Closed Support

[Lillian Lockwood]

Lily was nervous. She was so glad Lars had agreed to help, but still, her heart hammered in her chest and she felt shaky as the two of them found their seats in the stadium. The game would be starting soon, but even now, Lily was pale and feeling overwhelmed. The crowds weren't as bad as they used to be, though it was also horrible in its own way. She could block it out, to a degree, but the height really got to her. She felt very small, and worried that the stadium might collapse under such a large amount of people. Trying to hold it together, Lily gripped onto the edges of her seat and shut her eyes, taking a few deep breaths to try and settle her dizzy head and her pounding heart. "Maybe I should have brought my knitting," She joked lightly, readjusting to lean a little closer to Lars.

 

[Lars van Houten]

Lars didn't know why Lily put herself through this torture. It was nice of her to support her boyfriend, just as it was nice of Lars to support his husband, but she looked absolutely miserable. "Would the addition of two sharp pointy objects not make it more scary?" He asked mildly as he put an arm around Lily. He kind of wished he had brought his sketchbook, but he knew he would be too distracted watching Blake soon. He glanced at Lily. "If it's really too much, we can watch from the ground?" He asked, not sure if they'd be allowed to do that, but it wouldn't hurt to ask, right?

 

[Lillian Lockwood]

Lily giggled breathlessly, taking comfort in Lars' familiar warmth and the arm around her. She bit her lip. "Well, maybe not the sharp sticks, but making things is always calming." She took a deep breath, steeling her spine. "Oh, no, I don't want to get any special treatment." She stared hard at a point across the stands, trying not to look down. "AJ does so much to support me, I have to at least try," She offered gently. "I don't know if it ever did anything for you or Elliot when I went to your school games, but I really just... would feel better if I was doing something more," She sighed, knowing it was a little silly to think that the treats she made AJ at home weren't enough.

 

[Lars van Houten]

Lars nodded when Lily said making things was always calming, deciding to try to help a bit more by joking around more, it seemed to help her relax. "Too bad you can't take your oven and baking supplies, some freshly baked cookies would be nice." he teased softly, squeezing her shoulder. "You do plenty, Lily. But I'm sure AJ appreciates the effort." He said softly. "I don't always go to these games, but it is impressive to see Blake in action. And to see everyone cheering for him... it's kind of insane to think that's my husband." He said, a small smile on his face as his gaze tracked the small figure of Blake as it zoomed around.

 

[Lillian Lockwood]

Lily giggled, folding her hands together tightly in her lap, leaning in against Lars and finding the figure of AJ flying. He really was impressive. "Unfortunately you'll have to wait, maybe we can have a friend date and make some cookies next week," She offered, thinking that could be fun. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes a moment before opening them again and searching out AJ again. "I understand the feeling," She murmured. "I still struggle sometimes with thinking that he can really like someone like me," She admitted.

"I'm working on my self worth, but especially on the stands like this, its easy to feel small," She spoke softly. "But still, I just... I really care about him a lot, Lars." She bit her lip, ducking and letting her hair fall to cover her eyes. "It scares me but... but I think I love him," She told him, squeezing her hands in her lap. "More than I loved Clifton. When I'm with him, I... it feels like sitting by the fire, it's just- he's just-" She struggled to explain herself, for some reason just wanting one of her best friends to understand how she was feeling.

 

[Lars van Houten]

Lars smiled as Lily suggested having a friend date to make some cookies next week. "Only if you do all the baking and I just get to eat them." He joked lightly, smiling at his friend. He had to stop himself from sighing when Lily said she struggled to think AJ could like someone like her. Lars understood the feeling, he had often felt the same way in the early stages of his and Blake's relationship, but he just wished Lily could see herself the way he saw her. He smiled. "And there I was thinking you were the one settling." He joked gently, squeezing her shoulder.

But as Lily kept talking, Lars understood this was a more serious conversation. He nodded as she said she thought she loved AJ. He wasn't surprised, he had seen the way they looked at each other. "I know how you feel." He said softly, glancing over at Blake again. "Like... he's where you belong." He said quietly, a soft smile on his face.

 

[Lillian Lockwood]

Lily giggled at his response. "How am I supposed to test my recipes without my favorite taste-tester?" She teased him back. She just liked having the company, and he just liked her baking. It was a good combination. She wished idly she could steal Elliot away more often for friend dates, but he'd always been busy. Honestly, she wasn't sure the man would know what to do with himself if he held still for more than ten minutes. She blushed a little, giggling as he suggested she was settling. She didn't think so, but she could argue with him just as much as he could argue with her.

She leant into Lars, shutting her eyes and appreciating the little reprieve closing her eyes gave her- and his familiar warmth always helped. She smiled at his words, relieved he seemed to understand her. "Were you scared?" She asked softly. "I just... this all feels so new... but it's never worked out well for me... I'm afraid I'll let myself be lost in this, let myself really be lost in him, but... but he won't... what if he doesn't..." She bit her lip, taking a deep breath and opening her eyes again, finding him on the field and watching him fly.

 

[Lars van Houten]

Lars nodded wth a smile. "Exactly." He said, settling back in his seat a little. "Maybe I should let you teach me something though, might be fun to surprise Blake with something else than a painting." He mused, knowing that Blake would enjoy anything he made. "He'd probably eat it even if it was inedible though." He said fondly. He glanced at Lily as she asked a more serious question, pondering his response. "Yeah, I was." He said softly. "I was like... sixteen when I realized I loved him, he was afraid of losing his family, I was worried I was making a mistake... but it all turned out okay." He shrugged. "But yeah, I was scared." He stroked Lily's arm. "It's worth it, though." He said softly.

 

[Lillian Lockwood]

Lily let out a little giggle. "I'll teach you some easy cookie recipes," She offered. "Or some of the muffin recipes I picked out just for AJ, with his career and all," She offered, twisting her hands in her lap and doing her best not to look down. She shut her eyes and leant into his touch a bit, trying to still the beating of her heart. She didn't know if it was from the crowd, the height, or the conversation... most likely it was all three. She gave him a soft smile. "It was a bit of a surprise," She admitted. "Considering that we knew he'd bullied you in the past."

She tucked her hair back behind her ear. "I suppose I just trusted your judgement in it- you wouldn't have been taken with him if there wasn't something more going on we didn't know about." She sighed. "It's probably why he doesn't like me, you know. I never questioned your relationship, and he just never could accept that." She giggled nervously, her hands shifting to grip tightly to the edge of her seat. Trying to focus only on AJ helped a little, as long as he wasn't doing too many swoops. "It's alright though- you're happy together, and thats all that matters."

She knew she was chattering a little, mostly just trying to distract herself, and she was a little worried as well that if she said too much more she might jinx things with AJ. She'd openly gushed about Clifton with Elliot and Lars before, and that had obviously ended swimmingly. She chewed her lip a bit, anxious as she saw AJ on the field- and saw the way several of the people in the stands around her whispered and fawned over him around her. She lowered her gaze to her feet, a stab of insecurity twisting in her stomach. He could have anyone in the world and you know it. What could you possibly ever offer him that could compete with so many beautiful people?

 

[Lars van Houten]

Lars nodded as Lily said him and Blake had been a surprise, considering their history. It was a bit of an understatement. "I know." He said softly, squeezing her shoulder slightly. "That's why I said I wondered even back then if I was making a big mistake. I think I knew I loved him before I even trusted him, which is probably not the healthiest way to do that." He said, grimacing slightly. "It was a lot, especially for that age... but it turned out for the best." He said a little fondly, smiling at the small figure that was Blake in the distance.

He glanced at Lily as she said she trusted his judgement and joked about Blake not liking her. He sighed, feeling like he had this conversation a lot on both sides. "He doesn't dislike you. He just doesn't understand it." He said softly. "I think he's still mad at himself- so he can't imagine a friend of mine not being mad at him." He said sadly, glancing at Blake again. He nodded slightly as she said them being happy together was what mattered. "The same can be said about you and AJ."

 

[Lillian Lockwood]

Lily listened to Lars, smiling at him easily. "I'm glad things worked out with the two of you," She offered. "Seeing you happy is really all I can ask as your other best friend," She leant against his shoulder, staring a bit too much at AJ and trying not to let herself acknowledge the height. "We have time, I'm sure eventually we'll all get along," She told Lars. "I'll just keep on pestering Blake until we're all cute little old folks and I'm knitting the both of you scarves and making muffins with our grandkids helping," She teased gently.

She peeked back up at Lars, breathing through her nose to make the insecurity fade away. You are valued. You try to be kind, and you are loyal to your friends. You are a sweet person, you work hard and take care of yourself. AJ sees the good in you, and he seems to adore you. You deserve to let him care for you, and he deserves your adoration in turn. She gave Lars a slightly more stable smile. "He does make me happy," She admitted, peeking back out at him and tightening her hands in her lap. "I hope I make him happy... I like to think he is, but I worry,"

 

[Lars van Houten]

Lars had to smile at the mental image of them all being old and Lily knitting them scarves, though grand kids were a strange thing to consider. He and Blake hadn't ever had a serious talk about kids, though Lars knew that was probably a little odd considering they were married. It was just a complicated issue, he knew Blake was scared of the idea, scared of the possibility of hurting his future kids the way his parents had hurt him. He decided not to comment on it.

He glanced at Lily and sighed. "I wish you would stop doubting yourself so much." He said softly. "Of course you make him happy, he'd be an idiot to take you for granted." He said quietly.

 

[Lillian Lockwood]

Lily giggled nervously. "Me too," She agreed, leaning more against his side. "But its not as often anymore, and never with you and El anymore, so I think it's getting... better?" She offered, closing her eyes to give herself a break from the nerves. "Though the height thing is still completely real, I'm probably not looking very cool right now," She tried to joke lightly. "At least I'm cute."