Closed Down the rabbit hole

Elio Zephyr

It's all just creative chaos 📷 Photographer
 
Messages
1,464
OOC First Name
Pheeb
Blood Status
Half Blood
Relationship Status
In an Open Relationship
Sexual Orientation
Panromantic Homosexual
Wand
Straight 14 1/2 Inch Whippy Elm Wand with Fwooper Feather Core
Age
1/2035 (24)
There was a routine now, sending letters to Ava every few days, and as little distraction as it was it was one of the biggest that Elio had at the moment. He'd spent some time going over her letters, before replying back and it gave them both a chance to keep one another updated. He'd learnt more about her in the last month that he had in the last six although didn't suspect that was a good thing. The prefect had just finished tying up a bird with the letter that would soon head off to the Ravenclaw, when he'd turned to leave the owlery. He didn't actually like being up here too much, although not because of the large number of owls screeching whenever anyone entered, nor even how high it was overlooking the school. On his way out he paused in his step, knowing that barely six months ago he'd chatted with Elsie in the same spot. Things had been so easy back then. Alone and with his own thoughts of one of his closest friends he found himself sighing tightly, trying to keep his own emotions at bay. He looked across the horizons that peeked through the little windows, a small smile on his face as he recalled how she'd joked about pushing him out, although his desire to overcome some of his fears had long gone as it was. There were more important things he had to do now than to work on himself. Or really think of himself at all. He continued to take long deep breaths, forcing himself to push out of his mind all the people that Elsie's death had effected. If he started going down that rabbit hole, he wasn't sure he'd be able to climb back out.
 
Chrys didn’t spend a lot of time in the owlets generally, since he wasn’t usually accustomed to sending letters to anyone or really paying enough to time to anything to be in the kelsey anyway, writing wasn’t really his think and i knew stained his fingers so he tended to avoid it whenever he could. He threaded his fingers through his hair, staring at his fingers and grimacing at the specks of ink at his tips. Honestly how he managed to get ink on himself every single time was beyond him. He was still convinced that people could notice his nose and bloody Flynn hadn’t helped that at all. He wasn’t sure how his dumb brother had found out what happened but still, he didn’t appreciate Flynn pointing it out like every second. He rolled his eyes and fixed his hair again. he wasn’t even sure why since he didn’t care who would be in the owners but he always had to look... his best. So ruffling his hair just a little for that natural morning wake up look made sense right? He headed into the owlery and started pocketing his letter when he noticed Elio over by the window. He frowned and grinned as he noticed him. From this angle, he couldn’t see his face, so he probably wouldn’t have said his next words if he realised. “Are you lost, Zephyr? You know this is Ravenclaw turf?”
 
Elio wasn't sure how long he'd been stood there. He'd moved closer to the window, just staring out and rubbing at his eyes as he made the most of the rare time he had by himself. He loved being around people, needed it even, but he was expected to be someone right now that even the extrovert wanted a moment of downtime. He was so torn constantly over knowing what he was supposed to do, trying to make sure that the people closest to him were alright. He worried over Rowan and Agnes and Ava and Alice and Zennon and Ilija and even Vegeta to some extent, and he wasn't sure when he'd become this person that suddenly cared so much. Maybe it had always been there, or perhaps it was the influence of his friends that he'd become closer to. But he could do that part, look out for them. He'd do anything and everything for his friends, even now when what he needed most of all was to focus on his own mind before he lost it, but unfortunately he wasn't aware of that. A chill ran through his body when a voice behind him spoke, although this time it wasn't because of who it was. He recognised Chrys' voice immediately but it was his words that had him uncomfortable, sick even at the thought that those memories were just that now. Elsie had said the same thing, and now Elsie was gone. The frustration inside Elio had been building ever since that day in July, pushed down further and further as it tried to grow, hiding from those he couldn't show it to. Frustration that she was just gone and there was nothing he could do about it than just feel as though a part of him had been snapped off. Tears silently escaped the Gryffindors eyes and he found that he.. couldn't move at all. He stood there gazing out over the hills, not willing to move or say anything at all as he felt he couldn't be further trapped between a rock and a hard place.
 
It wasn’t that Chrys wasn’t used to people not properly acknowledging him, he was, a lot, because he was annoying and he knew that better than anyone. He was used to people turning and yelling at him to go away or to invite him closer or to simply roll their eyes and snort, but complete ignorance? Ignoring him completely and pretending he wasn’t there was not the kind of response he was used to. The silent treatment for Elio, who simply remained completely unmoved by his presence (something else he wasn’t used to given his and Elio’s last encounter) just didn’t seem right. Chrys frowned, though he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to take this as a sign. From where he was standing, Elio’s back didn’t seem to have that natural slightly curved slouch to it that he usually slumped into whether he wasn’t walking. Chrys tended to notice things like that in people because he was observant... well, he was observant about certain things anyway. He didn’t know if the lack of a natural stance was purposeful, or if Elio was wanting to stand rigid for some reason or other, but Chrys didn’t like it. Rigid people weren’t happy people generally in his experience and so he had to assume that this meant that something was on Elio’s mind. Well, not something. The thing. Chrys wasn’t stupid enough to think it had anything to do with anything that wasn’t Elsie. It seemed her presence still lingered despite not having been in the school when she died and honestly, Chrys was having a hard time trying to figure out if being able to sense her everywhere was better or worse for everything. He didn’t know what was going through Elio’s head though and he certainly couldn’t pretend to know. He his lip, though there wasn’t much point without an audience. He wasn’t generally a nervous or cautious person, but news of Elsie and her dad’s death had made him reevaluate a couple of things and his life had been one of them. he’d even managed to somehow secure a job at gambol and japes, and though everyone in his family had laughed at him (though his dad had tried to at least fake support) he was determined to prove he could actually handle some responsibility... a little. “The hills are really pretty,” he commented offhandedly, because he wasn’t sure but Elio seemed to be staring at them a lot. “Nice... window...” He’d been caught out and those weren’t his best lines, but they were something okay, he was being respectful.​
 
A change in Chrys' tone let him know that he'd realised Elio wasn't in a jovial mood, although hearing the Hufflepuff's best attempts at reassurance (if that even what it was, it was hard to tell) still had Elio on edge. Elio worked on photography because he found that he could capture memories and moments that once they passed, could be looked back on, although he'd never considered that it may have been the case that someone would never appear in his photos ever again. The hills were pretty, and pretty picturesque, but what did that matter to someone who'd never be around anymore to see it? His own life wasn't much more than flashes of moments and one day he wouldn't be around to see them either. "You don't have to do that," he said eventually, unsure whether this was the type of situation Chrys would even want to be in when he figured out Elio wasn't in the chattiest of moods. Despite their history he didn't know the Hufflepuff as well as others, and for all he knew, Chrys was now just trying to find a way out. He glanced over to him, but quickly lowered his gaze. Of all people for Elio to talk openly about his emotions, Chrys was not high on that list. No male had ever been high on that list. It wasn't something that came naturally or easily to the Gryffindor who had never felt close enough to another male friend to even try. Marco knew what was going on but that was because he was his patrol partner, but telling him the facts was different. The prefect faced the window once more, moving close enough to lean his elbows on the window sill and before he knew it he was doing, head in his hands, he was silently crying as the waves of frustration and grief finally hit him. Anyone passing would probably have just thought Elio was racking his brains as he thought of the words to say, only the small movements of his shoulders were really giving him away to those who looked for long enough. He moved his hands over his forehead into his hair, although any effort to stop was beyond him. How was he meant to do any of this?
 
omg
 
Chrys tilted his head at Elio, unsure what might be up, though if he really thought about it he would have known. Still, despite their connection, it wasn’t like they’d really spent quality time together, after all, Chrys was trying to work his sh*t out, which was hard to do when he was hyper focusing on people, besides it wasn’t like he was accustomed to just sitting and talking to people. The people he used to do that with, Luna, Elsie, they had their own issues now, well Elsie not so much. “Do what?” he asked as Elio spoke again. He wasn’t quite sure he was connecting very much with the tone. The only emotions that Chrys was used to dealing with were his siblings, he’d clocked out as soon as Onyx had gotten emotional after all. But this was different, emotions directed at him were hard, but emotions about something else? He wasn’t sure what this was about, but he wasn’t silly enough to think this was about him. He pocketed his letter again as he stared at Elio, watching him lean against the window before he saw the shape of his shoulders moving slightly. Wait... was Elio crying? Chrys frowned, what did this mean? Chrys kicked his foot along the stone for a moment before biting his lip again. He didn’t know if it would be appreciated but he could try he guessed. “I’m, not quite sure what’s going on, but, are you alright?” he hadn’t seen the gryffindor in ages it felt like, certainly not since they’d been back at school ignoring classes anyway, and he was too caught up in himself after hearing about Elsie to know anything for sure. He didn’t want to presume, and he was sure this was unexpected coming from him but, he liked Elio, he didn’t like to see him not being himself... assuming this wasn’t how he normally was. Who was he kidding though, he may not have known Elio intimately in that way, but he knew he was generally a fun person, it’s what had drawn him to Elio in the first place... well, that and his ass.​
 
It only made it worse for Elio when he thought that he couldn't escape what he was going through. Sure maybe he could distract himself for a little while but at the end of the day he had to return to the reality of what was around him, and be strong enough for Rowan too. He knew she needed him, and he only hoped that he was doing everything to fill that role. Elio had given up trying to hold back his tears. If Chrys hadn't already noticed he probably would now, but Elio wasn't in a position to do anything about it. He had such little energy left that he couldn't even keep the thoughts of Elsie out of his own head. Chrys hadn't left though, not yet, and when Elio heard him ask if he was alright he had to fight the overwhelming urge to tell him he was fine. Of course it was obvious that he wasn't, but he didn't really know how to deal with what was happening with himself right now. It was like a tightly sprung coil that had snapped, with no way of pulling the tension back. The only benefit right now was that Chrys had been friends with Elsie too, so at least if he did mention her he wouldn't be too confused. "I can't do this." he said, but it was debatable whether Chrys had heard him. The more he let himself think about Elsie, the worse the pain in his chest was getting. How was he meant to be strong for Rowan if he couldn't even be for himself? "I don't even know, how I'm f***ing supposed to do this," he suddenly got louder, angry that he had no way of knowing how this was all meant to just fix itself and go away and be normal again. "I can't.." his sobbing had begun to get louder, although he still refused to turn towards the Hufflepuff, torn between his own frustrations.
 
Chrys was standing far enough away from Elio that the first words he said didn’t quite reach him and so despite whether Elio wanted him anywhere near him or not, for all Chrys knew he might have just told him to heck off, he loved closer to lean against the wall so he could hear Elio better. He was surprised then when Elio suddenly got louder, he seemed to be sobbing, and Chrys was acutely aware that he was witness to something he maybe wasn’t supposed to see. The more he was speaking and the worse he sounded, Chrys was developing some idea of what this might have been about. He’d known Elio was friends with Elsie of course, he was beginning to wonder if there was anyone around who hadn’t been friends with her at this point. It was a bit funny because he’d never really thought she was a friendly person if the amount of times he was beat up by the twins was any indication, but he understood what Elio was going through, perhaps even more than Elio understood himself. Chrys was no stranger to loss, he’d lost his mum when he was younger and subsequently others as well, so maybe he was more qualified than he wanted to be in this. “I’m not an expert,” Chrys started, his voice soft, but trying to be appeasing without being overt. “But in my experience, you don’t.” Elio couldn’t do this? Elio wasn’t supposed to do this. “This isn’t on you, you can’t expose yourself to others emotionally and not expect to feel like your draining yourself away little by little,” he said. he didn’t really know exactly what Elio was experienceing, but he had some idea. It was hard not to hear the torture in Elio’s voice and honestly it broke a piece of Chrys to hear it. Of course it would. Chrys may not feel like a human most days, but he wasn’t a monster either. “You can’t do it on your own.”
 
Elio had spent so long trying to figure out how he was meant to get by, that hearing that he didn't actually need to both confused and relieved him. While it wasn't fully the case, because he did have to, at least for Rowan's benefit, the idea that maybe he just had to let things take their own course instead of him trying to fight it was one that Elio was open to. It was true though, he felt like over the last few months he'd lost himself all over again, little parts of him sent out to recover what they could of other people lives, not his own. Either Chrys knew how he was feeling more than he realised, or he wasn't the only one going through this right now. The prefect looked sideways towards the Hufflepuff who was now lent against the wall, telling him he couldn't do it. He wanted to argue, to tell him that he could and that even if he couldn't, he had to, but he was too drained and too emotionally exhausted to bother and maybe, that was his point. Elio held his head in one hand still, feeling like he was an entirely different person now to who he was last year. "No no no, I have to, I can't not hold this together." Maybe he would only be making sense to himself but he felt as though he didn't even know where to put himself because of the frustration running through him. He moved away from the window letting his arms fall, "I'm not, I'm not the one who needs this, I'm not. I have to be okay for Rowan," Elio was working himself up into somewhat of a frenzy, he couldn't lose Rowan too. He hadn't realised he was shaking, moving around the small space as though he could almost stare at his own memories straight in the face. Unable to put into words the thoughts that kept flashing through his head, about how he had be the one there for his friends and not the other way round, the Gryffindor had begun pacing back and forth a few steps. He knew Chrys probably only wanted to help but Elio already knew there was no way out of this.
 
At first, Chrys thought that he was getting through to Elio, or whatever. Neither of them had said the name that was literally floating between them right now, but as soon as Elio mentioned Rowan it was only confirming what Chris already knew. Chrys wasn’t typically this person and so being this for Elio, this emotional sounding board felt strange, but not wrong. He’d been through loss, he’d been through heartbreak like that, and he’d lost Elsie too, though it was clear to him he wasn’t as affected by this as some others. His roommates had been so helpful to him lately, and he was more greatful than he could ever have thought, but this wasn’t about him, this was about Elio and what he could maybe do to help. Elio was shaking, almost moving around the shared space like a caged animal and it was then that Chrys realised how trapped Elio must have felt. Chrys could only imagine how this might have affected Rowan, Elsie was her twin sister. Chrys didn’t have a twin but he could imagine what it must have been like to lose a sibling. There’s been a lot of loss in his family after all. Grandparents, his Uncle, his Aunt, his mum, Beth, all of it. It was crazy how much loss there had been. Elio felt trapped, but maybe... maybe Chrys could help even for just a moment. Doing something he’d never really considered he’d ever do with Elio, Chrys moves to stand in front of Elio and grabbed his hand, pulling him towards him and wrapping his arms around him in a hug. “Elio... you have to breathe.” He said softly into the Prefects ear. “If you don’t, you’ll pass out and be no help to anyone. Please just breathe.”
 
Elio had almost not realised what was happening until Chrys had his arms round him. He'd more or less had no control of the fact he was being pulled towards the Hufflepuff, nor had he realised how much he'd needed the hug until he was in it. Had it been anyone else, any of his dorm mates or even Zennon or Ilija or anyone else he remotely spoke to, he would probably have just pulled away, but the way that Chrys was holding him gave him more comfort than he'd felt like he'd had in months, and it was like a gateway had just been opened. He'd heard Chrys telling him to breath but really there was very little he could do to stop himself from sobbing harder, as though everything he'd been trying to keep away from anyone and everyone's sight had been exposed in that one movement. It wasn't like him at all either to put his trust of emotions into someone else, not like this, and right there he couldn't have cared less if anyone else had found them. It wasn't only that Elio had to be this figure for Rowan, but he hadn't even had the chance to realise that Elsie had left his own life too, not properly at least. He wasn't sure if a few seconds or minutes had passed, but eventually he tried to regain some sort of ability to harness his tears and his breathing, although his arms around the Hufflepuff had yet to loosen. He'd never been this much of a mess in front of anyone before, although in that moment despite how much in the past he'd wanted to impress Chrys, he couldn't care. It was in all honesty a terrifying prospect to be showing a vulnerable side of himself that he didn't know even existed, and one that not even Rowan had seen.
 
Chrys was stumped. He wasn’t sure how to be like this with people but something in the vulnerability he was seeing here made him feel as though he couldn’t just walk away. Maybe in the past he might have, because he checked out when it wasn’t fun anymore, but the last thing Elsie had said to him had been a promise to be careful, to be better, of course he’d agreed and thought nothing of it. He’d never cared about keeping promises to people before but, with Elsie’s death it didn’t feel right to break it. Elio sobbed harder and Chrys just let him. It was entirely clear he’d not been focusing on himself at all, though he had no idea what could have possibly been going through his head at the minute, there was clearly a lot going on. He didn’t let go of Elio as he started to calm down either, despite his initial hesitation to try and be some emotional stability for him. It just felt wrong to check out. As he started to calm down some, Chrys loosed his arms slightly, just enough to pull away and look at Elio’s face. “I mean, I know i’m cry worthy gorgeous, but please, no snot on the gucci,” he said, looking down at the designer shirt he was wearing. To make doubly sure that Elio knew he was joking, Chrys leaned back into the hug. He didn’t actually mind snot on his favourite shirt, but it was maybe better that he didn’t have to have memories of Elio snot on his shirts. He had enough bodily fluids on his favourites shirts these days.​
 
If anyone had asked Elio a year ago whether he would taken Chrys to be the person comforting him right now (Elsie death aside for he was not a seer) he wouldn't have dreamt it in the slightest. The Hufflepuff's demeanour around the school, while cute and mischievous, hardly gave off the impression that he would have expected him to be good at this aspect too. As Elio thought Chrys was letting him go, it occurred to him that he was just pausing for a joke, a crack of a smile appearing on the Gryffindors face as he glanced down to the boys shirt. He'd do his best but there were no promises. He sighed as Chrys resumed his first position, there was no way Elio wasn't going to make the most of having someone to hold, especially someone as hot as this whom Elio had actually only been this close to on one other occasion. For Elio physical affection was a must, but he'd more or less waved it goodbye at the end of the previous year, and so the prefect held on to Chrys just a little bit tighter. They may not have said her name, but it was clear to them who was at the centre of all of this, and after a few seconds of calmed silence had passed between them, he finally told Chrys quietly three words that had been on his mind. "I miss her." Perhaps it was obvious, expected. But in reality he'd not been able to say that himself yet. It was a sobering thought, and one that if he'd brought up to Rowan he knew he was only going to make things harder for her and besides, he'd been avoiding most of their classmates too, not ready to face their stares of sympathy.
 
"I know." It was a simple declaration and one that Chrys was sure was made by many in the last months. Times like this were tough for everyone, especially those with the most to lose because they had so many other things the had to worry about. Chrys knew a little about Elio's relationship with Rowan, he'd seen it with his own eyes, but he certainly hadn't realised the extent it would trap Elio into himself. It didn't seem fair, that Elio clearly felt he had no one else to rely on if he was here crying into Chrys's arms. He couldn't imagine what must have been going through the Gryffindor's head. He knew both Elio and Illija had been there, he'd found that part out and so that meant Elio had been in the thick of all of this for months longer than any of the rest of them, well, outside of the family anyway. He didn't have many words to say, because he'd always been the type to function more on action than anything else, but since Elio wasn't pulling away from him at the moment, he had to figure this was helping a little. Without thinking, Chrys let one os his hands run slowly up and down Elio's spine, trying to be comforting, though he wasn't really aware he was doing it. "You just have to take it slow, one day then the next day. It doesn't feel like it now.... but trust me," he said, never really thinking he'd ever ask anyone to trust him, "it will pass."
 
Elio was finding it strangely easy to just hold on to Chrys. He’d done so for long enough that he’d calmed down, although his heart still weighed heavy in his chest, not that he expected that to lift any time soon. Hearing the Hufflepuff confirm what he was saying only made Elio more grateful to have run into him. The last few months Elio had on occasion spoken to Rowan, but he was lucky if he got a response at all. Of course he didn’t blame her in the slightest, but he realised that right now someone was actually listening to him. Out of reflex, Elio’s back very slightly arched at his touch. It was amazing really how even the smallest actions had an affect on him at the moment. Elio sniffed, pulling back and painfully aware he did not look his best, tried to dry his cheeks with one hand. There was a frown on his features after hearing what the Hufflepuff had to say, and a sense of dread that lingered in his mind. His arms were still wrapped around him but he was looking into his face, trusting him, more than he had anyone in a long time. “How do you know that?”
 
Chrys wasn’t sure if he considered Elio a friend or not, they hadn’t really spent a lot of time together to justify a friendship he felt, but they definitely had a connection that he couldn’t explain. It was kind of nice if he was honest. He felt Elio’s back arch slightly and he bit his lip but closed his eyes and shook his head. Emotions were not ideal. He loosened his hold on Elio as he stepped back, and leaned back a little himself enjoying the vanity that came from knowing he looked amazing still. Not that he’d voice that to Elio because he knew it wasn’t the time or the place to be teasing anyone. Besides, Chrys didn’t cry, but he was sure that if he ever did, he’d look much as Elio did now, probably. He sucked on his lip as Elio asked him how he knew what he was talking about, honestly Chrys was an open book, but he supposed it made sense that Elio wouldn’t know much about him, not even his favourite colour despite everything. He shrugged slightly. “I have some experience with loss,” he said, pull the sleeve of his shirt down over his hand to sweep across Elio’s cheek to wipe his tears. it was a refueled he hadn’t quite realised he was doing until he looked at his hand and quickly pulled it away again. “My mum died when i was seven and I saw a lot of what it did to my older brother, my sister, my dad, the rest of us kids...” he said, thinking to the long nights sat in front of the fire as they tried to get their dad to get out of his dingo form. “It was hard, really hard, Dad always hurting for months, sometimes he would disappear for weeks on end and when he came back he never said anything about where he was or what he was doing,” he said, sighing. He wasn’t trying to turn this around on himself, but Elio had asked and this kind of was relevant. “My brother Ben, he was the oldest and like you, he threw himself into helping everyone else and he didn’t think about himself. He dropped out out school and started homeschooling, he looked after himself last and it cost him a lot emotionally.” Chrys didn’t lie, so he didn’t see the point in sugar coating. “There were times where he’d pass out on the floor in front of Dad’s door because we tried to stop him from leaving, we were never sure he was going to come back,” After all, he was an animagus. “Things got better after a time, but sometimes I wonder.” There was more of course, there always was, but for now, this was enough. “Believe me when i say i have some idea of what you’re going through.”
 
As soon as the question left his lips, Elio thought that maybe there had been more to this than he'd first considered, and Chrys' pause and body language only had the Gryffindor questioning whether he should have asked it at all, but that being said if he did know how this would pass, maybe it would help and help more than just Elio. The sixth year also hadn't expected Chrys to be drying his cheeks with his sleeves, especially given that it was his favourite. Elio's body became a little more rigid, unsure of really how to take such an action, he'd never had someone do that for him. He fought an initial instinct to bat him off and do it himself because truth be told, it was nice. He imagined he would have felt belittled for someone to do that, perhaps not Rowan or Ava but a guy? That was different, not that Elio could explain why. Instead however it was comforting, which took him by surprise. Elio hadn't thought the next words out Chrys' mouth would have been about his mum, another chill shooting down his spine as he realised he'd been so closely affected too at one time. Elio remained silent for the next few minutes, listening as Chrys told him about his family and his siblings, how they'd been through it. Elio glanced away when he mentioned his brother had dropped out, sometimes that Elio had considered a lot over the last few weeks especially. Maybe dropping out of school to look after Rowan would have cost him too, but wouldn't it have been worth it if he could make things even slightly better for her? He hadn't wanted to be reminded of the days over the summer, sat in front of Elsie's door when Rowan had locked herself inside, not able to be near her but unable to leave too. "Sorry. I didn't..." mean to ask? Know? Elio was a little stumped after hearing about his childhood, although his mind moved to the Professor that was teaching them, how he seemed to behave with that man. He'd not been sure if it was a brother or an uncle, but it was obvious that their family were close. Elio thought back at how Chrys told him it was inevitable that he'd become drained if he was so emotionally invested, and it made sense now as to why he knew that would be the case. Chrys had been through more than he'd given him credit for, and now here he was comforting Elio when Elsie had been his friend too. The prefect had never been good at knowing what to say when it came to talk about serious subjects like this, maybe it was a good thing he spent most of his time with Rowan in silence. Elio moved one hand up to run his fingers lightly through the front of Chrys' hair, even more comfortable with him than he'd realised he could be. While his eyes were still glossy Elio was just taking him in, the appreciation and respect he had for Chrys growing. He'd always been drawn towards the Hufflepuff for obvious reasons, and while there was a time and a place for what they usually had between them, Elio was grateful for him more than ever at the moment. "I'm sorry you had to go through that. And this," he said quietly, hand still moving through his hair, past his ear and down to hold the nape of his neck. Elio realised he'd not had the chance to even talk to him or any of their other friends about how they were dealing with Elsie, too wrapped up in his own world with Rowan to be able to see a bigger picture around him. "I wanted to be this person people could turn to. My friends mean more to me than anything will even come close and Elsie, yeah I loved her. But now it's come to it and I can barely even look to myself, how am I meant to be anything to anyone when I can't even think." The words fell out of his mouth before he could stop him, and while he wasn't exactly expecting an answer, it was good for Elio to be able to say it out loud. "I don't know how anyone does it. I can't be there for anyone and that kills me." He knew people had it worse than he did, Zennon for instance. Elio couldn't do anything to help him either. He didn't like who he was becoming, but there was nothing he could do either to stop it despite the fact he couldn't recognise himself. His fingers were lightly squeezing through his own frustration in his words although Elio hadn't be aware he was doing it, "It just.. feels like I'm drowning." He hadn't meant for the conversation to get like this, although really he hadn't meant to talk about it at all. He'd spent months telling himself it would have passed on its own but the weight in his chest was only getting stronger, and perhaps Chrys was right in that he was too emotionally drained, but he couldn't really afford to be when the people around him needed him too.
 
Talking about his family, was not unusual for Chrys, it just usually didn't happen quite like this and he usually had known someone for some time, though he wasn't exactly sure he couldn't say he didn't know Elio since they'd kind of gotten to know each other pretty well recently, well, maybe not so much recently but kind of in the last six months or so, which was probably not something he could say about most other people. It was nice to know that he and Elio, if he could be honest about it, could kind of have little moments like this, because Chrys had thought for a while that these kind of moments would be beyond his capabilities because he was usually the first person to run at the first sign of trouble, which was really not that great, and he knew that, but that didn't mean he could just change all of a sudden. So whilst he was normally uncomfortable and maybe to be honest he still kind of was, it was't to the extent that he felt he had to leave the situation. As strange as all of this kind of felt, Chrys felt like he could help Elio somehow and he really wasn't the type to laugh at the pain others were going through, not the real pain, that kind of thing was just not on brand for him. It was true that he wasn't always the nicest person to get to know, but if he liked someone, and he trusted someone, then he did try to go out of his way to help. That was a part of the Kaster DNA none of them could get away from. Even his Uncle, who was probably the biggest black sheep in the family, couldn't get away from that. Chrys took after his Uncle a lot, but to be honest, there was probably a part of Chrys, like really deep down, that just wanted someone to understand what he was going through with everything and whilst that wasn't this and he was here for Elio, to help him, or whatever he could do, he did hope that by maybe helping Elio he could take his mind off of his own problems for a while which maybe could help him process all of this. He missed Elsie too, obviously and he always would, but he understood, probably more than most people gave him credit for, what it was like to feel helpless in the face of someone you loved. He could identify and sympathise bits and pieces of Elio right here and now, that reminded him so much of his brother and of his dad, and of people who were putting everyone else first. Seeing all of that was maybe part of why Chrys was usually so self-absorbed, because maybe at some point, he made a promise to himself that he would never get to the point that he couldn't handle things anymore. It was a part of who he was now, and he didn't want to see Elio go in either direction if he could help it. Part of that, admittedly, was due to a selfish part of him that really liked Elio the way he was, but the other part of him knew that it was the right thing to do. "No, it's okay, how were you going to know any of that?" He asked, shrugging. It wasn't like it was coveted information, but it was hardly being screamed from the roof tops and besides it was so many years ago now, well, that part was. There was more to his life story, but he wasn't about to just sit down and reveal everything that had happened to him since he was like 3. That would be ridiculous and like, they'd be thee forever and possibly die of old age whilst he was speaking, well, maybe Elio would, since Chrys had already said he was going to live to be like 300 years old. And he'd still look fab. Chrys hadn't been paying enough attention though because he was very surprised when he felt Elio's fingers in his hair, not something he was expecting nor was it something he had felt in a long time, so it was probably a bit more welcome than he was letting on. He was trying to comfort Elio, not anything else, this was important. He knew that Elio liked physical affection and he had to assume, since they were even like this at all, that he wasn't getting what he needed from his other relationships. Chrys was so glad, that his love language wasn't physical touch or anything, so he didn't have to worry about it so much, though he did also like affection, he wasn't in such desperate need of it as the Gryffindor seemed to be. Not that he really could say, as he didn't know what was going on in Elio's head outside the stuff he was saying about Elsie and the things he was subsequently dealing with. Soon Elio's hand came to rest on the nape of Chrys' neck and Chrys had to close his eyes because he was trying to be good and he knew this wasn't the time or place to think about kissing Elio but that was unsurprisingly the first place his mind went. It didn't help that it was usually where his mind ended up anyway, but the point was this was about Elio needing comfort, from a friend, not something else. As Elio kept talking, Chrys tried not to focus on the hand on his neck, but instead on Elio, which really wasn't helping all that much, but, it was better than focusing on whatever the f*ck kind of massaging thing Elio was doing to his neck which, annoyingly felt really good. Chrys bit his lip, if this was Elio trying to work through sh*t then Chrys didn't want to stop him, but he knew he may have to at some point just for his own sanity. Elio spoke about feeling like he was drowning, and honestly, Chrys could understand that feeling. He felt like that constantly these days, after everything with Onyx and never getting to finish his conversation with Elsie, he would never know what advice she would have for him. He wished he'd sent her a letter earlier, because then maybe, even though she would still be gone, his last words to her wouldn't have been that she sucked. They'd been in jest, of course, but that didn't really help. He was having trouble thinking straight though, so he reached up and grabbed Elio's hand, to stop the massage for a moment. "Sorry, whilst I'm really enjoying that, it's not great for helping me focus on you... right now, so just... you know, gimme a sec." He took a second to breathe before continuing. "Feeling like your drowning, it's normal. People don't tell you how hard it is to be the strong one. They constantly say, be strong for them, your family you know, and I saw that a lot, but they also say that you need to take time for yourself. And you won't think it's true until you step back and you see it properly, you see it clearly," he said, stepping back and away from Elio as sort of a physical show of what he was talking about. "You need to look at the whole situation, and see what everyone is going through. You can't everyones flotation device. You need to be able to take time for you, because when you get full of water, you sink... do you... do you get what I'm trying to say?" He asked, not sure if he was really coming across great, since he'd never been great with expressing himself or emotions and things. "Emotionally, sometimes you need to be selfish, and take time for you..." he stepped up closer to Elio. "Then you come back stronger, more bendy, like, with time... better energy. You need to be you, but also be them, do you know?"
 
It wasn't that Elio had been expected to know, but he figured that it still couldn't have been easy to say so out of the blue, no matter how long ago it had been. As Elio was talking, he hadn't realised the affect he was having on Chrys, that was until he suddenly moved his hand away from his neck. Affection was such a big part of Elio's life that he hadn't thought much of it at all, and it was only when he moved away from him that Elio considered it probably hadn't been the best move. The Gryffindor stood still, rooted to the spot, lowering his gaze as he told him that how he was feeling was normal, which at least gave some validation that he would have come out of this eventually, whenever that would end up being. Maybe it would be months or even years. What kind of a person would Elio be by that point? He didn't really know how to take time for himself when he was too racked up with guilt when he left the dorms. "Even now I've been away for too long," he said glumly. In reality it had only been about twenty minutes but it felt as though it was long enough that he should have already been back with Rowan by now. "I don't know how I'm meant to do that, find time for myself, I can't leave her." It had occurred to him that he'd never actually told him that Rowan was currently living in the boys room, nor that he was even talking about Rowan, "Rowan stays with me. I'm grateful for that because if she was in her own room I would be worried all the time but I don't have time for myself, not anymore." He felt like he was just making excuses now but it was true. Thoughts that had been in his mind for ages were closer to the surface now, and even if there was a way in theory that he could crawl out from the pit he was sinking further and further into, he knew it was partially a choice that he kept himself in it, because he had to. "I get what you mean, I do, I just don't have that option." If he stayed in the dorms he was limited to what he could do, hours passed just sitting with their thoughts or writing, and even Elio had very little left he could reorganise around his bed. If he left it would only be for classes, to visit the Owlery, or get some food, before he returned straight back to his dorm. Elio was aware Chrys had stepped closer towards him but the prefect didn't move. He couldn't afford to be selfish.
 
Chrys didn't know the situation was this bad, with what Elio was saying... or more specifically what he wasn't saying Chrys could guess that Rowan wasn't doing well. He supposed that was to be expected, after all she had just lost both a parent and a twin, Chrys wasn't expecting it to be easy, but that shouldn't mean it was Elio's burden to bear alone. "Twenty," Chrys said, as soon as Elio had stopped talking. He new he needed to clarify, but he needed Elio to listen, and to hear him, so he moved his hands up to Elio's face, holding his head between his hands to make sure Elio was looking at him properly, in the eye, because he needed the Gryffindor to really listen. "Just twenty minutes. That's all I ask, just take twenty minutes and do anything, anything not attached to a basic need. Don't eat, or sleep, or talk to anyone if you don't want to. Do that some other time, but, just maybe three or four times in the week, just take twenty minutes to do something you want to do, or you need to do to have space. Don't think Rowan, I know that will be hard, I know you're close and I know you worry, but you can't... Elio, you physically can not, continue as you are, you can't honestly." He said, just looking at him like this, he could see the exhaustion the other boy was trying to hide. "You can't look me in the eye right now, and tell me that this is what Rowan would want... you know that if she could see you... really see you, properly right now, she'd be so angry at you. You know that, she would hate this and she'd get herself all worked up, and you'd feel terrible and it would be this whole thing, and no one will come out of it without yelling probably and like heaps of tears and stuff, and really, Elio you just need to take some time for yourself. Don't feel guilty about it, because when all of this passes, and it will, and when Rowan is Rowan again, you know she's going to be so grateful, but she'll want to know that the person she loves, looked out for him too." He said, running his thumb along Elio's cheeks slightly before dropping them. "Alright. Anything I can do to help, just let me know, promise I'm here to help however you need." He said, reaching out slightly for Elio's hand and running his thumb across it. "Just twenty minutes, I promise it'll help, so much." Chrys said, nodding resolutely. "You spend so much time, looking after everyone else, and honestly it's absolutely amazing that you do, but you can't keep letting yourself go like this, because it'll make it harder to come back when you finally do get through this, and you need to know you're not helping anyone if you can't help yourself too. Just twenty minutes, even if that's all you do, twenty minutes, you'll get through this."
 
Elio looked up as Chrys moved closer still, although as he took his face in his hands and Elio had to look straight into his eyes, to say that he was taken off guard was an understatement. Twenty what? He moved his own hands to rest against the Hufflepuff's arms, but only because he knew he probably looked like an idiot standing there if he didn't. He listened as Chrys told him what to do, and not for the first time it was like a wave of confidence that helped to boost his own mood, whether or not Chrys realised it. There had always been that air with the sixth year and it was obvious that he cared for Rowan too. The optimism in his voice that they'd get through this, and that he knew her well enough too to know she would be angry if she realised how far he was falling, all of it was true. They'd had enough tears and anger between them that of course it wouldn't help if she turned to him, realising he was no longer the person he once was. Elio had no doubt that this would be easier said than done, not to feel guilty or think about Rowan, and heck what was he even going to find these days to fill his time with what he wanted. It had been so long since he'd just done something for fun, he didn't know what was capable of that right now. Chrys promised to be there for Elio, and maybe that was his way of helping Rowan, by helping Elio, and the Gryffindor appreciated it more than Chrys would ever know. "Twenty." It was just a word but with it came a confirmation that he'd been paying attention, that he'd try. He knew he'd have to try and it wasn't just for his sake. Chrys dropped his hands but one still found his own a sigh leaving his body at how his trip to deliver a letter had taken a turn. He was the first person at school he'd spoken to properly about it all, although he didn't like to think how long he could've gone on for if he hadn't just run into Chrys. "I can do twenty."
 
Chrys nodded, glad that Elio seemed to be more understanding, willing to listen than he might have been himself in the same situation. He wasn't sure what it said about him, that he wasn't always willing to take how own advice, but it was always something he was thinking about. "Okay, good," he said nodding, a sigh of relief falling out of him that he'd some how, miraculously, managed to stop whatever emotional spiral Elio had been intent on flinging himself down. He couldn't shake the feeling that this was some, red string of fate type sh*t that he never believed in, but was becoming more and more hard to ignore these days, given what had been going on around him. He'd always been drawn to Elio in some way or another, since he'd started really taking notice of the Gryffindor, but it was nice to see this other side to him too, even if it was going to likely completely ruin his favourite shirt. Coming back to his favourite shirt snapped him back to reality a little bit. "That was way more emotion than I've ever dealt with for anyone, just so you know, and, I'm sorry about this, but I just have to know I'm still me after all of that," he said, grinning lightly as he stepped closer and pressed his lips to Elio's. It had been a while since he'd kissed him, and maybe this was a bad time, but, he'd just dealt with heavy emotion and maybe it wasn't ideal, but this was how Chrys dealt with things. This was his twenty minutes out of his own head, not thinking about his own issues and struggles. If he could get his mind off of it for twenty minutes, he could make it to the next day, and the next day.​
 
Chrys seemed relieved when Elio agreed to the plan, although really he knew he had to. It would have been good for both him and Rowan for Elio to take time to himself, and if Chrys meant what he said about not having to do this by himself as well as that he promised to be there if he needed him, well maybe Elio did have someone else he could rely on, even if he couldn't rely on himself. Elio wasn't sure why but it was a surprise to hear that Chrys hadn't dealt with something like that before. Of course his mind flashed back to the day with Onyx, after the older boy had caught them and Chrys had run off towards his ex, but Elio hadn't been privvy to anything that came after that, asides from the knowledge that they'd broken up. It was a different situation of course, but it made him wonder how he would usually have handled it, and whether it had been because of his friendship with the twins that this time he'd stuck it out. Elio didn't have a chance to say anything else though as Chrys grinned in the way that had his stomach jolt whenever he saw it, and then suddenly he was kissing him. Elio knew he looked a complete mess, but it seemed as though that wasn't enough to deter the Hufflepuff, and Elio wasted no time in moving both hands up to cup his jaw, kissing him back hard. He'd already been out of the dorms too long, but Rowan had been left sleeping and honestly he needed Chrys more than he was letting on. Besides, everything was about balance, right?
 

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