Fate is a mistress of desire

[Erik Drage]

Saying Erik was down was an understatement. Truth be told, he hadn’t been in such a downward spiral since his early twenties. Everything felt bleak and colorless. For someone as life-loving and vivacious as Erik, it was earth-ending. He barely managed to keep his regular customers happy. If he wasn’t brewing potions or dropping off orders, he was crawling into bed. He’d lost weight he didn’t need to lose.

And even considering all of the other awful things that had happened, he still missed Lou like crazy. But the other wizard had chosen not to respond to his letters. When he had tried to visit the farm, Bettie had quickly informed him Lou had moved on. Over time, Erik gave up. Once, he'd even seen Lou with his new boyfriend in person. Lou looked perfectly happy. There were some boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed, and it was clear Lou wanted nothing to do with him anymore.

Erik had decided to start over, again. Except, he was going home for real this time. He needed the support of his family and he needed counseling. Besides, he really missed North America. He'd already sent most of his possessions ahead of him.

Now here he was, at a bar for the first time in months, celebrating going away with Christian and Teuila. He was sitting across from the two of them. Olivia was supposed to arrive later. Really, he didn't have the heart for it. But he needed to show up for the ones he was leaving behind. He'd barely touched his second drink.

@Lou Prindeou

 

[Lou Prindeou]

Lou had tried. He had really, really tried. Olivia had told him the best way to move on was to get under someone else. A beautiful man named Armand had just found him, and Lou would admit he had just craved the attention the other man gave him. Logically, Lou should have stayed. Armand was handsome, and vocal, and he hadn't been hesitant to compliment Lou at every turn.

But Lou missed Erik. Horribly. And after Lou had woken up calling Erik's name, Lou knew that there was no future with the other man. It had been hard to cut out Armand, but he hadn't had any choice.

He had fallen quickly into a worse depression than before. Not only did he long for someone that probably hadn't even noticed his absence, he knew his heart wasn't going to let him try to move on, either.

He wasn't exactly surprised when Olivia asked him out for the night. He'd already been drinking at home, so he felt a bit buzzed. He didn't take too much care getting dressed. A large coat, messy hair. His jeans were ripped. He walked into the bar, a surprisingly muggle venue. Why would Olivia want to meet here, of all places?

Lou didn't have to wait long to find out. It took him exactly ten seconds to spot the man, and Lou immediately froze in shock. After what felt like a lifetime, he managed to speak. "Erik?" He breathed, a flush rushing to his cheeks and his heart stuttering painfully in his chest.

 

[Erik Drage]

Erik tapped at his glass with his fingers. Quite honestly, he wanted to go home and crawl into bed, but he couldn't be that way. Teuila was his best friend, and he was extremely close with Christian. He might not see them for a long time. Erik didn't intend to step foot in New Zealand again for as long as he lived.

Wanting to untangle some of the nasty emotions in his brain, he offered to refresh their drinks. He walked through the dance floor, which was just starting to get lively, wading through the crush of bodies. A long time ago, he would have loved such a place. Not anymore.

He ordered the drinks, paid for them, and turned to walk back to the table. But he saw something, no, someone, that made his heart lurch. The grimed-up gentleman looked so similar to Lou it made him want to throw up. With bile creeping up into his throat, feeling like he was going to puke up all the food that wasn't in his stomach, he all but sprinted back to the table, evading the people dancing.

Erik slid Teuila and Christian their drinks. "Gotta go," he said, "I'm sorry, but I really don't feel good." They knew some of what he was going through, that he was unwell. He'd have to explain it later, but right now, he just needed to get out. Erik pushed through the thick crowd, heading for the back exit.

 

[Lou Prindeou]

Lou stood frozen for several moments, but when he saw Erik booking it for the back door he was spurred into action. Unfortunately for Erik, Lou had longer legs. He caught up easily. They had just reached the back hall when Lous hands came down on Eriks shoulder. "No, wait, please," he pleaded softly, spinning Erik and pushing him into the wall. The adrenaline was coursing through him, and without a thought or any hesitation he leaned down and kissed Erik roughly.

 

[Erik Drage]

Erik had convinced himself the stranger was just some Muggle, not the boyfriend he'd hurt deeply. He was shocked when the other wizard pushed him into the wall. Erik's lips accepted Lou's, his body acting faster than his brain could think. His eyes were wide. When he finally pulled away, he said weakly, "I can't… I'm going to be sick." He turned to the side, his face pale, his head spinning.

 

[Lou Prindeou]

Lou was feeling a bit buzzed, and his inhibitions and worries fell away. He did hesitate as Erik said he'd be sick. He reached up, brushing the man's hair back and turning Eriks face gently back to his. "Do you not want me anymore?" He asked softly.

 

[Erik Drage]

Stunned by Lou's question, Erik stood still. "No, Lou, I want you," he said quietly, his eyes filling with tears as he looked up at the man he'd hurt deeply. His ex-boyfriend. "But you deserve better." He thought of the gorgeous blond Lou had wrapped his arm around, who he looked so happy with. What was Lou doing here?

 

[Lou Prindeou]

Lou relaxed as Erik said he wanted him. He rolled his eyes at the second part. "Not your decision," he shook his head, reaching out and brushing Eriks hair back. "Let's... Let's get out of here. Go to your place, maybe?" He offered, heart hammering in his chest. "We need to talk."

 

[Erik Drage]

Erik internally winced at the suggestion. His apartment was pretty much bare walls, a suitcase, and a mattress on the floor now. How was he supposed to tell the other man that he was as good as gone? That he had a ticket back to Canada on Monday morning? Erik pushed these questions down, his heart simultaneously breaking and rejoicing that Lou wanted anything to do with him. “OK,” he agreed quietly, not wanting to trip over all of the things he needed to say.

 

[Lou Prindeou]

Lou let out a soft sigh, his heart tripping tumultuously over itself as his feelings mixed and surged. He wanted Erik, he hated Erik, he loved Erik, he needed him, he hated himself. He hesitated a moment, before reaching up and taking the potioneer's face gently in his hand. "After you, then," He breathed softly. Before he could really think about it, Lou leaned down and kissed Erik again, craving the closeness.

 

[Erik Drage]

With his head spinning, Erik kissed Lou back softly. He didn’t know how he was going to tell Lou that he was leaving. His stomach was somersaulting, his legs turned to jelly. “Can we- go for a walk first?” he asked hesitantly, but he had already turned towards the back door. Erik wasn’t sure if he could handle apparating right now without splinching himself.

 

[Lou Prindeou]

Lou didn't want to let Erik walk away, his heart thudding painfully in his chest. He bit his lip before following after Erik, sticking one hand in his coat pocket and brushing the fingers of his other over the back of Eriks hand. Lou had a horrid feeling that Erik was an apparition; if Lou turned away his gaze too long or let his touch fade then the man he loved would slip away into the night like a long lost dream.

 

[Erik Drage]

Feeling Lou’s fingers on the back of his hand, Erik turned his wrist, squeezing Lou’s hand and falling into step with him. He was quiet as he led Lou through the alleyway and out onto the street. The universe had thrown them back together, like asteroids colliding and shattering into fragments. He wasn’t sure what to say now that Lou was next to him. Anything that spilled out of his mouth would probably be wrong. Instead of putting his tangled thoughts into a coherent sentence, he sighed, breathing in the night air and enjoying the cold light of the stars he could see.

 

[Lou Prindeou]

Lou sighed softly, unable to keep from smiling as he took Eriks hand in his own. He laced their fingers, his grip light but firm. The silence lasted for several moments before he managed to find something resembling his voice, though as he spoke it sounded small even to his own ears. "Erik... What did I do wrong?" Lou asked softly, unable to help the soft twinge of regret that colored his words.

 

[Erik Drage]

Erik tightened his grip, afraid to let Lou go. "You didn't do anything wrong…” his voice trailed off as he spoke. There were so many other things he wanted to say, but there was a hard knot in his chest.

 

[Lou Prindeou]

Lou held tightly to Eriks hand. He wondered briefly if Erik felt it too; the fear that if they let go now, they would be lost. Lou hardly realized his steps had slowed. "But... I thought..." He struggled to speak, sighing softly. "It's... My fault, isn't it?" He asked slowly, his words unsure, voice breaking and shoulders slumping. "I'm not... Good with words, I didn't... I'm just..." He sighed in frustration, hanging his head and looking away, feeling foolish. "I'm just a stupid farmer boy," he managed quietly, bitterness dripping from the insult to himself. "I wasn't enough..." He added, so quietly it was barely audible, pain twisting his words in his throat.

 

[Erik Drage]

“No, Lou, it isn’t your fault,” Erik said quietly, his shoulders slumped. He led Lou to an empty bench, sitting down and hoping Lou would join him. It was hard to put his words and feelings into a coherent sentence. He knew if he spoke before thinking, he would screw things up, again. But he couldn’t help it when Lou started insulting himself. “Stop calling yourself that,” he said, “I dont think of you that way.” He sighed. “And I’m the one that screwed up.”

 

[Lou Prindeou]

Lou followed Erik, sitting down next to him. He was quiet a moment, feeling sad. He looked over, running his thumb lightly over Eriks' hand. "What… do you think of me as?" He asked softly, his eyes wandering over Eriks face. He hesitated a second before reaching over and brushing Eriks hair back from his eyes.

 

[Erik Drage]

Erik's brain was still catching up to reality. The fact that Lou was here, holding his hand, sitting close. It was a cruel twist of fate, really. Days before Erik was scheduled to leave, the universe finally decided to bring Lou back into his periphery.

Taken aback by the question, Erik struggled to respond. "I don't really have a right to think of you as anything anymore," he said softly, pausing, "before, I thought- we were partners."

 

[Lou Prindeou]

Lou wasn't sure what to make of Eriks answer. It hurt him more than he thought it would. He could feel the tears in his eyes and he turned his head away, trying to hide them. He sighed deeply. "I… Don't understand." He managed slowly, a tear slipping out unbidden. "It… was easier… thinking I was just… wrong. It was my fault." He took in a shaky breath. "I thought….it was just in my head," his voice broke a little and he cleared his throat. Without thinking, his grip on Eriks hand loosened lightly. "Why?" He managed, voice very small, and very hurt.

 

[Erik Drage]

Erik inhaled deeply, his breath rattling. "We were partners, and…" His heart thudded madly in his chest as the truth spilled out of his mouth. "I cheated on you." Even if he and Asher hadn't made it past the bar. Emotionally, that was what it boiled down to. Although he had no right to, Erik reached for Lou, brushing at his tears with his hand. His own eyes were starting to water again. "Because I was vulnerable and distraught and stupid." He wasn't lying- he'd turned to his default source of comfort to take pain away. Erik pulled back, looking Lou straight in the face. "You do matter to me, Lou."

 

[Lou Prindeou]

Lou let out a shaky breath, catching Eriks hand and holding it to his face. "What happened?" He asked softly. "I was trying…. I came over because I… I could tell something was wrong, I didn't want you to be alone…" his shoulders fell and he let his hand fall from Eriks on his face. "You weren't alone," he gave a sad smile.

 

[Erik Drage]

Erik stumbled over his words. No matter what he said, he knew it was going to be the wrong thing. “I- I don’t…” he hesitated, not sure how to explain things without going deep into the weeds. “Something bad, family thing.” He took a deep breath as he tried to banish the Kvalheims from his mind. Astrid, Ingrid, the monster he would never call Mother. He let his hand fall with Lou’s, settling it into his lap and leaning against the back of the bench. “I thought I wanted to be alone,” he replied quietly, “I was hurting. So badly. I- shouldn’t have pushed you away.”

 

[Lou Prindeou]

Lou let out a soft sigh before turning, catching Erik up and pulling him in against him. He pressed a kiss to the man's temple as he wrapped his arms around him. "You're right, you shouldn't have," he agreed softly, before letting out another sigh and laying his head on Eriks. "But I'm here now." He spoke gently, worried. "If you still… want me?" He winced, uncertainty in the question. "I understand if you don't...want me around anymore," he added quietly, his arms loosening around Erik.

 

[Erik Drage]

Erik’s head was a mess. How was he supposed to navigate this? His tickets were purchased, his plans were in motion, he was turning in his keys on Monday. It wasn’t fair to keep Lou hanging, waiting around for someone like him when he deserved so much more. “It’s not that I don’t want you, Lou,” he breathed, his heart pounding as he settled into Lou’s chest. It was nice, secure, comforting. “But- I’m leaving.”