Closed Throwing In The Towel

[Nikko Blackwood]

Nikko's leg was screaming and he had to bite down on the inside of his cheek to keep himself from yelling in frustration as he entered the locker room. His fall was months ago and he still dreamt about it all the time. He'd wake up with a hard flinch and pray he didn't wake Aubrey. She needed her sleep, they both did. It was only a matter of months before they'd have a baby keeping them up all night. He took a shaky breath as he thought about the baby and finally sat down heavily on the bench in front of his locker. He was sweating and it wasn't just from practice. The break in his leg had been bad, and the healers had done everything they could but they were out of options. They had been optimistic at first but as each week passed and his range of motion didn't return and the pain lingered they turned more serious. They told him to rest and he had, or as much as he was able to with a pregnant wife to care for. When he was released to play again he was hopeful that this was all just a bump in the road. But getting in the air was easier said that done. Nikko almost had a panic attack when he was in front of the hoops again and the ground dizzyingly far below him. It was just another hurdle, but as soon as his confidence grew his pain was back. He had tapped out of practice early, letting their alternate off the bench even if they had been playing more than he had lately. He held his head in his hands feeling defeated.

 

[Odette Madison]

Odette had known Nikko had been struggling ever since his injury, he didn't hide it very well. So when he left practice early, Odette had tapped out herself to go join him. She wasn't officially the team leader or anything, which she didn't want, but she did feel a certain responsibility to the younger players. She knew Nikko was a married man with a child on the way, but Odette still saw him as a younger kid she had to watch out for. Though she wouldn't tell him that.

Entering the locker room, she spotted him immediately and could tell her was in deep pain. She sighed softly, moving over and sitting next to him. She didn't say anything, silently putting an arm around his shoulders.

 

[Nikko Blackwood]

Nikko heard someone enter the locker room but didn't look up. It didn't take a genius to figure out it was Odette. Her quiet confidence announced herself before she even needed to, and she was one of the few on the team that weren't too scared to talk to him. He knew he wasn't the same, but it stung sometimes when the team made it feel so obvious. He didn't say anything as she joined him but couldn't help but flinch as she put an arm around him yet he didn't pull away. He just sat there for a while accepting the gesture. Nikko took a deep shaky breath before speaking. "Am I making a fool of myself out there?" he asked hoarsely.

 

[Odette Madison]

Odette sighed softly at Nikko's words, feeling her heart break for him. She shook her head. "Not a fool," she said gently, "but stubborn. A little self destructive, maybe." She turned to look at him. "You're pushing yourself too much, Nikko," she said, aware that what she was saying would hurt him. But she had to be honest with him, before he pushed himself into a worse injury. "You're in pain, not just physically. You need to take it easy. To rest." As she said it, Odette knew she wouldn't be any different than him. What she was telling him to do seemed impossibly cruel. Telling him he had to give up, to stop playing, at least for a little while. She didn't say it in so many words, but she thought he understood what she meant. She also knew it would kill her if someone said it to her, but looking at Nikko and having watched him over the past few weeks, she knew that he had no choice.

 

[Nikko Blackwood]

Nikko took some small comfort from Odette's words and lout a shaky breath when she called him stubborn. He had heard that plenty from Aubrey over the past few months. He chewed on the inside of his cheek to keep his emotions in check with little luck as tears started to prick in the corners of his eyes. He nodded his head in agreement, not trusting his voice at that moment. He knew everything she was saying was right and what people were supposed to say. But it also felt like there was an elephant in the room that no one wanted to acknowledge. "I know." he said softly, his voice was shaky but he tried to push through it. "Everyone says I need to rest. And I have." he insisted. Nikko knew he probably sounded like an impatient child, but it was true. He had rested he had followed his recovery plan to the letter and yet, the pain was still there. "What if this is as good as it gets?" he asked, not expecting a real answer from her but he needed to voice this thoughts to someone who would tell him the truth. He loved his wife but her optimism wasn't what he needed right now.

 

[Odette Madison]

Odette knew Nikko wasn't lying when he said he had rested, he had truly taken his time and built up to coming back. It was why she felt so sad for him now, suspecting that they both knew that he wouldn't be the way he was before. It wasn't something she was going to say out loud, though, and she squeezed his shoulder slightly instead. Nikko was brave enough to say it himself, and Odette sighed softly as he asked the question that was on both their minds. "Then you find something else you love," she said softly. "We care too much about you to watch you torture yourself indefinitely, Nikko. But I understand it's horrible. I would feel the same way you do," she said quietly. As one of the older members of the team, she did feel like her own deadline was looming closer and closer, but that was nothing compared to being cut off like this— suddenly and without warning. Without the ability to fly for fun anymore too. Odette shifted a little so she could look at him. "Even if that happens, we're still family," she said quietly.

 

[Nikko Blackwood]

Nikko had wanted the truth but Odette's directness felt like a stab in the heart. There was no white lies about figuring something out or some work around no one thought of yet, just to the point. His quidditch career was over. He couldn't keep up the way the team needed and there was no point in him trying to kill himself trying. Not when he had a family waiting for him at home. "I feel like I just got started." he choked out and finally he blinked and a tears fell silently. He took a few steadying breaths and regain his composure but a dam had broken and there was no stopping it now. "I don't know if there is anything else." he said pathetically, and feared it was the truth and not just an excuse to try and cling to the past. He kept his head down and nodded along with her words about the team being his family. He knew that. It wasn't like his friendships would disappear over night. But they would be different, he would be on the outside no matter how much they would reassure him.

 

[Odette Madison]

Odette felt the tears burn in her own eyes as she watched Nikko realize the truth and crumple beneath it. Perhaps she hadn't been the right person for this. Someone else might have told him more kindly, or given him more time to figure it out on his own. Odette had always been blunt, she had never been good at kindness. Feeling helpless, she swallowed hard as she fought down her own emotions. This wasn't about her right now, Nikko needed someone steady if he couldn't have someone more compassionate. "I feel that way too," she whispered. "I understand." She took a deep, shuddering breath. Then she pulled him into a hug. "I'm so sorry, Nikko," she whispered as she held him tight. "But you will find something else, even if it won't be the same."

 

[Nikko Blackwood]

Nikko could hardly remember what life was like before quidditch. He had always been athletic as a kid playing soccer and surfing every chance he got. Of course the only sport at Hogwarts was quidditch and that had been it for him for so long. He had never been a good student because he had his dream. In some ways he was lucky he had been able to play at all, but after that? He had always imagined himself old and successful as he walked off the pitch for the last time, not injured and feeling like a failure. Of course he knew he had wonderful things in his life and even greater things to come, but this grief was real and cut deep right to the core of who he was. Who was he after this? And that was before the practical fears set in, like supporting his family. Odette's words were kind, and he knew she meant them. But it did little to sooth him at this point. His lungs felt tight as he accepted Odette's hug and took in a shaky breath. When he pulled away Nikko wiped as his eyes. "I guess I get to go home early." he joked weakly.