Closed You'll Write, Right?

[Susie Lagowski]

It was too hot. Not just hot - humid. Susie had been excited to finally show Tori around the farm, to introduce her to the animals (her brothers included), but they'd had to walk around at a snail's pace to avoid overheating. They sat now on Susie's bed, sipping her aunt's home-made lemonade to cool off and trying not to move too much. Her room wasn't always this tidy. She'd had a good clean-up in anticipation of Tori's arrival, or in other words, she'd shoved everything in the wardrobe. There were potted plants on her rattan dresser and pictures of mythological creatures and famous witches on the terracotta walls. Her oboe, in its case, was propped up against an armchair.

She sighed, putting down her empty glass. "I don't want you to go. It's going to be boring without you," she said. "Actually, I wish I could come with you. You're going to have so much fun. You'll write, right? Write, right - ha. But seriously. Promise."

Godmods approved

 

[Victoria de Lacey]

Tori had enjoyed her time at Susie’s farm, she’d been a little surprised to learn just how large it was in all honesty. After her little rant to her mother, receiving the invite had been what she’d needed, just a little time to get away and be herself with one of her best friends. She liked Susie for a number of reasons, one of them most important being that she was ridiculously easy to talk to, and she always made Tori smile. So it was nice to be around her. She set her glass down carefully, and could feel the coolness linger in her fingers. She needed it, the air was more humid here than she was expecting, and she massaged it into her palms. She rolled her eyes and nudged Susie’s foot with her on. “Of course I’ll write. I’d explode if I didn’t.” She tipped her head back against the wall, letting out a bit of a dramatic sigh.

“You’ll probably get sick of hearing from me. Letters full of rambling nonsense about new places and how much I miss you.” She shook her head and leaned forward a little, more serious tone in her voice. “I wish you could come too. I’d stuff you in my suitcase if I could.” She couldn’t imagine the sight, rocking up to Durmstrang lugging her suitcase behind her as she tried to convince the headmaster or whoever it was that no, she needed to keep her suitcase with her for personal reasons. A smile tugged up the corner of her mouth. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily, Susie. Promise. 'sides, I'm only going for like four months, hardly any time at all!"​

 

[Susie Lagowski]

"Messy," said Susie. She leaned back beside her friend, drawing up her knees. It wasn't that she didn't trust Tori to write. It was just that... there was so much you couldn't say in a letter. Writing had never been Susie's strong point. She pretended it was, wrote stories and poems just for fun, but somehow she could never quite capture in words the feelings inside her. Every time she tried, it felt inadequate. "Are you kidding? I could never get sick of you telling me you miss me," she said, grinning. "You can even say it now. I miss you, Susieeee! Susie, you're the best! How will I live without you, my muse, my one true love? Oh, the pain." She clutched her chest, sliding dramatically onto her friend's shoulder. It was quite comfortable there, actually. She sighed. Four months was a long time not to do this again. "Can you hug me?"

 

[Victoria de Lacey]

Tori laughed, a real, snorty kind of laugh, the kind you only reveal to true friends lest they use it against you for the rest of your life as blackmail and on your wedding day pull out a secret recording of you that shows how you really honk and snort when you laugh causing the entire venue to laugh right at you, the betrayal so intense you lock yourself away in a meadow somewhere never to be seen again, that kind of a laugh, because she knew Susie would never cause her to lock herself away in a meadow. She bumped her head against Susie’s softly, “you’re such a drama queen,” she said, fondness obvious in her tone, though she could feel a slight ache in her chest. “My muse, my one true love - what will I do without you?” she teased lightly, echoing Susie’s words but beginning to wonder just what she actually was going to do without her friends.

But when Susie asked for a hug, Tori didn’t even hesitate, she just wrapped her arms around her friend tightly, squeezing her like she was trying to memorise the feeling, like maybe if she squeezed hard enough she could take a piece of Susie with her so she wouldn’t have to shover her in her suitcase, so she could fold it up into a little tiny thing and put it safely into her pocket for when the lonely days set in, and she wondered what on the world had ever convinced her to do something as ridiculous as leave all of her friends behind for the great beyond. “Of course,” she said, her voice a little muffled because she was smooshing her face into Susie’s hair. “I’m gonna miss you so much, Soos. Like, stupidamounts.”​

 

[Susie Lagowski]

That laugh - Susie considered the day a success if she managed to get a snort out of Tori, no matter what else had happened. It was like music to her ears. And Merlin, she was so pretty when she laughed. A happy Tori was a radiant one; she made the whole room light up, made Susie light up, in a way she couldn't quite articulate but which didn't really demand an explanation, because it just seemed like the natural and inevitable way of things. Everybody felt like that around Tori, she figured. Her brightness was like a sunbeam through a window on a cold winter's day; everybody wanted to take their turn to stand in it.

Susie buried her face in Tori's shoulder, holding her as tight as she dared without hurting her. Four months. No, that wasn't long at all. But the timing was awful. She was worried - worried about Freddie, worried about her dad, worried about her grades. Now more than even she needed this, needed to be held, to feel someone's arms around her, and she didn't want those arms to be anyone's but Tori's.

Something tickled her face. She was crying. Susie, who never cried, who made it very explicit she never cried under any circumstances, thank you very much, began to sob gently. "Sorry," she said. She sounded strange. Susie's voice usually had its own presence, but that was all gone now, the bravado stripped back. "I'm sorry. I'm so stupid." She'd get a hold of herself in a second, she was sure. Any second now. Merlin, please.

 

[Victoria de Lacey]

Tori squeezed harder, freezing for half a second when she felt Susie trembling against her, and then she realised that she was crying. Susie… girl who never cries, crying. She could almost feel the moment her heart cracked open like Susie had broken it apart with her two hands, like a toffee apple when you get to the core. She pulled Susie evern tighter without thinking, ducking her head protectively against her as if she could somehow shield her from everything. Did she really think she could do this? If this was Susie’s reaction, was four months going to be nothing but absolute torture? Maybe she’d made a mistake? Maybe this was wrong, maybe she shouldn’t leave after all, she didn’t care anymore that money had changed hands, that she had her flights, she didn’t care, not if this was the result. She swallowed that deep, trying desperately to hold back her own tears.

“Hey, hey, no,” she said desperately, her voice soft in Susie’s ear. “You’re not stupid. You’re not stupid, Susie. You’re, like, the opposite of stupid.” She instinctively let her hands move down to Susie’s back, running her fingers up and down in comfort, like she might be able to help Susie calm down. She didn’t care if it was silly. “You’re allowed to cry. You’re allowed to miss people and be worried and feel everything all at once. It just means you have a big heart.” Bigger than hers, probably, if this was anything to go by. It was kind of nice to see Susie like this, because she was so used to jokey Susie, making everyone laugh Susie, she liked knowing that Susie had big emotions too, that even she couldn’t always keep them at bay. It was human, she felt, it was so Susie. “Honestly? If you weren’t crying, I’d be worried you were secretly a robot.” Maybe Tori was a robot then.

“I’m not going anywhere, okay? Even if I’m, like, technically somewhere else. You’ve still got me. Always.”​

 

[Susie Lagowski]

When sheer willpower failed to stop it, Susie let herself cry, and by degrees the tension flowed out of her. She'd never thought of herself as big-hearted, but maybe it was true. She was always caring for everybody, after all. Her brothers relied on her and she knew in some ways her dad did too. That was Susie: the strong one, the big sister, the girl you could always count on. No wonder she'd been so upset when Tori said she was going away. She'd finally had someone she thought she could count on, and suddenly she announced she was moving to the other side of the world. But that was all right. Susie understood now. It was only for a little while, and then she'd be back. She'd come back.

"Thank you," she whispered. It felt nice, Tori's hands on her back, her head on her cheek. There was no space between them, but suddenly Susie didn't feel close enough - like there was a way she could feel closer, somehow, and a tremendous impulse said that she could, she should, she should kiss her. The feeling startled her and she gently pulled away, wiping her face. Nobody had seen her cry in a great many years. She was glad it was Tori who'd broken the streak. Tori would never hold it against her, or think any less of her for it. "Okay," she said, with a nod. She was trying very hard not to think about whatever that feeling was. It hadn't gone away. "And - you have me too, Tori. I'm always gonna be here for you. I mean that, OK? I can totally fit in a suitcase and I will mail myself to you."