Fate is a mistress of desire

Lous eyes opened and he couldn't help the hurt that flashed across his face. "You're… what?" He pulled back, brushing Eriks hair back and catching his face in his hands. "What do you mean?"
 
While part of Erik was relieved that Lou wasn't shouting at him, giving him the anger he deserved, the other part felt a sense of dread. This wasn't going the way he had expected. He swallowed hard as he looked back at Lou, his mouth going dry. "I'm- moving back to Canada."
 
Lou didn't realize that his heart could break a second time. He couldn't hide it in his face, his hands falling away as he fell back into the bench, shoulders slumping as defeat crashed into him, threatening to drown him. "You're not coming back, are you?" He asked, voice breaking, eyes shut tightly. He couldn't look at Erik.
 
Erik snaked his arms around Lou's back, shaking. "I need to go home," he said, resigned. "I- need therapy. My family." Not to mention he had family here, but he knew he could be accountable to Lily, to Sumner, to Eliza. He'd already talked it out with them. When he’d made all of these plans, Lou was well out of the equation. It wasn’t like he could cancel everything. Merlin, he’d tried to reconnect with Lou. How many letters had he sent? How many times had he gone to the farm? It was clear Lou had wanted nothing to do with him at the time.
 
Lou let out a soft sigh, leaning his head back. "Don't go," he pleaded softly. "I…" he bit his lip. "I don't live at the farm anymore," he told Erik quietly. "Just… come over? For a few days?" He turned his head, looking at Erik with forlorn eyes. "If I just… let you leave…. I'm never going to see you again…" it wasn't a question. Lou already knew if Erik went to Canada he would never come back.
 
Erik had been thinking about moving since the breakup. He knew he'd screwed up with Lou, royally. The man had gone silent for six months, refused to respond to him, spent a week away with some handsome blond who Erik didn't dare bring up. When Erik had decided Lou had moved on, it had only reinforced his decision. His tickets were bought, the apartment was turning over in a few days. He couldn't stay. People were waiting for him. Lou didn't need a person as messed up and flighty as him. Erik shook his head. "Lou," he pleaded, in a half-hearted attempt to pull away, not able to find the rest of his words. Taking Lou up on his offer was tempting. He so badly wanted to say yes. But wouldn’t it be worse, really, if he strung Lou along all over again?
 
Lou let out a soft sigh. He reached for Erik for a moment before pulling back, sighing softly. "Please?" He pleaded softly in return. "I… I know I shouldn't, it's just… I just…" he bit his lip before letting out a shaky sigh and closing his eyes. "I love you," he admitted gently. "I tried to move on. I know I should hate you." He ran a hand over his face. "But I can't. I don't. I just… I miss you," he hated the way his voice broke. "I really miss you," he turned to glance at Erik again, unsure if it even mattered anymore.
 
I love you. Erik wasn’t expecting to hear that out loud from Lou. Not after what he’d done. Really, he was expecting to never see Lou again. And now here he was, holding him, sharing his raw feelings. He looked back at Lou, studying his face as he spoke- his strong jawline, his deep brown eyes, his handsome nose.

He pressed his forehead into Lou's shoulder. "I missed you, so much," he said softly. “But- my ticket home, it’s for Monday evening…” His voice trailed off and his eyes started to water. That was two days from now. This situation was just impossible. He didn't mention that he certainly didn't have the money to stay, even if he wanted to. He was down to his last galleons.
 
Lou wrapped his arm around Erik, holding him in closer. He was silent a moment, his thumb tracing absently over Eriks skin. "Then come stay with me," he finally spoke. "I already told you I moved. Just… Stay. Until Monday." He bit his lip, reaching down and tilting Eriks chin up so he could see Eriks eyes. "If… You still need to leave Monday, I'll take you to the airport myself." He promised softly. "Please?" He pleaded gently, brushing his thumb gently over Eriks cheek.
 
Drawing in a deep breath of air, Erik exhaled slowly. “All right,” he said, his resolve wavering. This was a terrible idea. But after what he’d done to Lou, could he really deny him this one last thing? It wasn’t like Erik had other wild plans before his voyage. He almost corrected Lou, as he certainly wouldn’t be using a Muggle airport to travel, except this wasn’t exactly the time or place. He closed his eyes at Lou’s touch. “I don’t want to- hurt you all over again.”
 
Lou shook his head, leaning in and pressing a sweet kiss to Eriks lips. "Well, you don't get to decide what hurts me," he countered softly, before capturing Eriks lips with his own again. Lou didn't know how this would end, but he couldn't let Erik walk away yet.
 
Hesitating, scared that they were both making a mistake, Erik kissed Lou back. For a moment, he pushed back the mountain of crippling self-hatred and disappointment that had been piling up on him over the last months. He visibly relaxed, settling his hands on the small of Lou’s back. Pulling back, he said, “Can we swing by the flat and pick up my stuff? There’s not much…”
 
Lou nodded easily at Eriks request, standing and offering out his hand to the other man. He apparated them easily back to Eriks flat. He pulled the key from a chain around his neck and let himself in before offering the key back to Erik. He leaned in the door, waiting for Erik to gather his things.
 
Erik wasn’t sure if his nausea was made worse by the awful feeling of disapparation or the situation at hand. After his sense of balance came back, he smiled weakly at Lou. “I always wondered if you kept the key.” Erik accepted the key and pocketed it. He stepped into his almost-bare apartment. “You can come in, if you want…” he said, his voice trailing. All of the furniture was gone, except the mattress on the floor in his bedroom, which he didn’t intend to bring along.
 
Lou blushed, unsure how to respond other than ducking his head. He followed Erik quietly inside, hanging back and subtly checking Erik out while he gathered his things. Admittedly, Erik looked like hell. He looked worn out. Lou felt protective of the other man, and even though he couldn't think of a way to do so, he really hoped he could figure out a way to convince Erik to stay with him. When Erik gathered his things, Lou flicked his wand and sent them back to his house. Before anything else could happen, Lou leaned in and kissed Erik again.
 
Erik’s eyebrows raised in surprise when Lou sent his items away. He accepted the kiss more eagerly this time. Erik had thrown on the sweater he had conveniently forgotten to send back home with Lou months ago. Over time, it had lost Lou’s scent, but when he wore it, it made Erik feel more comfortable and safe, which he needed most days. “You know, for someone who thinks he’s terrible at magic,” Erik said, wrapping his arms around Lou and kissing him again, “that was some advanced charm.”
 
Lou raised a brow as Erik produced one of his sweaters. "I wondered where that went," he teased, wrapping his arms easily around Erik. He kissed the man back easily, feeling like he'd found water after being stranded in the desert. He chuckled at Eriks comment. "I have a good teacher," he murmured, before apparating them home.

It was a few hours later before Lou settled down into bed. Lou could feel Eriks tension beside him. It made his heart ache. He shifted, pressing gentle kisses over every inch of skin he could reach. He nuzzled against Erik, giving the man several moments to think before Lou shifted, turning Erik more towards him and gently turning Eriks face to him. "Erik," Lou breathed, brushing his hair back and running his thumb gently over Eriks cheek.
 
Erik exhaled deeply as Lou turned him. He reached for his face quickly, wiping the moisture away from his eyes as he looked back at Lou. He smiled weakly back at his former lover. "Hey, stranger," he said, sinking into the pillow. It was scary to look Lou in the eye, but he didn't dare look away.
 
Lou smiled warmly, leaning in and kissing Eriks temple gently. "Erik," he sighed softly, leaning his forehead against the other man's and shutting his eyes. "I know that look." Lou pressed a few kisses along Eriks jaw. "Talk to me." He pleaded softly. "What's wrong?"
 
Erik caught his breath as Lou asked him to talk. He swallowed hard. "Lou, I- have a lot on my mind right now." He moved forward, settling his chin in Lou's neck. "Can it wait until tomorrow?" he asked softly. It was nice to just be here, in the moment.
 
Lou held Erik closer, his heart twisting a bit. He was a bit worried, he wouldn't lie. He sighed softly, agreeing easily. He nodded softly, squeezing Erik gently in his arms. "Can I have another kiss?" He asked softly, running his thumb lightly along Eriks skin.
 
The tension in Erik's shoulders and back dissolved as Lou gave him permission to just be. The smile reached his eyes this time as Lou asked him for a kiss. "Of course." Erik leaned in, kissing Lou gently, sweetly.
 
Lou smiled, melting into the mattress as Erik kissed him. He brought a hand up, kissing Erik back lovingly. "Sweet butterfly," he whispered again before shifting and reclaiming his lips in another kiss. He ran his fingers into Eriks hair, holding him close.
 
Erik crumbled as Lou called him butterfly again. This was harder, so much harder, than if he'd left Lou at the bar. Instead of responding, he kissed Lou back, tears streaming freely down either side of his face. Merlin, was he a mess.
 
Lou kissed Erik back easily, running a hand through his hair. He brought up both hands then, cupping Eriks face and doing his best to swipe at the tears with his thumbs. After several long moments Lou broke the kiss, peppering kisses over the man's cheeks, doing his best to try and kiss the tears away again.
 
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