Closed Spiraling

[Lyra Potter]

Lyra Potter stood outside her mother's house, looking at the front door. She hadn't been here in quite some time. Partly, because Lyra couldn't stand being in the house without Kiera's warmth filling every room, and partly because she didn't feel welcome anymore. The blonde had grown up here with lots of laughter and love, but now ghosts haunted every room, and she despised it. Lyra knew that Carter loved her, as he did Link, but Jemma was his favorite Potter sibling, and even though he said the opposite, she always felt like he didn't want her visiting.

Today though, Lyra couldn't help herself. She missed Kiera terribly, and more than anything, she wished she could talk to Kiera. About Felix, Lanithro, Ezra, Falon, all of it. So, she ended up here. The only place where she could still feel Kiera's presence. The blonde sighed and knocked on the door.

 

[Carter Kaster]

Carter had taken a couple of days off work, he'd been doing it a lot recently, but given he was the head of the Department, no one really seemed to be keeping tabs on him. They had for a while, just after Kiera had died, but he'd seemed fine and so they had all sort of continued on their way. Carter told everyone he was fine, after all, he had his children to keep him company and on the occasions when Jemma was back from school, she was around too. Unfortunately for Carter, even they were not enough to keep the demons at bay. He couldn't look at any of the rooms in the house without facing a memory of Kiera, even Lyra and Link still haunted him, the memory of them finding out, everything that happened after the letters, dropping out of the election, none of it was good but he found he could not escape the thoughts, not when he was awake.​

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Drink in hand, Carter walked to the door and pulled it open, he'd known who was there before she'd even knocked. Kamryn and Kingsley were in the back room playing, which only ever worried him when he couldn't hear noise, but there was nothing in there that could get them into any trouble, so he was sure it was fine. "Lyra," Carter started, stepping away from the door to allow her entry. "Not seen you in a while." He said, taking a sip of his firewhisky.​

 

[Lyra Potter]

Lyra looked at Carter with bright green eyes as he opened the door. He looked....odd, but maybe it was just because she hadn't seen him since Christmas. He certainly didn't look pleased to see her. She tried to smile, but it was uncomfortable. Carter stepped aside to let her into the house, and Lyra entered, heading for the living room. It was about dinnertime, but had no clue if Carter had plans. "Yes, well it's been a while since I saw Kammie and Kingsley." she said as way of explanation even though it wasn't entirely true. Lyra was slightly resentful of her two younger siblings that her mother had deemed more important than being there for the three Potter children. Lyra would never admit that to anyone though. It wasn't as if she didn't love the twins after all.

 

[Carter Kaster]

There was something about Lyra that always made Carter stop and look at her, perhaps it was her altoghter too close likeness to her mother or the fact that she seemed to be giving off a very familiar air, either way, Carter didn’t like it. He loved Lyra, of course he did, he’d known her since before she was a child and had always treated her as he would the twins, but they both lived in the shadow of the truth these days and so it was hard for him to look at her and not see Kiera, something that caused him great pain and sadness. He hadn’t really moved on from her, he wasn’t sure he could some days. He had tried, but it never seemed to work out.​

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“Well, they’re in the back room if you want to go and say hello, I won’t stop you.” He said, turning away from her so he didn’t have to look at her. Maybe he wouldn’t admit it, but having Lyra around was harder now than it had been in the early days. He took a large sip of his drink. He had to manage somehow. “I have some food if you want it. Did you eat?”​

 

[Lyra Potter]

"Well that sounds very welcoming." Lyra said, under her breath and sarcastically, but she turned and walked to the back room. Carter wasn't the same man that he had been when he first started dating her mother. Lyra had liked him then. She could smell the familiar stench of alcohol on his breath, not that she was in any position to judge him for having a drink.The blonde disappeared into the back room, talking to the twins, kissing their little cheeks and hugging them tightly. She was glad her grandfather lived here now and took care of them. She wasn't sure Carter could. After several minutes, Lyra returned to the living room. She shook her head at Carter's question. "No, but I don't eat much. I'll wait and eat with Ezra at home." she said casually. Lyra hadn't bothered to tell Carter that she was moving in with Ezra, mostly because she thought he wouldn't care.

 

[Carter Kaster]

Carter had never felt the need to meddle in anyone’s life, he hated it because it’s what his mother had done to him his entire life and to this day she continued. Though she was back in Germany, it didn’t stop her , she only got worse. When Lyra left to play with the twins, Carter could feel the tension physically leave his body as he heaped himself into the small couch. He’d replaced the old one because it bared too much memory of Kiera and though Sean hadn’t said anything, and never did, he was sure the man was judging him, he probably had every right to. Carter was a mess and he knew it.

Lyra soon returned and Carter gave her a once over again as she mentioned she didn’t eat much. She looked fine, physically and he certainly hoped it would stay that way. Another sip, another sigh. “That’s a thing now, is it?” He asked at the mention of Ezra. She’s spoken of him before in passing, but he didn’t know much about the guy. Certainly not enough to pass judgement. He found himself wondering what that Urie boy was up to now. Last he’d seen of him hadn’t ended well. “He your boyfriend, is he?”

 

[Lyra Potter]

The blonde shrugged. "It's only recently he's been my boyfriend. We'll see how long it lasts." she said, thinking of what Lanithro had told her only last night. He had seen Ezra out with a brunette that was not her. She didn't mention to Carter that she had spent the last three years sleeping around.

Lyra looked around the room. She could see little changes that Carter had made, but there was one glaring change that did not sit well with the blonde. All of the pictures of her mother were gone. Every. Single. One. Her green eyes flashed angrily as the pictures of her parents, her siblings, her family had all disappeared. "Where are the pictures of my mom? Of my dad? Or even of us as kids? I know you don't like me being here, but are you trying to erase all of the evidence of us or my mom?" she said, her voice rising with her emotions.

 

[Carter Kaster]

Carter was not usually an emotional man, in fact that side so rarely came out that he’d often been described as cold, yet the Potters had a way of bringing it out in him, causing him to react in anger or pain. Not today however. At the moment Lyra started to lash out, Carter started to shut down. She was too much like Kiera, all he could see was Kiera and so he turned to the bottom of his glass. She didn’t get to speak, she didn’t live here anymore, she moved on with her life and did what she could to forget it, she wasn’t so different from him. He placed his glass down and shook his head, ignoring her for now as he reached over to grab the bottle on the table to pour another drink.​

 

[Lyra Potter]

Lyra fumed as all Carter did was pour himself another drink. He didn't answer her, and it didn't look like he had any plans to answer her. What right did he have to change the appearance of this house? In fact, what right did he have to this house anyways? Kiera and James bought this house together. Kiera was the one who carefully placed everything in this house. How dare Carter change what her mother had done. "Where are the pictures, Carter? I want them back. I didn't know you hated us that much. That you wanted to replace us that much." she said, her tone dangerous while also being on the verge of tears. "I know we aren't really welcome here anymore. I guess I just didn't realize how much. Jemma will be coming to live with me at the end of the term. She's not coming back here where the Potters clearly aren't wanted." she said, tears filling her eyes. She hadn't thought she would ever be shut out of her childhood home. If Kiera could only see the way things were now, she might have reconsidered her decision to die.

 

[Carter Kaster]

Carter was used to emotional women, Kiera had been one and it wasn’t like Jemma or Kamryn were immune, clearly nor was Lyra. He tried to shut her out, not pay attention because he knew what hearing her talk would do to him. He finished outing his drink and quickly chugged it before pouring another one. And it was like Kiera was yelling at him, blaming him for something he had no control over, like she’d never died at all. “I don’t need you telling me what I can and can not do.” He told her, his tone low, but not yet dangerous. He had enough problems of his own without having to worry about her, his daughter, whether she wanted to accept it or not. “I put them away, I have every right to do as I choose.” When she mentioned Jenna though he swung around and pointed an accusing finger at her. “And what right do you have to that? She’s not going anywhere with you.” He told her. Threatening himself he could handle, but his kids? No, not even his kids could threaten his kids.

 

[Lyra Potter]

Lyra watched Carter pour himself another drink and then another one. In the short amount of time she had been there, he had at least four drinks. Clearly, that was a problem, and it made her question his ability to take care of Kamryn or Kingsley. Lyra knew she was irresponsible ninety percent of the time, but she wasn't a parent, and she had no interest in becoming one ever. Wasn't that the reason she broke up with Felix to begin with? The blonde looked challengingly at Carter as he told her he had every right to change the room. Every right to do what he pleased. Every right to keep Jemma. "Give me the damn pictures, Carter. They belong to Link, Jemma, and me. It's my family in the pictures. You might be willing to forget her and try to move on, but I'm not. I think you've made it pretty clear you don't want anything to do with Link or me." she said, her temper rising once again. Tears trickling down her cheek. "Jemma is my little sister. I'm her closest relative. As such, that means I can decide that she's moving in with me whether she likes it or not." the blonde said defiantly.

 

[Carter Kaster]

Carter took another drink, because he couldn't handle this right now, he preferred to live in oblivion and that was what he was trying to do, in peace, before she had to come along and ruin everything. He wasn't sure what rights she thought she'd had, but they'd tried to take his children from him before, it didn't work then and it certainly wouldn't work now. Last time he had Lyra on side, maybe he didn't this time, but he didn't care, this was his family she was trying to destroy and he would not let her win. "They're in the cupboard, where they've been for ages, which you would know if you dropped by more often. Don't think I don't know, Lyra. If you actually cared about either of those two kids in there, you'd have been by far more often, you're busy with your life, doing who the **** knows and whatever else you've been up to." ​

Lyra was an adult and she could do whatever she wanted with her life, but he would be damned if he let her march in here and act like she owned the place. He would be damned if he let her make him feel. "Jemma doesn't want to leave, and until she does, she'll be staying right here, because you aren't fit to be a parent, and you never will be the way you're acting." He told her shaking his head and downing the rest of his drink. He stood up then, head spinning. All he could see was his fight with Kiera, like it was yesterday. They'd had many fights, but that had been their big one.​

 

[Lyra Potter]

"Maybe I'd drop by more if you didn't act like I was the freaking plague every time I do. You make Link and I feel unwelcome in our home. This was my home with my mother until you killed her, Carter. It's your fault she's dead, and now you won't even honor her by keeping pictures of her around." she said, tears running down her face now. It hurt to talk about Kiera, and she was lashing out at him with her tongue and thoughts that she had long since kept hidden in her head. "I am an adult which is why I can tell you are drunk. Not exactly responsible with two three year olds in the other room, so excuse me if I don't value your opinion on the matter. Newsflash Carter, I don't want to be a parent, but I can't possibly screw it up anymore than you have." she said, coldly and not caring if she hurt his feelings.

 

[Carter Kaster]

Carter had enough of her, of her words and especially of her f*cking lecture. It wasn't like he hadn't tried, but no, she'd just up and left him to do everything. It wasn't like she'd lost the love of her life, she'd brought that on herself. And then... she said it, the very thing Carter had been blaming himself for since the moment she'd fallen pregnant, the one thing he'd always begged her to be careful about. He'd said he was fine never having children of his own and sure, maybe that had been a lie, but he never would have expected Kiera to die for him, not ever. He whirled around to look at her, throwing his half empty glass of whisky past her, hitting the door loudly. He couldn't tell if he was aiming at her or not, but he didn't care. She knew how to push his buttons and she was succeeding. All he could see was Kiera, she was so much like her. Her hair, her voice, her words, he could see them all in Kiera. The way she moved, yelled and screamed, all he wanted was to have Kiera back. And she kept going, she wouldn't let up. Carter could feel himself shaking in anger, he couldn't remember ever being this angry with anyone before, Kiera always managed to bring this out in him. He loved her dearly but her knew their fights could devolve into terrible ones. She was good like that, physically pushing him away, judging him for his actions, like she didn't have her own issues. She'd screwed up, not him, she'd died because she was selfish and he'd had to live with the memory of that. She couldn't let him to think she hadn't known this was coming, she just had to let him know. And that was it, that was the pain he felt, that she didn't love him enough to let him live in oblivion. "F*ck you, Kiera, you did this to yourself!" ​

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The moment was over and Carter could see again, but it wasn't Kiera standing in front of him... it was Lyra.​

 

[Lyra Potter]

Lyra Potter flinched at as the glass raced past her and slammed into the wall behind her. She didn’t know if Carter was aiming for her or not. He was so drunk he couldn’t hit her if he tried. The blonde jumped as her stepfather called her Kiera. She shook her head. “I’m not Kiera. I’ll never be her.” Lyra said quietly. She finally knew the reason Carter wanted nothing to do with her. She was too much like her mother...the very thing that Lyra feared. The reason she dumped the love of her life. She grabbed the pictures from under the stairs. “Jemma will be with me during breaks. I don’t trust you with my sisters or brother. Kamryn and Kingsley can stay with me until you sober up.” she said. Quickly, Lyra packed a bag for the children before going to get them. She talked to them in hushed voices, promise a sleepover. She got them up and out of the house without an issue. Lyra hoped Ezra wouldn’t mind the company.

 

[Carter Kaster]

"Lyra... I," But he knew there was nothing he could say, she was right. She had been right the moment she'd walked in the door even if he didn't want to admit it. Carter slumped onto the couch as she told him she was taking the twins and Jemma would live with her, he didn't have it in him to argue. He just watched her move about the house that suddenly felt to alien to him. He'd never really been comfortable here after Kiera had died, but now he just felt empty. When he was sober again, he would regret what happened here, but that was not here yet. For now, he stared at the bottles of alcohol, wanting so badly just to find his salvation at the bottom of one, but too exhausted to move. He could find no words to express his regret, he never wanted this, any of it. He loved Lyra dearly, all of them, but... he just couldn't stand it. As she left, Carter nodded at her, but didn't say anything. This house was too stuffy, he needed to be elsewhere. The twins were with Lyra now, he didn't need to be here anymore.​

And so he left.​