fifth year; stressed out insecure; accio! editor
Vader had been dreading this, he knew that seeing Ava would be hard. He knew that with him still so on edge, with his sleep still sitting so poorly, though he’d managed to grab a few hours more recently, it wasn’t really enough. He’d been actively avoiding his friend, but he knew that one of their last conversations Vader had hurt her. He hadn’t meant to but he could tell he had. He hadn’t been able then to justify it, to tell her why, not without admitting to her, what he now knew for certain. He wanted to tell her, he wanted her to be the first to officially know, but every time he thought about telling her, his hands would instantly clam up, they would shake and he’d hear the old taunts, but eventually he’d have to tell her, eventually he’d have to tell people. He knew it. He knew he couldn’t live like this, he couldn’t live with people not really knowing or being people who were guys. Vader arrived at where they’d arranged to meet for the patrol and just waited. He knew he’d look exhausted, truly drained and barely holding it together, but they had to do this and they had to do this together.