So Tired Of Thinking

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Ana-Cole Shorts

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Cherry/Maple Wand 13 1/4" Essence of a Dragon's Heartstring
Ana-Cole seemed to wonder the corridors quite a bit lately. She barely did nothing else. Ana-Cole was falling a bit behind in classes. She hadn't seen her sister in what seemed like forever. She hadn't talked to either her mother or father since she heard the news. Justin hadn't found a way to contact her and Connor decided that he no longer wanted anything to do with the family. Ana-Cole's mind was buzzing with all the 'I shoulds' and 'if I would haves' She blamed herself for all the problems her family was having."If only I would have been a better daugther or if only I would have gotten better grades, if only I wasn't a witch, if only I could have been a bit nicer or a little less needy. if only if only if only I was good enough I could have stopped this all" She said to herself in barely a whisper. She didn't know that she could have stopped any of this. She didn't even know if any of this could have been stopped by any powers in the sky. She just wished it could. Ana-Cole finally made her way to the sixth floor corridor after thinking all this thoughts over and over in her mind. She was so tired of thinking. She was just so exhusted of trying. She was just plain tired. Ana-Cole felt as if her legs were giving in and she could no longer move. Ana-Cole sat down back against the wall, just sitting. She could not stop thinking the 'ifs' that went through her mind "It is all my fault" She said in her barely audible whisper but to her it felt like she was shouting her deepest feelings into the open. Ana-Cole wasn't ready to go back to the common room yet. She couldn't bare to get up at the moment. She decided that she would just stay here and maybe just maybe sort out her thoughts if that was even possible.
 
Amy was wandering around the corridors as she often did now a days. It was only when she nearly walked into her that she noticed Ana-Cole sitting there.
"Oh hi!" she said slightly suprised.
"Mind if i join you?" she asked?
 
Michael swung the newish cauldron he had just bought from the nice girl at the second hand shop. He saw a girl in the corridor looking rather worried with a fellow Gryffindor who he had seen around school a few times and being nosey as well as caring he asked "Are you ok, sorry I don't know your name maybe you would like to tell me?"
 
Ana-Cole had only been sitting a few seconds when two people had come into the corridor. "Oh hello" She said putting a smile on her face hoping that it looked real, but it was far from real. "Yeah sure you can join me Amy and Micheal if you want to too be my guest" She said with another forced smile. She really needed people to be around at the moment but it was hard for Ana-Cole to pretend to be so happy at a time like this, but of coarse like always she would try nonetheless.
 
Michael was shocked as the girl who sold him the cualdron not an hour or two from being so happy and cheerful to so sad and worried looking.
 
"Oh hey told you i'd see ya round off duty sometime sooner rather than later suprisingly" He said trying to make conversation with Ana-Cole.

"And your name is??" He asked the girl who was with them
"I mean i'v seen you round school a few times but I never caught your name sorry."
 
Ana-Cole looked up at the two of them. Michael looked a bit shocked. I guess I don't look as happy as I did in the shop Ana-Cole thought Well that was before the letter She thought sadly trying to look anything but sad. "Don't look so shocked" She said with a small laugh or at least an attempt at a laugh. "Everything's peachy. I mean it is a wonderful day outside" Ana-Cole said not really knowing if it was a wonderful day for she hadn't been outside but for the loss of words she was at the statement worked. "and yes I guess we met again sooner than we both expected" She said
 
Amy sat down next to Ana-Cole slightly concerned that she wasn't her usual self. She didn't know the girl well but knew enough to know when something wasnt right.
"Oh i'm Amy, Amy Stone" she said smiling at the boy
 
"I think it's starting to rain" Michael said in a bemused tone without seeming to mock Ana. "Hi Amy nice to meet you i'm Michael Anth... actually just leave it at Michael, it's complicated, literally!" He laughed at his own joke what was he thinking?

"So anyone had any lessons today?" He asked
 
"Nice to meet you Micahel" she said smiling at the boy.
"Yeah potions didn't we?!" she said grinning at MIchael.
"How are you Ana?" she asked Ana as she seemed slightly, not herself.
 
"oh" Ana-Cole said "Well a nice little rain storm never hurt anyone" Ana-Cole said Rain just adds to this day and on my birthday too I swear Ana-Cole thought trying to hide everything she was thinking. Everyone else seemed so happy. She would do everything in her power not to ruin their moods. "No I had a free day today actually" Ana-Cole said There's one positive She thought trying to get her mood up. "I'm ok" She said trying once again to smile "Bit of family problems nothing too big" she said with another failed attempt at a smile.
 
"Oh a free day is always nice!" Amy said smiling
"So what have you been doing with your free day then?" she asked.
 
"Working a bit" Ana-Cole said looking over at Michael whom she had just sold a cauldron. "Then wondering most of the rest of the time. I think I may have fallen asleep in the common room again but I don't remember if that was today or another day" Ana-Cole said trying to remember. Her memory was seeming to slip away more and more with the plenty of things on her mind. "I'm just hoping that one day I don't fall asleep next to the fire and wake up with burnt eyebrows or worse burnt hair" Ana-Cole said with a small laugh she was always afraid that that situation would happen one of these days.
 
"Ordinary kinda day then?!" she asked grinning.
"Erm i hope you don't mind me asking, but are you okay?" she asked gently, she didn't want Ana to think she was being nosy or anything.
 
Ana-Cole smiled slightly at Amy's concern. She really did not know Amy too well but Amy seemed like the person to be trusted. "Like I said just a bit of family problems. Seems to be getting to me a bit" Ana-Cole said trying not to bore them both with her problems.
 
"Want to talk about it?" she asked
"Only if you want to or anything I mean you don't have to" she added in quite a rushed way.
 
Michael after daydreaming about all the wonderful concions and ailment he would create in this very cauldren suddenly snapped out of it and wondered what the conversation was onto now and hoped he hadn't missed anything.

"Sorry, I was miles away then what were we saying again?" He asked a bit embarrassed as he was rudely just sitting there not saying a word seemingly eardriopping on their conversation.
 
Ana-Cole didn't know if she wanted to talk about it. Well she did want to talk about it but in a way Ana-Cole thought it wasn't going to turn out right. Ana-Cole was always so peppy and happy. Her being in a sad mood just wasn't normal and she didn't want to make it worse by sharing how her family was now in shatters, but she needed to get something out. She had to tell someone. "Its ok Michael I go into my own little world all the time" SHe said with a small smile "But if you don't mind being bored with my problems and if you don't mind listening" Ana-Cole began wondering if Amy was just being nice and really didn't want to hear want Ana-Cole was going through. But Amy didn't seem like that type of person.
 
"Course I don't mind" Amy said smiling kindly
"A problem shared is a problem halved, or something like that" she said smiling.
 
"I've never heard either of those sayings but if you say so" Ana-Cole said smiling slightly at these twos kindness. "Well where to I start. My mother and father are offically divorced as of today. My oldest brother who is about my age named Connor has left home because of my parents inability to compromise. My sister and I barely speak because of it and I haven't heard from my younger brother for the longest time." Ana-Cole said in one breathe. She had to admit she felt a little better but still the feelings of guilt and sadness filled her "And it is all my fault" Ana-Cole said not really knowing why it was her fault but like everything that happened in her family it was always her fault.
 
"Im so sorry" Amy replied, feeling slightly awkward and wasn't too sure what to do.
"How comes you think its your fault then?" she asked gently.
 
Michael gave a bleek smile as he hardly ever had to face things as unfortunate as this.

"There, there Ana it's not your fault these thing's happen you know. I don't believe love lasts forever to be hoenst with you how come your brother isn't at Hogwarts or is he?"

[[Speed typer Amy lol]]
 
((Jeeze I know you two type way too fast for me lol :p))

Ana-Cole smiled a bit. She really hated to be pitied and that was what she was getting yet she liked that someone actually cared for her. "It is always my fault" Ana-Cole said feeling as if she was going to cry but she was too strong for that. She learned at a young age that only those who are weak cry. "Everything that goes wrong in my family is my fault. That's how it has always been. If I could have done this or if I wouldn't have been like this. It is always my fault somehow." Ana-Cole explained. "But my two brothers are muggles" Ana-Cole said plainly answering Michael's question
 
"What possibly could you have done to make this happen?" He asked wondering is there some sort of deep dark story to this but said nothing of the sort. "Oh" he replied not knowing what it's like to have siblings he always forget that there can be more than one a little selfish really.
 
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