Closed Unwritten Regrets

[Iris van Houten]

Iris had taken a lot of time over the break to think about what had happened last year. She missed the friend group she used to have, with Connor, Poppy, Emma, Nicole and herself all in it. She knew now that Nicole was stubborn enough to keep this feud going, but had realized over break that it shouldn't be up to Nicole who Iris was friends with. If she wanted to talk to Connor, she could. She just hoped the Hufflepuff would still want to talk to her, she knew he had been very angry too. Iris didn't want to take a side in the Eric and Nicole drama, especially now that it was so long ago. She had seen Eric with a different girl at the dance, and Nicole had gone with another boy too. Surely it was all over now? Why were they still not talking? And what did it have to do with Iris? From her point of view, both sides had made mistakes.

The girl had been on the lookout for Connor ever since returning to Hogwarts, and when she spotted him in the corridor she knew she had to take her chance. She hurried over to him, grabbing a wrapped parcel out of her bag. If nothing else, he might at least take her gift. "Connor, wait!" She called, moving over to him quickly. "Can we talk for a moment?" She asked, grabbing the small parcel and holding it out. "I have something for you." She said, looking at him pleadingly. Inside the wrapping paper was a necklace Iris had bought over break, a stone of quartz crystal attached to it. She had read it was said to have healing properties, and this was a relationship she wanted to heal. "Or at least take this." She said, hoping he wouldn't ignore her.

 

[Connor Holland]

It was painful, but Connor had become well-accustomed to avoiding certain people as he made his way around Hogwarts. Keep his head up and just pretend he didn't see Nicole or any of her friends, just ghosts in the hallway gliding past him. He had perfected the habit by now, and he had managed to reach a point where he hardly even saw the people he didn't want to. It was easier to avoid someone if they just... didn't exist to you.

So it was jarring when Connor's mental bubble was smashed by a painfully familiar voice calling his name. He tensed at once, scrambling to figure out what to do. Iris had been his very first friend in New Zealand, before he had even come to Hogwarts, and she had been maybe the most painful friend to lose of the lot of them. But after so long separated it was difficult to associate her voice with anything but hurt anymore. He looked at her warily, taking a small step back as she held out a parcel. "What... is this about?" He asked warily without reaching for the parcel, long conditioned by Kas and Freya's antics to spot potential pranks in advance. "Is this some kind of.... revenge thing from Nicole?"

 

[Iris van Houten]

Iris looked at Connor nervously, her face falling as he took a step back and away from her. She felt frustrated when he asked her if it was a revenge thing from Nicole. Even he thought everything she did was dictated by her. "No." She said. "It's from me. I hate this, Connor. I miss you." She said, still holding it out to him. "Please just.. give me a chance? I swear Nicole has nothing to do with this. I don't care what she thinks of me, I want to talk to you."

 

[Connor Holland]

Connor felt his heart sink slightly with Iris's face, feeling guilty about hurting his former friend even after everything. He felt his face twisting as she spoke, heart torn. He had been so angry for so long about the fight with Nicole, part of him felt stuck in the anger but another part felt desperate to reach across the divide, to fix things with Iris. He didn't hesitate for much longer before finally reaching out and taking the parcel, studying Iris's face hesitantly. "I'm not... Nicole hurt Eric so much..." He said slowly, trying to sort through his thoughts. "It really messed him up. I'm not... being petty for no reason." Connor clutched the parcel as he spoke, not quite able to bring himself to open it until he had aired his feelings. "And then you - everyone just... decided I was the bad guy. It's - I... I can't deal with her anymore. Or... any of that."

 

[Iris van Houten]

Iris nodded when Connor said Nicole had hurt Eric a lot. It was something she hadn't truly considered in all of this. But she knew Nicole had been hurt by Eric too, which had resulted in her behavior. It was just a mess, and for everyone's sake it was probably best that they had avoided each other ever since. "I know you're not being petty." She told him. "But it... it wasn't nice that we felt like we had to pick a side." She said softly. "I like Nicole, I like you. I won't bring her up, but I do want to be your friend again if it's possible." She said softly. "Can't we try?"

 

[Connor Holland]

As hopeful as the conversation had made him, Connor felt his heart sink again as Iris brought up the choosing of sides, making it clear she still wanted to be friends with Nicole. "It's... I miss you too, but it's not that simple." Connor sighed. "When you hang out with her you let her think it was okay for her to do that to Eric, like she's right. I can't... hang out with people who are okay with my brother getting... hurt like that. It's not about sides, it's about..." He sighed heavily again, running a hand through his hair. "I dunno, whether you think it's... okay to... use someone and not care about their feelings. I can't be around people like that. I can't trust people like that."

 

[Iris van Houten]

Iris felt a desperate frustration take hold of her as Connor told her why it wasn't so simple. She knew that, she understood why Connor felt that way, but in her eyes, the truth lay somewhere in the middle. Maybe more on Connor's side than on Nicole's side, but it wasn't an easy black and white thing. She didn't want to argue about it anymore. "I know." She said softly. "It wasn't okay, Connor. What Nicole said wasn't okay." She said quietly. "But I also know Nicole. I know she was hurt by your brother too. It wasn't intentional on his part, but I know she liked him. I think she said things she didn't really mean to vent her frustration with the relationship." Iris said, shaking her head. "I don't want to argue for her, and I'm not excusing it, I don't want to defend her. I just want to be your friend. I know it's not okay to use someone. You don't have to tell me that." She said, sighing. "I just want to be your friend, Connor." She said softly. "Nicole will probably drop me if I go back to being your friend anyway. If she does that... fine. I just... don't want to be between this anymore." Iris said, feeling herself get close to tears.

 

[Connor Holland]

Connor's gut twisted with anxiety as he listened to Iris, terrified of the conclusions she might come to, to justify staying with Nicole. It was a surprise, then, when she quickly dropped the excuses to instead... agree with him. Connor felt the softening of his face, and to his embarrassment he felt almost like he would cry. After a year of almost everyone he knew acting like he was a monster for standing up for his brother, it was beyond relieving to be told he was right, that he wasn't the one in the wrong. He wiped his eyes quickly, giving Iris a small nod as he struggled to find the right words. "I-okay." He said a little shakily, trying to pull himself together. "This year has-has been... horrible..." He stammered out, choking back a small laugh. "I really missed you..."

 

[Iris van Houten]

Iris swallowed as she watched Connor, her eyes widening when he said okay. She let out a shaky laugh. "I... I really missed you too." She said softly. "It's been miserable fo me too. Oh, Connor-" She paused, taking a deep breath. She wanted to make sure he understood where she stood. Even if it might ruin this. "I know you're mad at Nicole, I know... you and Nicole will likely never be friends again, though I wish you could." She said softly. "But... If... Nicole doesn't just... drop me as a friend for hanging out with you, I want to try to be her friend as well, as long as she's not going to be mean about it." She said, her voice shaking slightly. "I'm not excusing what she said about your brother, but... I want to try." She said, looking down. "I don't want to be forced to choose. I don't think Nicole is very happy with me right now anyway, but... I'm just telling you in case." She said, hoping she hadn't just ruined her chance at being his friend again.

 

[Connor Holland]

As Iris began Connor felt hopeful, but his heart sank lower and lower by degrees as she spoke. "No, this is exactly what I'm talking about!" He said in frustration. "If you just... hang out with her like nothing's wrong she's going to think nothing's wrong! Like... you're backing her up, so everything she did was justified! She's a bully, and she gets away with it because people keep making excuses for her! Jenna did the exact same thing, she tried to be friends with both of us but now she's completely in Nicole's pocket, she hasn't even talked to me for a year because of how Nicole talks about me!" He rubbed his face in frustration, heaviness settling on his shoulders. "Nicole is a bully, and everyone who hangs out with her is making that seem okay. I can't be part of that."

 

[Iris van Houten]

Iris felt a familiar frustration well up inside her, stronger than ever before. She shook her head, and then she snapped. "No." She said. "You're doing exactly what Nicole is doing, and I'm not going to go along with it. You two can't make me choose a side." She told him, clenching her fists at her side. "You both refuse to see that none of this is black and white! You just decided Nicole is now an awful, terrible, person who is entirely unredeemable, and she did the same thing. So I just have to pick a side and go along with one and never talk to the other again?" She shook her head. "I won't. If you decide not to talk to me anymore, fine. Then that's your choice. The same goes for her. I'm going to be nice and friendly to both of you and you get to decide if you want to ignore me or not." She told him. "It's not fair. What happened between Eric and Nicole was messy for a whole bunch of reasons. The truth isn't just 'Nicole was wrong' or 'Eric was wrong'. They both did stupid stuff and they both hurt each other, Nicole lashed out and said awful things she shouldn't have said, but it wasn't out of nowhere. I refuse to let my social life be dictated by something that happened a year ago." She said, before taking a deep breath. "And if that means I end up with no friends, so be it." She said, though her voice wavered a bit on the last part.

 

[Connor Holland]

Connor's face and heart sank as Iris spoke, and he could see any hopes of redeeming their friendship trickling away. "That's - that's not fair! You're not listening!" He insisted, trying to find the right words to express his own view, even as he felt tears pricking at his eyes. "I never said Nicole was irredemable, I said she did some really awful things that she thinks were okay, and she's not even considering that she might need to apologise! What she did to Eric was cruel, and it's exactly how he's been treated our whole lives! People know he's got a temper so they bait him into blowing up, and then he's the bad guy! But she thinks she's somehow the victim of all that! It's not about sides, but it is about what kind of thing you think it's okay for someone to do! If you hang out with Nicole you're acting like it was okay for her to do that to Eric! Nobody will point out to her that she was horrible, because if you do you get iced out like I did! She's a bully, and nobody calls her out on it!" By the time he was done speaking, Connor could feel the tears had burst out and were running down his face, however much he tried to stop them, and he reached up to quickly wipe his eyes, struggling to keep himself together as memories of the fight in the library last year crept back into the forefront of his mind, how it had felt to have his entire year turn against him all at once, friends he had cherished for years acting like he was now the villain. It was the first time he had really understood how his brother felt, and he never wanted Eric to feel like that again.

 

[Iris van Houten]

Iris shook her head, feeling frustrated. "You're the one who isn't listening. I don't want to keep defending Nicole, but that was not what happened. She didn't taunt Eric on purpose to set him off, she was venting her frustration with their relationship in a very... stupid place." She told him. "You need to stop seeing this as a black and white issue, and maybe let it go a bit. I doubt your brother still cares about it this much as you do, and I doubt he wants you to lose everyone over it." She told him. "I told you before, I won't let you or Nicole decide who I can be friends with. I'll be friendly to you both, it is up to you what to do with that." She took a deep breath. "I have to go now. I can't argue about this any longer." She added sadly.

 

[Connor Holland]

After hurting so badly for so long, it was hard to hear what Iris was saying. He knew she was right about Nicole being in the wrong place at the wrong time, but how could that make up for everything? "Okay, but what happened in the library... she just... we had been friends for years, and she made our entire year hate me, when she's still the one who was being mean about Eric in the first place! I never wanted any of this, she kept starting things, and she's never even considered that it's her place to apologise!" Connor could feel himself getting heated again and he put his face in his hands, trying to take calming breaths and wipe away the tears that kept falling unbidden. As much as it hurt, it was also a relief when Iris said she needed to go, and Connor nodded quietly, not uncovering his face. "I... I'm sorry..." He said shakily, slightly muffled by his hands. "I really... I hate this."

 

[Iris van Houten]

Iris looked at Connor sadly. "She shouldn't have made it about choosing sides, I am aware it was mostly her doing that." She said softly. "I want to be your friend, Connor. I doubt Nicole will be alright with that, but if she's not then that's her loss. I just want to put this mess in the past." She felt her heart break when she saw Connor hide his face, sure he was crying. "I hate this too." She said softly. "I'll see you around." She added. Then, she pulled Connor into a brief hug, wrapping her arms around him and holding him for a moment before letting go. "I hope that was okay." She said softly.

 

[Connor Holland]

Iris' words washed over Connor like a balm, finally soothing the frustration burning in his stomach. But without the anger propping him up, all Connor felt was worn out, drained and small and exhausted. It was a relief when he felt Iris' arms around him and Connor leaned into the hug immediately, unable to help a small sob escaping him. He let out a shaky laugh at her comment after releasing him, nodding quickly and wiping his eyes. "It was great." He said softly. "I- thank you. I really missed you."

 

[Iris van Houten]

Iris couldn't help herself, she reached over to stroke back Connor's hair. "I missed you too." She said softly. "Maybe... we can eat lunch together soon?" She knew that would probably get Nicole to react, but maybe that was good. Maybe that was necessary at this point. Iris needed to make it clear where she stood to Nicole as well.

 

[Connor Holland]

Connor beamed at the suggestion, nodding quickly. "That sounds really good." He said, smiling warmly. "I'll... see you at lunch soon, then."