Closed The Right Place for Sadness

[Emma van Houten]

Emma was feeling horrible after the game against Hufflepuff. It had been so short, and she hadn't really managed to do anything important. She knew Lysander must be feeling even worse than she did. She had watched him leave after the match and she knew that he was very upset. Emma had debated letting him be for a bit, but something told her to go look for him. If she was in his shoes she felt like she wouldn't want to be alone. Emma had gone looking for her best friend and captain, though it hadn't taken that long to find him. The boy was at the lake, which seemed to be the right sort of place to go when you were feeling sad or angry. Emma quietly walked up to him, gently touching his arm to draw his attention. "Hey." She said. "I hope you're not blaming yourself, because if you are I'd have to hit you." She said, half-heartedly lifting her beater's bat. "We'll beat them all next year, you know."

 

[Lysander Summers]

Lysander had come to the lake to be alone, following another crushing defeat in Quidditch. It was becoming something of a streak since he'd been left to lead the team on his own. He couldn't shake the feeling that it simply meant he wasn't good enough for it. Everyone, his family, some of his friends, they expected him to be one of the best, and he had to wonder if he ever really had been. There was a persistent, niggling fear at the back of his mind that he had only been given the position as some kind of special treatment, not because he was all that great of a player. He had been too young for the role at the time. He didn't want to believe that Jacob would have picked him because they were both professor's kids, or because he was related to actual Quidditch players, or crazier still, that his dad might have had a hand in making it happen behind the scenes. It all seemed so unlikely, but that feeling of fraudulence, that he didn't really deserve to be captain, only seemed to grow with each loss.

The boy was seated cross-legged by the shore, his hands finding the occasional pebble to toss into the lake water. He had hoped that coming here would help him feel better. The lake had always been by far his favourite place on the school grounds, full of countless memories and adventures, a place of unexplored potential and opportunities. Now all he saw was an endless, empty expanse of water, still and unmoving. A heavy weight had settled on his shoulders as he sat looking out across it, his heart sinking in his chest just as each stone he threw inevitably sank beneath the water's surface. Part of him wished the lake would swallow him up too, just to escape the pressure and expectations of having to be the best at everything that he could be, if only for a few minutes. He doubted that the eel had to deal with these emotions.

Lifting another pebble, Lysander had been prepared to throw it, stopping short when he felt Emma's hand on his arm. He lowered it back down and offered her a half-smile. "Who else is there to blame?" He asked. "Every year, every year until I became captain, Gryffindor had always made it to the end. We didn't always win when we got there, but we did get there." He sighed. They were dead last this time. Losing the Losers versus Losers match was humiliating, and he wasn't sure he wanted to risk going through a repeat of it.​

 

[Emma van Houten]

Lysander was Emma's best friend, they had been through a lot together over the years, but Emma didn't think she had seen him this sad and defeated before. She frowned in concern as he asked who else was to blame. "It's just luck." She said quickly. "And... and a new seeker, you know? Elliot has been seeking for ages and he'll be gone next year. The same goes for Blake." She told him. "It's just a slight step back, you can't give up." She told him, alarmed by how he sounded. "C'mon, we're going to beat Hufflepuff into the ground next year. And the other teams too! A lot of important players are graduating, no one will remember we lost one time if we finally steal Slytherin's cup next year." She said, trying her best to sound as encouraging and upbeat as possible. It seemed like Lysander needed a really good pep-talk, hopefully, she was up for the job.

 

[Lysander Summers]

Lysander had to bite his tongue at the mention of luck. Emma didn't get it. It wasn't just luck. He wasn't lucky to hit a bludger. Chloe wasn't lucky to score a goal. Blake wasn't lucky to find the snitch all the damn time. It was a sport, it required skill, and he'd put so much time and effort into being good at it for her to call it "luck". "It's not going to be that easy. They'll just be replaced when they leave. Blake's a great seeker, I'll bet he's trained up someone else to be just as good. We don't have that, our other seeker ditched us!" He hadn't realised how angry he was with Sierra for leaving him and the whole team with so little warning. At first he thought he'd be fine, that he could handle it on his own. He couldn't. Jacob probably regretted giving him the position in the first place, if he hadn't been swayed to do so to begin with. "How can I help Flynn be a better seeker? I can't. I don't know the first thing about it. All I can tell him is "look out for the gold ball." Every other team have senior players to teach the younger ones their tips and tricks. That's how it goes." His shoulders rose as he took in a deep, frustrated breath, and he pegged another stone at the lake. "Everyone's going to remember we lost. There's a whole trophy room to remind people. They'll remember we lost last year, they'll remember that we lost this year, and they'll remember when we lose every other year that I'm the captain." Lysander Summers, Hogwarts worst Quidditch captain. That's what people would remember. "I just, I..." He started, scrabbling for another rock while he attempted to sort the mess of feelings in his head. "I need to be great at something, Emma. I thought this would be it, Jacob chose me for this, but all I'm doing is disappointing everyone."​

 

[Emma van Houten]

Emma sighed. "No matter how well he trained his replacement, he will still be unused to matches!" She told Lysander, trying desperately to get him out of this negative spiral. "Listen, Flynn has actual experience now. Soon, he'll be the best seeker in the school." She told him. But as Lysander went on and talked about Sierra, Emma's eyes widened a little. She hadn't realized how upset he was about that. She had always thought he had kind of liked the opportunity to be captain on his own. "I mean... she did, and it sucks. You can't blame yourself." She said softly. "You've had a tough job, Lysander. You're the youngest captain and you're all on your own. You have to cut yourself some slack." She told him. "We have time. We'll... we'll train twice as hard. We'll win next year." She told him. "No one is going to remember we lost now if we win next year! Who cares about the trophy room? No one looks in there, have you seen how dusty it is?" She said, trying desperately to make him believe it. "You are great." She told him. "And if you think losing this year makes you not great then you're a big idiot." She told him, kicking his shin lightly. "You can't give up." She added, almost pleadingly.

 

[Lysander Summers]

Lysander turned the stone over in his hand while he listened to Emma. He had wanted to be alone, but he was glad that he had her here. It eased the pain of losing, and he felt lighter for it. He didn't believe half of what she said, of course, but he'd needed the company, and there didn't seem to be any use arguing about it. He forced a dry chuckle at her comment on the trophy room. He looked in there. It was one of the first places he'd ever wanted to see at Hogwarts, and he'd been driven to have his own name plastered among the trophies on display ever since. "You're right, it is pretty dusty." He said with a laugh. That, he could agree with. "You're great, Emma. And I am a big idiot." He nudged her back with a half-smile and held out the pebble he'd been toying with to offer her a go at skipping it. His attempts had not been up to scratch this afternoon, just as their match hadn't been. He longed for night, to be able to fall into bed and forget about the day, and start one fresh. "We'll see how next year goes. I'll hold you to training twice as hard." He said, only partially seriously. "Thanks for coming to find me. I shouldn't have left so soon, it's hard on everyone. We all lost." He sighed. "I guess we should probably go check on the team, see how everyone's holding up." He looked over his shoulder and up at the castle, a reluctant frown etched on his features. "...In a few minutes." He finished. He wasn't ready to go back, not yet If he could stay by the lake for the rest of the night, skipping rocks with Emma, he would.​