Closed now you know

[Eoghan Blyth]

There were not many places Eoghan could go where Lilith wouldn't find him, and usually, he would want to be found. Right now however he was doing everything he could to avoid her, and while at any other moment he would have scolded himself for not having the courage to be open and upfront with her, he knew right now he just needed some time to himself. He adored the Ravenclaw, but that didn't mean that it had caught him completely off guard when she'd read out her poem to the group. It hadn't been a class assignment, it had been something personal. About him. That now half their friends and some older students including his new boss now knew about. They'd been keeping their relationship to themselves and Eoghan felt as though Lilith may as well have just waved the flag at the front of the school.

Eoghan hadn't eaten all day, tossing and turning over his decisions. Even in his dorms, he wasn't safe from Lili and Kuu coming through to visit, and despite his lack of appetite, he found himself wandering the dungeons and on toward the kitchen, hoping to get as far from the towers as he could. Dinner had already come and gone and it wouldn't be long until students were being sent to bed, but he still had a little time before he had to face the eagle music.​

 

[Victoria de Lacey]

Tori hadn't liked how Eoghan had reacted at the poetry thing, so when they'd left, she'd tried looking for him, but had gotten side tracked some by some of her responsibilities with Jasper and then her new big sister for Heta Omega, so it had taken her a little longer than she would have liked otherwise find him. He also wasn't in any of the normal places she would have looked for him, since she'd headed first to the library and then to the student lounge, finding him in neither of those places. When she'd gone looking for him in the Great Hall, she hadn't found him there either. Eventually she'd called for Dakrey, a little surprised he'd actually showed up, she'd have gone to Nox if he hadn't, but she was glad he had, and when she'd asked him where Eoghan Blyth was, he'd pointed her in the direction of the Kitchens, she wondered if he knew where all the students were, and if he knew all of their names. She supposed working at the castle now gave him more opportunity to learn their names. "Hey... are you okay? You looked kind of..." she wasn't entirely sure how to explain how she felt like he looked, she didn't want to say something that wasn't true. "You looked really uncomfortable," she said instead, surprised he was in the kitchen, but not wanting to cause him any discomfort. "I didn't see you at dinner,"​

 

[Eoghan Blyth]

Eoghan didn't turn around to the door when he heard the shuffling of footsteps behind him. He'd seen and heard plenty of students coming to the kitchens when they were hungry that he didn't exactly feel as though he was about to get caught out, or at least he didn't until he heard Tori's voice. The blond glanced briefly over his shoulder, noting how the Gryffindor had paused when she'd arrived. Was she here to get a snack too? He wanted to tell her that he was fine, that what had happened at the poem group was silly and nothing to worry about except that it was and he'd been doing his best to be more open to people, especially his friends. "You noticed?" he asked, giving away minimal effort until he knew how much Tori had come to understand for herself. He turned to face her properly, leaning both hands against the counter behind him. "Are you here for something to eat?" he added, not wanting to get in her way if she'd meant to grab a bite of her own before bed.​

 

[Victoria de Lacey]

"Of course I noticed, Yew, you're one of my best friends and when my best friends stand behind me almost frozen, I tend to notice," how could she not have noticed, was he trying to make it less obvious? Perhaps it was a way of coming in for small talk, not that she was a big fan of small talk honestly, and she would like to try to avoid it when she could. The direct approach was more her style for sure. "I came here for you, I went looking for you and couldn't find you where I would normally look, so I figured you didn't want to be found... sorry if that's the case, but I couldn't ignore the fact that you weren't comfortable, and I wanted to make sure you were okay... I know you're not, but I don't want to force you to tell me either, you know you can talk to me, Yew, I'm your friend and that means something to me, and I know it does to you too. We talk. We talk."​

 

[Eoghan Blyth]

Eoghan realised then and there that Tori and Lilith were perhaps more similar than either of them knew. He'd likely befriended them both to begin with because both of them fought to be in his life and to acknowledge what was right in front of them. With so many in the castle, he wasn't sure he deserved their attention and efforts, but he couldn't help but be grateful that they'd both seen him for who he was and yet would still choose to come to him. Tori had specifically come looking for him when he'd not been at dinner, just to make sure he was okay. He blinked at her a few times as he was coming to terms with it, but had no option but to trust her. "I'm not okay," he admitted after a moment. It would take more than that though to try and explain why.

Eoghan had been digging through his head for answers all afternoon but was still coming up short, but he could at least try for Tori, couldn't he? "I don't like people knowing about me," he said quietly, glancing at the space between their feet so he didn't have to look the Gryffindor in the eyes. She already knew this much. "I know Lilith didn't mean to, but when she read that poem out loud, it was as though she was presenting me on stage," he shrugged. "I don't know if Cyrus and Miranda, or even Susie knew who she was referring to, but it's not exactly hard to guess when she's talking about a best friend." They practically spent all their time together Eoghan couldn't imagine who else he would have been mistaken for. "We are close, and I trust you, but I'm uncomfortable with being made a show of." It felt unfair to say, but he couldn't help the gnawing feeling in his stomach every time he thought about it, and the way he wanted to just hide under a rock.​

 

[Victoria de Lacey]

Tori listened to him when he spoke, carefully parsing through the words, brows furrowing. She hated seeing her friends upset, especially someone like Eoghan, who often tried to keep things to himself. She stayed quiet for a moment, letting him finish, before responding with a soft but firm voice. "I get it," she said, stepping a little closer to him, her arms crossed loosely over her chest. "You’ve always been private, and having something like that put out there... it’s not fair. It feels like someone took a piece of you and put it on display without asking first." Her tone was empathetic, from what he'd told her over time about what his life was like, she certainly couldn't blame him for his caution either, she was pretty sure she would be pretty cautious herself and would have probably been more cautious if she'd been in the same situation he'd been through. She didn't want to speak for Lili, but she couldn't believe that their friend, his best friend, would want to hurt him like that. Perhaps she hadn't realised there was a problem? Maybe she didn't realise it was going to make him feel like that? She knew herself she'd misread people a lot.

"But, Eoghan, you know Lilith didn’t mean to hurt you. She probably thought she was just sharing something she cared about, something that made her happy. That doesn’t make it okay if it upset you, but... maybe you could talk to her? Tell her how it made you feel. She’s your friend, and she’d probably hate knowing she made you uncomfortable." She wasn't trying to make his feels irrelevant, the opposite actually, she wanted to help him acknowledge his discomfort, but how would Lili know she'd hurt him if he didn't tell her. Lili had said to Tori recently that she wanted to know when she was hurting, so she could share that with her, surely she would think the same for Eoghan? She hesitated, then reached out, lightly brushing his arm. "And as for trusting me, you don’t have to explain everything right now if you’re not ready. Just know I’m here, okay? I came looking for you because I care, not because I need you to have all the answers. We’ll figure it out." She offered him a small, encouraging smile, hoping it would ease some of the weight on his shoulders.​

 

[Eoghan Blyth]

Eoghan was finding that the more he spoke out loud, the more things would click into place. Thoughts would often go round his head in circles but it wasn't until he was talking to someone else that he would usually find resolution. Before Hogwarts that would have been with Imogen. Since joining it was usually Lilith, but now that he was finding that Tori could be that person too. He'd already opened up to her about his past on a few occasions, but every time he was open with someone it would only strengthen their bond. Usually. "I feel guilty for agreeing with you," Eoghan admitted quietly, looking up to meet Tori's face finally. He didn't want to think of Lilith as having been unfair, but it really did feel like she'd gone behind his back to tell others about him in a way that he wasn't ready for.

Eoghan knew Lili well enough to know that of course, she hadn't meant to hurt him. She'd been showing the others something she was proud of, expressing herself through poems for which normally he would be very proud. That didn't mean though that he felt as though she'd overlooked him and what that session had made him feel. "Yeah, yeah I know I'll talk to her at some point," honestly it was hard keeping the defeat out of his voice. He knew the importance of communication, perhaps even more so for them, but he didn't want to talk to her any time soon. He would forgive and forget but he couldn't bury it under the carpet to rest until he'd seen it through first. Eoghan sighed, but his breath hitched in his throat when Tori moved closer and stroked his arm. He'd been expecting the physical contact even less so than the emotional. It took him a moment to remember his own words. Eoghan didn't think he had much else he could explain to her, but he still appreciated the offer of her being around. "I don't really know how to move forward without the answers, or at least a guide," he tried to give her half a smile, but it felt like a feeble attempt at being light-hearted when he didn't feel it.

He wanted to tell Tori that he and Lili were more than just friends these days, but it didn't feel right. It was neither a well-placed moment to announce it, and it would have been hypocritical for him to say something like that when he was outright upset at Lili for not taking his own feelings into consideration and outing him. His smile faltered almost as quickly as it had gone up. Words were failing him, and he didn't really know what else he was supposed to say or what else he had the energy to say. Leaning forward, he wrapped both arms around Tori's shoulders with a small word of thanks just for her ears.​

 

[Victoria de Lacey]

Tori blinked in surprise as Eoghan leaned forward, his arms wrapping around her shoulders. It wasn’t what she’d expected, but she didn’t hesitate to return the hug, her arms folding around him firmly, her grip as steady and reassuring as her presence. She felt the weight of his words - and the weight of the silence that followed. She wasn't sure what he was carrying, or what might be going on in his head, but she was well aware that sometimes it wasn't easy to say, or to tell people about, she had her own moments like that and she had never told anyone about them. In so many ways, she was far less open than Eoghan was, she felt guilty about it, but it just never felt like the right time, and if they didn't know, she could live in their belief that she had a great relationship with her dad. And that he loved her more than anything. Something she was constantly terrified just wasn't true. “Eoghan,” she murmured softly, her voice steady but gentle. “You don’t have to have all the answers right now. Sometimes, moving forward just means taking a step, even if you’re not sure where it’ll lead. I think you’re already doing that just by talking to me, and I’m glad you trust me enough to let me be here with you.” She squeezed him a bit tighter, enjoying the hug even though she hadn't initiated it. Since Lili had hugged her earlier that week, she was certainly getting the idea that they were nice. It wasn't like her mum never hugged her, but she'd never really been a fan of them, because it had always been a strange concept to hug someone she wasn't family with, and it wasn't like her dad ever hugged her. She mostly thought it was just a thing her mum did, and Rory on occasion. She'd never been a hugger - maybe she was developing a taste for it.

She pulled back slightly, just enough to look him in the eye, her expression open and honest. “You’re allowed to feel upset and conflicted. You don’t have to rush to figure it all out or even fix it right away. If you need time before you talk to Lilith, take it. But don’t forget that she’s your friend and that she cares about you, even if she messed up.” She dropped her hands form around his back, offering him a small, what she hoped was encouraging smile. “And if you ever feel stuck, just remember you’ve got people who’ll help you find your way - me included. I don’t need a guide to stick by you.” She reached out again, giving his arm a light squeeze. “Whatever you’re carrying, Yew, you don’t have to carry it alone. We’ll figure it out, one step at a time.” And if he didn't want her involved that was okay too, because they were friends and she trusted his judgement even above her own. They were best friends, she knew she could rely on him always. He'd never keep something important from her.​

 

[Eoghan Blyth]

Eoghan wasn't accustomed to hugging people, but like many things that had changed in the last year or so this seemed to be one of them too. He was glad too that he'd chosen to trust Tori and that his initial judgment of her the day they'd met on the train had been wrong. She was one of just a couple of people he allowed himself to be open with. Tori was the first one to pull away from their hug and he looked down to meet her gaze. She was right, he did need to take time for himself too; they spent so much of their time together that even the cards had told him not to lose his independence. The blond nodded as he considered her words, although the idea of not sorting out a problem the moment it arose was something Eoghan struggled with. He didn't like the idea of it lingering in the air between them although he knew it would be important for them to have some distance. "I don't even know if Lilith knows it upset me," he added. He hadn't really stopped to speak to her after the poem incident, excusing himself from the scene quickly.

The Ravenclaw wasn't sure what he'd done exactly to deserve friends that cared about him, but he was grateful for it still. Eoghan looked away from Tori because in truth he wasn't sure what to say, he wasn't accustomed to people being so accomodating and sincere. "I'm trying to be more open," Eoghan told her, "but it's hard. It certainly does not come naturally and sometimes I still prefer to be on my own but I'm trying." He didn't want Tori to think that right now he didn't appreciate her company, but he did know he was going to have to make the most of time by himself for the next few days. "I think, I want to speak to other students," he suddenly said aloud. "Not just those in our years, but maybe soon I will try and speak to other older students to branch out." He wanted to be better, to better understand other people and the things others would go through, and perhaps the more he understood other people the better he would come to understand himself. "You have a brother, don't you?" Eoghan asked, recalling that he wasn't at the school anymore. "Do you know any of the older classes?"​