Wandering

Taylors' face was set in a frown. I guess I'm going to have to change her opinion then. She went to speak again but the subject of pets was brought up. Taylors' face instantly became happy again. "I have a cat called Dizzy and I'm getting an owl soon. Do you?"
 
Makenna almost wished that this girl's face would break out in a smile. It was so different to see someone so happy and now Makenna had said something that created that frown on the peppy girl's face and it didn't seem to be disappearing. Messing up things again. Really great Makenna thought hating that she always seemed to mess things up. Her grandfather and father had always been right about that. Had they been right about everything else. Makenna hoped not but as she grew older maybe they were always right.

The mentioning of pets seemed to once again set that smile on Makenna's face. Letting out a soft and almost unaudible sigh of relief, Makenna had the courage to look back up at the girl still not making direct eye contact but it was better than gazing down at the ground. "I have a mouse named Chica" Makenna said her voice a little stronger as she talked about her only friend, her pet. "I wanted a snake for school but apparently snakes eat mice" Makenna said shrugging. She would never get anything that could harm Chica.

"Are mice allowed at school?" Makenna asked the dreadful idea of having to leave Chica home with her father and grandmother. She wouldn't last Makenna thought sadly the voice saying that she would just have to sneak Chica in, call her a rat or something along those lines.

"How old is your cat" Makenna asked.
 
"I love mice, I was going to get one but Dizzy doesn't like them so I really couldn't. I'm not sure, Maybe someone else knows. Dizzy is about 2 now, she acts like she's still about 5 months though. " Taylor shrugged her shoulders about bringing mice to school but when it got to Dizzy her grin was back fully.
 
Alfie was glad that he hadn't offended Taylor with his nickname for her. Up until now he hadnt noticed the second girl who was there. Crap daydreaming... again He had no clue what to say now so just listened until he was brought back into the conversation again.
 
Makenna let a small quiver move through her lips as if a smile was about to appear. The smile didn't show up but still it was a small attempt which was really saying something for this young girl who had not smiled on a regular basis in years. "Yeah cats and mice don't get along too well" Makenna said softly thinking about Tom and Jerry the muggle television show about a cat and mouse. Though really it was a cartoon making it less than real but still.

As the small ten year old's eyes turned to the boy that had been silent for some time. He was different than the other men in Makenna's life. He didn't seem demaining, overpowering and well intimidating. This boy, that Tay had called Alf, seemed almost shy and quiet. Never trust your eyes The voice in Makenna's head told her. Looking quickly back down at her feet, she opened her mouth to speak to the boy but no words came out. Closing it quickly, a small tinge of pink appeared on her cheeks due to the embarassment of her failed attempt.

Almost right away her cheeks turned back to their pale colour as this young brunette tried to speak again getting all the courge that she still had in her frail and young body. "Do you have any pets?" She asked the boy quietly not able to bring herself to make direct eye contact with him. Instead she just looked at her shoes her eyes wanting to look up but the fear inside her, her better judgement all these years, told her not to dare it.
 
Alfie noticed the girl blush he looked away feeling uncomfortable to see her embarrassment " Yeah I have a Jack-Russell called Toby" He went silent again not knowing what to say
 
Makenna crossed her arms tighter against her as the boy spoke. It wasn't just the boy's voice that made her feel uncomfortable it was just about every male voice out there. Trying to stay calm, Makenna thought back to all the muggle movies and shows she watched when her grandfather was asleep and her father was out with his friends. Any show that would help her calm down, find a nice male character that Makenna thought was only made up much like many of the things that shows held. Focusing on the character of Cal from a book that she had read, Makenna felt a bit brave enough to speak again.

"A Jack Russell" Makenna said her voice soft no matter how much she wanted it to be louder, no matter how much she tried. "That's a dog" She commented thinking that she had read about the hyper breed of dogs in a book or maybe it was watching one of her shows. Either way Makenna knew what the boy was speaking of. Was she supposed to say that she understood? Maybe that wasn't how the social conversation of people her age went. This ten year old wasn't sure about that at all.

Moving her shoe across the ground gently not able to bring her head up and face the conversation again her own brown eyes darted around looking at the ground to her shoes to the boys shoes to Taylor's shoes then right back at her own. Makenna didn't know what to say in a situation like this. She was barely good at speaking to other children her age, not even close to being good at speaking towards the male gender in general.

"Are you going to get an animal for school? Dogs aren't allowed" Makenna said though her last comment wasn't as loud as the first. Her thoughts drifting back to Chica. Would Chica be allowed pet wise. Makenna could only hope, but this girl's hopes were rather shattered. "Is there even a pet store around here?" Makenna asked either Taylor or the boy. For a girl who had never really held a conversation with another person other than family, Makenna thought she was doing rather well. Maybe just maybe her grandfather was wrong, maybe she could do something right.
 
Alfie shuffled his feet as he heard the quiet uncomfortable tone in her voice " Yeah I'll probably get an owl or a toad and yes I think there is a pet store around here somewhere" He spoke so softly it was almost a whisper as he smiled trying to break the tension.
 
Makenna looked up if only for a moment at the boy. He was different than what she had characterized the male gender to be. He didn't seem like the type that she would need to avoid at all costs and worry about herself when come in contact with. Even though deep down Makenna knew this, she couldn't quite get comfortable enough to even think about making complete eye contact with this boy. "I'll have to go browse the petstore later" Makenna said her voice soft still.

"I'm sorry I'm quiet" Makenna said once more looking at her shoes. She could always say sorry. That was one word she was used to say. Sorry for being such an awful daughter. Sorry for always messing things up. Sorry for being a waste of money. Sorry she ate too much once again Wasting money. Sorry she wasn't smart enough. She had said it all before and more. Never had she had to say sorry for being quiet. It just felt right in this conversation.

"But why on earth would you get a toad?" Makenna asked her voice almost at a normal level for that one question. Though once she realized this fact her cheeks wanted to turn pink once more. Using all the control she had she prevented herself from blushing, but she couldn't help but continue to kick the ground softly hoping that she hadn't just spoken too loudly in a boy's presence. That was never a good thing.
 
" There's no need to be sorry" Alfie voice stayed soft but this time he looked her in the eye's. "I don't know, there's just something about reptiles that I like" He smiled at her.
 
Makenna wanted to smile back at the boy but really she couldn't bring herself up to it, she couldn't let her trust down for that small moment to even let a bit of happiness or maybe gratefullness appear on her face. It was too hard for her to accomplish, to attempt. Though as they made eye contact for the first time, Makenna couldn't help the shiver that went up her spine. Eye contact was never one thing that she was keen on making.

Yet as the boy said that he liked reptiles, Makenna bit her tongue. A toad was an amphibian or at least that was what the books Makenna read said they were. Though she knew quite well that she shouldn't correct him. It was like law that she should never correct anyone older than her or of the male gender. That was one rule that her father and grandfather had both shoved into her mind so hard that she just knew it was one to follow.

Not knowing what else to say, Makenna looked around at the three of their shoes once more keeping her eyes close to the ground. How could a conversation be so hard to accomplish? Was it just Makenna who was hopeless at this or was it something else? Probably my fault She thought, her mind swirling with thoughts of what she could or should talk about.

"Do you know much about Hogwarts?" Makenna asked getting over the fact that she was just asking questions for the simple reason that her curiousity had gotten the better of her. Watch it. Curiousity killed the cat the voice in Makenna's head hinted.
 
"I just called a toad a reptile didn't I?" Alfie laughed " No not much, I know that there are lots of staircases that move, and that you use magic and that there are four houses called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin but nothing else"
 
Makenna nodded her head slightly small pieces of her hair falling into her face. Though this time she wasn't willing to move them, not willing to uncross her arms that seemed to be crossed quite hard against her. "It's a common mistake" Makenna said softly. No this young ten year old girl didn't know an over amount of information. It just happened that she had read a book on this. Reading and watching the television were her only escape when she was home and she could only escape to their comfort when her father was out and her grandfather was asleep.

Though as the Alfie said that there were four houses, Makenna's face grew with a small look of confusion. If only she was looking up it would be more obvious that she was confused though she wouldn't look up. Confusion was just another emotion that showed how vulenable she was and Makenna hated that state.

"Do you get to pick which house you live in?" Makenna asked her voice breaking off half way through her sentence pausing for only a moment before she began. Her thoughts wondered how big the school was if they had both a school for classes and four surrounding houses in which the students lived in. At least that was what Makenna thought the boy meant with his mention of houses.
 
"No, the sorting hat chooses which house you get placed in to live in like a boarding school...at least that's what my dad told me" Alfie was never told much about Hogwarts as he was supposed to wait and find out himself. He hoped that this was true and he wasn't lying to Makenna.
 
"Sorting hat?" Makenna asked her eyes looking up at the boy for a moment. Was she getting more comfortable around this boy or was it that her curiousity put her better judgement of being distant and untrusting of others aside for these moments? Either way Makenna's voice went up in volume if only a little bit, still no where near the normal talking level, still just above a whisper but it was a small bit of progress.

As Alfie discribed the school as boarding school, an image of an old buliding with old professors who were strict and rather in a bad mood popped into her mind. That image was completely different than the first image that she had when the letter had first arrived, a magical school almost like a fairy tale seemed to come to mind back then. Fairy Tales are not real and this is as good as it is going to get the voice in Makenna's head said as if it was bringing her back to the reality of the world. At least she was going to be away from the house.

"it still sounds nice" Makenna said wishing she had done some more reading about this school. That way she wouldn't have to ask so many questions and risk the possibility that people thought she was dumb as a box of rocks, when really she wasn't. Just a normal curious ten year old, well at least just a curious ten year old, normal was always to be debated upon.
 
"Yeah I don't know about the sorting hat but Hogwarts does sound fun" Alfie noticed Makenna's voice had increased in volume but he kept his soft, wondering if her evident discomfort was him and not wanting to shatter the progress. " I might even find people to play rugby with or teach those who are interested... or Quidditch...oh sorry I'm rambling again aren't I?" He blushed feeling awkward.
 
Makenna was sort of let down that this boy did not know much information about this so called sorting hat, though she didn't let it show. Her curiousity was strong but even that she could surpress like so many other emotions she had in the past and still she would in the future. Showing emotions, curiousity or anything of the sort was something she was told never to do. Her grandfather had stated it was just a waste of time bothering with things like that. Makenna was just forced to believe him.

At the mention of rugby, Mekenna couldn't help but look up at the boy. He didn't look like a rugby player like those very scary, tall, muscluar men on the television that played the games of total contact and violence. Though Makenna had watched but a few minutes of the game, it was engraved in her mind. Another violent thing that was ever present in this cold world she seemed to have to live in.

"Quidditch" She repeated feeling like a complete idiot for not knowing anything in her opinion at least she knew nothing. "I'm sorry" She muttered her voice going soft for a minute as she finished her statement. "I mean I guess I'm new to this all" she said looking down at her feet for only a moment.

Yet as the boy said sorry for rambling her eyes shot up to meet his face. He just said he was sorry The voice in Makenna's head said. This did surprise her. No one else she knew ever said they were sorry. Makenna wasn't sure that it was possible. "You weren't rambling" Makenna said her voice back to the level that it was before returning to it's soft nature.
 
"You don't need to say sorry for not knowing about things to do with magic" Alfie's voice was almost inaudible " Quidditch is a game that is played on broomsticks. There are two teams and they fly around the pitch trying to score against each other. There are large rings that are goals which is where you mainly score. On each team there is something called a seeker, they play against each other trying to catch a very quick, very small golden ball called a snitch. The game ends when the snitch is caught. Generally the team who gets the snitch wins, but not always." He smiled weakly at Makenna. She looked so shy and vulnerable and.....scared. He wished there was something he could do to make her feel happier.
 
Tell that to my father Makenna thought as the boy named Alfie said she didn't need to say sorry. The words would not come out of her mouth. Somehow her father would find out that she had been talking bad about him and Makenna couldn't take the reaction, not now, not when she was so close to being free from that for a short period of time. Even thinking awful things about her father could get her into trouble. Cursing herself mentally for even thinking such things, Makenna tried to move on with the conversation listening to the tales of quidditch.

"Is it a contact sport?" Makenna questioned. It sounded almost like a good sport, one that she would watch maybe even play. Not of coarse if it involved contact. Never would Makenna play a sport that involved any type of contact. There was no need for that in her mind. As of the girl that refused to give a hug, a sport that involved contact was not for Makenna.

As her mind thought about quidditch, she closed her eyes for a second trying to picture the balls in play, the people on broomsticks. The image of old hags on broomsticks appeared in her mind, the image of what people thought witches looked like. They really did end up flying on brooms, though as anyone here could see they were not hags.

Opening her eyes once more she had to focus a bit as the sunlight seemed to blind her at first. "Are you good at quidditch then" Makenna asked still her voice soft but her posture had gone from the rather stiff and rigid to a slightly centimeter difference in relaxing. Why was she becoming more relaxed? Makenna wasn't sure. Everything she had learned told her not to relax in this situation but her mind taking in the situation at hand told her that it may just be ok.
 
" It is sort of a contact sport but if your not into that sort of thing then its still fun to watch" He had a feeling that Makenna wasn't the contact sport type of girl. " I've been playing Quidditch since I was five so I guess you could say I was good at it" If he wasn't playing his guitar, drums or rugby then he was almost always playing quidditch.
 
"oh" Makenna managed to say when Alfie had confirmed that Quidditch was a contact sport. So many sports were, Makenna felt hopeless that she would never be able to try any of them. Football was contact as was soccer and now quidditch. Tennis wasn't too much of a contact sport but that idea was stuffed right out of her mind since her mother used to play tennis. Makenna was determined to never follow in her mother's footsteps ever. Neither of her parents footsteps were worth following neither brought her any joy.

Looking at the ground once more, Makenna noticed how dirty her shoes had really gotten from the last time she had looked. The black shoe was almost all covered in the dust from the road. Her eyes glancing up at Alfie for a moment she took a deep breath.

Leaning down she uncrossed her arms and gave her shoes a little wipe getting most of the dust off of them. Quickly crossing her arms once more, Makenna stood up her posture straighter than before. "I might just watch a game or two see how it's played" Makenna said surprised that her voice had not gotten to it's first volume of almost unable to be heard. Instead it was the same as it had been later on in the converson not any higher.

Even if Alfie didn't understand how much uncrossing her arms made her feel uneasy, she was surprised that she had done it at all. Don't get too relaxed She thought pulled her crossed arms tighter around her. Though no one else would consider Makenna's actions relaxed to her she was more relaxed than she was at home. More than she probably would be ever again. Maybe her judgement was just lacking, but at the moment as so many thoughts filled her mind, she didn't have room to think about it.

"Five years is a long time to play a sport" Makenna said looking up at Alfie but passed him unable to make eye contact, not directly not yet. "Do you play any other sports?" She asked wondering how sick of her this boy was. "I mena other than rugby?" Makenna clarified wishing she had something interesting to say about her. Really she hadn't played any sports, she really didn't do anything. Her father didn't let her out of the house that often and she was scared to death of what would happen if she attempted to sneak out.
 
" I hope you like it when you come to watch" He smiled " Um... I like to swim, and um I think that's it. Do you play any sport?" He really wanted to get to know this girl, maybe become friends. It would be nice to have a few friends before he started school.
 
Makenna imagined that she would like the sport. It didn't seem like Quidditch was too much a contact sport and didn't sound at all violent. Maybe she would be mistaken when she saw a match or a game or a round or whatever you call it in action. Maybe she would learn to love it and then have something in common with the boy who seemed nice enough. It's just an act. He is just putting up with you She thought almost downhearted by the fact. It had to be the reason that Alfie was sticking around. Either that or he liked Taylor who was rather quiet through this whole thing.

Swimming Makenna thought interested but she tried not to show it. Actually Makenna had never actually gone swimming. Her mother had tried to teach her once when she was three. That didn't work out and Makenna almost drowned. Luckily her father jumped in and saved her. Sadly those were the good days. Her mother was around and her father actually cared about her in the form of a daughter. All in the past she thought trying to forget it all.

"I'd hope to learn how to swim" Makenna said looking down almost embarassed. Why normal ten year old didn't know how to swim. Pathetic you are just pathetic The little voice in Makenna's head told her. It was the truth, she had to believe that. Yet as the boy asked her whether she played any sports the slight colour of pink made it's way to her cheeks.

"I don't get out much" Makenna explained not saying much more about that. Her story really wasn't important. She didn't want to think about it. "All sports seem to be contact sports and I don't play those well" Makenna said thinking that the obvious reason Alfie might agree with that was Makenna was small framed and would probably not do good in a sport like that anyway. The real reason hung much deeper than that. "I like to read" Makenna said wondering if that sounded stupid. Did social people admit to their love of reading? Makenna wasn't sure though she couldn't imagine them not. Who didn't love to read, to go into another world.
 
"I could teach you to swim if you wanted" Alfie offered. " What do you like to read?" He wasn't a big reader himself but would read if he found a really good book.
 
Taylor was getting bored with the sport speak. "Hey you guys, I'm gunna go now. See you at school alf, you too Kenna." She turned around and walked off, hands deep in her pockets.
 
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