Shaken

[October Alcott]

((Set after this DADA lesson.))

October had never thought herself the kind of person to just hide out in a bathroom, but nothing she did would stop her hands shaking. Although the spell was long since lifted, October's mind didn't feel quite like her own. She had known beforehand that the Imperius curse was unforgivable for a reason, but nothing had prepared her for how vulnerable she would feel now, how horrifying it was to know that her will could be taken over so completely. Dark magic didn't feel like some kind of abstract theoretical anymore, it was terrifyingly real, and horrifyingly dangerous.

Running the cold tap, October held her trembling hands under the water and after a moment splashed some across her face, trying to calm herself down. The water itself didn't do much, but the act of washing her face was a start, better than simply standing and shaking. She couldn't quite bear to look at herself in the mirror yet though. It felt almost like she wouldn't recognise the face staring back. Instead she looked away quickly, trying her face and trying to take slow, calming breaths.

 

[Amber Chou Wilson]

Amber's fifth year was starting to get busier and busier. In the first semester the OWLs had seemed so far off. Now that they were getting back into the swing of things in the second semester, they were suddenly right around the corner. Her mind preoccupied with what she was going to study after classes today, she didn't notice October in the bathroom until she was standing almost next to her. She gave her an automatic smile, then noticed something seemed off. "October?" She asked quietly. "Are you okay?" Maybe the girl was feeling sick? Amber could help escort her to the Hospital Wing. Surely, the girl knew where it was by now, but it was still nice not to be alone when you were feeling ill.

 

[October Alcott]

October was struggling to calm her thoughts, trying to break down how she felt about what had happened, to look at it rationally as an experience rather than focusing on how vulnerable she felt. It was difficult, though, when memories of how easily her own will had been manipulated kept rushing back to her. As she was drying her face off October heard the bathroom door open and she jumped slightly, startled. She had hoped not to be interrupted in such a vulnerable state, and it was only something of a relief to see Amber coming through that door. She glanced over to the other girl, wondering whether or not Amber could see how distressed she was. A question that Amber answered herself only moments later. October shook her head quickly, trying to pull herself together. "I'm fine..." She said, but even she could hear the waver in her own voice. "It... I just... I had... a rough time in class." She said hesitantly, not sure how to even describe what had happened.

 

[Amber Chou Wilson]

Amber watched the younger girl with some concern, a small frown appearing on her face as she realized just how upset she looked. The girl was quick to say she was fine, but she sounded anything but. A few different possibilities flitted through her mind, and she settled on one when the girl spoke again to say she’d had a rough time in class. Perhaps October was being bullied? She vaguely remembered some sort of scandal from her year with a girl bullying another girl, though that was years ago. Perhaps October was now a victim? She didn’t seem like the type to be bullied, but at the same time didn’t seem like the type to tell anyone about it if she was. Amber cleared her throat. “If anyone is being mean to you, I can help.” She said softly. “We could go to your head of house.”

 

[October Alcott]

October gave her face another quick wipe, taking a moment to take a deep breath and try to calm down. She didn't want to be this scattered in front of Amber. Trying to stand up a little straighter, October shook her head. "No, it's nothing like that." She said quickly. The thought that someone would try to bully her was a little strange... October had been picked on in her muggle school, but everyone at Hogwarts seemed just to leave her alone. Bullying, if anything, probably wouldn't have left her feeling quite as bad as she did now. "It's, um... you take... Defense Against the Dark Arts, right?" She asked hesitantly. October still wasn't sure how she felt about telling Amber what had her so upset, sharing her vulnerability with someone, but she knew she could trust Amber, and maybe it would help to talk about. "Professor Styx, um... he asked for a volunteer to demonstrate one... of the unforgivable curses on, and I volunteered." She swallowed nervously, not quite able to meet Amber's eye as she spoke. October knew it was a difficult situation, one that would rattle anyone, but it still felt weak to admit just how upset the experience had made her.

 

[Amber Chou Wilson]

Amber looked at her friend in concern, October really seemed upset but it seemed like Amber's first guess of what it could be had been wrong. She nodded when the younger girl confirmed with her that she took Defence Against the Dark Arts, but she didn't understand until the word 'volunteer' left the girl's mouth. Immediately, her mind flashed back to the previous year when she had volunteered for the same thing. Suddenly everything made sense, and without thinking she hugged October. "Oh October... It's okay. I did the same thing last year." She said softly. "I know exactly how you feel." Pulling back, she gave her an sympathetic look. "It feels horrible to lose control like that, but it will get better." She sighed, shaking her head. "I don't know why they allow that spell in class... I know we technically volunteered, but I wouldn't have if I had known what it was really like. You know?"

 

[October Alcott]

October hadn't expected the hug she got from Amber, but as soon as she was in Amber's arms she realised it was the exact thing she needed. She hugged the other girl back, relief running through her for a long moment as she listened to Amber talk. When Amber pulled back a little October nodded, quickly wiping her eyes as she noticed they had started to leak again. "Yeah..." She said shakily, taking a couple of breaths to steady herself. Truth be told, October didn't know if she would go back on it even now. As horrible as she felt, the knowledge of what it was really like to experience something so awful was likely something she would value in future, but right now it just felt awful. "It was so humiliating. And it's so scary how much... it was like I WANTED to do everything he was making me do. They felt almost like my own decisions. I never realised just how dangerous that kind of magic could be..."

 

[Amber Chou Wilson]

Amber hoped her actions were making the younger girl feel better, not worse. She wasn't sure what she would have wanted after this lesson in the previous year. Someone to take care of her or to be left alone? It seemed like October appreciated her gesture though, which made her smile slightly. She averted her gaze when the girl wiped her eyes again. Amber sighed, nodding. "I remember, I expected it to feel like I was doing things against my will but it didn't. The spell makes you think you want to do those stupid things." She shuddered at the memory. "I suppose that's why Professor Styx does this, to show us how dangerous it can be."