There at the Bitter End

[Reuben Pendleton]

Though Reuben loved it at Ilvermorny, the last few months had been absolutely agonising. Just two days into term he'd received a letter from Saveli declaring their breakup, and after responding once, he'd not heard a thing back. After that, studying had become tedious and painful, the hours passing slowly and the days passing slower than that. How could he concentrate when the love of his life had dumped him without so much as a decent explanation? It didn't make any sense; they were so in love, or so he'd thought. Maybe he hadn't been good enough for her - he'd certainly felt useless once or twice. But the only clue she'd given him in her letter was that she was doing it for him, which led the boy to believe that perhaps it could be salvaged, after all. If there was any hope whatsoever, Reuben had to try.

The time was nine-thirty in the evening; the English summer sun had just begun to set, turning the quiet neighbourhood a dusty orange. One benefit of Saveli's floo fireplace being located at the end of the garden was that Reuben could arrive at it without drawing any attention to himself, which was exactly what he meant to do. After debating long and hard how to go about winning Saveli back, he'd eventually settled for about the cheesiest thing he could think of. Well, she'd always liked his cheesiness before. Why shouldn't she fall for it a second time? Hoisting his guitar strap up, Reuben crept quietly across the long garden, craning up at the house to look for Saveli's room. A dim light was on; hopefully, that meant she was inside. If she wasn't, Reuben was about to seriously humiliate himself. Then again, he might be able to do that anyway.

Taking several deep breaths, Reuben withdrew his strum from his pocket and began to play. It was a stupid song, some old muggle number he'd heard on the radio and memorised after it had reminded him of Sav, but the words, a few of which he'd changed to better fit their situation, were sweet and sincere. He sang as loudly as he dared, worried he might instead alert her dad, who was not the intended recipient of the song. It went like this:

You gave me solid gold
But to my touch, it felt cold
I gave you something real
You saw sorcery, you saw alchemy

God I was lonely
Stuck in my own skin
In spite of my pride
I finally let you in

And now I see it now I'm certain
I see you with my eyes opened
Trusting that our love
Our love is enough
Solid gold and perfect to the touch

Our love was torn apart
A victim of your raging heart
But I'll gather it all up
There at the bitter end
Piecing it back again

God I would always
Wind up such a mess
Took me so long to
Find out I was blessed
Yes

And now I see it now I'm certain
I see you with my eyes opened
Trusting that our love
Our love is enough
Solid gold and perfect to the touch

You'll never be lonely
Never be lonely not again
I'm letting you in and now

You'll never be lonely
Never be lonely not again
No, no, no

 

[Saveli Pendleton]

The last six months had been hell for Saveli. Morning sickness, baby doctors appointments... the hormones. The more Saveli thought about her mistakes the more she regretted everything she'd done to Reuben. Saveli placed a hand on her very small baby bump. At six months the blonde thought she'd be triple her size, but the doctors said everything was normal. Petite girls didn't always gain a lot of weight - perhaps at the end she would. The baby was healthy, and sav and Monty had heard the heartbeat not long ago. However while looking through baby names it became increasingly harder for Saveli to feel like a put together adult. She missed Reuben - she wanted to be honest with him. However now with the uncertainty of who the baby even belonged to the blonde didn't think she could face him. She looked through the book, wondering if she should even keep the baby at this point. Would she be a stable mother.

In the near distance Saveli heard a small noise, like a strum of a guitar. WAs Monty playing music? No this wasn't music like he'd listen to, not anything she thought he would anyways. Saveli stood and moved toward the door of the bedroom door, only to find that the music became quieter. The blonde took in a breath that shook as she heard the lyrics. She didn't recognize the song, but the voice singing it sounded so familiar. Saveli swallowed the thick saliva that was building up in her mouth and made her way over to her round window, opening it gently. She looked down into the yard and saw her doofus of an ex boyfriend, guitar in hand. The tears freely flowed down the pale porcelain of Saveli's cheeks. He came all this way to see her? To convince her of what? She didn't need convincing. No that would be him. Saveli left the window and wondered if Roo would realize she was coming downstairs. They couldn't risk waking Monty up after all. The blonde made her way down, pajama pants, messy hair, a tight tank top revealing the smallest amount of weight gain that protected what could possibly be his daughter. "Reuben?" She asked, as if she didn't believe it was actually him standing there in front of her, with his lame guitar and perfectly goofy face.

 

[Reuben Pendleton]

When the curtains twitched, and Saveli appeared in the window, Reuben broke into such a wide smile that it was audible in his voice. From where he stood, he couldn't see the tears on her face, and kept on grinning like an idiot, breaking her gaze only to glance occasionally at his guitar. At one point, towards the end of the song, he looked up to discover Sav had disappeared; for a horrifying moment he thought she might be ignoring him, but he continued to play all the same, albeit less enthusiastically. Then, just as he strummed the final note, he caught sight of her emerging from the side of the house. Even in her pyjamas, hair mussed, she took Reuben's breath away. How long had it been since he'd seen her? Too long. Resisting the temptation to take a running jump at her required most of his strength. "Sav," he said, throwing her a crooked smile through the falling darkness. Then he remembered the pain he'd put her through, and visibly winced. "Did - did I do something wrong? I just wanna know. I mean, if I know, maybe I can do something to fix it - you know? I just..." Reuben frowned, cutting himself short. Something was... different about her. Something he couldn't quite place. He shook his head, as if to dispel the thought. "I just don't want to lose you. I love you. Maybe I didn't always know how to show it, but I'll get better. Please. Just tell me what I did."

 

[Saveli Pendleton]

Saveli sniffled and shook her head as he spoke. How could he blame himself for anything. She was the one whom had split with him over a letter nonetheless. The blonde stood at least a few feet away as he spoke, her grey orbs struggling to meet his, guilt welling up in her chest. Saveli felt like she was going to throw up. She needed to tell him the truth. "Roo please stop, it was nothing you did, Reuben you are perfect. Too perfect for someone like me." She wiped roughly at her face trying to ride herself of her tears. "With Losing Prue and graduating and everything else, I just I was so broken. I couldn't be with you. You were a light I didn't deserve and then Gabriel..." Saveli took in a deep breath. "He always said you weren't any good for me, and I always told him it was the other way around. You know? I'm angry at the world for my situation, and I'm not always emotionally available, and you are so damn good looking and there's me..."

She needed to get to the part that hurt her the most. "Reuben, after we broke up Gabriel was there for me and I don't know how I let it happen i just wanted to forget you. I wanted to not want to reach out and bring you back down to where I was. And i..." The girl swallowed and held her stomach willing her food to stay down. "And we had... we were intimate for a night." She felt her face burn and bile rise up the back of her throat. She couldn't look at Reuben she didn't want him to look at her. But she told him everything past that point, how guilty she felt, and how much she knew it was a mistake. The worst part was yet to come. "I uhm..." Saveli pulled her tank top up slightly, revealing her stomach, the small bump on the front and continued to point her eyes to the ground. There was a possibility that this child belonged to Gabriel or Reuben. Saveli didn't know. She didn't want to know in that moment she just wanted to fully let her guard down like she never had.

 

[Reuben Pendleton]

Nothing Saveli was saying made any sense. If she really thought he were perfect - which, really, was far from the truth - why had she broken up with him? He didn't have to wait long to find out. So this was Gabriel's fault, was it? He'd convinced Saveli, in some way or another, that they didn't make a good couple. That jerk... if Reuben ever saw him again, he'd...

The thought was left suspended as Saveli dropped a second bombshell. She'd slept with Gabriel. Third bombshell. She was pregnant. Reuben's gaze fell to her bare stomach; he could see it now - the bump that had made him feel as if something were different. She had a baby growing in there - a real, live baby, with hands and feet and a heart and all of that. For a moment, Reuben didn't even consider the idea it might be his; he was too busy trying to process all the other information to remember they'd slept together just a week or two before they'd broken up - a week or two, perhaps, before Saveli and Gabriel had slept together, too. Then it hit him. Suddenly Reuben felt sick. He might be a dad. At seventeen years old, he might be a dad. And what if it wasn't his? Could he still love Saveli, knowing her child belonged to... to that thing? Maybe she and Gabriel had already made plans. Maybe Sav didn't even want to be with Reuben any more!

Realising that darkness was falling too quickly for a sunset, Reuben slowly sat down on the grass, the ground rocking beneath him. He pulled his guitar off and lay it down beside him, rubbing his face. "You're pregnant," he said, just clarifying that before he continued. The dizziness was subsiding now, but the nausea was strong. "Do you know whose it is?"

 

[Saveli Pendleton]

Reuben was silent, which only made the anxiety in Saveli's stomach grow and grow and grow. She felt as if throwing up now would make her feel much better. The blonde girl looked at her bare stomach, the small amount of growth enough to be visible. She wondered if in the last three months she'd balloon like the doctor suggested might happen. She hoped not. She didn't want stretch marks to add to her too close together eyes, and strangely shaped lips. As the silence overtook the two of them Saveli moved to sit across from him on her knees, lowering her shirt. At Reuben's question slowly the blonde shook her head. "No." She responded meekly. "I didn't want you to worry about it while you were at school or I might have owled." She spoke gently. "I haven't spoke to Gabriel since we... uhm... He hasn't contacted me. Guess I should have known better. Got what he wanted and now he's not interested in being my friend anymore. That's how I thought you would be too. But here you are with a guitar, singing outside my window, risking my father coming out and decking you in the jaw." She laughed dryly. Monty wouldn't hurt a fly. "I understand that you came here for me, but Reuben I am not worth your time that's why I left. I have too much to repair. You deserve someone ready for all the love you can give. Someone who deserves it. Someone who didn't betray you I always swore he was just a friend. He was just supposed to be a friend." She picked at the dewing grass below her. "I'm so sorry."

 

[Reuben Pendleton]

Reuben didn't look up at Saveli right away; he needed a moment to think about all of this - and most importantly, how he felt about it. He couldn't judge his feelings on the initial shock or fear. Despite himself, Reuben snorted lightly at the comment about Monty decking him. As if. Then the gravity overwhelmed him again, and he pressed his palms into his forehead, nodding his understanding. The only part he really begged to disagree with was that he deserved someone 'better.' What did better even mean? He'd been happier with Saveli than he'd ever been in his whole life - shouldn't he get to be the judge of what was best for him? Reuben finally looked up, locking eyes with Saveli and reaching for her hands. He knew how he felt. "Sav," he said, to stop her going on. "I don't know what I have to do to get you to believe me, but I love you. None of this changes any of that. Maybe it should, and I'm a doofus, but if that's true I like being a doofus. I mean, I'm not gonna say it wouldn't be weird if the baby was Gabe's, but you know what? It's still a part of you. I'd love it anyway." He squeezed Saveli's hands in his. "If... if I lost you now, I don't think I'd ever be happy again. I know you think you messed up, and, OK, maybe you did, but you think you're the only one whose ever made a stupid mistake? If we didn't forgive each other for that kind of stuff, we'd be pretty lonely. I love you, Saveli. I love you for real. So stop thinking you're not good enough for me, 'cause you're the only person who's ever made me feel like I belong."

 

[Saveli Pendleton]

The fact that Reuben wouldn't look at Saveli made her wonder if she was correct in her assumptions. He would never look at her the same after this revelation. She watched him closely, watching the way he pressed his hands to his face, the way he nodded. He was young still - not that she was much older. They were both only barely adults in the wizarding world. Both scared and unknowing of what to do with this thing growing inside of her. Finally after what seemed like eons, Reuben's deep, mocha eyes met hers. The blonde conveyed her emotions more easily now that she ever had, grey eyes swelling with guilt and a need for forgiveness. She searched him for an inkling of what he felt, but Reuben didn't make her wait long for what he was going to say. As he spoke words Sav never thought he would, she felt her chest shake gently, then more fervently. She didn't deserve this sweet forgiveness, but she was overwhelmed that he would give it to her. Saveli squeezed back on Reuben's hands tightly. She leaned forward into him finally, head awkwardly against his chest. She sobbed, and muttered thank you over and over again. She couldn't believe he'd love her. "I never stopped thinking about you. I love you." She whispered.

 

[Reuben Pendleton]

Reuben was sure he was totally crazy, but he couldn't have stopped loving Saveli if he'd tried. She was his universe, now - a part of him, as essential as his necessity to breathe. He held her as she sobbed into his chest, telling her she didn't need to be sorry, she never needed to be sorry, because she hadn't done anything wrong. Even if she had, to hear that Saveli had never stopped thinking about him - that she'd always loved him, despite what she'd written in that letter - would have convinced him to forgive her in a heartbeat. "I love you, too," he whispered, clutching her as tightly as he dared without breaking her. He'd have to be careful, now - not that he'd been careless before. Merlin, he might be a dad. The thought was simultaneously terrifying and elating. Sure, he wasn't ready - he had school, and then Auror training to think about - but they'd make it work, somehow. He told her this as he held her. "It's gonna be OK. It'll be OK. OK?"

 

[Saveli Pendleton]

Saveli continued to hold herself as close to Reuben as she could manage, as if to make up for her distance from him. From all the reassuring Monty had given her, and that Viviana had given her. All the reassuring everyone had presented to her, nothing made her feel safer and more okay than Roo's words. She nearly melted, continuing to remain close to Reuben. When the weather became chillier, later into the night, Saveli asked Reuben to come inside with her, and was elated he agreed. And inside the house they spent time wrapped in each other, behind a closed door. Saveli knew things were scary, for both of them, but their daughter would be a blessing and they would figure everything out the longer they spent together. With Reuben she could do anything adn she knew that.

GM approved