Canary Yellows

Cas frowned, furrowing his brow. "Aw, Linden, no," He murmured, scooting a little closer and bringing both hands up to hold Lindens face. "If there's one thing I've learned, its just- I'm really not, I'm not worth much of anything." He rubbed his thumbs gently over the mans cheeks. "It's okay, honestly- I'm fine, I'm used to it. You'll find someone, you know, get married and have a hundred dogs and a big farm or something and me- I'll be okay, I'm fine," his voice cracked a bit and he cleared his throat, shaking his head again. "I promise, Lin, it's okay,"
 
linden closed his eyes as cas took a hold of his face letting out a soft sigh of comfort. however as the man started talking he looked at him eyebrows raised he moved his head slightly to try and shut case up but the man was lucky he couldn't get closer without pushing too hard. "Cas, buttercup, baby" he soothed when the man had finished. taking a doop breath and getting his thoughts in order. how long had it been since cas had had anyone in his corner? "merlin, Casper, breath." he said as he tried to pull the thoughts together "you are not fine, I think you have just shown us both that. and you are going to have to get unused to feeling worthless because you are not, and I will damn well keep telling you that until you believe me." he said. his tone maybe just a little harder than he was intending it to be. "as for me. i don't need to find someone I know. i already have. it's going to be me and him against the world from here on out" he said then he leaned forward and whispered "and while three months is a bit soon to think about getting married so promise not to tell him, I would like that. like one day, in the very distant future when we are like 25 or something" he whispered quickly putting some clause on it before cas got any ideas. then he leaned back and continued talking "though one hundred dogs may be a bit of a handful, and his cat struggles enough with just Bjorn" he said. he hadn't thought about the future after school in detail. at least not in specifics. he had always seen himself working at the sanctuary, studying and caring for animals. ever since he had heard cas getting an apartment he had sort of assumed that that would be them. at least for a while. he hadn't thought of them married but he hadn't thought of them as not together.
 
Caspers eyes widened the more Linden spoke- well, the more Linden scolded him. Doubt flashed across his eyes and he looked away, and back, very quickly. Tears filled his eyes again, and he tried to fight them, tired of always crying with Linden. "Lin, don't, " Casper pleaded softly, his voice breaking. "I can't- I can't take any more broken promises," he managed, his voice breaking twice. He remembered all of Sebastians pretty words, the heartbreak he'd gone through when he'd lost his home with his adopted parents, the misplacement he'd felt when his aunt had died.

Casper shrunk back, drawing in on himself and looking away, his hair falling to cover his eyes. It was easier thinking this was only temporary- thinking Linden would lose interest eventually and move on. It would break Casper but he would handle it, somehow. He couldn't take how close Linden felt, how deep he'd gone. Casper had never been so vulnerable in his life, and it terrified him.
 
linden saw the tears coming again in Caspers eyes. damnit. why was he always making Casper cry. he felt the boy pull away from him. curling up in himself something he realised now he had not seen him do for weeks. he reached out to cas with one hand and with the other he reached for his wand and tried to conjure a box of tissues. but couldn't. he changed his thoughts and after a couple of goes had a warm flannel in his hand. he reached up to brush his hair out of his eyes and gently wiped Caspers's face "shh, okay, cas, i won't promise you anything. if you don't want me to" he said trying to calm casper again. though he sure could promise himself. "but cassopiller, when have I ever broken a promise to you?" he asked trying to think back. he couldn't think of one example.
 
Casper was scared, and vulnerable, and quick to pull away from Lindens touch. He couldn't bring himself to say anything, instead just pushing up on his feet and trying to make a run for it. He needed to get out of there, before he was broken. Linden was too close, and Cas wasn't sure he could handle it.
 
Linden nedednt had bothered trying before he could do or say much else caper was up and moving away from him. he followed. he had known casper long enough to know him running out running away was how he delt with things when they get serious. he was on his feet and following him before he had even thought about it. his hand reaching out for caspers. a moment later it was in his grasp and he was moving towards him. "you can't get rid of me that easily" he said holding him close. "you did say you wanted bear hugs" he added.
 
Cas almost panicked when Linden grabbed his hand, dragging him into a tight hug. He struggled for a moment, trying to break free. But Linden knew him better than he knew himself, and soon the hands that had been hitting Lindens back were clutching tightly to his shirt as he practically melted against the man, sobbing once again. "You stubborn prick," Cas cried, burying his face in Lindens neck. It felt like, in that moment, that something had shifted in Cas, something he couldn't quite describe. He clung tighter to Linden, shaking.
 
Linden felt Casper struggle for a few seconds. he counted down from five in his head if he was still struggling he would let go. when he reached three the fighting was subsiding and when he hit one case was holding onto his shirt. he did feel a little guilty for forcing him to hug him but he knew cas well enough to know running was his coping mechanism. he smiled as cas called him stubborn. he let go of cas "you can go if you really want to. but not just to shut down. like I said it is you and me against the world." he said turning his head to kiss where he could reach which was just in front of his ear. as he felt cas shaking with sobs again. "oh buttercup come 'ere" he said stroking his back again.
 
Casper held tightly to Linden, not sure how long he cried for this time. Eventually the shaking stilled and his sobs subsided into gasping breaths. Cas still trembled, buried against Linden. "You... you're really serious?" He asked gently, his voice wobbling a bit as he spoke.
 
Lin held cas tight swaying slightly as cas cried. whatever was going on with him there was a lot he needed to get out. when cas asked if he was really serious he pulled away slightly so that cas could see him. "yes cas I'm serious. he said pulling the same serious expression he had outside the bathroom in Germany." I told you this is my serious face" he added hoping that at least would make him smile a little
 
Cas let out a broken laugh. One hand clutched at the side of Lindens shirt; the other scrubbed his sleeves over his eyes. He hiccuped, trying to pull himself together. "Move in with me," he blurted, peeking up nervously through his messy honey hair. "Please?"
 
linden smiled as cas laughed. he watched his man wipe his eyes and felt him holding on to his shirt as though clutching at a lifeline. "cas. that is a very big question." he said. wrapping his arms around cas to prevent him from running away as he formulated an answer. "I would love to move in with you, to live with you. but you need to be sure that is what you want first. he said. "five minutes ago you were about ready to bolt away from me because i said something or did something that upset you. you wont be able to do that if we live together. it is a small studio apartment, it doesn't even have a separate bedroom and sitting area" she said. trying to put his concerns into a way that wasn't going to freak him out. cas had always needed space to escape. it had beenthr art room, the garden, and he had slowly taken over each of those places. he didn't want to take over the last one he had just because casper was feeling insecure.
 
Casper rested against Linden, biting his lip nervously. The answer he got made his heart twist, in guilt and shame and disappointment. Had he really screwed himself over already? He took a shaky breath, the tears pricking at his eyes again. "No, Lin, it- you don't understand." Cas pulled back just a little, peeking up through his hair. "I was hiding because I was scared. Of how close you'd been getting. Scared I would mess it up. But- I..."

He looked away, taking a shaky breath. "I don't... I don't know, I just... I'm not so scared anymore." He spoke gently. "I... I've always wanted this. To live off my art in an apartment where I could lay in bed and watch the stars... with... with my boyfriend," His voice cracked and he cleared it. "I just- for the longest time, I just thought... I thought it was something I could never have."

Cas hesitated, before turning his head and peeking up at Linden, almost bashfully. "But... you're here now... and suddenly I'm not so scared anymore..."
 
Linden watched as casper shuffled uncomfortably. he wanted to make him feel better. he always did. but sometimes he didn't know what to do and say to do that. maybe he should have just said yes. but that may end in disaster. he brushed caspers hair out of his face and saw that tears were welling up again "I'm sorry" he said. he felt like he was dancing on a mine field sometimes with cas. no matter what he did he would inevitably step on something. "you don't need to be scared. we can slow things down if you want to. you can set the pace" he said. moving closer so their fireheads and noses were touching. "that sounds like a lovely way to spend the evening. and you found just the right apartment to live your dream. i am impressed" he said moving his nose to the other side. "you can have anything you want. and you work so hard for things. I love you" he said and smiled when cas said he wasn't scared any more. "I am glad to hear that because i don't want my boyfriend to be scared, especially not scared by me" he said closing the last little distance and kissing cas. and trying to remember if cas had called him boyfriend before even though most thoughts were knocked out of him when their lips met.
 
Last edited:
Cas leaned in, kissing Lin back easily. He sighed, shifting and tracing his nose over Lins neck. "I just did," He countered, leaning back a bit. "I was serious. Move in with me," He reiterated, trying to look serious. "I'm tired of running, Lin." He told his man. "I've been sleeping with you close for years, I don't want you to be far away. I'll miss you," He sighed, snuggling closer.
 
Linden felt himself relax as cas gave him attention. Letting his head move as cas kissed his neck. you are, you are making it very hard for me to not say yes he said sighing lightly ”I want to. I really do. But not right away. It’s your place. You should have some time to make it yours first. he said. He could already see Caspers expression drop. And he must admit. The idea of moving straight in with cas was tempting. Getting to hang out with him all the time, coming home to him an having dinner together. cuddling with him every night and not having to worry about dorm mates. but I can come over whenever you want me to he said moving to kiss the soft skin of Caspers neck
 
Cas laughed lightly. "Then just say yes," He countered, looping his arms around Lindens waist. He sighed dramatically at Lindens words. "I'll make you a deal. You stay over at least three times a week, and I won't insist on you moving in right away. Hows that?" He offered with a smile, thinking it was the perfect compromise. "We could ease into it?"
 
Linden smiled when cas said he should just say yes. It was tempting. Oh so tempting. He felt Caspers hand aroubd his waist and he put his hands loosely around his shoulders. As cas outlined the clause of his compromise he nodded. deal. And at least one of those has to be before a day off so we can lie in and spend the day together” he said he was going to say weekend but he had a feeling he wouldn’t always get them off. And he knew cas would be working on his art which meant he didn’t have set work days. I do love you he said. Looking at cas. Not moving just enjoying the fact that they could stand here in the courtyard arms around each other and talking about the future and not have to worry about other people seeing them.
 
Cas chuckled softly and stepped back, reaching to take Lindens hands in his. "And I love you. I'm also worn out from all that crying. Cuddle in the dorm? I could use a nap." He countered. He was exhausted. "You don't have to stay long if you don't want to, I'll probably pass out pretty quickly, especially if you're playing with my hair." He laughed, knowing he would most likely fall asleep almost as soon as they got comfortable.
 
linden felt cas move away and then felt the warm grip of Casper's hand in his. he gave it a little squeeze and smiled and he looked across at his man and smiled. "now that sounds like a plan. and you know damn well that if you fall asleep on me i cant move until you wake up." he said bumping his hip into casper as they walked.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 1 (members: 0, guests: 1)
Back
Top