Closed Chasing Fire

[Lyra Potter]

Sometimes, it was hard to keep up with the days as she travelled to play Quidditch. It could be tough to be on the road, but she was lucky because she had some of her closest friends on her team. Sometimes, Ezra came with her, but he was away on business right now. Lyra suspected that he would always accompany her if she allowed it, and as much as she liked him, she couldn't allow him to depend on her too much. Today, they had played in Australia, and they had a repeat match tomorrow. Due to the close proximity to the Urie family house, Lyra supposed she should have been expecting Felix to show up and watch his twin play, but she hadn't been expecting his mom to come too. Her green eyes had no problem spotting his familiar figure in the crowd. Despite the three years that had passed, it still hurt every time she saw him. Most days, Felix didn't cross her mind, but it was impossible to ignore him if he was around her. They were technically friends, and Lyra did meet him on occasion for coffee or lunch, but Lyra was always so careful to control her emotions at those meetings. She could never let on that she missed him, or it would ruin everything. Felix seemed happy, which was good. All Lyra wanted was for Felix to be happy.

Lyra left her hotel room with the sole purpose of finding a nearby pub where she could get roaring drunk for the evening. It had been too much today, talking to Felix and his mom. She hadn't steeled herself for the conversation, and it hurt worse than expected to hear that Felix was dating. Not seriously, according to Falon, but dating nonetheless. Lyra didn't think she would ever be completely over him. The blonde found a pub nearby, recommended by the man at the desk of the hotel. She had briefly considered knocking on Lanithro's door and demanding he join her, but she had reconsidered. Lyra wasn't in the mood to entertain him tonight. She sat down at the bar, ordering a shot of liquor and a drink. When the barkeep returned, the young woman downed the shot before picking up the glass. "Keep them coming, please." she said with a smile to the man.

 

[Felix Urie]

Felix had spent the entire day with his mum. They had gone to see Falon's team play, and then they had joined Falon for dinner at their favorite muggle restaurant nearby. It had been an intense match which required Felix to explain the rules of quidditch to their mum, giving her the play by play as they watched Falon whack bludgers around. Naturally, Felix's eyes had been draw frequently to the blonde chaser with the bright green eyes as they always did when she was around. As dinner ended, Felix had made an excuse to get away, specifically not telling Falon where he was going. He knew that she'd try to talk him out of it, and when she couldn't, she'd tag along which was not what he wanted. Falon had been urging him to date, and so he had been.There had been the brief fling with Georgiana, and several girls since then, but none of them could hold his attention for long.

Kissing his mum goodbye, Felix exited the restaurant, shoving his hands down in his pockets as he walked. He knew the areas well, having grown up nearby, and Felix knew several pubs in the area. Thanks to Falon, he knew Lyra liked to go out after a win. He didn't know why he liked to abuse himself like this, but he had to see her. Talk to her. Felix checked two pubs before he spotted her in the third. She was sitting at the bar, wearing an outfit that showed quite a lot of skin, talking to a man and laughing. The former Hufflepuff smiled at the sight of her. God, she looked so good. What was he doing here? He sighed internally before making his way to where she was. "Hey, Lyra. Good match today." he said, waving a hand at the barkeep.

 

[Lyra Potter]

Lyra had been at the bar long enough to get to know the man, John, sitting to her right. He had bought her last two drinks, and he was clearly interested in her. And, Lyra was considering it when she heard a voice on her left. She would have recognized his voice anywhere. He wasn't supposed to be here, not now when her defenses were completely removed due to her slightly inebriated state. Lyra could tell John wasn't all that pleased at their conversation being interrupted, but she promised to come find him later after she caught up with an old friend. The blonde didn't wait for the man to leave before turning to look at Felix.

"Hey Fee Fee Licks." she said with a smile, using an old nickname for him deliberately. When they had been dating, Lyra called him Felix almost exclusively with the occasional use of Fee, but never did she call him what she had when they were children. Lyra almost longed for that time now when things had been so simple and uncomplicated between them. She tried to forget that now as she sat her empty glass back on the bar. "I thought you'd be busy with Falon tonight. Is she on her way?" Lyra asked, hopefully. If Falon showed up, she wouldn't let Lyra screw things up with Felix. Not when he finally seemed happy.

 

[Felix Urie]

It stung when she called Felix by a childhood name that Lyra had learned from Falon and taken up during their first year. It was just one more reminder to Felix of what they used to mean to each other and what no longer was. These days Lyra felt like a stranger, a ghost of the person he loved. Felix nodded to the barkeep as he placed another drink in front of Lyra. Felix wondered if that was such a good idea as it seemed like she was on the verge of drunkenness, but it wasn't his place to suggest such a thing. Instead, he ordered himself a drink before turning back to answer her question. "Nah. I hope not. I didn't tell her where I was going. She's at home with mum." Felix said with a shrug. "I felt like being on my own tonight." he said as the barkeep returned with his drink.

 

[Lyra Potter]

Lyra winked at the bartender as he placed the drink in front of her. She turned in her chair to look at Felix properly as he spoke. She tried to hide her disappointment when he said he said Falon wouldn't be joining them. Felix's drink appeared in front of him, and Lyra picked up her own drink. "Well, you aren't alone. You have me. To old friends." she said with a smile at him before placing the drink to her lips. She downed the shot in one gulp. Felix said he wanted to be alone tonight, but she had once known him better than she knew herself. The old Lyra would have thought that he had come looking for her specifically. This was no chance of fate. Her green eyes glanced up and met his gaze. "Why are you really here, Felix? Was it an accident?" she asked him. The alcohol had lowered her inhibitions and removed the filter she had worked so hard to put in place.

 

[Felix Urie]

Felix picked his drink up and clinked the rim of his glass to hers. The corners of his mouth turned up slightly at the irony of the toast. He wasn't alone, not tonight. The man ran a hand through his hair as she finished the drink in front of her. Felix stopped mid motion as she asked him a question, rather bluntly. The man chuckled slightly and shook his head. His Lyra had always been as subtle as a brick smashing through a glass window. "Some things never change do they?" Felix said, mostly to himself. "I think you know why. I wanted to see you, Ly. I miss you." he said. Felix knew there was no point in lying to her. She always saw right through his lies. He only hoped his words were innocent enough that they wouldn't send her running as quick as she could in the opposite direction.

 

[Lyra Potter]

A more sober Lyra would have gotten up at Felix's words. She would have apparated away to knock on Lanithro's door and hide from those words in the safety of his arms as she had after their breakup. That would be the smart decision, but Lyra wasn't being smart. The blonde shook her head at Felix. As innocent as the words could be, they weren't. There was too much history between them that would always be lurking under the surface. Lyra could pretend they didn't exist in the daylight, but not when he ambushed her unexpectedly like this. "I guess some things never do." she said with a small smile at Felix. Then, without thinking about it or considering the consequences, Lyra grabbed his shirt and pulled Felix towards her, kissing him firmly on the mouth.

 

[Felix Urie]

Felix's arms went around Lyra automatically as she pulled him to her. She fit perfectly in them as if they had been made just for her shape. His mouth moved against hers without hesitation or second thought. It had been two years since he kissed Lyra Potter, but some things never changed. He still loved her. He always had, and he always would. It was for this reason, and only this reason, that Felix pulled away gently. He knew she was intoxicated, and he didn't want to take advantage of the situation. "Lyra...wait...." Felix said, though he didn't let go of her. If he had it his way, he'd never let her go again. His anger at Lyra and what she had done had faded away years ago, and he'd forgiven her almost immediately. "Why did you kiss me?" he asked, needing an answer before he let this go any further. It was too easy to fall back into old habits.

 

[Lyra Potter]

Bliss. It was like falling down a time vortex as she kissed Felix. She could have been back on the North Tower or in the trophy room for all she knew or cared in that moment as her lips collided with Felix's. Slightly disoriented, her green eyes met his as he pulled away from her. She heard his question, but her drunken state couldn't keep her mouth from saying the words she had fought for so long to hold back. "Because I love you, Felix." she said, knowing as soon as the words came out of her mouth that it wasn't fair to utter them. She was breaking all of her rules tonight. Maybe she should have asked Lanithro to come along after all. She wouldn't be saying such stupid things and undoing all of her painful work trying to make Felix hate her.

 

[Felix Urie]

Felix liked to pride himself on his ability to handle anything. He was a muggleborn in a world of magic. He could handle rowdy guys. He could handle people trying to tell him he wasn't good enough. He could handle Falon's quick wit and temper. He could handle watching people get smashed in the face with bludgers or balls. He could handle watching Lyra flirt with others and generally be in his vicinity whilst not actually being with him. What he could not handle, as it turned out, was a declaration he knew he wanted. One that, though his heart soared at the words, quickly settled in the pit of his stomach. "Lyra... you're drunk." Did he want to say that? No, he wanted to grab Lyra to him and help her forget she'd ever said anything to him at all. But it wouldn't be right and he knew that and it hurt.

 

[Lyra Potter]

Lyra's mouth slipped into a pout as Felix answered her. It wasn't the reaction she expected from him, but maybe his feelings toward her had changed in the last three years. "But what does that have to do with anything?" she protested, still frowning. Being drunk didn't change her feelings towards him, it just allowed the truth to come through. The truth that she would never tell him otherwise. "I never stopped loving you, Felix. I lied to you that New Year's eve. I love you, Felix Urie." she said. All of the walls she had built so high around her heart were crumbling and crashing down to earth. All that mattered was that he believed her.

 

[Felix Urie]

Felix closed his eyes as she spoke. He could see it. He could see them, back then, back when everything was easy. He’d never thought about his future without her, never imagined he would have to. This, this was the life he’d always wanted for himself, everything else be damned. He could almost allow himself to let go, the feel of her like a cherished memory. “Lyra.” He couldn't open his eyes now, he couldn’t, he’d see her. He’d see reality and he didn’t know if he could handle that. This was Lyra. His Lyra. And apparently she’d never really left him. “Lyra, I...” but could he say it? Could he let himself express his deepest truth? That he’d never stopped loving her? That he wished every day he hadn’t let her walk out on him? On them?

 

[Lyra Potter]

Felix shut his eyes, and Lyra felt a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. She had misjudged things. He didn't care for her. He couldn't even look at her. Lyra felt the tears welling up in her eyes at his complete rejection, and her throat tightened. She had to get out of there. She needed to run away, like she always did when she couldn't handle reality. "I'm sorry, Fee. I shouldn't have said that. Any of it. I have to go." she said, choking back the sobs that she knew were coming. Lyra bolted, as quick as she could through the bar, out the door, but where to go? She was too intoxicated to apparate without risking splinching herself. Lyra turned into the alley beside the bar and sunk down to the ground with her head between her knees. She let the tears out that she had been holding in since her mother died.

 

[Felix Urie]

Felix opened his eyes at the pain in her voice. His intentions were good, or so he told himself as he tried to grab her as she ran. She slipped away though his fingertips, like always, because despite himself he could never deny her. He looked around then. People were staring at them, and the guy she’d been speaking to before looked ready to follow her. Felix frowned at him. The guy was much bigger than him, but he didn’t care, this was Lyra. “Take a seat, man.” Something in his voice must have cautioned the guy because he immediately took a seat. Felix followed her then, she couldn’t have gone far. At least he hoped not. It had been years, but he was still attuned to her, he still knew her. “Lyra?” She wouldn’t answer he knew, but it was worth a shot. “Lyra, please.”

 

[Lyra Potter]

Lyra heard Felix as he called out for her. The former Gryffindor should have known he would come after her even if it wasn't for the reasons that she wanted. Before he was her boyfriend, he was her best friend, and he knew her better than she knew herself. Still, Lyra couldn't stand for him to look at her with pity or compassion instead of the love that she so desperately craved from him. He was no longer hers. She had made damn sure of that. "Go away, Felix." she said, not looking up to see if he was looking at her.

 

[Felix Urie]

She always surprised him. They’d known each other intimately for so long he would’ve thought that he knew all there was to know about Lyra Potter. If there was one thing everyone knew about Lyra, it was that she didn’t care for others expectations. It was one of the many, many reasons he loved her as he did. “Lyra, you...” but there really were no words. She was there, in front of him now, she looked so small and he immediately hated himself because he knew it was his fault. She was this goddess in his eyes, crying or not and he would never let her forget it. “Lyra, this isn’t you, you’re Lyra Potter, you don’t need me.” And that was the truth of it. In all their time together he’d always felt that he needed her more than she needed him. He kneeled in front of her. “Lyra, please look at me.”

 

[Lyra Potter]

Lyra didn't feel like the person he described with his words. Not while she was falling apart in an alley way because Felix rejected her. Still, he was pleading with her to look up, and she couldn't deny him. Not when he used that tone of voice with her. Not when he said please. Lyra raised her face, looking into his as he crouched in front of her. "Felix, I've always needed you. Ever since I met you. How can you not see that?" she said, all of her vulnerability that she tried so hard to keep locked up, displayed on her face for him to see.

 

[Felix Urie]

To say that he was shocked would have been an understatement. Felix had never thought anyone needed him. He was just the guy that made people laugh. Well, there was Falon, obviously, but she was his twin sister, of course she needed him. Even his mother didn’t really need him. She’d moved in with her life when her kids had gone to school in another country. Being needed, it was, well, it was terrifying. “Lyra, I... I need you to know, I forgave you years ago about what happened, I don’t know if you believe me, but I just need to say it, and I need you to listen.” She needed him. He needed her, he always would. “You’re the love of my life, Lyra. I could never think any differently.” Felix said as he hesitantly reached out to wipe away her tears.

 

[Lyra Potter]

Lyra looked at Felix with disbelief as he spoke to her. He was here, saying the words that she had missed hearing every day since she left him. He still loved her. He always would. Lyra Potter felt like she could breath again after years of drowning. A piece of her heart and soul had been given back to her. "I'm sorry, Felix. I know this is all my fault. I haven't been fine. Not even close." Lyra said, looking up at him. The alcohol was catching up with her, and it was hard to focus on his face. She didn't want him to see her like this. He was her best friend. Even now when so many things were different in her life. "I was hurt. I took it out on you when I needed you more than anything." she said, tentatively reaching towards him. Lyra wanted to be held. She wanted to feel his arms around her at least one more time. "She left you a note, you know. I've just been too scared to give it to you." the blonde said, knowing he would understand that she meant her mother.

 

[Felix Urie]

She was reaching for him and he knew he shouldn’t, he knew he should just walk away, but this was
Lyra, and he really never could deny her whatever she wanted. He sighed then, inwardly, and let her reach him. He scooted closer and pulled her close, resting his chin on her hair before sitting back slightly to look at her. The ground was cold and if he wasn’t mistaken, slightly wet. He dreaded to think what that might be. Just listening to her talk was enough for him, well, not really, but he would make it enough. He had no rights to her anymore, even just this was too much. “She... she what? Why?” Kiera was a person he’d always looked up to. He’d always considered her like a second mum. That she had left him a note was hard to think about. “How could she... god Lyra. Oh Merlin, you’ve held on to that for this long... did you read it?” He couldn’t believe it, he wasn’t sure he’d have been strong enough.

 

[Lyra Potter]

Lyra let out a sigh as Felix's arms went around her in a protective circle. She leaned into him as he rested his chin on her head. He had the same reaction to the notes that most of her family had. "She wrote one for all of us. Link, Jemma, Carter, Cyndi, Cameron, Grandpa, Kat, the whole family had notes. She knew she was going to die for months, and she didn't tell anyone." Lyra said, her voice trembling. "I guess she included you as family." she said, knowing exactly how much her mother had adored Felix. She didn't know if Kiera would have felt the same about Ezra. "I didn't read yours. I couldn't even bring myself to read mine for months." she admitted. Honesty was too easy around Felix. She found herself admitting things she hadn't planned to tell anyone, but it had always been impossible for her to keep anything from him.

 

[Felix Urie]

Felix had adored Kiera, he loved her as anyone who knew her had. She’d done so much for him, and he’d always been able to go to her with any problems, Carter too, before it all. “One for the twins too, I suppose.” He thought it must have been hard for Kiera, knowing she wasn’t going to live to see her family grow. Live to see Lyra get married, Link get married, Jemma graduate, all the things she was going to miss. He couldn’t imagine what she must have been feeling, but even still, there was a part of him that now felt as though Kiera were part to blame for how Lyra was right now. He immediately felt guilty for the thought, but it was there regardless. “I can’t believe you didn’t read it even after this long. I would have been dying to read my mother’s last words.” He realised as soon as he said it how that sounded. “Not that you didn’t want to, sorry that might’ve come out wrong. “ he hoped he wasn’t digging a hole. “Do you still have it?”

 

[Lyra Potter]

Lyra shrugged her shoulders. Curiosity was part of her nature, but she had never wanted to open Felix's letter. It seemed like an invasion of her mother's privacy, and truthfully, she was a little afraid of what her mother might have said to Felix. Lyra had made up her mind not to live happily ever after with him, and Kiera's words might weaken her resolve. "I still have it. It's at my apartment. I didn't read it because it's her words to you. She didn't want me to see it." she said. Another part of it was the fact that she had been so angry with her mother for such a long time. Angry with her for intentionally leaving them when Lyra needed her. "Did you tell her about... the ring?" she asked, unable to discuss the proposal or anything more.

 

[Felix Urie]

Felix couldn’t really understand what she felt in regards to her mother, he still had his family alive and well. But he imagined what it would be like if he lost his mother, and he was sure he wouldn’t handle it well either, especially because of this revelation. It was in her apartment she said, even though it was silly, he immediately looked in the general direction of New Zealand, though he was probably wrong. He wasn’t a compass. “I did, yeah. I had to ask.” She’d been so excited about it, she’d pretended to hide it though, asked him the tough questions. Carter had been the excited one, almost offered him a drink before he’d realised he was still in school.

 

[Lyra Potter]

Lyra wouldn't--couldn't ask what her mother had said about Felix's question. She suspected what Kiera's reaction would have been, but she couldn't have that confirmed. Not when Lyra had chosen a different path for her life. The blonde looked up at Felix and wondered once again how they had arrived at this place. Her head was swimming and Felix's arms were so comfortable. "I thought so." she said, not commenting any more on her mother. Instead, Lyra pressed her lips gently against his jawline. "God, I've missed you." she sighed.