Closed We Become the Flowers

[Zoe Westwick]

Zoe almost didn't know what she was thinking. She had acted before she had really let herself think about the consequences. She had been going back and forth with herself ever since the Yule Ball, trying to figure out what she wanted with Theodore. She liked him, there was no denying that, and he had been more nervous than usual at the dance, enough so that Zoe had a reasonable hunch he liked her back. But... Zoe liked parts of Ted, certainly, she liked his wit, his appreciation for the unusual, his willingness to listen to her, his fascinating depth of esoteric knowledge. But there were some parts of Ted she couldn't fully be on board with. He was mean sometimes, even to her, and Zoe didn't think she could stand by a mean person as a friend, let alone a boyfriend. She was going to have to talk to Ted about that, but how to bring it up was a mystery.

But Zoe didn't have long to figure it out. After going back and forth with herself all holidays, she had thrown caution to the wind and left a note on Ted's pillow, asking him to meet her at the garden at sunset. The sun was slowly sinking below the horizon now, and whatever Zoe was going to say, she would have to figure it out quickly. Her heart fluttered with nerves and excitement as she paced back and forth between the flowers, running through dozens of different imagined conversations in her mind, some going substantially better than others. It was exciting to imagine a conversation that went well, to picture herself actually getting to kiss Ted, but those thoughts were so often interrupted by an imagining of what could go disasterously wrong, sending Zoe of on a completely different planning spiral. When she looked up and saw a familiar figure approaching though, her entire mind went blank. She would just... have to say whatever she said, and see what happened. Trying not to let her nerves show, Zoe grinned, a bit more subdued than usual as she waved to her approaching friend. "Hi, Teddy!"

 

[Theodore Westwick]

When Theodore had found a note on his pillow, his first thought was that it was from his brother. But when he actually read it, he quickly realized it was from Zoe. And she was asking him to meet her. The beating of his heart hadn't gone back to normal yet even when he was making his way to the gardens. He didn't usually go there, but if Zoe asked him there he wouldn't hesitate. Somehow, meeting her at sunset in a place full of flowers was kind of wonderful, though there was a chance she hadn't meant anything like that with it. Maybe she just wanted him to hear her latest conspiracy theory. Or maybe she wanted to show him a new ribbon she had made for Victor. But whatever it was, Theodore would be happy to hear it. He liked being with Zoe, no matter what she talked about. With his hands in his pockets, he made his way over to the gardens. As he saw her, he felt his cheeks heat up. She always looked so pretty. "Hi Zoe." He said as he came near, giving her a small wave too. "You... wanted to meet me?"

 

[Zoe Westwick]

This was it then. Looking Ted over silently for a moment, Zoe knew she had to just... say everything she had been thinking, and see what he did with it. Zoe had never been the best at keeping her feelings quiet anyway, but she couldn't quite bring herself to look at Ted, closing her eyes as she spoke. "Okay, I, um... I need to tell you some stuff, Ted, and it's... kind of a lot, and I don't... mean it badly, I really don't." Zoe paused, glancing at him one more time as she worked up the courage to finally say the words she had been feeling for a while now. "I like you. Like, I'd... kind of like to date you." Zoe said slowly, her voice wavering a bit on the words. "You're... funny, and really smart, and always interesting to talk to. I've always liked being your friend, and I'd... like to be more than that. And... I think you want that too." Zoe took a breath, working up to the much more difficult part of what she had to say. "But... sometimes, you're really mean. Like, on purpose. You've been mean to me, and I've seen you be mean to other people, and... I can't... no matter how much I like you when you're nice, I can't just sit around and pretend you being mean doesn't happen. That'd be as bad as if I was being mean to people myself, because I'm letting their feelings get hurt." Zoe took a step closer and reached out, her hand trembling slightly as she took Ted's. "I... really want to date you, Ted, but... I want to date the nice Ted who's my friend, who... reads monster books with me, and listens to me talk about aliens. I don't want to date the Ted who picks on people. So can you... try to be nicer? For me?"

 

[Theodore Westwick]

Theodore's heart was beating fast as he looked at Zoe, standing there between the flowers. She looked as pretty as always, and he couldn't quite believe she had asked him to meet her here. But Zoe wasn't looking at him, and she closed her eyes. Theodore's heart sank. Did that mean she was going to say something bad to him? Maybe... maybe she was going to tell him they couldn't be friends anymore? Fear gripped him, and it took him a second to actually register what she was saying. Dread only filled him more when she spoke, as it was clear she was going to say something to him that was big, but could also be bad. He braced himself, only to be completely flummoxed by her next words. His mouth dropped open a bit. She liked him? Liked liked him? Zoe kept on talking, saying she would like to date him and that he was smart and funny. He could only stare at her like a total idiot. Was this some sort of joke? But before he could even react to this news, that deep down was making him feel light and airy, Zoe added to her statement. The light and airy feeling disappeared, replaced by what felt like a big stone dropping into his stomach. She thought he was mean. And... that was keeping her from wanting to date him? He couldn't quite understand what she was saying, it was all happening too fast. He stared at her as she told him she would like to date 'nice Ted', and asked him to be nicer. He would have loved to say something smooth and reassuring to let her know he wanted that too, to convince her they should date, but instead... he just stared even more. He was still stuck on her first words. "You... like me?" He croaked instead.

 

[Zoe Westwick]

Even as she had started talking, Zoe hadn't been totally sure what she was going to say, or how she was going to phrase it. It was hard to tell someone you liked so much the things you didn't like about them. She hoped Ted was a sensible enough person to understand why she was telling him this. When she had finished, though, Zoe had no idea how he was going to react. She watched Ted's face anxiously, and couldn't quite hold back a laugh at his incredulous reply. Zoe nodded, still giggling slightly as she squeezed Ted's hand. "I do." She said softly, heart melting at the look on his face. She knew she couldn't let her emotions run away with her though, and her smile slipped slightly. "I need to know you're gonna be nicer to people, though. I can't... make excuses for you being mean all the time."

 

[Theodore Westwick]

Theodore looked at his hand, which was held in Zoe's smaller one. It felt nice to hold her hand, but it felt scary too. He swallowed, unsure what to say. His heart was hammering loudly in his chest and did a funny leap when Zoe confirmed she liked him. But her next words made him feel uneasy. He was gazing at their hands as he admitted, "I don't know how." In a small voice. Theodore had always just acted the way he and Edmund had acted. Even without Edmund at his side, he had no idea how to change.

 

[Zoe Westwick]

Zoe knew she was asking a difficult question, and the thought of how Ted would react set her nerves on end, but when he finally did, Zoe felt her heart break. She opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, trying to figure out how to reply. "Just... you don't have to be... everyone's friend, you don't have to do anything that's not... you, but... there's, like... a nice side and a mean side to you. I just want you to... try and be that nice side, stop... making fun of people. You're nice with me, when we're just hanging out reading together or... playing with Victor or whatever. Try to find... a way to just... be around people without insulting them or threatening them." Zoe's heart sank even as she spoke. Maybe this was too much to ask after all. Maybe it was an impossible task, and Ted would never be able to be the person she saw in him. "I'll help you. I just... want you to make an effort. I don't want to... be a bully, and I don't want to... be with someone who bulllies other people."

 

[Theodore Westwick]

Theodore wasn't entirely sure how to feel about the conversation. Hearing that Zoe liked him should be wonderful, like a dream come true. But she was also pointing out all his faults, which... felt less nice. He still couldn't quite look at her, only listening while looking down at their hands. He finally shrugged. "I... I can try. But I don't always know." He mumbled. "Will you stop liking me if I make a mistake?" He wasn't entirely sure if she really did like him, if it came with so many guidelines of how to act. But he wasn't going to question her liking him in case she really did change her mind. That would be horrible. For her, he could try to be what she said.

 

[Zoe Westwick]

Zoe already felt as though this may be a mistake, and her heart only sank further as Ted spoke, guilt creeping up. "No! Of course not!" She said quickly, squeezing his hand. "Mistakes happen. I just... want you to try to be nice to people. I... really really like you, a lot, when... it's just the two of us hanging out having fun. I wanna be around that Ted when we're in classes and stuff, not... the Ted who's mean to other people for no reason. That's all I mean." She said softly, squeezing his hand again. "I like you so much, Ted..." Zoe added, looking into his eyes nervously.

 

[Theodore Westwick]

Theodore nodded nervously and finally met her gaze again, a slight frown creasing his brow. "I can try." He muttered again, feeling very unsure of himself now. But underneath that, there was still happiness. Happiness that blossomed a bit as she repeated that she really liked him, a lot. "Oh." He murmured. "Do you really? I'm still kind of stuck on that part, honestly." He said, gesturing vaguely to indicate he had no real idea how to react to it. "I don't think anyone's ever liked me before. And ... definitely not someone I like as well."

 

[Zoe Westwick]

A rush of relief flooded Zoe as Theodore agreed to try, though she still felt a bit guilty for making this kind of request. She knew it was a lot to ask, but at the same time some of Ted's behaviour worried her, and Zoe didn't want to know what kind of future they would have if he kept acting like a jerk to other people. "Thank you." She said warmly, squeezing his hands again. Zoe listened when Ted went on, blushing hotly. She couldn't quite hold back a grin when he said he liked her too, though it wasn't a surprise at all at this point. Zoe had figured out a while ago what the looks he sometimes gave her meant. "I do." She said with a nervous grin. "I really, really like you, Ted. I wanna go out with you..."

 

[Theodore Westwick]

Theodore tore his gaze away from their hands, though he was quietly amazed that Zoe was holding his hands. The boy was glad that Zoe didn't go on to list things about him she didn't like so much, and instead thanked him for saying he would try. He really wanted to try, but was feeling a bit overwhelmed now. He had no idea where to even begin. Zoe was grinning and blushing, which made her look very cute. Theodore felt his own cheeks heat up when she said she really, really liked him. He hoped he wasn't as red as she was, but knew he probably was. "Oh. I... I think I want that too. But I've never done that before." He said, seeing no point in pretending because Zoe knew that about him. "What do we do now?"

 

[Zoe Westwick]

Zoe's smile softened when Ted said he had never dated anyone before - Zoe knew that, of course, but it was clear that he was nervous, and she couldn't help finding that sweet. She giggled softly when he asked what they should do next, and squeezed his hands gently. "Well, we could kiss..." Zoe suggested, cheeks warming slightly. "Or, just... hang out for a while? You can decide." She smiled warmly, not wanting to overwhelm Theodore. Zoe knew he hadn't kissed anyone before, and she didn't want to shock him too much all at once.

 

[Theodore Westwick]

Theodore looked a bit unsure as Zoe smiled at him. She knew he'd never dated anyone, and he knew she had. The situation felt a bit unequal all of a sudden, and Theodore wondered for a wild moment if he should pretend to have kissed someone during a break. But no, he had just told her he would try to be nicer. Lying to her wouldn't be a good thing to do right now. He cleared his throat. "I... I've never kissed anyone either." He told her, but moved a little closer. "But I would like to?" He hated how the statement came out more as a question. His gaze darted to her lips, and then away. A part of him wanted to lean in and kiss her, but it was oddly terrifying. He could only hope she wouldn't mind taking that step.

 

[Zoe Westwick]

Zoe knew this was all new to Ted, but she was still a little surprised when he admitted it. Part of her had expected his pride to prompt him to lie, but this truthfulness was a good sign, and Zoe smiled, that smile only brightening when he said he wanted to try. "Great!" She beamed, leaning closer. "I'll show you how, I'm sure you'll be good at it." She smiled warmly, face flushing, and pressed her lips lightly to Theodore's, heart racing as she realised she was finally, really kissing him.

 

[Theodore Westwick]

Theodore was just trying to tell himself that it wouldn't be bad to lean in and kiss her, that there was no way she would refuse him now that she had said she liked him. But it still seemed impossible to move his head forward. He was relieved when Zoe leaned in, and grabbed her shoulders to steady himself. He then pressed his own lips against hers and held still, unsure what else to do. He only belatedly realized he should probably close his eyes, and finally did so. He held her close and kept his lips against hers, not sure what else to do. This didn't feel right.

Spoiler: Click at own risk

A visual

 

[Zoe Westwick]

Zoe had only ever kissed one person, and though she remembered her first kiss being on the awkward side, she had always enjoyed kissing, and she was quite sure kissing Theodore would be no different, even if it was his first time. But nothing had quite prepared her for this kiss. Firm, dry lips pressing hard against her own, as if Ted was just trying to push his whole face into hers. Zoe didn't want to make him feel bad, keeping her lips pressed against his for a few moments, before pulling back with what she hoped was a gentle smile. "We'll, um... we'll practice that." She grinned, trying to be encouraging. Even if Ted wasn't a great kisser right now, that was something they could fix with time.

 

[Theodore Westwick]

Theodore had no experience with kissing, but he had a feeling this wasn't how it was supposed to go. He looked uncertainly at Zoe after she pulled back, and almost laughed in relief when she said they would practice that. "Oh. Okay. Yes, lets." He said a little sheepishly. He smiled back at her nervously. He didn't like that he hadn't kissed her well, but at least there was room for improvement. Hopefully.