangely guilty. He wondered if that would ever go away, if they went further than this and started a relationship again… would Tristan always feel like he owed Vivian because of their past? He pushed the thought away, this was supposed to be fun. He smiled easily. “Don’t pretend to be shocked.” He said. “I eat at the office half the time.” Though admittedly, he had gotten a bit better at going home on time since Mason was born.

 

[Vivian Brackenstall]

Vivian gave a small snort of laughter, taking another bite of pasta. "Makes sense." He said comfortably once he had swallowed. "When we were leading up to OWLs I swear you would have eaten in the library if Archer wouldn't have throttled you with his bare hands." He said with a small chuckle. "I hope you're at least getting healthy takeout sometimes." He winced as soon as the words were out of his mouth, wishing he could take them back. It was something he would have easily said to his sisters, so used now to encouraging good habits in others that it came out unconsciously. "Or not." He laughed. "Sorry, I've been evangelising to my sisters too much lately. Ignore me."