Closed Sad Clown

[Flavio Morales-Tipene]

Between his career as an Auror taking up each weekday, and spending his weekends taking care of Miro, Flavio found he had little time for himself. Usually this is what he wanted, the hustle and bustle of always being busy and being around his colleagues and family keeping his mind away from what worried him when he was alone. Because whenever he was alone it became all too obvious he was lonely. Becoming a father almost as soon as he had grown into an adult had made sure of this, with Flavio's twenties being an entirely different adventure to that of the people he had gone to school with. He had lived an adventure he wouldn't change for the world and he loved Miro with his entire heart, but it was apparent to Flavio whenever he had time to think about it, that the lives of many other people his age were inherently different to his own. Other people were dating, and breaking up, and dating again and spending their time free and unattached, with years to learn who they were and achieve the goals they had before they settled down to start a family. It was clear they were at the beginning of their journeys into adulthood and Flavio was caught in a limbo because he had unexpectedly skipped so many of those steps to become a father so early.

The only time Flavio really did have to himself was in the evenings after returning home from work. He knew that evening would be no different, and to avoid the realization of how lonely he was and how out of place he felt in his life creeping up on him before he went to sleep, he had headed to a bookstore shortly after work to buy a book of vegetarian recipes. Becoming vegetarian had been a goal and thought in the back of Flavio's mind since he was a child, but not something he had been able to turn into a reality because he had so many other things to think about. Now that Miro was a bit older and Flavio had been cooking for himself for a while, he figured it couldn't hurt to try a few vegetarian recipes in his spare time in the evenings, as both a way to work towards a goal he had wanted to achieve for so long, and also because cooking something new and following a step by step recipe exactly would focus his mind away from the fact he was cooking a meal for himself, all by himself.

Walking through the front door to his flat, recipe book in one hand, Flavio shrugged off his coat and scarf, moving to hang them on a nearby coat hook after closing the door behind him. He stretched his arms over his head and yawned before moving to the sofa, getting comfortable and beginning to slowly flick through the book. He wanted to find something he could make with ingredients already in the pantry, and something that wasn't too complicated for him to make as a near beginner. He hoped he would find something suitable quickly, so he wasn't left to dwell too long in his thoughts and his empty stomach.​

 

[Kauri Morales-Tipene]

As much as Kauri loved how busy his life was, it was difficult balancing what were essentially three jobs with having his own life. Between Florean Fortescue's, the increasing number of parties and events he was performing at, and running events and activities for the scouts, his free time was getting more and more precious. Even things like sleep were falling by the wayside, and he had never been good at life with less than his 8 hours. As guilty as he felt, it was actually a relief when the birthday party he had been performing at finished early and he was able to make his way home, looking forward to a quiet evening in without any responsibilities to worry about. The sight of Flavio with his nose in a book was cheerfully familiar, and Kauri grinned brightly as he made his way over, flopping down next to his flatmate with a smile. "What're you reading?"

 

[Flavio Morales-Tipene]

Flavio momentarily looked to the sound of shuffling at the front door, though soon returned his attention to his book when he realised the sound was only Kauri returning home. In their level of familiarity as flatmates, and also due to the fact Flavio was still confused in his feelings toward Kauri and found it difficult to really speak to him in more than a few words, Flavio hadn't paid Kauri's presence much thought, at least not until he felt Kauri sit next to him. Clearing his throat, Flavio adjusted his glasses slightly, before turning the page and answering Kauri's question while keeping his attention on the book. "It is a book of vegetarian recipes." He answered simply, waiting a breath or two before elaborating. "I have wanted to be vegetarian for a while, so thought I would buy a book of recipes to try and see how it turns out." He added. "I think I would have more of an appetite if i knew there was no meat in my food. I love my mother's cooking but I have never enjoyed eating meat, and I do not really know how to cook anything, especially not meat so it seems like the better choice for me." Flavio continued to elaborate, finding that with the book to talk about and focus on he was less nervous being around Kauri than he was usually.

Flavio turned the page again, his eyebrows raising slightly at the image of delicious looking spaghetti. He leant over slightly to show the page to Kauri. "What do you think of this lentil bolognese? This seems simple enough, and Miro does like Spaghetti, if this turns out okay I could make it for Miro as well." He added. "Do you think we have all of these ingredients in the house? Would you like to make this with me?" Flavio asked, remembering at the same time that Kauri was vegetarian, and realizing it would be rude not to ask if he wanted to cook with him, nevertheless that cooking and eating dinner with someone else would help Flavio to forget he was so lonely. ​

 

[Kauri Morales-Tipene]

Kauri brightened up immediately as Flavio mentioned what he was reading, peeking over to see. "Oh, nice!" He said brightly, excited at the prospect. He had noticed Flavio enjoyed the vegetarian food he made for the household sometimes, and the thought of the two of them actually sharing vegetarianism was nice. "I've got loads of practice, so if you want pointers I'm always keen." He said cheerfully. Back when he had been 15 it had been hard to convince his parents that being vegetarian was right for him, but Kauri had never once regretted the decision.

He peeked over at the recipe Flavio had pointed out, grinning. "Oh yeah, I love bolognese!" He said brightly, thinking fondly of the food his mum had cooked when he was little. "I can totally help, I think we've got all this stuff. Do you have red wine?" He added, getting up to check the kitchen cupboards for the other components. "Doesn't need it obviously, but we can try the grown-up version while Miro's at November's..."

 

[Flavio Morales-Tipene]

Flavio, holding the book open at the recipe they had chosen, turned to look over the back of the sofa and towards the kitchen as Kauri began to check the cupboards for ingredients. Nodding at Kauri's question about red wine, Flavio stood up himself, placing the open book on the kitchen counter before reaching to the cupboard above the fridge, knowing he had red wine somewhere. He wasn't a big drinker but his family did enjoy wine whenever they were over, and Flavio was sure he had a bottle somewhere. "Oh, here." Flavio announced, soon producing the wine from the cupboard. It had been opened but was mostly full, definitely with enough wine for them to cook with. "Should we have a glass as well?" He asked as he placed the bottle on the counter next to the book, already moving around Kauri to retrieve their wine glasses.

Flavio wasn't a big drinker, but having a glass of wine as he made dinner with a friend hardly seemed like a bad idea. It had been a while since he and Kauri had spent much time together, both due to Flavio's schedule surrounding the recent election and due to Flavio feeling flustered and embarrassed whenever he was near Kauri. Flavio hadn't been avoiding Kauri, exactly, but he hadn't been going out of his way to spend time with him, either. The feelings he had were too overwhelming and he had so many other things to focus on, that it had been easier to distance himself. He hoped that a glass of wine and a recipe would be a way for him to spend time with Kauri like they used to, for him to find a sense of normality with Kauri again, and of course for him to relax without his confusing feelings getting in the way of it all. ​

 

[Kauri Morales-Tipene]

Kauri smiled when Flavio found the bottle of wine, working on gathering pasta and spices from the cupboard. "Oh, that sounds good!" He said brightly, setting the bag of spaghetti down on the bench. Kauri had never had much interest in alcohol itself, but as he got older he was starting to enjoy the opportunity it often provided to just unwind with a friend. After the long day he had had, a glass with Flavio sounded like the perfect end to the evening. "Alright, I think this is everything we'll need." He said, closing the cupboard after taking out a tin of lentils.

 

[Flavio Morales-Tipene]

Placing two wine glasses on the counter, Flavio nodded to Kauri's words that they had all the ingredients they needed. He didn't waste any further time before pulling the cork from the wine and pouring some of the contents into each glass, quickly picking up the glass he decided was his and holding it out to Kauri in a cheers. Flavio smiled as he sipped his wine, seeing it as the beginning of the evening and a chance to properly relax after a long day at work. As Flavio worked with Kauri to make the lentil bolognese and the evening progressed, he did indeed begin to feel relaxed and as if he was finally starting to unwind. Flavio was almost carefree, following each step of the recipe and sipping from his wine and joking around as he and Kauri made the bolognese to the best of their ability. In the end he felt as if he had rediscovered some of the sense of camaraderie he had lost with Kauri since his feelings had gotten in the way, and though their meal was admittedly more rustic looking in person, when compared to the picture in the book, the appearance of the food did not take away from the taste of it which Flavio would easily describe as delicious.

Almost as soon as Flavio had finished eating, he found himself on the sofa with a blanket around his shoulders. He yawned and smiled to himself, caught in a cozy daze from the food and suitable amount of wine he had consumed. He considered making himself a cup of tea but was unsure if the small amount of caffeine in it would break him away from his haze of warmth and comfort. Flavio stretched his arms over his head and yawned. "What time is it?" He asked Kauri, knowing full well the sun had set but having otherwise no idea of what time of night it was and if he should begin to get ready to go to sleep. ​

 

[Kauri Morales-Tipene]

Kauri had always loved cooking, thinking fondly of his days in the kitchen with his mum as a child, and there was something really special about cooking with another person. He chatted and sang with Flavio cheerfully as they cooked, only glancing occasionally at the recipe as he followed his well-worn instincts, seasoning the meal to taste until it was exactly how he wanted it. He couldn't help floating feelings of homesickness the whole time though, lamenting how long it had been since he had visited home. It hadn't been intentional, it was just hard to find the time to go home these days, but it had still been far too long since he had spoken to his parents, and he made a mental vow to phone them tomorrow.

After eating, Kauri was glad to flop onto the sofa with Flavio. He had been on his feet most of the day, and between the ache in his legs and the comfortable fuzz of wine in his head, relaxing felt like a very, very good idea right now. He had only had two glasses, but Kauri drank infrequently enough that two was plenty for him to be feeling pleasantly tipsy. Kauri laughed slightly when Flavio asked the time, thinking back on how a few years ago he would already have been off to bed by now. "'s.... nine thirty." He mumbled, checking his phone before abandoning it on the coffee table. "Godddd, I'm so full..."

 

[Flavio Morales-Tipene]

Flavio couldn't help but sigh in annoyance when Kauri said it was nine thirty, meaning it was time to let reality set in again. Time to get up from the sofa and begin to get ready to go to bed so he could fall asleep at a reasonable hour. The time had crept up on him and Flavio knew he needed to move, to stand up but he also felt too comfortable and warm to do so, as if he had practically melted into the sofa cushions. The wine and food induced haze he found himself in was an escape from the real world and Flavio didn't want to return to his routine too quickly, didn't want to lose how comfortable he was in the mess of his usual life and overthinking. He was relaxed in a way he hadn't felt for the last few months and he didn't want to leave and feel unsettled when he was in every way completely settled. He felt like he could breathe after spending so long without enough oxygen, and he and didn't want to lose the moment by being reminded of what he should be doing, of when he should be trying to go to sleep.

As much as Flavio did not want to lose how comfortable he was, as a few moments passed his usual thoughts started to return to him thereby breaking him from his reverie. His heart soon began to feel heavy with guilt, as he realised he had otherwise avoided spending this time with Kauri. That in his stupor of being unsure of himself, he had been focusing on avoiding the present rather than letting himself live through it and notice what was happening around him, that he could have felt so relaxed every single day if he wasn't running away from his feelings. He too, realised he had been shutting Kauri out, and was shutting himself out as well from spending time with his friend and roommate. Flavio sighed again to himself, lost in thought as he began to pick at the hem of the blanket on his shoulders. "Sorry." Flavio muttered, needing to get the apology out even if it interrupted the mood of the evening. "For not being here as often, we should have made dinner sooner than this." He added after a silence, his gaze lowering to his hands. It had been a while since he and Kauri had spent time together for longer than a few minutes, for longer than just passing as they went about their daily lives and as Flavio ruminated in his thoughts he realised his avoidance was likely more obvious than he thought. ​

 

[Kauri Morales-Tipene]

Kauri was so unused to being tipsy like this, between the alcohol and his exhaustion it was nice to just sit - he felt floaty and relaxed in the best way. He was only half-focusing on the conversation, considering just falling asleep on the sofa and to hell with how his neck would feel in the morning, when Flavio spoke along and caught his attention at once. "What, no!" He said quickly, head snapping up to look at his flatmate. "Hey, firstly your job is full on, it'd be weird if you had free time for like, dinner parties or whatever. And second, it's not just you! I'm basically working three jobs, we're both busy." He finished with a warm smile. "It was nice, though. We've gotta make time for this if we're ever free at the same time again." He joked. "Maybe when Miro's here, let him get sauce all over everything."

 

[Flavio Morales-Tipene]

Kauri snapped at Flavio's words with reassurance, and such an action caused Flavio to want to snap as well in return with his own assurance of his necessary apology and manifestation of guilt from being so distant to one of his closest friends. In every way Kauri was all too kind and Flavio was all too much of an over thinker not to feel guilty over it, over his words that had caused Kauri to reassure him his distance was understandable, even acceptable when he knew it wholly wasn't. Flavio sighed, feeling his heart sink as he leant back to rest his head on the sofa. He stared at the ceiling and contemplated whether he should be entirely honest with Kauri, whether it was worth utilizing the courage and comfortable haze the dinner and glasses of wine had caught him in to reveal the true reason he hadn't been around as often, that it wasn't entirely due to his work and more hectic schedule during the recent election. As genuinely busy as he had been recently, it was a lie for him to say he wasn't intentionally staying away from Kauri to protect himself.

Shifting his gaze back to Kauri, Flavio tried to piece together a retort. He decided then was the moment to be honest with his friend and that the confrontation was called for and not something he would later regret. "But Kauri, it's not just work and I feel terrible." He began, ignoring the latter part of Kauri's response that they should have dinner parties more often, that Miro should join them. "The problem is, I have a crush on you, and I do not know, and did not know how to deal with it." He said waving his hand slightly as he spoke in a sense of self directed frustration. He still had no idea what to do with his feelings, and felt as if he would never know how to, that he would always feel himself blush and butterflies flutter in his tummy whenever he spent too much time with Kauri, whenever they were too close. He worried that despite Kauri's kindness and the fact that Kauri would never allow him to regret his feelings it would cause an impossible divide in the friendship they had formed and in the life they had built together as friends and roommates. ​

 

[Kauri Morales-Tipene]

Kauri was still dwelling on the thought of a chaotic family dinner with Miro when Flavio spoke again, quickly tuning back into the conversation. His stomach twisted with worry when Flavio said there was something else going on, mind immediately turning to worry. Something in his family? The worry evaporated immediately as Flavio spoke, though the words took a moment to sink in. Kauri had admired the older man since their time as students, taking Flavio as his role model when he became Head Boy, and the words sounded like something he might have hallucinated when he was fifteen. But they were real, Flavio had said them, and Kauri felt his face split in a broad grin. "Oh." He said slowly. Kauri had done his best to put his crush aside when they had moved in together, doing his best to focus on his friendship with Flavio. Now, though... "I mean, I've thought you were hot since we were in school, if that helps." He said with a shaky laugh, all at once realising that he had no idea how to navigate this. It had been forever since his last relationship, and he was well and truly out of practice. "I, uh... I tried to just... get over it, but, yeah..."