Wandering

Makenna almost managed a smile but her mind fought against it. Instead her lip moved slightly not making a smile thought moving slightly out of the emotionless mask that she normally would wear. "That's nice but" Makenna stopped wondering what she should say about this.

It was nice enough that he wanted to help her but he was a boy, a person with the gender of male, one gender that Makenna knew she had to watch out for. How could he be so nice and still her mind was telling her to get out of this situation, the rest of her was telling her to stick it out. Split in two.

"I don't know how that would work" She said finally her voice still soft but it held a hint of confusion as if she was still debating the answer as the words came out wondering if she could take them back wondering if that was what she wanted or if it was what she was supposed to say.

Makenna was glad that the topic moved to books. "Anything I can escape into" Makenna said softly her mind thinking off all the books she had stolen from the library and hide under her bed, not letting her father find them. Makenna didn't know what she would do if one of the two things that she needed to survive was taken away from her.

"I like to read fanasty, biographies of happy important people, stories with happy endings" Makenna said thinking that she probably sounded so stupid. "An occasional horror novel here and there" She added knowing very well that she could never make it through a horror novel without having nightmares something that she didn't need any more of. "Do you read?" Makenna asked surprised at how easy the words were flowing out of her mouth. If only her volume would rise, maybe someone could actually mistake her for a normal ten year old. In your dreams She thought wondering if that day when she would consider herself normal would ever come.

Yet as the girl named Taylor spoke up once more, Makenna looked over to her briefly. "I guess I'll see you around" Makenna said unsure if that was the right thing to say. Did it sound stupid to say she would see her around? Would Makenna actually see Tay around. In a way she hoped so. Though this young ten year old knew better to ever get her hopes up.
 
"Bye Titch" He watched her walk away for a bit before turning back to Makenna " Why wouldn't it work?" he pouted jokingly " Only if I find a good book but not often would you like to sit down?" He went to sit down on a nearby wall gesturing for Makenna to come and sit next to him.
 
Titch Makenna thought replaying the nickname that Alfie had given Taylor. It was odd though rather nice. Pushing that out of mind she glanced up at him noticing his little pouting out. No matter how much Makenna wanted to smile or laugh her face just wouldn't allow her. Maybe it was because the need to laugh hadn't come about in awhile. Now it seemed rather present, but she just couldn't. It would take a while before she could if ever she could.

The thoughts of why it wouldn't work swirled through Makenna's head, all being something she couldn't say aloud without explaining herself which was something she didn't want to do. "Well" She said her mind swirling hopefully a reason that she could say aloud would come to mind. "I don't own a bathing suit" Makenna said finally. It was true. Her father found things like that just a waste of money. Not that her father tried to save money at all. No he could waste all the money he wanted on himself but not on Makenna.

"And you can't swim without a bathing suit" She continued wondering if you could swim without a bathing suit. Probably in shorts and a baggy shirt but at the moment, Makenna couldn't think of another reason to turn down the offer so the bathing suit case was going to have to stick until and if Alfie decided to doubt it.

Looking over at the wall where he gestured for her to seat down. Makenna glanced down at her folded arms that at the wall once more. "It couldn't hurt" She said hoping that truly that statement was true.

Slowly, Makenna walked over to the wall and leaned up aganst it before sliding down making sure to keep a good distance between herself and Alfie. It wasn't like she was trying to be rude sitting farther than normal but it was just how she had to do. Pulling her knees into herself, Makenna wrapped her arms around them not rocking as she normally might have done.
 
"Don't worry about that I'm sure we could find something for you" He wondered what his parents would say about shopping for a girls swim suite " My mums always wanted to go on a girlie shop, well now she has her chance....If you want to that is"
 
Makenna looked down at the ground with Alfie seemed to fix the solution with the simple explaination that his mother would love to have the chance to get one. This made her wonder if he was an only child or at maybe he just had brothers. Remembering to ask a bit later, Makenna racked her mind for an explaination as to why she couldn't learn how to swim even with a suit.

Letting out a sigh she brought her gaze looking blankly in front of her. "I won't wear a suit" She said knowing that something such a swim suit would show way too much skin for this ten year old. Makenna stayed quiet for a tiny bit before beginning again. "If I can going swimming in shorts and a tee shirt then" She broke off hoping the rest was obvious. Maybe this was what she wanted. After all Makenna did want to know how to swim, it was something she had read about and even saw on movies. It would come in handy but the thought of trusting someone, not to mention someone she had just met and someone of the guy gender nonetheless, was hard for Makenna to comprehand.

Even though one huge part of her was shouting not to do it, a small tiny part of her, the voice that she always seemed to push down, told her to take a chance and actually try it. She didn't actually have to trust anyone, did she? "It'll be fun" Makenna said finally her voice soft but convincing.

Leaning her head against the wall, the early question popped into her mind. "Do you have any siblings?" She asked keeping her tone rather netural.
 
"You might need to wear a swim suit underneath but yes you can wear a t-shirt and shorts if you want to and I'm sure you will have a lot of fun " He was glad he had finally managed to convince her to let him teach her how to swim " Yes I do, I have two brothers, Laurie and Edward who are eight and six and a sister, Cassie who is three. Do you have any siblings?"
 
Makenna looked over at the Alfie for a moment making a brief eye contact before looking away quickly. Looking at her boots, Makenna wondered how someone could be so nice. In her world it wasn't possible. It just had to be some sort of act. An act to gain her trust. Even if it was an act it was working. The untrusting ten year old might just be trusting a person another person, a boy.

"I guess I could wear one underneath" Makenna said her voice stronger than it had been in years, still it wasn't close to what someone would consider a normal tone. Yet the sound of her own voice scared her. Making herself wonder if it was really her who had spoken.

Tapping her foot slightly, Makenna listened as Alfie said that he had two brothers. The thought of brothers, didnt' ease Makenna's mind at all. Sure she wanted siblings, deep down she wanted someone to share with to confide in. Yet Makenna knew that would be too selfish of her to want.

"It's it nice to have siblings" Makenna wondered her head leaning forward a bit just enough to have a small amount of brown hair to fall into her face. "But no. Thankfully I am an only child" Makenna said. It's for the best Makenna thought knowing that sadly this was the truth.
 
(Posting as Alfie...Forgot which character i was using..sorry ^_^ )
"Thankfully?" Alfie was surprised by her answer. Yeah siblings could be down right annoying but loneliness is worse. He was completely confused now and had a feeling it showed.
 
((It happens. It's fine))

Makenna literally wished she could turn back time and change her statement. The adding the simple word of thankfully when Alfie question her. Questions like these never got straight answers or worse the answers were the truth. In this case, even as her trust was building slowly, she wasn't ready to answer questions about this. Makenna could never imagine ever being ready. The words would just not be able to come out.

As her gaze remained on her boots, Makenna's thoughts ran about her head thinking about how she would answer this. What type of words would help her out of the situation. Situations from books came to mind, though none seemed to help her with this.

He doesn't seem too keen on an answer. Make something up The voice in Makenna's head said. "I just like being an only child" Makenna said her voice dipping into the quietness that it had at the begining of the conversation. Don't make it obvious you are lying The voice said.

"It doesn't matter" She said trying hard to get her voice back up. "I just don't want siblings" She added wishing she could make her case better than she was. "So do you like having siblings?" She asked using a technique of questioning to get the conversation off her.
 
"Sorry I didn't mean to be rude" Alfie was worried he'd upset Makenna. " Yeah having siblings is great except for when they drive you crazy"
 
A small feeling of sadness crept over Makenna though this young ten year old did not show it at all. It was more that she felt bad that she had worried Alfie. He wasn't rude, not in her opinion. If anything Makenna blew it out of proporation. Everything that just seemed to link back to what she was keeping, holding in. Just forget it Makenna thought.

"You weren't rude." Makenna said truthfully. Glad that the conversation had moved once more onto Alfie and his life and family. For some reason it was so much easier to talk about that then Makenna's. "I would imagine that they drive you crazy" Makenna said remembering the movie Cheaper by the Dozen. Though there were way too many siblings in that family. She loved that movie though and one day hoped for a huge family of her own. That secret she would keep barried down with all of the others.

"How old are your siblings? Are they going to Hogwarts as well?" Makenna asked the pain of asking questions in fear of ruining her intellegence had faded, pushed out by her curiousity and sudden need to keep the conversation going.
 
"They're not that bad really but all kids have there moments. Didn't I say earlier? Well Laurie is eight, Edward is six and Cassie is three.Though I haven't got a clue whether they will go to Hogwarts or not it would be great if they did" Alfie remembered the day he got his Hogwarts letter and how much of a fuss they made. This made him smile.
 
Makenna nodded as Alfie said that his siblings weren't too bad. Remembering how in the movie that the dozen children fought with each other and mostly with that poor outcast red haired boy, but they all got along good enough. Mostly when they went out to find the red haired boy.

"Oh yeah sorry I forgot" Makenna said when Alfie pointed out that he had already mentioned the ages of his siblings. "I should of remembered" Makenna said softly looking down at her boots moving them slightly across the ground in a shuffling manner.

"They would probably be upset if they didn't get to go to hogwarts like you" Makenna said thinking that it probably would make her rather jealous if she had a sibling that got to do something that she didn't. Even though jealousity wasn't the major emotion that Makenna experienced.

Looking up and over at Alfie for a moment she noticed he had a smile on his face. "Why are you smiling?" Makenna wondered unknowingly tilting her head slightly to the side.
 
"Oh I just remembered the day I got my Hogwarts letter and how much fuss they made. It was hilarious." Alfie chuckled slightly but felt a little awkward that Makenna had noticed his smile without there being a known reason for it.
 
"I smiled that day as well" Makenna said her gaze once again viewing the blank view in front of her. Even though that day wasn't too far into the past surely not the years a go that it felt, Makenna could remembering smiling slightly enjoying truly for a moment. "It was a nice day" She said her voice almost sounding distant.

As this ten year old's curious mind spun with question, Makenna wondered which questions she could ask and which would be way to personal. After all Makenna hated to answer questions about her own life but she wondered if Alfie was the same way. Hopefully not.

"What did your parents think about you going off to Hogwarts?" Makenna asked hoping that they hadn't covered this.
 
"They where thrilled when I got the letter, they wanted to throw a party but I wouldn't let them." Alfie smiled again "What did your parents think about it?"
 
Turning down a party Makenna thought the idea strange to her. If her father would have ever thrown her a birthday party or a going away party maybe she would enjoy just a second of time. Though she didn't want to think about that.

"I'm glad they were happy for you" Makenna said though she regretted the question that was asked to her in return. Parents The voice in Makenna's head repeated. She didn't have parents. Parents was a plural term. As far as Makenna knew her mother was died and her father in her opinion would be better gone. "Actually it's just my dad" Makenna said looking down at her feet once more.

She didn't want to think about that anymore, she didn't want to think about it at all. More over she didn't want to talk about it. "But my father was a little upset." She said choosing her words with the upmost care. "I guess he was just going to miss me" She said trying to keep all the bitterness out of her voice. Hopefully it worked.
 
Alfie felt bad that Makenna didn't have a Mum " I'm sorry, but that's sweet that your dad was a little upset about you going away. " He couldn't imagine life without a mum. He felt bad for mentioning it now.
 
Looking over at Alfie for once an actually emotion clearly showing in this young girl's eyes. This emotion was none other than confusion. He had said he was sorry. This was the second time in one conversation and still it confused Makenna greatly. Why was he saying he was sorry? Was he allowed to do that? Makenna wasn't sure about that. Nodding slowly she let all the emotion once more fade out of her eyes. "Don't be sorry" Makenna said. My mother got away. Probably for the best Makenna thought almost wishing that her mother had run away with her. It didn't happen though and Makenna didn't want to even try to hope for it to happen one of these days.

But the next part of Alfie's words made Makenna's stomach turn and knot up almost instantly. Looking down at her boots, this young girl didn't know what to say. Of coarse she must be a pretty good actress if she had controlled her voice to make Alfie think that her father was actually sweet. Keep it together Makenna Don't be weak The voice in her head spoke clearly. Luckily Makenna was indeed able to keep her voice in check.

For awhile Makenna couldn't speak, she didn't know what to say. "So what are your parents like?" Makenna wondered. She hoped that wasn't an odd question but really she wanted to know. What were normal families like? Did they have those family game nights that were shown on commericials? Did they go to sports outtings and cheer for the other siblings even on the coldest days like they did in movies? Or was every family like her own?
 
Alfie sat looking in to his lap " Oh um well, My mum is quite laid-back but at the same time worries to much. Trusting. She likes doing all the girlie thing's with my sister but also enjoy's watching our sport game's and even joins in sometimes. She's great. My dad is even more laid-back and doesn't worry as much. He always join's n with are sport and reads stories to my sister. He's not good at much else except the music when it comes to spending time with Cassie." He laughed deciding now to look at Makenna. " My parent's are all right really. What's your dad like?"
 
Makenna couldn't help but listen intently when Alfie spoke about his family. Both his parents seemed so 'movie perfect'. Lucky Makenna thought as her eyes remained on her oversized black boots that she was wearing. Alfie's family seemed to all fit, spend time together, most importantly love each other. Deep down this little girl wondered how that felt. Would she ever know?

"They sound great" Makenna said softly her mind already rushing with pictures of them as if they were in one of the many movies that she had come acrossed. But her eyes couldn't be unglued from her boots as Alfie asked about her own father. This ten year old's stomach knotted up once more, her arms tighting a bit around her legs. Rule number seven always speak well of her father and grandfather The voice in her head reminded her. Sure Makenna had broken a few rules, the question asking, the socializing. But she knew better than to break this one. This was when the skill of being able to hide emotions and act comes into play.

"My father" Makenna said wondering what she was going to say about her father. "Well he's" She paused taking a deep breath. "lovely. He usually works in the day time so I spend the days with my grandfather. But at night we watch movies and he reads stories." She paused again yet another need for a pause to get her thoughts in order and to take another deep breath. "He's really great, but he can't cook to save his life" Makenna added usually she would add a laugh but at the moment she was unable to even when she was pulling this whole act.

Tighting her arms around her legs, Makenna looked away from her boots and straight in front of her. What a little liar you are, but you did a good job The voice spoke not making Makenna feel any better about the words that had just come out of her mouth. "You know I should probably get going soon" Makenna said letting out a little sigh as she looked up at Alfie for a moment her eyes blank of emotion which for this instant was a good thing. Even though she said she should be going, Makenna didn't move. Just stand up and go The voice commanded but Makenna for once just couldn't listen.
 
Alfie notice her reaction and wasn't sure she was telling the truth. " Are you sure you have to go? It's just you don't look like your overly happy about going home, in fact you look scared. Is everything okay Makenna?" Alfie was truly worried about her now.
 
Makenna didn't know what to say. Sure she knew what she should say what she was programed to say. That was probably going to be her response. No it had to be her response. It was her only chance to actually go to Hogwarts. To follow the rules, her fathers few rules.

"I should be going" Makenna said her voice going back to the softness that it had in the start of her conversation. Just get up and go The voice in her mind commanded. Loosing her grip on her legs, Makenna shuffled her feet slightly knowing that she should just stand up and go before she lost a possible friendship with complicated matters of her family life.

Not looking over at Alfie she shook her head. "Well of coarse I don't want to go home. Who wants to spend a day like this stuck inside" Makenna said hoping that her voice was strong enough to pass. "Scared?" she said her tone doubting her head rushing around hoping that really she didn't look scared. That was the give away, the turning point. "I'm not scared and everything is fine" She said her tone a bit more defensive than would have normally accepted.

Quickly the young girl stood up grasping at the wall as she did. "I really should be going. I wasn't supposed to be out this long" Makenna said crossing her arms across her chest once more as she took a few steps away from the wall her eyes looking over at Alfie almost feeling sorry that she was acting like this. "We should meet up sometime maybe go swimming?" Makenna said her tone was almost hessitant wondering if he would ever even want to talk to her again. She wouldn't blame him if he didn't. Taking another few steps away from both Alfie and the wall in which moments before they were sitting comfortably, Makenna almost wished that the conversation moments before hadn't happened. It was all grand until the topic of families came up, until the topic of her father.
 
"Sorry but you really do look scared. Yes swimming would be lovely." He smiled still feeling concerned about Makenna. She looked terrified and he noticed her slight over-defensiveness. Was her dad as nice as she said he was? " I guess I'll see you around." Alfie gave her a little salute-wave but stayed where he was waiting until she had gone before he left himself.
 
Keep yourself together Makenna thought as she took one more step back finding it easer and easer to hold up her act the farther she moved away from Alfie. Her thoughts twisting about thinking about how nice he had been and now she was down right lying to him. It's not lying it protecting The voice in her head spoke almost unknowingly calming the young girl.

"Well just let me know when you want to go swimming. I'll run it by my dad" Makenna said her voice fading as she mentioned her father. Of coarse she wouldn't tell him. It would be breaking the rules of both socializing and trusting someone. What a field day he would have with that one. Instead Makenna would sneak out. It wasn't that hard, not in the day time at least.

Wanting to flash Alfie a smile, a simple smile just to let him know that everything was good or at least to make him feel that everything was, but this small girl couldn't bring herself to. Instead she returned the small wave before turning around slowly.

"Bye" Makenna said softly though her voice carried as she walked on the path towards her house. Just don't look back. Keep on going The voice in Makenna's head said as she did exactly that.
 
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