Closed Only Pretending

[Susie Lagowski]

Susie always knew where to find Freddie. If he wasn't in his room, he was usually lounging somewhere outside; his favourite spot was the hammock by the creek. It was sunny and quiet and far enough away from the house that you could pretend you were anywhere. The hammock hadn't been put up just for him - it long predated the children - but over the years an understanding had nevertheless developed that it was Freddie's hammock. If it hadn't always been, then it certainly was now.

Susie came quietly down the grassy slope, squinting against the late afternoon light. He was asleep. Or at least, he was pretending to be asleep; Susie knew him well enough to spot the difference. She reached into the hammock and tickled his foot. "Wake up," she said. "It's time for chores."

 

[Freddie Lagowski]

No, Freddie wasn't asleep, but for all intents and purposes he was consciously unavailable. Auntie Thalia had been nagging him all day about his attitude and when he'd finally, finally managed to get her off his back, he'd discovered that she'd confiscated his guitar. As if that was going to put him in a better mood. So no, he wasn't getting up and he wasn't doing his chores. He struck out his foot - and regretted it immediately, because it hurt him probably more than it hurt Susie. "No."

 

[Susie Lagowski]

"Ow - Freddie!" Susie shouted, rubbing her forearm. All right - she'd planned to be nice to him, to try to turn the chores into a game, but if he was going to be like that, she'd just have to do it the hard way. "Get up." She pulled the hammock and let it swing. "Move. Butt. Now. She says you can have your guitar back when you've finished."

 

[Freddie Lagowski]

The sky rocked back and forth. Freddie clambered out of the hammock, nearly twisting his ankle as he hit the ground. He should have been more careful, but he was fuming. Chores in exchange for his guitar? It was a gift - she shouldn't have taken it away in the first place. "She can take my guitar, and-" Freddie described a rather eye-watering process, and suggested the precise anatomical location it should occur. "Don't care. Not interested."

 

[Susie Lagowski]

"Wooow," said Susie, following her brother as he stalked along the creek. "Are you going to talk to your professors like that?"

 

[Freddie Lagowski]

Freddie shrugged, keeping his eyes on the ground in front of him. "Maybe. If they're being unreasonable."

 

[Susie Lagowski]

That was exactly what Susie feared. The parameters of unreasonable were quite subjective, and in Freddie's case broad. It wouldn't be the first time he'd cursed at a teacher, either. He just didn't know when, or how, to keep his mouth closed.

She dashed forward a few paces to walk by his side. "You'll be in a whole world of trouble," she said. "Again. Hey - seriously. We have to talk. This is big school. Everyone will expect you to act like a grown up. You can't just... curse at people, cause you don't agree with them. It's not cool, and it's not going to help."

 

[Freddie Lagowski]

Freddie was quiet as he listened. Yeah, yeah. Big school. Fresh start. Auntie Thalia had been over it with him a hundred times before. He'd made no promises. Coming from Susie, though… Maybe it was worth thinking about.

“Yeah,” he said, after a while. There was a cloud of gnats up ahead; he waved his hand as he passed through it. “I know. I just get mad. She’s been on my back all day. And I told her my leg hurt and she didn’t believe me. No-one ever believes me.” It was the same at school. “I got a gold star for my eco-friendly garden project - see? I was trying, like you asked. Then Mrs. Gower told me to stop messing around when I was just trying to get comfortable, so I told her to… you know.” He kicked a stone into the water. “I don’t think it’s my fault.”

 

[Susie Lagowski]

Oh, Freddie. Susie would have given him a hug, if he wouldn’t bat her off. "Well, that's not fair," she said. "Mrs. Gower should have listened to you. But she probably wasn't trying to be mean. You do mess around, Freddie. Maybe, I don't know, if you were good all the time, and listened, and didn't throw stuff..." She sighed. Getting through to her little brother was a delicate operation, and she was dangerously close to snipping something sensitive. "No-one wants you to be upset. No-one wants to be mean to you. But you have to talk to people. Use words. Be mature. That's how you get respect, in big school." Was she saying the right things? Freddie was quiet; that was generally a good sign. "It's not your fault, and it's not always fair. But sometimes you just have to be the bigger person."

 

[Freddie Lagowski]

Don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry. Susie was right. It wasn't fair. Freddie didn't want to be the bigger person. What was the point? People respected him already, they did, they were nice to him, they were nice to him because they knew he'd hit them if they weren't. He'd tried being well-behaved. Nobody took him seriously then, either. If grown-ups were going to treat him like a toddler, then he was going to act like one - it was only fair, he thought.

But... maybe he could try. He'd heard the words 'fresh start' and 'good opportunity' so many times that month, they had started to lose their meaning, but there was still something in them. Things might be different at Hogwarts. The professors might listen to him. His classmates might like him. It seemed improbable, but it wasn't impossible. He could give them a chance. A few weeks. Just to see.

"Yeah," he said quietly. "Okay. Whatever. I'll try."

 

[Susie Lagowski]

It wasn't the first time Freddie had said he would try. Susie needed more than that. "Nuh-uh," she said, jumping in front of him. "You have to promise. No kicking, no cursing, no fighting, no nothing." There was a grin on her face, but she wasn't going to let him pass until he said it. "Freddieeee. You'll embarrass me. You don't want to embarrass me, right? Come on. Promise."