So Baby Hold Me Closer

[Carter Kaster]

Staring at the door of the home he once shared with his wife was the hardest thing Carter had done in a very long time. It had taken him longer than it should have to even pluck up the courage to be in the same country. He'd taken time off work and cowered in Germany whilst his mother had berated him for allowing such a stupid thing to tear his family apart. Though the moment he left Carter had wanted to turn right back around and march into the house again, he'd stopped himself knowing that acting on impulse was what had gotten them into this mess in the first place. This was something Carter had to think carefully about. He'd not see his wife in a long time, if he could even still call her that. How long did you have to be separated before it became a social permanency. He didn't want to think about it, but he had to think about what he might do if Kiera wouldn't take him back. It was a possibility and he knew that. But he also knew that what they had was special and nothing was going to get in the way of that. He loved Kiera like no one else could and he loved her more than she would ever know. She was his everything and he'd thrown that away in pain and anger. Now he wanted to make up for it, if he could.

Knocking on the door, Carter noted that Kiera could simply have had the wards changed so that he couldn't get in. He was sure she wouldn't do that, but it may not have been only Kiera in this. There was her family to think about. Or at least her brother, the Minister. Carter knew that Cameron had an issue with Bias and though it had always been a point of contention between them, Carter couldn't blame him for wanting to protect her. Carter wanted nothing more than to protect her himself, only he seemed to be the one causing her the most pain. It was confusing, he had so many reasons in his life to let this go. He was still young, this didn't have to be the end for him, but all he could think about was Kiera and the kids. If his life was not with her, then it was not a life worth living anyway. He would happily give her everything she wanted and more for the chance to see her face again. He just hoped she would be able to forgive his unforgivable behaviour and agree to be with him again. He wasn't sure he'd survive her rejection again. He'd only gotten through it the last time because he'd done nothing wrong and he knew she was trying to help him. This time he'd done everything wrong... and now he had to do everything right.
​

 

[Kiera Kaster]

The holidays had come and gone, and brought several interesting changes with them. For one, Lyra's best friend, Felix, was apparently now her boyfriend. He had been a constant at their house over the last few days. Tonight, however, Lyra was at Felix's. Link was in a chipper mood these past few days and had offered to take Jemma to a muggle movie theater to watch a show. Kiera wasn't quite sure what was going on with him, but she liked the change she saw in him lately. Another change was that she had decided to take a step back from Etienne. He had asked her to travel with him once Jemma went to school in the fall. Kiera really liked the man. He was carefree and adventurous, and he always made her laugh. He reminded her so much of James, but it wasn't love even though it should be. Maybe it was because he reminded her too much of her late husband. Or maybe that part of her was gone. She loved James and Carter with her whole being, and there just wasn't room for any one else. Either way, Etienne was traveling for work, and Kiera had told him she wanted to take some space and think while he was busy with his duels.

So tonight Kiera was alone in her home. A rare and unusual occurrence that she was taking full advantage of before the excitement of tomorrow, the last day before the twins returned to school. The slender brunette had her feet tucked under her on the couch with a novel in her hand. Kiera enjoyed reading but rarely had the time to do so. A half empty wine glass sat on the table from where she had been enjoying a third glass. She took a sip as she heard a knock on the door. Kiera frowned. Not just anyone could knock on her door. As an immediate reaction, she grabbed her wand from the side table on her way to answer the door. Turning the brass knob, Kiera opened the door with her wand pointing out at whoever was standing there. It was the last person she expected. She dropped her wand instantly, knowing he would never be a physical threat to her. Only a threat to her heart. It still hurt to see him. "What are you doing here, Carter?" she said, determined to be strong.
​

 

[Carter Kaster]

Seeing Kiera, actually having her stand before him was like a dream. He almost thought it was cruel that she would look so good. There was a small part of him that hoped she would have been lost without him, but that was not the case. Her ability to adapt and go on was one of the reason he loved her so fiercely, she was the only woman he wanted in his life, he'd never felt for anyone the way he felt for her. He stared at her for several moment before he gestured past her. "Will you allow me to come in? I don't want to have a talk on the doorstep." Not that he could blame her of course, it had been a long time since they'd spoken and much had happened. Carter obviously had not been doing as well as Kiera was, but he still needed to be a human being and go to work, much as that had helped and he'd eventually just taken time off. It was hard to see his wife's family everywhere he went when his was so far away.

He was pretty sure that everyone else was out now, the house seemed to organised and quiet for the kids to be home. That was good. If this devolved into a fight, he didn't want any of the kids to witness it. They'd always been careful never to argue or fight in front of them and though he hoped tonight would not have that outcome, he knew that they were both hot headed and stubborn and sometimes these things couldn't be helped.
​

 

[Kiera Kaster]

Carter just stood there, staring at her, not speaking. Kiera shifted uncomfortably in the doorway. She had no idea why he was here at her house now. Had she missed something obscure when she forwarded his things to Dalton's place two years ago? Or had he finally come to serve her with divorce papers? Even now, two years after their separation, they were still technically married despite the fact that Kiera had been dating Etienne, and she was fully aware that Carter had been dating other people. Maybe he had decided he wanted to marry someone else. That line of thought was solidifying in her head as he asked, nervously, to come inside the house because he didn't want to have the conversation on the doorstep. The petite brunette woman moved out of the way. "Come in to the living room then." she said, waiting until he was fully inside before shutting the door behind him.

Kiera followed Carter into the living room in the house they had once shared together. She picked up her wine glass off of the table, finishing it off, and pouring herself another glass. Kiera had really had enough already, but with the looming conversation of divorce one more glass would make it hurt less. She took a deep breath and sat down in the arm chair. "I was wondering when you would finally come. I'll sign the papers. Did you bring them with you?" she asked, getting straight to the point.
​

 

[Carter Kaster]

There had been times when Carter was away fro Kiera, during a time where he thought he could have another love in his life, that he'd thought about what it was he loved about Kiera and he found that there was really nothing about her that he would change. He loved all of her, every piece of her she would give him, he would love and treasure and though he knew he'd made a couple of mistakes in the last could of months, especially with regards to seeing other women, it hadn't been terribly bad. The other woman had really let him focus his mind on what he wanted. The entire time, all he'd done was think about Kiera, comparing her to every woman he met. Their personalities, their features, the way they moved. Kiera complimented his life in every way and he knew he complimented hers. He didn't think he'd ever fully forgive himself if he didn't atlas try to give them another shot. Though this was all on her at this point, he knew she needed to hear something from him. He was the one who had walked away after all and this was not something that could be easily fixed with a glass of wine and a nice dinner, though he often wished this was that simple.

Being in the same room as Kiera again was nice, he missed the way the house felt, the sight of the things that made it feel like home. He'd missed the kids and he'd especially missed his wife. His mother hadn't shut up about it since he'd left. He really missed Kiera. Carter didn't sit on the lounge, like he wanted to, but instead made sure to give Kiera her space. He'd had a shot of whisky before he'd headed over, liquid courage as they say, but he didn't want anything else. He knew he had to be sober for this, or she'd never believe it. Her words though, he didn't expect them and he looked at her, sitting in the armchair. She was clearly settling in for a very different conversation than the one he was intending. Had he been so wrong in thinking that they could fix this? "Kiera... I'm not here to divorce you." He said, pacing in front of her. "Have I been so distant that you would think I wouldn't fight for us?"
​

 

[Kiera Kaster]

Two Years. It had been two years since Carter had walked out on her and the children. So much had happened during that time. Kiera has met a man that was fun and exciting that loved her, but she hadn’t been able to commit to him because in her heart, she still longed for her husband. He was the one she loved and would always love. Now, he was standing in front of her for what purpose she didn’t know. Kiera looked at the man she loved with stubbornness as he said he hadn’t come there to divorce her. Her defenses were up as he asked if he had really been so distant. “It’s been two years, Carter. I haven’t heard from you in two years. I’ve heard you’ve been dating other women. You randomly show up here. What else should I expect? You would have come home a long time ago if you wanted to come home.” she said, trying to make herself remain calm. She didn’t want to show him how much he hurt her by not coming home.

The first week Kiera had expected Carter to walk through the door at any minute. She had stayed home from work, letting Emmett take care of the shop while she waited for her husband to return. With every week that passed, her hope he would return diminished. After three months, she boxed up all of his things and sent them to Dalton, knowing he would be able to get them to Carter. After six months, she met Etienne, and they began a relationship two months after that, and that’s how she had been distracting herself since then. “Why are you here, Carter? I’m too tired for games.” Kiera said, putting her fingers on her temples. She was thankful the children were all out of the house tonight.
​

 

[Carter Kaster]

Carter, perhaps foolishly, didn't think about how this would look. Showing up on his wife's door step unannounced and without much of a plan as to what he was actually going to do probably did not bode well for the German, but he had to try something. Dalton tried to convince him to go earlier, but he just wan't sure what to do. He loved Kiera so much and when it came to her, he could never understand himself around her. He sighed as she spoke about how long it had been and what they had been doing whilst they were seperate. She told him he would have come home a long time ago if he had wanted to and it was half true. He wanted to come back so many times, but there was always something in his mind blocking him. Whether it was fear of rejection, not knowing what to say, or commitments elsewhere, Carter never seemed to be able to make time for his wife, an action he now deeply regretted. "Kiera, I wanted to come home to you, honestly I did. I was wrong, I should have made time, I know that, but I didn't know how." He said, shaking his head. "By the time I thought more about it, it was too late, or I thought it was. That's why I'm here now, I'm hoping I can finally find the right words."

Carter didn't know what to do. He wanted to run to her and envelope her in his arms, but there was so much he didn't know how to say. He thought they'd been through the worst that day they'd gotten married, he thought he'd seen the last of their troubles, but he'd been wrong. If he couldn't fix this he had a horrible feeling that he would never see Kiera again. Standing in front of her, Carter threw all his reservations to the wind and kneeled in front of her. "Kiera, you are my everything." He told her, knowing full well he'd never really shown it. He could only hope that his words and the sincerity in them, would see him through. "My world starts and ends with you, it always has. You, Jemma, Link and Lyra, I can't be happy without you in my life." He'd figured this out very slowly, trying to replace his loneliness with something else, but it never worked. "What I did was wrong, I know that, I am deeply sorry for how I reacted. I know I hurt you, that was never my intention, but it happened and I can't change that." There was so much he regretted from that night, but he'd also learned a few things along the way. "But if I had to do it again I wouldn't change a thing, do you know why? Because it's made me realise how much you all really mean to me. You sacrificed so much for me, the least I could have done was return the favour." Carter leaned in and placed his hands over hers, willing her to hear what he was saying. "I don't care about anything else as long as I get to have you back in my life. Kiera, please, I need you. I love you and I always will. You are my happiness, my future. I don't have one, I don't want one without you in it." There was no turning back now.

"Tell me you love me too. Please."
​

 

[Kiera Kaster]

The brunette looked at her estranged husband as he paced the floor in front of her, looking anxious. He seemed so tense that Kiera naturally felt on edge, tensing herself as she prepared herself for some sort of bad news. Instead, he got down on his knees in front of her, pleading with her to take him back. She knew Carter and could read his body language as if it were something he said out loud. It was so easy for her to see his sincerity and his regret. She could tell how much he meant every word he said to her, believed it with every ounce of his being. He wanted to come home. He wanted to be with her. Kiera knew it was true, but even as her honey eyes welled with tears, doubt crept into the back of her mind. What would keep him from walking out on her again? Carter was a proud man. It took two years for him to gather himself enough to return here to ask for her forgiveness. If she rejected him now, Kiera knew he would not try again.

Tears trickled down her cheek as she looked him in the eyes. Kiera did not flinch away as he put his hands on hers. They were warm, and her pulse quickened at his touch. She would be lying if she said she didn't miss Carter every day for the last two years. Kiera bit her lip, a clear sign of her indecision. The answer to his question was simple, but the implications of the answer were not. Jemma had cried every night for a month when Carter had not returned to say good night. Carter was the only father she had ever known. "I love you. I've always loved you, and I will love you until I take my last breath." she said, placing a hand on his cheek that was so close to her. "But, it took you two years to come back to me, and I can't do this to my children again. How do I know you won't leave again? The problem is still there. I cannot have any more children." she said, reminding him of the life-changing fight they had during their last conversation.
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[Carter Kaster]

Carter dropped his head onto their entwined hands as she admitted that she still loved him. The relief he felt could never be explained at the words. The hand on his cheek was reminiscent of their first meeting, all those years ago when he'd decided to learn to ride a horse. He could never have imagined that he would be here now, the sister of his then rival his wife. Not for long if he couldn't manage to fix his horrible mistake. It had taken him too long to get himself together, far to long to try to right a wrong he'd done her. He never liked to admit when he made mistake, but leaving had been perhaps his greatest one. he looked up at her again and moved his head to kiss the palm of her hand. He'd missed her so much, everything about her. The way she moved, the sound of her voice, her laugh, the smell of the perfume she wore. He was remembering every facet of her that he'd not been exposed to for two years. Hearing she'd changed her name back had almost set him off straight way, made him run here and ask for her forgiveness, but he'd been so proud, too proud, to ever do that. Now, he wasn't.

Carter remained on his knees at her feet, he wanted her to know, needed her to know, that she was the one with all the power here. She would be the one who would decide where the rest of this conversation went. It was one of the hardest things he'd ever done, but for Kiera, he'd give up anything for her. "I know, I know how this must seem to you." He said, continuing to look her in the eyes, rubbing his thumbs over her knuckles as had quickly become his show of affection for her. "I know that I have no right to ask such things of you, because you were right all those years ago, I am a selfish person." She may not have said it aloud back then, but he'd known what she wouldn't say. Their little rendezvous in the muggle restaurant aside, he'd been selfish in his actions, right up to this point, but that stopped today."Kiera, that day we met, do you remember? The horses, the fresh air, the promise of something more, we were so different then, weren't we? You were still coming back from everything that had happened with James, and I was this random german man, you'd never met, new to a country i'd spent no more than five minutes in previously. A regular ministry worker suddenly thrown into the campaign of a life time." He said, remembering fondly that day, despite how it had gone towards the end. "That was the day I knew our fates were entwined. Who could ever have guessed that the pair of us, who really had no business meeting, would get along so well, and so quickly?" He shook his head. "It was a day I've never forgotten, a day that should have gone so differently."

Carter knew that if not for Kiera, he would have never learned to ride a horse. He still wasn't great, but he was better than he had been and his fear of heights was manageable now, more so than it had been then. "I know that saying I love you can never replace the two years I was gone and I can't begin to explain how sorry I am for all of that." He was trying so hard to make her understand that he would never let anything come between them again. "Kiera, I know we've never had a fairytale romance, I've never wanted one, they end horribly, but I need you to know that what we have had is something both of us needed, not just wanted." He took a quiet breath to steady his shaking voice. "I will never, never let anything like my selfishness come between us again. I swear to you, I will never choose myself over you. You will always come first, as you should always have done. You and the children, you are my everything and I can't," He rested his head on his lap again. "I won't lose you again."
​

 

[Kiera Kaster]

Large, wet tears rolled down Kiera's cheeks as she listened to her husband describe the day they met. She had been feeling the pains of heart break, not looking for love, but desperate for companionship. And, there he had been. Carter had been interesting, intelligent, charming, and exactly what she needed in her life. It hadn't taken her long to fall in hopelessly in love with him. Once that happened, there had been no going back for Kiera. She had done her best to push him away, in an unconscious attempt to keep herself from being hurt again like she had been when James disappeared. Yet, Carter kept coming back, even now when she had thought it was a lost cause. He was standing in front of her, declaring his love and his desperation to have her in his life. The smart thing to do would be to send him away, knowing the power he had to devastate her. If he left her again, Kiera wasn't sure she could pick up the pieces even as strong and resilient as she was. But, she wasn't strong enough to do that. Every little piece of her longed to be wrapped in his arms for the rest of her life.

The look in Carter's eyes as he spoke to her was enough to completely undo her. Kiera could see the love, strength, patience, and hope in his eyes. She hear his stubbornness, a trait they shared, that she adored in his words. Carter did not break promises lightly as Kiera was well aware of, and she knew what it was costing his pride to beg for her forgiveness on his knees in front her. His head was in her lap, and she reached over tenderly and gently to brush his hair away from his forehead, taking a moment to gather her words before speaking. "I already forgave you. I'm not blameless for what happened that night, or even for the past two years." she said, knowing it was her fault she pushed him past his breaking point, well aware of what she was doing. "This is the last time, Carter. I won't be able to make it through something like that again. I can't lose another husband." she told him, her voice gently and soft. There was no anger in her tone.

"If you really mean all of those words, if me and my children are enough for you, if you won't have any regrets in ten years, if you love me and want to grow old together, then please.....please come home." Kiera said, looking down at him with her big, honey eyes.
​

 

[Carter Kaster]

Carter could feel Kiera's hand on his forehead, it felt like home. He'd missed Kiera, physically, mentally, all the ways a man could miss his wife, Carter missed her. He'd been stupid to ever allow something to get between them, but he would never allow it again. From this moment forward, Carter declared to himself, he would never again allow Kiera to be hurt by his actions. The last thing he would ever want was to lose the one thing in his life that kept him emotionally stable and happy. He knew he had a tendency to throw himself into his work, but Kiera made sure that wasn't a problem. She was so perfect for him in every way and he counted himself the luckiest man alive, despite the horrible circumstances, that he was able to meet and fall in love with such an incredibly complex woman. He stood up as she asked him to come home, standing to his full height and pulling her with him. "I don't need anything but you. Nothing was ever home without you in it." He meant every word as he started moving further into the house, towards the bedroom. "Come to bed with me, Kiera." He said as he slowly continued pulling her in that direction. Though she did not verbally respond, the look in her eyes and the smile on her face was enough for Carter to know that she was in full agreement. Nodding, he leaned and scooped his wife into his arms, pressing as kiss to her lips as he thought about all the ways he could say sorry.</SIZE></COLOR></FONT>

-End-​

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*Godmod approved
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